Chris Donovan vs. Shane Lewis

Pix of a surprised Chris, wondering why Shane was in his office, on the side.

Video of the sexy Kyle. Don't you just love him...

Enjoy!

***

When Chris got to his office that morning, Kyle was already there, waiting for him.

"Dude, what the fuck do you want here this early morning?" Chris asked with surprise.

"We need to talk. Sit." Kyle's voice was clipped.

Chris raised an eyebrow at his friend's tone but he dropped into the comfortable seat opposite the couch Kyle was sitting in. "Okay, what is it?"

"Shane Lewis." Kyle said simply, making Chris groan. "You have to be careful, Chris."

"What do you mean, be careful?" Chris asked with a frown.

Kyle pushed forward to sit at the edge of his seat and stared intently at Chris. "I know you feel guilty because of what you did to the guy years ago but please, don't let the guilt blind you and make you do something that you're not ready for."

"I'm not doing anything I'm not..."

"Listen to me Chris." Kyle cut Chris off. "I will be the first person to agree that what you did was wicked and shitty but hey...big deal. You were a kid for fuck's sake. You can't punish yourself for the rest of your life. From where I stand, you're trying very hard to be what you're not just to please Shane because you feel you owe him something."

Chris shook his head slowly. He'd actually been expecting this talk from Kyle since he asked Aaron for pointers on gay sex two weeks earlier. Chris wondered why it had taken Kyle so long. "That's where you're wrong, Kyle." He rasped. "I'm not trying at all. And that's what scares me."

"What...?" Kyle looked confused.

"Whatever I'm doing, I really want to do it." Chris said quietly. "I...I enjoy it."

"Have you..."

"None of your fucking business but, no. Not yet." Chris growled, knowing exactly what his friend had been about to ask. "Let's just say the little I've done felt so fucking good, I want to do it over and over again."

The two friends stared at each other. Whilst Chris' grey eyes showed clearly how confused he was, Kyle's was full of worry and resignation.

"How do you feel about him?" Kyle asked softly.

"What are you? A shrink?" Chris growled.

"Chris..."

Chris gave a helpless shrug and covered his face with his hands. "I don't know, man." He groaned, and uncovered his face. "Yes, I feel a lot of guilt but there's also this feeling of...contentment, joy...and fulfillment whenever I think of him or I'm with him. Do you understand me, Kyle?" Chris asked but didn't wait for Kyle to respond. "I don't know how to describe the exact feeling but...the thought of not being with him, or never seeing him again hurts right here." Chris rubbed against his chest. "I just feel...incomplete without him...like there's something missing." Chris whispered. "Does that even make sense?"

Kyle cleared his throat. "It makes perfect sense." He said, knowing exactly what his friend was experiencing. Aaron had been right after all. Chris was hopelessly in love with Shane. But he didn't want to spell it out to Chris. "Do you have any idea how he feels?"

Chris shook his head slowly. "I mean it's obvious he likes me but I don't know he feels. It's very difficult to read him, Kyle. I don't...I don't know how serious he is about this. I don't know whether he's merely having fun. Hell, I don't know whether he's setting me up only to pay me back. I just don't know." Chris groaned. "But I don't care. I just want to be with him...want to make him happy." He added in a whisper.

"Damnit Chris." Kyle growled. It was obvious Chris was hurting and Kyle was pissed at how helpless he felt.

Chris gave a humourless laugh. "You see...I'm terrified he's going to crush my heart, but I don't want to slow down. I don't know how to stop the way I feel about him. Kyle..."

"Talk to him, Chris. You have to know how he feels about you. I know you feel because of what you did, he has every right to use you or toy with your feelings but that shouldn't be the case. You can only know where he stands if you ask him, Chris. Talk to him. Okay?"

Chris nodded. "Okay."

"You're both adults. You shouldn't be scared to talk about how you feel. We're worried about you. Damon is not happy. I don't know exactly what he saw but...he kinda thinks you need rescuing." Kyle smiled for the first time since seeing Chris that morning.

"Come on, I'm fine." Chris chuckled, knowing exactly why Damon thought that. He knew he had to talk to the guys. Let them know he was okay. They were his family.

"Good." Kyle stood up and turned towards the door. "See you tomorrow..." It was a question.

"Can't. But you'll see me next week. I promise." Chris said in a soft voice. He missed his boys.

"Okay." Kyle nodded. "We miss you."

"I know."

"Talk to him, Chris." And with that, Kyle was gone.

And even as Chris got ready for his meeting, Kyle's words kept ringing in his mind.

