Cody's POV

I'm vaguely aware of my leg bouncing beneath my desk, the steady rhythm lulling me until my gaze unfocuses and I'm suddenly thinking about the way that the chapter ended on my latest book I'm reading, the plot holes bothering me since I reached a stoppping point last night before bed.

My brain itches to want to know what happens next, the discussion going on around me in class holding none of my interest as I sigh to myself, the glare of the fluorescent lights like a persistent ice pick against my skull. I do my best to lower my eyelids in attempt to lessen the brightness of the lights, but all it does is annoy me more so I stop, titling my head to the left and right as I slowly zone back into reality.

"...and similarly, Supernaturals are just as marginalized as women when it comes to mental health diagnosis and studies. So my goal this semester is to have you guys dig into your family tree and see if there are any mental illnesses, Supernatural or Human that run in your family. We also are going to send permission slips home for all of you to have therapy sessions as well as a mental evaluation done. There will be therapy twice a week for the duration of this semester and in about a month after shes gotten the chance to get to know you, you will have a mental health evaluation to see what, if any, mental health issues you struggle with so that we can help you select proper tools, coping mechanisms, and healthy communication skills to have a healthy and happy wellbeing. So the first part of this project is to acquire your parents mental health history or information, of course with their permission. Make sure you also get your slips signed as well."

My interest is immediately piqued when I hear Mr. Malcom's intructions, a satisfied smile finding its way to my face as I wiggle a little in my seat, excited to have a project based on something I know so much about and love to research.

From what I remember of my mother, I know that she thought mental health was really important, always doing her best to create a great world for my sister and I so that we could have a safe and beautiful life. Though I guess she never realized that other people have the power to come and fuck up all of your plans, no matter how well meaning they are. The bell rings as the memories slam into my chest and my jaw clenches at the thoughts, my chest squeezing tightly and I suddenly feel like I can't breathe properly, my eyes fluttering rapidly as I try to process the stimulus attacking me all at once. The pain, the fear, the images from that day that I can't forget, the sounds of feet landing against the floor and chairs scraping along the tiles. The florescent lights seem to brighten and pierce my eyes, giving me an instant headache.

My breathing increases before I tuck my head down into my chest, my arms coming up without control to have my hands cover my ears, though there is nothing I can do about the memories that blind me and tear at my chest.

I feel someone push against me as they walk past and it has me gasping for breath, tears streaming down my face as I struggle to breathe, trying to make myself smaller so that I will stop being jostled, the laugher and yelling of my classmates almost as loud as my heartbeat lodged in my ears.

My hands curl around my ears until my nails peirce my skin, moon shaped scars spilling blood, adding to the collection of pale crescent moon marks that decorate the skin behind my ears. I don't know how much time passes before I realize that the noise is gone and that there's no one left around me for me to be scrunched up into myself. When I peal open my eyes I find the classroom empty, save for my teacher Mr.Malcom that stands a few feet away from me, his gaze worried and open. I slowly straighten up and allow my hands to fall, my eyes shakey with the anxiety still coasting through me.

"Cody, are you okay? What happened?" He asks me and though I know he's only worried about me I can't help but get a little annoyed, my fingers messing with the fraying belt that peaks out of the bottom of my shirt, my foot bouncing with the need to escape and run as far away from this overwhelming place as possibly.

"I'm fine. There was just a lot going on." I tell him, looking away from his intense gaze, feeling as if I did something wrong, shrinking into myself when he doesn't go away, instead stepping closer.

I go to pick at the random scar I have on my hand, not knowing where it's from, but finding comfort in the way it stings as I try to get rid of the hard bumpy scab that's slowly taking over the scar.

Not believing me, Mr.Malcom shakes his head and sits on top of the desk diagonal from me and I stare at the door in longing, feeling cornered. I hate being in situations where I have to explain the things that make me uncomfortable. Half the time I don't even understand what's going on myself and if I do, I keep it to myself. The one time I shared what I thought, the kids called me a sensitive freak that was scared of people and rain. There are still people that take my umbrella away when it's raining outside.

