Cody's POV

It's exactly seventeen days until my eighteenth birthday, and I walk alongside James on our way home from school as I try not to let the thought of that consume me. Things have finally settled down since the meeting this past weekend, and I'm happy to have a bit of time and normalcy to get to know James, my role as Luna, and even my self a little bit more.

"Timari said she's free to train with you tomorrow if you want." James tells me, mentioning the commander that had ventured to the Rougelands.

Though it makes me slightly uncomfortable to be placed into a position where I have to try to charm someone or get them to believe in me, I promised myself I would try.

I can't keep running from being vulnerable and making connections forever.

"Okay, I don't mind." I admit with a shrug, and he smile, shaking his head slightly but not saying much, only reaching over to caress my hair for a moment.

"Okay, awesome. I'll let her know. Also, I don't know how you feel about it or what, but if you want, I can see if Lord Azrin will meet with you. Talk to you about your past. Your autism, if you want." He offers quietly, as if unsure of how I'll react. I turn the suggestion over in my head, my chest squeezing at the thought of sharing my deepest pains and troubles with someone probably as cold as he is shallow, his pointed ears a testament towards that.

'Cody, you know better than most that judging someone based on how they present is wrong and rude. Don't be that guy.' Jessie shames me, and I grumble at him, though I know he's right, noting to check myself over my biases.

"I guess I would be open to at least talking to him, but I don't know about anything beyond that." I admit, still unsure, and James stops me completely, grabbing onto my hands as he catches me eyes.

"Hey, hey. It was just a suggestion, one that you're welcome to leaving on the table, or taking me up on. The ball is in your court, so whatever it is that makes you feel the best, that's what we'll do." James assures me, his eyes kind and worried. I try to pretend as if my eyes don't water at the sentiment, but they do, his sincerity disarming and breathtaking.

"Thank you." I tell him honestly after taking a huge sigh of relief. "I would love to meet him and I'll decide from there." I say confidently, and he reaches forward, gentle and strong, to place a kiss on my forehead before lacing our fingers together and leading us back home.

My heart is warm along with my cheeks and ears, and I'm so caught up in the feeling of him and the ghost electricity holding my arm and romancing me, that I almost miss the unmistakable feeling of being watched.

My muscles tense slightly and I find myself scanning the people around us, the road we're on close to a few shops, this part of Vilin mostly schools and humans. I try to focus my breathe and force my mana to concentrate and form around my eyes, but I'm unable to, my lack of practice with my ability coming to bite me in the ass. There's a few other wolves walking ahead of us, a group of Hybrids sitting at a restaurant,  Vampire couple, and a witch, along with dozens of people minding their business. But no one sticks out to me, not ones attention is on us.

And it makes me even more uneasy than finding someone standing there openly staring at me.

Maybe I'm going crazy, especially since I'm the only one to pick it up, but I would swear that lately someone has been following James.

I turn towards me, wanting to bring it up and ask about it now that it's on my mind, but as I do, his phone suddenly is ringing. I watch as he fished it out of his pocket, checking the caller ID before staring at the flashing screen. After a few seconds he seems to unfreeze, and almost like a robot he slides the screen to pick up the call, pulling the phone towards his ear.

"Hello." His voice is so monotone it scares me, his eyes no longer here, instesd focused on something I can tell he wished to forget. I recognize the shaking of his voice as he addresses whatever was said on the other line. I see myself in the way he almost strings down, trying to make himself seem smaller. Like he's trying to disappear off the face of this earth, but goddamn it we're still here. My heart echo's his own as it breaks for him, realizing all at once what's happening even before his phone falls from his ear, call over, eyes vacant.

At first, there's nothing, no movement or even acknowledgment that James is even aware of what's going on, but suddenly there's a large gasp of breath as if he had been holding it without realizing it. The gasp quickly turns into another until he's gasping for air, hyperventilating as he starts to grow smaller and smaller, sinking into a squat as his arms start to come around his legs.

'Let's get him away from the public eye.' Jessie suggest, anxious about James as I pull my mana together and let it go in a burst of light and transformation, landing on four legs. I help James onto my wolf back, nudging him with my snout as he throws one leg over my back. Once I feel his muscled arms around me, I take off, ignoring the sea of gossiped whispers, curious looks and disgusted judgement that I pass as I leave Vilin and head towards Vollmond borders.

I worry inwardly what this will mean for James. Over one hundred people just saw the up and coming Alpha of the Autumn Falls Pack melt into a panic attack in the middle of Vilin. Even if we're lucky, at least half of Kaulike will know about James' break down by now.

Things like that can end up triggering a visit from Vilin, their officials coming in to endure the safety of the people, and the agreements lined by the peace treaty are always being upheld. And once you get on their radar, it takes months to fall off. So I hurry along the road, managing to get home in fifteen minutes, the pack house finally coming into sight. I try to steer us towards the wooden structure, but James resists, pulling away towards the direction of the clearing. I go to try to convince him to go to the packhouse, but I realize that just like the capital, the pack house is no place for the Alpha to be seen breaking down like this. In the wolf community, the Alpha is supposed to be a pillar of strength, family and community. If James is seen in the state he's in, it'll lead to panic, people thinking something is wrong, and eventually a call for replacement, deeming James' unable to serve as the packs Alpha.

So instead of taking him to my room, I steer us towards the woods where after almost ten minutes of slow movement as James struggles to calm his breathing down, we finally arrive in our clearing.

I settle James down next to the large rock so he can lean against it before sitting down on the fluffy grass myself. For a long while there's just a lot of silence, the wind jostling through the trees, wiping away the sweat that had gathered along James' brow. I don't prompt James to say anything, knowing all too well how it feels after a draining attack on your nerves and mind, controlled by overwhelming fear and helplessness.