***

"Sir, Mr. Shane Lewis is here to see you." Chris froze when he heard what his personal assistant had to say. He looked up at Amanda, his sexy PA, wondering why she had chosen to come into his office to give him that message instead of merely informing him on the intercom.

"Did he just get here?" Chris asked, clicking 'send' on the mail he was sending.

"He's been here for the past..." she paused to look at her wrist watch, "two and a half hours..."

"What?" Chris' eyes widened in shock. Why was Shane looking for him in his office? Whatever it was must be very important if he actually waited all that while just to see him.

"He came in whilst you were meeting the project team." Amanda said. "He said he knew you were busy and insisted I shouldn't interrupt your meeting."

Chris stood up just as his phone started to ring. "Show him in." He said curtly, picking up the phone. "Oh hello Cyrus. Listen, I'll get back to you shortly please." He told the person on the line and hung up.

Chris got to the door just as it opened and Shane stepped in. Before he could open his mouth to say a word to the gorgeous hunk standing in front of him, Chris felt himself being pulled into the tightest embrace ever. Shane's arms wrapped tightly around Chris' waist as he buried his face in the crock of Chris' neck and held on as if he was never going to let him go. Chris noticed two things at the same time... Shane was shaking like a leaf. And from his harsh breathing, the man was virtually on the edge of a breakdown. Confused and totally scared, Chris wound his arms around Shane's shoulders and hugged him right back.

"What is it, baby?" He murmured softly, one hand cradling the back of Shane's head. "Talk to me."

But Shane's trembling only intensified. Chris' heart pounded with worry. Damn Amanda for not telling him earlier when Shane showed up. To think Shane had actually been waiting for him in that state was disheartening,

"Shhh... I've got you." Chris murmured soothingly, rubbing Shane's back with one hand. "Everything's going to be fine." He kept reassuring Shane though he didn't know what the problem was.

Eventually Shane's trembling ceased, and his pants slowed down. His heartbeat was still all over the place though. When he spoke, his voice was so soft, Chris almost didn't hear him.

"I forgive you, Chris." Shane said in a voice filled with so much emotion. "I forgive you from the very depth of my soul. I mean it, Chris."

Chris went still. He'd been waiting to hear those words for so long but now that he had, all he felt within was dread.

"What happened to not ever saying those words to ensure I keep coming to you?" The confused anguish in Chris' voice couldn't be masked. What was going on? "Don't you want me to..."

Shane knew what Chris was about to ask. "If you stop coming to see me, I'll come to your house every day, Chris." Shane rasped. "I guess it's my turn to do the stalking."

Chris had never heard anything more beautiful. "You don't know my house." Chris actually sounded dazed.

"Wanna bet?" Shane chuckled.

"Oh fuck!" Chris whispered. "What brought this on?"

"Don't ask." Shane almost growled. "I don't wanna think about it."

With that Shane turned them around and pushed Chris' back against the door. And right there in Chris' office, Shane hungrily devoured Chris' mouth with a deep, wildly aggressive kiss. By the time Shane released him, Chris was boneless and shaking.

"God, I missed you." Shane murmured against Chris's parted lips. "Why did you have to leave?" Shane murmured against Chris' ear, his breath, just like Chris, coming out in pants. "Did I do something wrong? Tell me Chris. Last night did I..."

"Oh God, no Shane." Chris groaned, cupping Shane's cheeks in his palms. "You did nothing wrong."

"Do you regret what..."

"I don't regret what happened. I've never been blown away with a more...gut-wrenchingly gripping encounter. It was beyond my expectation, Shane. It..." Chris trailed off, shaking his head slowly.

"What?" Shane asked in a whisper.

"It shook me to the very core." Chris whispered back. He couldn't believe he was actually telling Shane his very inner thoughts but he wanted to be as honest with Shane as possible. "I...I've never felt like how I felt. It was amazing."

"So what was the problem?" Shane asked softly.

Chris groaned and looked up at the white ceiling of his office. This was it. "I...I don't know how you feel about us and that is killing me, Shane."

"Chris..."

"Please." Chris whispered. "You asked." At Shane's nod, Chris took a deep breath. "This is not the place to have this talk."

"You're right. Let's get out of here." Shane whispered but before he could move, Chris leaned in to capture his mouth in a toe-curling kiss. A kiss that expressed exactly how he felt. It screamed joy, gratefulness, relief and soul.

"Thank you, Shane." Chris breathed against Shane's moist lips when he broke the kiss and came up for air. Then he went right back to kissing him. They only broke away from each other when Chris' intercom started going off. "You're such a bad influence." He murmured against Shane's lips and moved to his desk.

