Chapter 29 - Honing Mindfulness

Thanks to Eleazar's arrival, my schedule gets completely scrambled once again. He was given full control over my life, and insisted on me having a calmer workload so I could focus more on my mental discipline. He even cut my physical training lessons back down to once a week. I told him I would be fully supportive if he wanted to cut them out altogether, but according to him, combat training is still somewhat beneficial to sharpen my mind. Although instead of it being only Felix teaching me, Eleazar will be in charge of the physical training from now on so he can test his own theories, and my shield, along the way.

"You'll be working on centering exercises with me daily," he says, sitting down on the stool in front of me in the office Aro gave him to work in. The office is mostly carpeted, with old wood paneling along the walls. There's a fireplace on one side of the room in view of the sofas, with a desk set up in front of a couple bookshelves on the other side. I'm laying comfortably on the sofa while Eleazar is sitting in one of the armchairs next to me. It feels like I'm in a psychologist's office.

"Many abilities such as yours are mentally driven. If we want to awaken any latent abilities you might have, mindfulness exercises, emotional control, adrenaline training, and stress simulations will be essential."

"Stress simulations?" I ask, stuck on what that could possibly mean.

"It's basically throwing you in the deep end. When new vampires are training, stressful situations force their abilities to come out like they've been given a swift kick from behind," he says, earning a small chuckle from me.

"Stress simulations and mindfulness exercises seem like complete opposites," I tell him.

"They are," he agrees, "what works better for some, might not work for others. We'll be testing every method to see what works best with you, starting with your mindfulness. So when you're ready, please close your eyes, and let yourself settle into a relaxing position," he tells me. I do as he says. "Now, with each breath you take, allow yourself to enter a deeper state of relaxation. Feel the weight of your body as it rests against the sofa beneath you, and imagine it sinking deeper and deeper.

"As you continue to inhale, and exhale, you notice the sensation of relaxation spreading throughout your body. You feel it in your toes first, as you let those muscles relax. You feel it spread out into your feet until it reaches up and around your legs. Your knees are relaxed, letting the sensation through and into your stomach, which is encased in the warmth of this sensation, pushing it up into your chest. You feel your neck muscles relax as the warmth passes through your jaws. You let your jaw lay loose, free from all tension. The warmth passes over your eyes, finally settling onto your forehead. Concentrate on the middle of your forehead.

"Your forehead tingles, a sign of the power you hold within you, a power that needs strength to break out of the doors of your mind. You stand in front of that door and open it to see a beautiful spiral staircase. As I count down from ten to one, imagine yourself stepping down this staircase, with each number bringing you deeper into your mind, with each number, you're introducing yourself to the deeper, and deepest layers of your ability.

"Ten... you feel a light breeze run past you. Nine... the warmth that runs through you fills your entire body. Eight... you are entering a state of relaxation that allows no outside thoughts to pass. Seven... you feel your power surrounding you, keeping you safe. Six... your positivity encourages your power to look beyond...

* * *

I open my eyes groggily to see I'm still in Eleasar's office. He's sitting in the exact same position, writing down some notes.

"I didn't expect to be hypnotized," I laugh, a bit embarrassed that I ended up falling asleep.

"It's typical," he assures me, "how many hours of sleep are you getting each night?"

I think back to the late nights I've been spending with Caius recently. "About six hours, I suppose." He jots that down.

"From now on I want you getting ten hours of sleep every night, on schedule, from 10 p.m. to 8 a.m. We can't make progress if you're too tired to stay awake," he says with the seriousness of an actual mental health professional.

"You got it, Doc," I tell him.

"I'll be sending a food plan to the kitchen to make sure you're getting all the vitamins and minerals you need each day," he continues. I nod. "Lastly, I want you to spend 30 minutes each day stretching, even on your non-training days, and another 30 minutes meditating. Is that something you'd prefer to do on your own, or with guidance?"

"Isn't meditation just sitting cross-legged and going 'ummmmmm,'" I ask.

"You can do it in the position that's most comfortable for you, whether that's lying in bed, or sitting cross-legged. The goal is to practice being fully present in the moment, without letting the past or future distract you. In other words, being mindful of your surroundings and thinking only of what's going on directly around you, and especially within you, while letting any outside thoughts and worries you have go."

"That sounds simple enough. I can give it a try when I wake up every morning," I assure him.

"Great," he says, writing a few more things down.

* * *

The next morning I wake up at eight o'clock on the dot. While I tried falling asleep at ten last night, my mind wasn't used to the early bedtime so I couldn't get to sleep until around midnight. I suppose eight hours is a start. It's two hours more than usual. I decide to do my stretching and meditation right away. Eleazar gave me a whole routine of stretches to try that covers as many muscles as possible. Despite everything going in my life and all the things that are constantly on my mind, the meditation part isn't as hard as I expected. I lie in bed, as Eleazar suggested, focusing on myself in the moment. I try to do the full body relaxation routine he tried with me yesterday before I fell asleep. Once I get to the part with my forehead tingling, I spend the rest of the time just focusing on that tingle, imagining that it's my power, and trying to make it spread throughout my whole body. I can only make it go as far as my temples.

By the time I'm finished, I check outside my door to see my breakfast waiting for me. I open the box and my eyes widen to see a more American-style breakfast than what I've been used to here. There's a full glass of water standing next to an omelet stuffed with tomatoes, onions, green bell peppers, mushrooms, and chicken. There's a side of diced potatoes, and a small salad with what looks like a light, vinegar-based dressing. There's even an orange for dessert, I think sarcastically. This meal selection definitely has Eleazar written on it. However, I take a bite and it tastes just as amazing as Antonio's usual meals. When I take the plate fully out of the box I see a small piece of chocolate underneath it, attached to a note in Italian.

