The line rang once, then twice. He picked up after the third ring. I'd almost hoped I'd reach his voicemail instead.

"Been awhile," Jack teased. "Thought I was going to have to call in a welfare check on you."

"Hi, Jack." I spoke his name quietly; any louder my voice would break. Under my comforter in the dark of the loft, I closed my eyes against a rolling wave of nausea. The pasta was threatening to make a repeat appearance.

"What's happened?"

I'd spent so much time planning speeches lately, and I wished I'd done the same for this. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was hoping to get out of this call—forgiveness? Advice? Instead of anything remotely composed, my words came flooding out in an incoherent rush. I recounted everything that had transpired between Gabriel and I: every interaction, every moment, as far back as our encounter in the woods. Including the kiss. Including what he'd said to me over dinner.

Jack listened quietly as I spoke, and when I finished, the silence on his end of the phone line was deafening.

"Jack?" I whispered.

"I'm still here."

The tears were falling fast. "Please say something."

"Kiera." He sighed heavily and I could almost feel it on my cheek. "I'm not your mate. You don't need my permission."

A sob crept up my throat but I swallowed it back down. "I'm tired of everyone saying that like it matters. You're my partner and I love you."

"I love you too. But I want you to be happy. And if this is something you feel like you need to pursue for your own peace of mind, I'm not going to stand in your way."

"Can't you just tell me what to do?" Please just tell me what to do.

"Not this time, Ki. All I can tell you is that I will wait for you, and I will be here for you, no matter what you decide," he said earnestly.

It made me even sicker, his kindness. I wouldn't have expected anything less, but knowing that he would forever put me ahead of himself hurt. Memories of the two of us played like a film in my mind as a knife twisted in my gut. The worst part was that I knew he would, too: wait for me. He would wait patiently for me to do whatever I thought I needed to do to get Gabriel out of my system, then he would welcome me back with just as much love when the Alpha inevitably tossed me aside for someone new.

And now, the choice of what to do next was well and truly mine. I had Gabriel's invitation and Jack's permission to accept it. I could hurt the man I loved to pursue this dalliance with the unknown, or I could cut things off before they even began. I didn't like either option. This time, though, I was afraid to rely on my instinct. When I sat still and listened—really, really listened—it was clearer than ever before. I just wasn't ready to accept the answer.

As much as I would have liked to, I couldn't take another fake sick day, so I spent a half-hour the next morning with an ice pack over my eyes, willing the puffiness from crying to go down to a presentable level. With a little makeup, it was nearly convincing.

Gabriel was hovering in the kitchen, almost certainly waiting for me to come in. He watched me expectantly as I passed but I kept my head down. It was about time he learned some patience.

"Feeling better?" Ephraim peered at me over a stack of books on his desk when I entered and hung my coat on the hook by the door. The tone of his voice told me what I'd already assumed: he didn't buy my story about being sick.

"Mostly, thanks." I kept up the lie. He let me.

"I just got back from seeing Angus." He slid a couple books off the stack and flipped open another.

"Already? What happened?"

"He had a fall. He's fine, he'll be sore for a few days. Nasty bruise on his hip. He said it was because—"

"He couldn't feel his feet?" I guessed.

"Tingling, the same as his fingertips," he confirmed. "Said it comes and goes."

I pulled a book across the desk and settled into the chair. "I don't like that."

"No," Ephraim sighed. "Neither do I. There was something off with his eyes today, too."

"Blurry vision again?"

"No, their appearance. The whites were strange. Not bloodshot, more like...yellow." He pronounced the words slowly, mulling each over before it came out of his mouth. I liked that I'd gained enough trust to become his sounding board. Listening to him think out loud felt like gaining access to the restricted archives of a library.

I put the book down, wheels turning. "Yellow?"

Ephraim hummed. "Like old parchment, almost."

"Well, that's jaundice."

"Jaundice?" He glanced between pages of hand-written notes, then up at me. There was no hint of recognition in his eyes; he'd never heard the term before.

"It's..." It hadn't occurred to me that jaundice could be a uniquely human issue, so I tried to simplify. "It's a sign of liver disease, most of the time."

"And you think liver failure could be causing his other symptoms, too?" Ephraim's hands were folded in front of him. He'd said from the outset that he wasn't keen on learning human medicine, but he wasn't so prideful that he wouldn't listen now and at least consider what I had to say.

"Maybe." I wanted to give him more, to point to a page in a book with big bold letters declaring the diagnosis. For the time being, conjecture would have to suffice.

He hummed again. Clearly, he'd been hoping for a similar breakthrough.

"I'll do some research of my own later. Outside of these old things," I nudged the book he had propped in front of him.

"These old things have served me and countless others very well over the years. You'd do well to remember that," he said, one wiry eyebrow quirked. He was beginning to get defensive, so I backed down. I didn't want to push my luck.

I lingered on after Ephraim left for the day, tidying aimlessly until I felt brave enough to step out into the hall. The door to Gabriel's office stood open to my left, and I could hear him moving around inside. Weighing my options, I thought maybe I should continue to my right: down the hall, through the kitchen and living room, across the lawn, back to the safety of the guesthouse. But my body had different ideas and before I could decide otherwise, I was standing on his threshold.