It was Amanda. "Yes?"

"Sir, you have a meeting with Ama Potello & Co. in the next forty-five minutes.

"Please cancel all my meetings for the rest of the day, Amanda. Thanks." Then he turned to look at Shane. "Can we grab a quick lunch in town before we go home?" Chris asked, making Shane smile. He loved the fact that Chris called his place home.

"Okay with me. Where do you want to go?" Shane asked.

"Let's do Italian. Villa Montecello will do." Chris suggested. He'd been craving their food since Aaron mentioned them the other night.

"Cool. Shall we?"

"I'll be right behind you."

***

The two men got a lot of stares in the restaurant, not because Shane was recognized, but rather because they were both undeniably striking. Both Chris and Shane ignored the stares as they enjoyed their lunch. But they weren't left alone as people who knew Chris kept stopping by their table to talk about one thing or the other. By the time they left the restaurant, it was already late.

"What a waste of time." Chris murmured as they left the restaurant. "Thank God, it's Friday."

Shane chuckled. "Well, somebody wanted Italian food."

"Yeah, see where that got us." Chris laughed, opening the door to his car. "Catch you later."

Chris got to Shane's home about five minutes before Shane did. He went directly to the den to pour himself a drink. He did pour one for Shane, which he handed over to him when Shane entered the den not too long after him.

"Thanks." Shane said. "Come on, let's go change out of these clothes."

Chris followed Shane up the stairs to Shane's bedroom. Shane had gotten him sweats, jeans, polo-shirts and t-shirts that he could change into whenever he came around. After getting into comfortable outfits, both men went down to the living room to relax on the couch and talk. Chris sat with his back against the armrest of the couch and one of his legs on the seat. Shane chose to sit in between Chris' thighs with his back against Chris' chest. He relaxed so that his head was on Chris' shoulder, sighing when Chris circled his waist with his arms.

"Now where were we?" Shane turned his head to drop a quick kiss on Chris' neck, and then folded his arms over Chris'. "What was that about not knowing how I feel, killing you?" Shane asked softly.

"Exactly what it means." Chris sighed.

"Do you honestly don't know how I feel about you?" Shane's voice was quiet.

"I don't know what to think, Shane." Chris groaned. "I know you apologized for what you... said in your office that day but..." Chris trailed off when he felt Shane stiffen against him.

"Tell me what is on your mind, Chris. I think we're past keeping things bottled up. We should be able to say exactly what's on our mind."

"At the risk of the other getting angry?" Chris asked softly.

"No matter what, Chris. Not even anger must stop you from saying what's on your mind. We've gone past the worst don't you think?"

"If you're sure. I know I don't have any right to expect anything from you but I need to know how you feel about...this...me. I have really strong feelings for you and I think whatever we do is beautiful and special but you...maybe you see it as a mere means of getting off. I know everyone has their own interpretation to things and I'm the last person who should have a right to talk about feelings but..." Chris trailed off.

"You need to know whether I take what is happening between us as seriously as you do." Shane concluded for him quietly.

"Yes." Chris responded.

"So these were the thoughts that got you so restless last night."

"Uh-huh."

Shane nodded. "So what finally made you decide to leave at that ungodly hour?" Shane asked.

Chris gave a deep sigh. "One moment I was worried about how you felt about me, then the next, I was wondering how terrible you must have felt when I gave you a lot of pain after you had given me so much pleasure. Shane, I'm so sorry."

"It's all in the past now. Try not to think about it." Shane said quietly.

"Well, I can't not think about it." Chris retorted, getting angry. "It's not been easy being around you all this time...being reminded every second of what I did. Yes, you were the victim but I've also had to live in my own hell and there's nothing as draining as guilt. So when I suddenly find myself having all these feelings and then you say something like that, I just don't know what to think. You probably said that in anger but a part of you must have believed that for it to have come out that way and that scares the shit out of me. I just need to know whether I should guard myself and just see this as fun or keep letting myself go as I'm doing. It could be that you're only setting me up as payback. You have every right to do that, Shane. Really. But Shane please. With the way I'm feeling already, I won't survive it if you lead me on only to squash everything. Thank you for forgiving me but...I need to know how you feel about all this." Chris finished in a whisper. He'd bared his very soul to Shane. Shane could choose to trample on it or put his mind to rest. 