I figured you'd need a treat; it's our secret.

-Antonio

I smile at his small act of rebellion. The kitchen is his domain, so he probably isn't a fan of having to stick to such a rigid food plan.

Right after eating, my physical training is next. I'm not used to having it so early but at least this way I won't have to dread it all day. When I finish getting ready I head to the training room to see Eleazar and Felix conversing quietly before turning to greet me.

"Good morning Anna, were you able to do your stretching and meditation?" Eleazar asks.

"Yep!" I confirm

"Great. First we'll do our mindfulness exercises, similar to what we attempted to do yesterday, and then we'll put those skills to the test. Please lay down here," he tells me, pointing at the sofa that was just in his office yesterday. I do as commanded and let him count me back down into my mind. This time I'm able to stay awake to hear "zero", at which point Eleazar tells me to imagine an aura of warmth surrounding my body. "This warmth is your power. You may not be able to physically feel this warmth this early, that's okay. Imagine this warmth until your thoughts become reality." He goes back through the toes to head technique he used in the beginning, except instead of getting me to further relax my already relaxed muscles, he tells me to feel the warmth of my power through every muscle in my body.

"Now that you're aware of the aura of your power, surrounding you, imagine that it moves, extends above your face. You can push it in front of you with your mind. There's a small pocket of space between you and your power now." All of a sudden there's a numbing feeling on my forehead. Did the forehead tingles come back unprompted? The pressure intensifies as Eleazar keeps talking. I try to ignore it and keep focused on what he's saying, but it feels different from the forehead tingles. It feels like...

"Keep focused, Anna. Don't let outside thoughts intrude," Eleazar commands gently. I take a deep breath and continue with the exercise. He continues to talk me through it for what must have been at least half an hour. Eleazar ends the session by counting me back up and outside my head. With each number, the pressure on my forehead gets lighter and lighter. When he tells me to open my eyes, I do to see him and Felix standing exactly where they were when I went under. The patience it takes to not need to change positions for such a long time always impresses me, even though it's easy for them as vampires.

"Take a water break before the physical portion of our session," Eleazar suggests as he takes his notebook out again. I take his suggestion and walk to grab my water bottle, taking a few sips even though I'm not really thirsty yet.

"Anna," Eleazar calls after a couple minutes. I waste no time hopping up and walking back over to them. "I gave Felix a lesson plan of specific things I want him to work with you on until you're able to start manipulating your ability. Some things you may have learned before, but this time I want you to focus on your mindfulness as best as you can. Listen, internalize it, and then practice it with a clear mind."

"Got it," I tell him. He walks over to sit down on the sofa as Felix approaches me.

"Ready?" his voice echoes through the room. He rolls his shoulders, loosening them as if what we'll be doing will be a piece of cake. It will be for him at least.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," I reply, hopeful that this session really will just be reviewing easier techniques, with just the one added task of keeping myself mindful. I take a moment to collect myself, before facing Felix again.

He doesn't waste any time. His hand shoots out in a quick-quick for a human anyway-jab. I sidestep effortlessly. I'm surprised; this really is the stuff he taught me way back in the beginning.

"Keep your mind clear, Anna," Eleazar orders calmly from the sidelines. I don't know how he caught that I was distracting myself with my thoughts, but I immediately drop them all, and let my instincts take over from here on out.

Felix's hand fires out again from the other side. I sidestep. He presses forward with strikes coming at me from all angles. I block each one and hold my ground. I duck under his arm and spin away.

"Footwork," Felix demands, and I comply. My feet glide over the stone floor in the precise pattern he taught me. I concentrate on my center of gravity. Felix launches into a low sweep with his legs. I jump instinctively and land flat-footed, a mistake on my part, but I manage to catch my balance again. Felix comes at me again with his fist. My hand meets his in a forceful block. I aim a kick at his stomach. He catches my leg, but I use the momentum to swing myself around, pull free, and land in a crouch a few feet away. I straighten up and get back into my ready position, only to have Felix repeat the exact same steps with me in order once again.

"Focus, Anna," Eleazar encourages, "You'll be redoing this routine until you can get it down with complete mental clarity." How long will that take? I let myself wonder, before immediately pushing the unnecessary thoughts out of my mind.

The third go around, I try pushing not only the unnecessary thoughts out, but all thoughts, causing me to stumble and lose my footing during the footwork phase. Felix successfully knocks my legs over like a couple of bowling pins, and I fall down backwards.

"Take a water break," Eleazar calls again. I get up and shuffle back to the sofa, where my water is sitting. "What happened there? You were doing well the first couple times,"

"I tried completely clearing my mind, but I guess my footwork wasn't committed to muscle memory as well as I thought."

"I admire your effort, but just know that it might take a while to have a full routine like that down perfectly to the point that you're not trying to think of the next step. I don't expect you to be perfect today, but until you are, practicing these movements with a clear mind will be your homework. I want you to focus on practicing this with your footwork specifically, since that's what caused you trouble just now."

"Got it," I tell him. Footwork is all about the rhythm anyway. I'm sure it'll be easy enough to internalize.

"In that case, I'll let you go for today. Practice, and I'll see you here tomorrow morning." Ooh, we're even ending an hour early!

"Thank you," I direct to both of them, grabbing my bag on the way out.