Cody's POV

I wave to Taylor and Enza as they go to walk across the street to Taylor's car, the two smiling back at me before linking hands and crossing the road. I admire how well they look together, my teeth working my bottom lip even as it pulls at the cut on the corner of my mouth.

I turn away, towards the Autumn Falls Pack Territory, and let myself fall into the world. The noises, the smells, the little snippets of conversations that tell me both everything and nothing all at once. It's all a constant flow of noise and information that passes through my mind effortlessly, but there's one thought that drowns out the rest.

My birthday is in a month and I'll finally be able to find my Mate.

I've spent countless of hours believing that I would never make it to this point. And now that I have I honestly don't even know what I would want out of a Mate.

While girls are pretty and kind, I have a secret wish that maybe my Mate will be a Man. Someone nice and kind and let's me read. Someone that doesn't look at me like I'm broken. That doesn't look at me like I've lost everything. Someone who doesn't remind me of the pain I've known for far too long. Someone strong and warm and open. Someone real.

My chest squeezes at the thoughts as I trample over the dead leaves, a layer of frost laying on the ground. The wind blows through the trees and it gives me a shiver, though thanks to my half genes, I'm a lot better than the poor couple I see huddled together on a park bench to stay warm. I see a lone girl a couple yards away at a picnic table, a camera on the table, bundled up to protect it from the wind.

I decide to take the long way home, turning deeper into the park, walking along a nice bridge that overlooks a river. I lean against the side of the bridge and imagine the thousands of books I've read. The ones where after so long the two main characters come to the park and one proclaims his love, and sweeps the other off his feet. I sigh at the fantasies that I was spoon fed as a child, charming story brooke stories seducing me to believe that one day I would have mine. A part of me wants to believe that the Moon Goddess knows what she's doing and I will finally find someone to love me. Finally have someone to be my family since my own is gone.

But the hole that aches in my heart and grabs at the ideas of fairy tales to fill it momentarily was forged by the Moon Goddess. She, Herself destroyed me, handpicked my family from my life and my chest and kept them all to herself when I needed them most.

How can I have Faith when all it's ever done was waste breath over prayers that were never even heard? Or even worse, tossed away like nothing.

Suddenly, I feel as if I've just been snatched out of my body and slammed back into a reset, everything seeming to attack me at once. My hat is too tight on my head, the wind is blowing too strong, the light is bothering my eyes, the smell of the lake so thick I almost choke on it.

I close my eyes against the onslaught of the icy wind and blinding white clouds, the hiding sun almost more obnoxious behind the foggy mask. But even with closing my eyes, all I can hear are crunchy footsteps, animals calling and the couple laughing as they try to keep the blanket that covers them from flying away. And while the sounds are just of life, I find myself angry at the noise, angry and annoyed with the way the leaves tickle the ground and skate against the wind. Before I realize it, I'm scrambling in my pocket, pulling out my headphones quickly with one hand while I pull up music in the other. I connect my headphones and press play, my breath hostage in my chest, but as soon as the first note flows from the noise reducing headphones, I relax and my chest no longer feels like it's going to explode.

There's no words just a soothing melody that reminds me of the ganaste books I read, the whimsical music you can hear in your bones as you stumble across a Fae forest.

With the onslaught of sensory information reduced, I reach into my bookbag and grab my sunglasses, the tint saving me from the glaring grey clouds, the overcast on edge of giving me a headache. Already annoyed with life and my chest feeling both blazingly empty and miserably full, I continue my trek towards home.

I count my steps in the squares as I trail through the park, random thoughts flying through my head as I try to reign in the pain.

Grateful for the distraction I lean into the comforting sound of the music and it takes me back to a memory of curling up on our family room couch with a good book and a world just waiting to be explored.

Growing up, I always thought that it was crazy how Werewolves and Faeries and Incubi could be real, but Fae, goblins, mermaids and bloodsuckers are all legend. As a kid I didn't really understand that there were always limits. And that if I were a Deity, I would have created the others already.

I look around the park and see a Vampire talking to a Witch, the Vamps stark white hair a tell tale sign.

Though they share the name, speed and strength, the Vampires that are in the world aren't like the ones in lore. They don't suck blood, for example but instead are able to feed on dark desires, energies, and violence. The fact that those Supers can be real but not a Bloodsucking Super with transformation powers and senses boost among other things, still throws me off.

Though whenever I ask about it, adults always look at me as if I'm crazy. Like I never full stopped believing in the stories that my parents used to tell me as a kid.

I sigh to myself before taking a few deep breaths, knowing that it helps, no matter how much it annoys me.

Ready to call it quits on the overwhelming outside world for the day, I turn around and head back towards the main road, my fingers picking at a scab on my forearm. I realize that I'm zoning out but I don't correct it as I make my way home in auto pilot.

Just as I come around the parking lot, I see someone standing at the door of the stairs, the smell of terror in the air, thick and heavy. They say that Omegas are empathetic on a spiritual sense to the point of smelling feelings, but this is the first time it's ever been so potent to me. It's almost a sour odor as if somethings gone bad. As I draw closer though, I realize where the draining smell is coming from, James Claw standing still as a Vamp's heart in front of the Pack House.

I walk towards him quietly, confused but worried as I draw closer. I reach out my hand when I'm close enough to touch his arm, but as soon as my arm moves, James's flinches so hard, my breathing stops. I watch with confusion and heartbreak as his dead eyes only show the shallow reflection of fear. Keeping my hands to myself this time I step around him to face him, concern written in the lines of my frown as I study James.