Shane could feel Chris' heart pounding against him and almost groaned. He turned his head and pressed a kiss against Chris' lips. "Before I go into how I feel about us, there's something you need to understand, Chris. What happened all those years ago, shaped a great part of my life. Hell, it shaped my whole life because even your cruel words made me strive to make something of myself. Thanks for that. But the other part of my life...the greater part, was affected negatively by what happened. Though I know you were just a kid and didn't know any better, I'm only human. I'm bound to get bitter sometimes. Even though I've told you I've forgiven you, don't be surprised if I make references to it sometimes. I'll try not to. But like I said, I'm human...and I'm bound to do that sometime. Please don't let that make you feel like I haven't forgiven you or that I have a hidden agenda to pay you back. Because I don't.

About the silly comment I passed. Yes, I was angry and upset but I shouldn't have said that because I've never experienced anything so agonizingly exquisite like that handjob. That phone sex, was totally off the fucking hook. And that blowjob...let's just not go there. Every experience with you has been beautiful and special for me too. What I said was wrong and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for not being man enough to admit what is so obvious."

Chris swallowed hard. "What's that?" He croaked.

Shane smiled and Chris was suddenly a kid again...back to that point in his life when he realized that love didn't follow any rules, the point when he understood that no one, except Nick Lewis would ever have his heart.

Shane turned around and straddled Chris, thighs, looking directly into Chris' eyes. "Wanna know how I feel about you?" Shane asked quietly. "You fucking own me, Chris. I don't know how you do it but without you, I'm lost. You stir my soul. I can't even conceive life without you. That's how strongly I feel about us."

"Shane..." Chris uttered, his voice so guttural he didn't recognize it as his own. He was totally floored by Shane's heartfelt words.

"I love you, Chris." The words tore out shakily from Shane as irrepressible vulnerability rocked through him, flashing across his gorgeous face. "I never stopped. I...I don't think I'll ever love any other person like that...ever." For once, Shane didn't try to mask how he felt. From the shocked look on Chris' face, he knew Chris could see into his very soul but he didn't care. "I don't think I can stop even if you tell me to." Shane's eyes were suspiciously bright, causing a tightening around Chris' heart. "I'm yours if you want me, Chris. But I'm not going to let you play games with my heart." He added in a fierce whisper. "Got that?"

Chris swallowed past the huge lump in his throat. Then he nodded jerkily. "Loud and clear." He croaked.

Shane nodded. "Good. Because for years, my heart has felt as though it no longer belonged to me. It felt as if it had been stolen, torn from my chest by someone who wanted no part of it. It's the shittiest feeling ever and I never want to feel like that again."

Chris opened his mouth but nothing came out. He felt like he'd been physically struck. It was a good thing he was already lying on his back, or he'd have fallen down. In just a few words, Shane had succeeded in bringing an intense feeling of both joy and pain into Chris' heart. But Chris understood Shane perfectly. It was only a fool who would jump into a relationship without laying the cards on the table after getting so badly burnt. And Shane was no fool.

"I would die before I ever hurt you again." Chris' voice was barely a scrape of sound. But Shane heard him perfectly.

Shane's breath hitched in his throat at Chris' words because thanks to Damon, he knew just how seriously Chris meant that. He quickly leaned his forehead against Chris' with a groan. "If you ever do anything to yourself on my account, I'll find a way to bring you back, and then kill you myself. Slowly and painfully. I've never been more serious about anything, Chris. I would rather you hurt me all you want and live in this world with me, than make me happy and then check out. I can't take that, please." Shane was shaking as he spoke, scaring Chris. "Chris, promise me." Shane was almost on the verge of tears.

"Promise you what?" Chris looked bewildered.

"That you'll never do anything to hurt yourself." Shane rasped.

"I..." Then it dawned on Chris. "Did you talk to Damon?"

"Just promise me, Chris."

Chris gave a deep sigh, finally understanding why Shane had been so out of it in the morning. "I won't do anything to myself." Chris drew Shane into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"What the fuck were you thinking, you moron." Shane groaned into the crook of Chris' neck where his face was pressed.

"I wasn't. I just wanted to end the pain I was feeling." He murmured. "And I'm going to kill Damon." Chris growled.

Shane raised his head and looked at Chris with a slight frown on his handsome face. "He was only looking out for you." He said softly. "Listen, things happen when people are in a relationship, Chris. They may hurt each other unintentionally. It doesn't mean they don't love them. If we ever hurt each other, I would rather we talk about it and resolve issues okay?"

Chris laughed softly. "Dude, I'm not suicidal."

"I don't care. Just talk to me no matter how bad it is. Please."

"I promise."

"Thanks." Shane leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Chris' lips. "Now, shall we hit the gym?" Shane said getting off Chris' lap. It was not every day a person got to bare his soul. Shane needed a good workout. And from the way Chris looked, he needed it even more.

***

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