"Evan!" He turned after hearing his name being called, spotting Craig jogging across the grass towards him. Evan stopped for a moment, waiting for him to catch up. "Hey." He spoke, almost completely out of breath as he reached his friend. "I wanted to talk to you."

Evan felt a little skeptical, but shrugged. "What about?"

"Are you really feeling okay? You kind of disappeared after graduation- not that there's anything wrong with that- but, we were just worried about you. After the whole..." Craig wanted to say Tyler but knew it would only make the boy panic, "thing happened, you kind of shut down-"

"I kind of 'shut down' after winter break, if you had cared to notice." Evan didn't mean to be so snappy as the pair started to walk. He just wanted to go home, since he completed all his classes for the day, but now that Craig was there, he supposed he could just walk with him.

"Yeah, I know-"

"Honestly, why do you suddenly care about me?" Evan nearly stopped walking, but instead settled for slowing his pace just a little bit more. "You're the one who called me a dick and blocked me when I tried to explain." Evan paused, swallowing. "You said that your parents were right about me, didn't you?"

Craig's face fell. "Evan...I didn't know-"

"I know. That was kind of the whole point, wasn't it? No one fucking knew what the hell was going on with me, but I was so fucking okay all the fucking time that no one cared, huh?" He took a deep breath, finally stopping in his tracks as he stared down, calming down before looking up at Craig. "I haven't been myself since freshman year of high-school, and it took finding out Tyler had an obsession with me for any of you to notice. So why the fuck do you care now?"

With that last remark, Evan turned and continued walking back to his apartment, not sure what had caused him to snap at Craig like that, but it strangely made him feel a lot better to do so.

He almost collapsed as he finally managed to duck inside his apartment, letting out a sigh as he reminded himself that what had happened with Craig had happened, and that it was justified. He had been a shit friend when he really needed him, and just because it had been a while since the two had chatted didn't mean that their issues were resolved.

At least, that's what Evan thinks his therapist would tell him. Wasn't too sure, though, he hadn't had a session in quite a few weeks. With both him and Jonathan paying for an apartment and going back to school (for Evan, at least) there just wasn't much room for his sessions. And, yeah, it sucked. Evan had just begun to make some progress in handling his feelings, but his situation changed, and it was a last resort sacrifice he had to make.

Before he left, though, his therapist had told him some techniques to remember and left him with some things to think about in the case that he really had to discontinue his sessions.

It was fine. Really, it was. He had said he was fine a lot of times in his life, but he really believed it this time. He was fine, and if he wasn't, he would be.

"Uh, earth to Evan? Can I get to the door please?" That was enough to bring Evan back, his blank stare landing on his boyfriend, stood right in front of him. He blinked slow, processing what was happening.

"Yeah?" He asked. His voice had cracked a bit at the end, and he brushed it off. Worse things could've happened. It was fine.

"Are you okay? You look a little dazed." Jonathan said, delicately placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, which was slightly tense. "Did something happen that I should know about? Do I need to stay with you? I can cancel my plans-"

"No! Don't do that!" There was no worse feeling to Evan than being the reason Jonathan had to cancel whatever plans he had. Even if he was having the worst day ever, he'd much rather Jonathan went out and had fun than stay in and comfort him. Evan pulled himself off the door, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm fine, really. I just, had a run-in with Craig on the way home and I kind of went off on him, but I'm over it, I swear. Go have fun." He moved from the door, silently urging the other boy to go.

Jonathan looked into his eyes.

As he stared, Evan briefly thought back to when he had first fallen in love with those eyes.

"Alright class, today we're gonna try to do something a little bit different. We're doing a little science experiment." The teacher paused as her class of third graders erupted into cheers. "But, I'm gonna pick your partners today." She paused again for the inevitable groan. "But it's gonna be fun! I promise."

As she went on to explain what they were going to be doing, Evan couldn't help but to zone out. It was just what his brain naturally did, he couldn't help it. His brain also naturally turned his head towards his best friend, Tyler Wilde, who was already grinning at him from across the class.