The man that's standing before me is almost twenty years old. He's in his Trail year of being Alpha and in a few months, he'll be the leader of this pack. To see him stuck in shock and terror is both humbling and heartbreaking.

"James. What's wrong?" I ask, knowing the look of despair too well, my chest squeezing at the sight of it, but James doesn't move. Doesn't even go through so much effort as to look at me, his gaze stuck on nothing, far away. I touch his arm and shake him a little but he doesn't even blink.

Not knowing what to do, but almost knowing that we're strangers and it isn't my place, I stop. I turn around with a sigh before handing up the stairs of the Pack House, figuring maybe Beta Alex or someone else will help out Alpha. I open up the door and slip inside, only sparing James one last look before sealing it close again. For a brief second I wonder if his eyes were on me, but I shake the thought away, knowing that my mind is only haunted by the look of pain he carries in his eyes.

It's easy to recognize broken.

You just have to be willing to look.

As I walk down the hallway, I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, a shiver flying up my spine as I pass the gathering room towards the kitchen for a snack.

When I turn my head, I'm surprised to see Alpha Richard here, the man surrounded by Elders and Warriors in the main gathering space. Their laughs echo off the walls but the space around them is almost empty, people sitting on stairs and parts of the hallway for space instead. While my parents were close to Alpha Richard and all the important members of the Pack, I don't remember much about them and try to stay my distance. Not only am I not a fan of politics, but I always had this weird vibe from him that I can never exaplain.

But with no family, I don't have to.

I continue on my way towards the kitchen and get myself a few grapes that I pop in my mouth before making my way up the stairs. A few people nod as we pass each other but for the most part I'm a nobody, nothing more than a fly on the wall. And while that should bother me, it doesn't. It allows me to be myself and have time to myself without having to worry about if I'm acting correctly or if what I'm doing or saying is right or if it will just offend people. Socializing has too many rules and policies. It's just easier to be alone and travel to different worlds through the portals of books.

On the way towards my room, I stop on the second floor to go to Zyndall's office, James's instructions suddenly popping to mind.

I remember the smaller girl with unruly dark hair and skinny brown limbs that made her look like a stick figure. I laugh to myself and feel my wolf's sense of nostalgia but I shrink away from the connection, taking a few breaths to ground myself. I find Zee's office and place a few knocks before I hear a slightly older version of the voice I remember call me in. Besides here and there, Zee and I haven't seen each other since the combined funeral three years ago.

Her hair is straightened and long now, her wild middle school and high school hair now where to be seen. Her dress is sleek, her jewelry fine and golden. It takes me a second to process all of her before I just laugh to myself and blink, stepping further inside before sitting down. "Wow. Guess you're all grown up now." Is all I can say, a lump coming to my throat at the thoughts of my sister never getting the chance to look the way Zee does now.

Her smile is sad when she looks at me too, and while I would normally try to ignore the sympathy and compassion that comes with it, I know she understands what it's like.

"It's like she's never really gone, right?" Zee asks but I know it's not really a question for me to answer. Her glossy eyes and memories reflected in her eyes tells me I'm just a witness to validate and share a pain that's so familiar to the both of us. "I can always hear her trying to protect me and look out for me, even if I could do it. She never took any shit you know?"

"She was the best." I answer, and I mean that. I remember so many times when Casey would bail me out of trouble or stand up to a bully for me. She was the most selfless fearless person I knew.

"It's fucked up she died so young. We're lucky they didn't take you too." She tells me, her smile genuine, but her words pierce my heart and I find myself feeling sick. Suddenly remembering what I came here for, I stand up.

"I'm tired, Zee. I got distracted but I came here for..." But before I can finish she stops me by holding up a sealed folder with my name on it. She places it on the desk and slides it toward me with a smile shrug.

"Alpha James requested the information on your behalf earlier. Wanted to help out." She explains and I frown, confused on how I went from barely seeing the man to having multiple both casual and weird interactions with my Alpha. If it keeps up, I'm going to bring a lot more attention to myself than I want. And all I care about it finding my Mate one day.

"Thanks." I tell her and leave it at that, making it a mental note to stay out of Alpha James' way so I can focus on being ready for my birthday when it comes.

I walk up the last flight of stairs and take a deep breath, my body and head feeling both empty and unnecessarily overwhelmed. I'm a zombie as I reach my door and open it, the calm warm presence of my room soothing me as soon as I pass over the doorway. I close out the world and grab my phone form my pocket, unplugging my head phones. I press the play button and the same whimsical sounds of a fantasy world envelopes me as I get ready for the night, taking a quick shower and settling on the bed with a good book.

While I read into the night, I notice the folder that sits on my night stand, unopened and larger than life itself in my mind. It's information about my family. About the people that were taken from me.

My heart squeezes at the thought of them. Of learning more about them without them being here to fill in the blanks themselves.

But the story of a badass girl and her kickass friends pulls my attention away from the pain. Away from the memories. Instead, I dream of adventures and happy endings. I forget all about the pain, rejection, and fear that my life has become.

At least in my books I can find people who understand what it's like to have so much to say and no one to hold onto those words and never let them go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I really wanna know what you guys think about the different direction this book is going in. What are your thoughts on Cody and his personality?

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Skinny jeans or sweats?