They say that wolves are all about nature, connection, and vulnerability, but all of those things make me want to throw up and hide under a blanket until they go away.

I would much rather stay in my room with a good book curled into my Book Nook, or spend a few hours falling to the beautiful world of anime, than have to talk to another person. The worrying over what I say, how I say it, how the other person will take it, whether I'm being too annoying, what the other person thinks about me- all of it can get so overwhelming and tiring that it just feels easier to be by myself.

"Cody when you joined this class you told me that you had a big interest in mental health studies and while I believe you, you seem to space out and get distracted in class a lot. You also seem to be struggling with something right now. It's okay if you want to talk about it." He assures me and while a small part of me wants to be able to trust him and spill out everything on my mind, I don't want him to make a big deal out of this, and I dont want to turn this into a conversation. All I can think about is escaping, tears coming to my eyes again, and I try to blink them away, anxiety rising in my throat over the fact that I can't have a second to myself to just breathe and recenter.

But thankfully, just as I'm about to melt into a sobbing mess or shut down on the pushy man completely another student knocks on the door, arriving for after school tutoring and I breathe a sigh of relief as I take the distraction as an opportunity to stand up and start towards the door.

"Thank you." I call back towards my teacher, ignoring him as he calls my name, sighing in relief when I finally get outside, the hallways mostly clear now that the final bell has rung.

I walk towards my locker, trying to calm my heartbeat, though my head is permanently pounding softly, my mental energy almost completely gone after a day full of classes and the straining half conversation with my teacher. I feel my wolf's concern, but I don't say anything, the silence between us so common, it feels more natural than being alone. As I approach my locker I realize with a groan that I don't have the luxury of being able to go home and take a nap, barely having any mental capacity to achieve that alone, recalling the promise I made the Taylor today at lunch to meet him at the cafe and meet his Knot.

Regret and frustration fill my gut at the reminder but with a sigh I accept it, anxiety filling me at the idea of changing my mind and disappointing Taylor, fear of rejection and the end of our friendship propelling me to ignore the signs my body gives me and gather my stuff in my locker to fulfill the promise I made.

As I close the door on my locker I turn my head to see my James, the next in line for Alpha of my pack walking down the hallway towards me.

Remembering my homework and knowing that I won't have the courage or energy to seek him out later, I speed up to walk towards him, catching him just as he passes me.

He turns his head towards me and his eyebrows raise in surprise and something else I don't really understand once he sees who it is. "Hey, Cody. What can I do for you?" He asks me and I squint my eyebrows in surprise, caught off guard that he would know my face, much less my name, but also happy that I don't have to go through the skull numbing process of having to introduce myself awkwardly.

"I need my parents records for a class work assignment. Specifically mental health genetics." I tell him, my eyes dancing around the hallway, fingertips tapping along my leg as I think about making Enza and Taylor wait for me at the cafe, guilt washing over me. I jump when James answers me, suddenly pulled out of my thoughts with the sound of his voice, warm and smooth.

"Of course, Cody. Just stop by Zee's office and she should be able to pull up all your parent's information." He tells me with a nod and a quick smile that I tightly return, not wanting to appear rude of offput, though my main focus is trying to figure out a way to leave for the cafe without seeming rude.

Deciding I just don't have enough in me to care enough to think so hard about it, I lean into autopilot, my brain doing all it can to make sure I don't accidentally do something wrong or accidentally insult people like I've done before.

"Thanks." Is all I can manage before I walk away from him, not giving him a chance to respond, satisfied that I did what I needed to.

Glad that it's out of the way, I focus on getting to the cafe, the entire walk there stuck on how late I'm running, hoping that I'm not met with angry faces and accusing glares of disrespect. I pick at the scab on the side of my wrist that I got when I fumbled a knife in my hand when trying to make dinner for myself. The other wolves were very amused by my lack of cordination.