Gabriel's back was to me, though he undoubtedly heard my approach. He was leaning over a cabinet behind his desk, digging through whatever objects were contained in the drawer. His hair was tied up messily and just above the collar of his shirt at the nape of his neck there was a part of a tattoo I hadn't noticed before. The ink was a deep black, fresh.

Now, it seemed, he was the one intent on ignoring me. This was a childish game we were caught in and I was eager to end it. I wrapped my arms around my waist in a tight hug and observed him for a beat before I cleared my throat. His movements paused for the briefest moment, then he resumed his activity.

"If you're too busy to talk, I'll show myself out." I was bluffing and we both knew it.

Gabriel growled. "Say what you came to say."

I moved into the room toward the fire. Maybe its heat at my back would somehow make me feel braver, more powerful for what I was going to say next.

"I spoke with Jack. I told him everything. He deserved to know."

Gabriel straightened up to stand motionless, looking out the window into the darkening forest before him. He set his shoulders. Preparing. I tried to make out his face in the reflection, to read the expression there, but he wore none.

Though I would have liked a reaction, it was obvious I wasn't going to get one. So I continued: "He told me that he'd wait for me, if I thought I needed...if I wanted..." Fuck. The words weren't coming out right; I couldn't find a good way to put the sentence together.

Still, he remained silent.

"If I wanted to try. This. With you." I finally forced the words out of my mouth and they hung in the air between us.

"And?" Gabriel was looking at me now in the window, his eyes fixed on me in the reflection of the room.

"And," I drew in a steadying breath and got out of my own way. Instinct was driving now. "And I think I want to."

Faster than I could comprehend, Gabriel had crossed the room to stand in front of me. His large hands gripped my shoulders and he held me at arms' length. His eyes searched my face, desperately almost, trying to determine whether I was telling the truth. The sound of a racing heartbeat thudded in my ears, though I wasn't sure if it was his or mine. Maybe it was both.

"You're sure?" His fingers dug into my shoulders.

"No," I whispered truthfully.

He let me go then and stepped back, raking his fingers through his hair to catch the strands that had loosed from his bun. His eyes were dark, but for once the color didn't feel like a threat. It was his wolf pushing to the surface, I knew, but in a way that seemed almost curious. I fought the urge to reach out and touch his chest where a low rumbling radiated.

"Me neither."

"At least we're on the same page?" I tried to make a joke to lighten the mood but neither one of us laughed.

We stared at each other, the only sounds in the room the crackling fire behind me and the quiet, almost imperceptible purring of his wolf. It was pleased, I realized. The understanding of what my words had meant to his wolf brought a smile to play at the edges of my lips.

"I'd like to kiss you now." He didn't frame it as a question, but he waited for my permission either way.

"Okay," I said, already breathless from what was about to come.

He moved forward slowly, heat blooming between us as the space there grew smaller. He wrapped an arm around me and planted his hand on the small of my back. I was grateful; if he hadn't, I might have fallen back into the fire. With his other, he reached up and tentatively brushed the tips of his fingers across my jawline. His touch was soft—so much softer than I anticipated. It made my knees weak.

Gabriel's breath was warm on my face as he leaned down and I closed my eyes, awash in his complex scent. I inhaled it, trying to draw as much of his smell into my lungs as I could. He was taking his time, savoring every second while slowly, slowly moving closer.

But I didn't possess the same patience.

I raised up onto my toes, lifting myself to close the gap, and pressed my lips to his. This kiss was different from our first: that one had been urgent, a bit frightening. Still incredible, but a surprise to us both. But this one was nothing short of magic.

Gabriel's hand slid up my jaw and around the back of my neck, holding me locked against him. Finally, I was able to run my hands up the length of his biceps that I'd long admired from a distance. Now they flexed against me, around me. Keeping me from floating away. Everything in me was burning for more, but he seemed intent on keeping the kiss chaste, lips sweet and soft on mine. I pushed my body against his, hoping that he'd yield. I wanted to taste him.

"I've never done this before." Gabriel paused to murmur the words against my lips. I drew back slightly, only as far as his arms around me would allow, to look up into his eyes.

"You've never kissed anyone?" I asked, a bit shocked. Bound or not, he could obviously still feel sexual attraction. I'd been sure he'd had plenty of experience.

He shook his head. His fingers playing in the fine hair at the nape of my neck shot bolts of electricity down my spine. Lightning. "The other night was my first time."

"But you've..." I frowned. My eyes flickered to his waistband, then back up. "Haven't you?"

"I've fucked, but never...intimately." My mind conjured up unwanted images of him and Odette that I quickly tried to expel.

I moved my hands from his arms to lay flat on his chest, palms pressing into his heat. The low vibrations there told me his wolf was enjoying this every bit as much as I was. There was something gratifying about it: bringing pleasure and calm to a creature otherwise so wild.

Once more, he lowered his head to plant a kiss on my lips. Then he again pulled back, placing another, even softer, on my forehead, before standing up fully. I tried not to pout.

"So...what now?" I asked. I left my hands on his chest, but the intensity of his gaze was such that I felt compelled to look away.

"I'm not sure," Gabriel sighed. "I guess I hadn't thought this far ahead."

As much as I wanted to stay like that all night, I carefully extricated myself from his arms and took a step back. "I think that probably means we should sleep on it."

He smiled wearily but his eyes told me that sleep was unlikely to come easily tonight. By my racing heart and the slight tremble in my limbs, I knew I'd be faced with the same problem.