There was not a single doubt in his head that his best friend was convinced that the teacher had paired them up together (and maybe Evan did too, but that's beside the point) even though it was highly unlikely since they were a pair that was likely to cause trouble.

Still, kids can dream.

However, once Evan was sat next to Jonathan Dennis- the partner his teacher had actually chosen for him- his disappointment that it wasn't Tyler completely slipped his mind as he watched Jonathan work. He was mesmerized, to say the least. He didn't know it at the time, but Evan had just discovered a crush on one of his classmates. His third grade brain chalked it up to admiration- thinking the boy was cool and cursing himself for not talking to him sooner (or ever again, for that matter)- but, that clearly wasn't the case.

Because after that, Evan couldn't stop himself from stealing glances over at the boy. Even when he was deep in conversation with Tyler, Evan couldn't help but look at Jonathan when he walked by, playing some made up game with his other friend; Luke.

"Evan, pay attention to me. You're always so distracted." Tyler complained one particular afternoon after Evan had been staring away from him for too long.

Had that been when Tyler started having a weird obsession with him?

The memory of Tyler at that age was enough to bring Evan back out of his daze, startled by the fact that he was now on the couch, and alone. By some miracle, Jonathan must have decided Evan was safe enough to be at home and left, but now the anxious boy was questioning his insistence.

His flash back was supposed to be about Jonathan, his boyfriend, the boy he had been in love with for a majority of his life and the reason he wanted to end his life. (Although it wasn't directly his fault, he was just a factor in a series of unfortunate events.)

It wasn't supposed to be about Tyler, the boy he had trusted everything with, the boy who had been his best friend for pretty much the entirety of his life, the boy he thought was there for him, the boy who drugged him at a party, the boy who took advantage of his heartbreak and used it as an excuse to take advantage of him.

The boy who made Evan want to fucking die.

That flashback wasn't for that boy.

It was for the boy who made him want to live. So why the fuck was he sat on the couch, anxious and scared and on the verge of tears because he thought back to when he first fell in love.

His breath hitches as brings his knees to his chest, breathing deeply as he found himself stuck in a viscous cycle of bad memories. Tears streamed down his face at some point, probably when he fell onto his side so he was positioned in the fetal position, but he couldn't remember.

All he knew was that he was sad, immensely sad. And alone. Completely alone.

Just like high school.

——

College Sluts

Scott: sup bitches lmao

Craig: can we please change the name

Smitty: uhhh why

Scott: why what

Smitty: why the chat and why should we change the name

Evan: please change the name

John: i agree we should change the name

Scott: ugh fine

When We Failing?

Evan: thx

John: i agree

Smitty: so why the chat

Scott: bc ive decided we're all gonna be best friends and shit

Craig: i don't think i'm best friend material

John: wdym you're great??? we've been best friends for like two years???

Scott: we all know me and smit make the bestest of friends

Craig: ik john but i was reminded of some stuff earlier and i realized i'm not as good of a friend as i thought

John: im curious but i won't pry

Smitty: evan?

Evan: guys i'm sorry but rn isn't a good time for me to talk i'll text later i'm sorry i'm really sorry

John: you don't need to apologize ev it's really fine

Scott: what are you getting laid or something?

Craig: scott leave him alone

Smitty: dude

John: scott stop

Scott: i was just making a joke geez what's with everyone on my back

Craig: it's not fucking funny

Smitty: dude you always manage to make Evan uncomfortable somehow

Scott: he's not uncomfortable he's just shy

John: idk i haven't seen you guys talk that much but i agree some of your comments do make him a bit hesitant

Evan: it's okay, i'm fine, really. i just can't talk tonight. i'll text tomorrow

———

Craig
Evan, be honest, are you okay?

Evan
leave me the fuck alone right now, Craig

Craig
evan i want to help

Evan
help me in high school then, craig

oh wait, you didn't

so fuck off

Craig
Ev i know you don't mean that :( i was a horrible friend and i'm sorry for that so please just let me help you

i can call and i won't ask any questions

Evan
no

Craig
evan come on

Evan
no means no craig

Craig
evan

Evan
all you're doing is making this worse so do me a favor and go fuck yourself