Not a feeling I would wish on anyone.

After what could've been thirty minutes or two hours, James finally starts talking, though he doesn't move, even his eyes glued to a certain piece of the sky, telling his story to the endless blue silk covering the world. I sit and witness their conversation, wondering what the sky whispers back to James as he spills his secrets and explains what happened.

"Ever since I can remember, I've understood that fact that one day, it was going to be my job to be in charge of this pack and the people that people that lived here. From the moment I grew self aware, I knew that was my role in the world. Everything I learned about what that meant, what being a man meant, I learned from him. For a while I didn't even realize he was doing anything wrong. I couldn't manage to do what he said and always failed at whatever surprise test he gave me, so I thought it was okay. It wasn't until I was a teenager that i realized that I suffered through something most people, most wolves, can't even dream of. My father abused me physically, verbally and mentally from the time I could hold a conversation until I turned eighteen." I don't say anything, don't break the spell of vulnerability, one wrong move and the door will be slammed down, never allowing me access to this bare part of him again. The core of him, the fear, the abuse, the pain, the parts of him he can't bare to show to anyone else. I accept them all and listen without judgement, just allowing him to get it all out.

"An Alpha couldn't have a feminine wolf. Couldn't have Omega friends. Had to be the strongest, the fastest, the toughest. Don't speak unless spoken to, and if you are, don't you dare embarrass the Alpha. Strength and power. Strength and power. Everything else is a distraction or a weakness waiting to be purged by the purest form of punishment- pain. Eighteen years I lived my life that way. It was like a glass wall between me and my peers at all times. I couldn't be like them. Couldn't act like them. Couldn't do the things they did weren't held to the same standards they were. I had to be perfect. Perfect in the way he saw perfection. I learned to hate Sloan, was isolated outside of a few people that stuck around. It was only until I was eighteen and was declared Interim Alpha until my twentieth birthday, a reprieve I never thought I've be granted, that I realized I wasn't alone in his treatment of people. There was others he had bullied. The people on my team are some of them. Every day I get closer to this being my pack for good and he having no standing here, no way in hell I'm allowing him in the Elder Council. But then there's days like today, when he calls me and says that he's on his way for a surprise visit. And it just reminds me that I'm not free yet. He's still here. And he can always reach me. Always. Things won't change until I became Alpha. He's been haunting me for twenty years. My own father. The fucking pillar of family, community and strength. Some fucking joke that is." He curses, his voice raising and falling, cracking in random places as the words tumble out of his heart and finally freely into the world.

Though it's anger that he's sprouting, I can see the pain and fear that he's clinging into so desperately, his body shaking in the seventy five degree heat, my heart aching.

I rise on my knees, careless of the rocks that dig into my skin, only concerned with the wilting man in front of me, trying his best to merge with the rock behind him. When I'm close enough, I wrap my body around his, giving him some pressure, something I've always found soothing when my emotions are on the fritz. I rest my head on his shoulder beside his own, grateful as some of the shaking subsides.
"That's a lot to go through, especially when you didn't feel safe enough to rely on your wolf. I know this feels scary, and hopeless, but I want you to know you are not alone. You don't have to allow him to have that kind of power or hold over you. The only difference between now and a few months is a title. From what you've told me, it doesn't sound like that would mean much to him. Look at his relationship with Winter Moon. Whatever your father has to knock you down, I'll be there, we'll be there to pick you back up and remind you of who you are. You are Alpha James, and this is your pack. Family or not, we don't allow anyone to threaten or harm the pack. We got your back, James. Now and forever." I promise him, meaning the words in their entirety, Jessie worried for our love, wishing to take it from there.

And I let him, giving James a kiss against his head as I fade away, hoping Jessie's strength is enough for the both of them.

✨✨✨

Jessie's POV

I come to with James in my arms, tears splashing the ground as my baby struggles to hold it together.

My heart breaking, I settle on the ground next to him and maneuver the two of us until he's sitting between my legs, legs thrown across my right leg as his head tucks into the left side of my neck. My arms come up to go around Jamie, wishing that there was something i could do to help him with his pain but knowing I could never take it away.

"You don't have to be strong right now, Jamie. I got you. Just let it go. I got you." I place soothing words against his ear and watch as he relaxes fully into me before he starts to sob, his body shaking against mine as I hold him, not letting me go as he falls apart in my arms. I hate that if the wrong person we're to see us they would shame him. Shame the Alpha for falling apart and needing his Omega Mate to comfort him in such a degrading way. But to me all I see is James reaching for me, needing me, trusting me with the scars that he tries so hard to cover up.

How could I turn away from that with disgust in my heart?

How could I shame a man who opens his chest to reveal to me his heart and all that's been done to it by those who were charged with its protection? To me this isn't weakness. This isn't condemnable. This is strength. The strength to be honest about the things we would rather forget and pretend never happened even though they didn't and the effects of that haunts our daily lives.

Nothing would ever convince me more of his trust than this moment of us held between my arms.

So I hold him and cherish the memories and the pain that he hands to me, filling in the blanks of his behavior and fears I've  noticed over time. I collect every secret and imprint them into my memory, living his pain, tasting it in his tears when I kiss them away.

We sit there for hours as he tells me everything and I listen, just like he did that day when I came home from the doctors. He talks until he can't anymore and then he talks some more. And I listen to every word.

And I swear to myself.

He will never go through that again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was such an effortless chapter to write for me I enjoyed it a lot. I know it's sad but it's honestly a common reality that we as a society need to talk about more. to me this chapter was both sad and beautiful. What do you think?

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Favorite movie?