I saw less and less of Kageyama in the end of our third year. He was heavily engrossed in volleyball. It was an unhealthy obsession of the sorts. All the kid wanted to do was to play volleyball.

Even when we hung out, he just sat there with his angsty, pensive face. "Don't do that." I would say, poking a finger in the middle where he would knit his brows.

I had several boyfriends throughout that year. None of them were particularly memorable and I often didn't keep the same one around for long. Kageyama and I never spoke of it, but he and I had a system. He didn't question my constant transferral of boyfriends and I wouldn't pester him about how many hours he spent obsessing over volleyball. It was a deeply flawed system in which we enabled each other's vices, and neither of us talked about how we had slowly lost any other friends we'd had.

Even Chibo-chan, who I had been friends with for as long as I could remember, ditched me to hang out with a new group of friends.

Kageyama and I often spent most nights of the week at each other's houses (when I wasn't hanging out with a boy or when he wasn't tossing a ball into the air). We both were studying to enter Shiratorizawa. He was going for volleyball, and I... Well, I didn't really think about it, I just chose the most prestigious school in our area and went for it. If I worked hard enough, maybe I could even get a scholarship.

I often thought to myself about whether or not it was worth it for Kageyama. Was it worth all this wasted free time to study for an exam that he had little to no chance in passing? Was playing on a certain volleyball team worth all of these all-nighters? Maybe I only thought this because I felt that perhaps it was a fruitless endeavor. Maybe I thought I was just wasting my time helping him. I had probably given up on him somewhere along the way. That was one of my worst mistakes as a friend.

"It's really a shame." I sighed, looking over some of our practice answers.

He didn't ask but looked in my general direction as if to tell me to go on.

"You are really smart," I crossed out and corrected one of his answers, "but only on the court." Looking back, that was a real douchebag thing to say.

I got out of my desk chair and flopped onto the bed next to him, kicking his legs over to make more room. "It won't be easy," I said gravely. High school entrance exams were nothing to sneeze at. "But I think by the time I am finished, I will make a Shiratorizawa man out of you yet."

He looked at me seriously and unwaveringly grunted in agreement. He trusted me completely and undeniably to help him pass his entrance exam. My heart filled with warm, motherly love. I suppressed a squeal and ruffled his hair. I expected no other outcome than for the two of us to both pass entrance exams with flying colors and continue our relationship the way it was.

And then the day came where we both got our letters from Shiratorizawa. I rushed to him during lunch, in the gym where he practiced and handed it to him. He handed his envelope to me. He opened my letter, his face was unfaltering and passive. I scanned through his letter before I could panic about my own fate.

My stomach dropped. My mouth tasted like sand. I reread the same line over and over again. "Are those happy tears?" He asked the poor kid had no clue. He was so nervous. He was so dumb. All he wanted to do was play volleyball.

I tackled him and sobbed into his sweaty sports jersey. At that moment it didn't matter whether or not I had gotten into Shiratorizawa. The only thing that mattered was Kageyama, and how his dreams were dashed before they were in his grasp.

Kageyama may have failed his entrance exam, but I failed Kageyama.

Kageyama was accepted into his backup school, a fallen powerhouse of years gone by. He seemed to get more burnt out and frustrated as graduation lurched closer and closer. Any remaining patience that he had once had regarding his teammates had completely dissipated. He never once blamed me, but it was my fault. And because of that, he had difficulty with the only thing he loved in the world, volleyball. Not making it into Shiratorizawa had set him back.

It was graduation day, all of our classmates went out to celebrate. Kageyama Tobio was nowhere to be found. It was a chilly, overcast day, my school uniform was too small. Too tight on the chest and hips. Too short along the cuffs and the hemlines. I had a rash of goosebumps on my visible skin as I wandered around campus for what would be the last time. I stopped outside of the gymnasium, where I had met him years before.

I paused and closed my eyes. If I focused hard enough, I was there. It was still June. I was twelve years old and in the calligraphy club. It was humid and hard to breathe, I could hear the sneakers squeaking on shiny wood floorboards. I traveled back and became unstuck in time. My body was lighter and my mind was empty of all of the pessimism and unsatisfaction that I felt as a third-year.

I let out my breath and the moment was gone. The wind was frigid and unbearably so. The gym wasn't open and inviting. It was closed and cold as if it were hunkering down. I shivered when I touched the cool metal handle and turned it. There wasn't a boy panting and sweating, always on his feet, eagerly going for "one more toss".

No.

There was a defeated and lonely boy, curled into a ball, crumpling his certificate in his hands. He looked so much smaller than he did as a first year, despite his physical growth. His lust for power and strength had killed his vitality and sincerity. He was a husk of the child who was just thrilled to be part of something he loved.

I pulled him up to his feet and didn't look him in the eyes. But I dragged him out of there. I tugged his hand until we were off campus. Eventually, we walked hand-in-hand, side-by-side. We got to his apartment complex, and then I looked him in the face and kissed him on the cheek before saying goodbye.

I didn't know what would become of Kageyama once he entered Karasuno in the spring. There was a part of me that didn't want to know whether he would or wouldn't make friends. The only thing I know is that that day, we both changed. Things would never be the same as they were on that one fateful day in June.