When I arrive at the cafe, I find Taylor sitting at a table alone towards the back next to the window, the table covered in three cups and a plate with two muffins, one untouched and the other half eaten.
My ears turn pink as I chew on my lip, my shoulders squaring in preparation for anger, but when Taylor sees me, his face lights up and he point to the chair across from him, his grin spreading from ear to ear, no sign of annoyance in his face which strikes me odd, sure that was how he was going to react. Slightly confused but more than grateful, I sit down across from Taylor and smile as he starts talking, thankful, as always, for the way that Taylor always exceeds my expectations and never makes me feel weird, stupid or wrong for the way I do things.
"I ordered your chair tea and your blueberry muffin with butter." He tells me and I dance a little in my seat, my hands shaking a bit uncontrollably as I take in the delicious smell of my favorite treat that I get almost daily.

Every since I first tried the combo together, I can't help but get the same thing every time, the delicious tea with steamed milk and buttered muffin just as delicious and amazing as the first time I had it months ago.

I thank Taylor for him ordering my usual, bouncing in my chair as I hum quietly to myself, happy that it's not so long in the cafe today. "Where's your Knot?" I ask Taylor as I take a sip of the warm sweet tea. I feel all my worries melt away at the taste and warmth of the drink, and smile to myself, some of the edges of my headache fading away at the comfort of familiarity.

"He's in the bathroom." He tells me and I nod, looking around at the quaint location that has become my favorite after school and weekend spot, loving the cozy atmosphere and soft warm music that plays over the speaker. "Here he comes." Taylor says after a moment and I tune back into the world in time to see a beautiful long haired man come around the table to pull out the chair next to Taylor. I can smell the scent of fresh water from his skin, the cool blue of his eyes and pointed ears answering for half of his DNA. The small fox ears peaking out of a lushing head of wavy hair, and the rustic brown tail tips in white, reveals the other. A Faerie and Incubus Hybrid, definitely one of the more rare species around. But a part of me almost instantly connects to him because of it, recognizing that it must have been hard for him, too, to have been an outcast where conformity is everything.

  "You must be Cody. I'm Enza, love, nice to meet you." He tells me as I lightly take his hand. All I can do is stare in awe at his beautiful features in jealousy, his hair long beautiful and healthy, his eyes piercing and sparkling like a lake.

   "I can see why he won't stop talking about you. You're pretty. And I love your fox features." I tell Enza, and his cheeks light up. I let the words come out naturally, only realizing a second later how that could be taking wrongly and I panic, upset with myself for making such a mistake, but both of the Faeries laugh it off, Taylor nodding his head in agreement.

"Well, I appreciate that. It's nice to know what kind of affect you have on your man." He tells me with a wink, and I giggle in surprise, taking another sip of my tea in delight over how laid back Taylor's partner seems to be.

"I'm glad you're funny and nice. I was worried you were going to be a jealous bitch." I tell him blatantly, my mouth getting almost too lax in the comfort of all the familiar things around, and I groan inwardly before yet again Enza laughs, his open mind and refusal to obey social patterns and norms alluring me to my new friend.

"Oh, I can still be a bitch sometimes, but no, Cody, I can tell you guys are just friends there's no point in making something out of nothing. Besides, if we tried to stop people from being themselves the world would be a boring place." He tells me and I nod in satisfaction and approval, going in to start on my muffin as I fully relax, feeling free finally to let my brain relax and be myself, worries about disrupting social lows and structure lessening, my chest relaxing.

And for the rest of the evening, the three of us laugh and to my surprise instead of adding to the headache and making my brain more filled and overwhelmed, the connection seemed to almost help me diffuse some of that energy and anxiety until I was having a great time and found myself agreeing to visit Faerie Territory and have a sleep over with the two in a few days.

'Maybe talking to people and making new friends isn't so bad. Maybe I can be myself without having to worry what others think.'

The hope settles in my chest and all I can think about is how I hope that one day I'll be able to find a Mate that will be able to accept me and allow me to be free. Someone that will help manage my stress and the overwhelming world without adding to it. Seeing Taylor and Enza together and the way they help me feel at home and safe gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I can have hope to have a loving mate to belong and be myself.

Maybe one day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to see if you guys can tell what mental health issues that Cody struggles with. I base his experiences off of things that I go through and struggle with as well as professional information and symptoms. Lmk if you guys figure it out!

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: What is your favorite conspiracy theory?