had a bad emetophobic episode today ugh

i hate being anywhere near children i hate it i hate it they are the biggest contributors to my phobia besides myself

any time anyone looks slightly off (in my mind) or gives off some bullcrap """code""" my minds told me to be afraid of my brain goes haywire and i cant even think right. it's all so absurb and stupid and i knOW ITS COMPLETELY LUDICROUS BUT IM STILL SO TERRIFIED AFHFKSJFI

so, no, for anyone curious, im not like "ew vomit is gross" it's more of "this person looks ill crap crap i want to die why is this happening to me i cant be near this"

it's not even real signs i see its stupid crap like "oh no this person is laying their head down" and "they coughed" ugh die @ my brain youre freaking STUPID

this evening we had a nice engaging speaking at our gospel meeting and i was so anxious and scared i couldn't even listen to the sermon and i actually had to get up and move to another pew bc i couldnt stand it

gotta love being a perfectly functioning individual 👌👌