hello my babes

so, I'm done with exams (until 25 may *cries*) and I was like hoe gotta update bc this little thing is really close to 1000 *bouncing up and down*

y'all deserve an update for the amazing feedback that my thing got

fact: i wanted to update this sooner but the kane thing with "i'll make a man out of you" brought back my mulan feels and i had to watch it again

along with the sequel

BUT YOU STILL LOVE ME RITE????? RITE

maybe rite will be our always

k watevs let's start the chapter

Chapter eight(or at least I think so) - confessions & cutting sessions

don't look at me like that, babe

you knew that this would've come sooner or later

confessions

First of all, I have a confession.I'm forever staying in the Jeff Hardy tag. All the undiscovered gems are in the Jeff Hardy tag I swear.

Okay, so let's get to business.

So, what's up with the "I met you two minutes ago and now I'm spilling my heart out to you?"

Like let's say that Carolina just met Dean and after introducing themselves and of course Dean looking at dem titties, she went like "My childhood was pretty rough. I had an alcoholic father that raped me and abused me and brought his friends home to fuck me."

hoe

what the frick frack

like who the fuck asked you

do i smell an attention whore

Like do you want Dean's attention that bad Car? Listen to me, my child. There are other ways to grab his attention that take lots of skills, young grasshopper.But I can teach you how to do it. It takes lot of time, but you will be able to catch his eye. You must:

be swift as the coursing river

with all the force of a great typhoon

with all the strength of a raging fire

MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (if you sang that be mein)

And now let me tell you about the thing that led me to this topic. A fanfic of course. A Jeff Hardy fanfic of course. But you already knew that, of course.

So, basically, there was this girl that was being chased through the forests by some gangsters.

now you regret skipping gym class dontcha helen

And she got really deep (that's what he said) into the forest and (surprisingly!!!!!!) found a house

because you can find a house even in the deepest hole of any forest, duh

Whatever, back to the story. But dem gangsters kept following her and (surpreyis surpreyis) Jeff went outside with all that facepaint and shit because apparently that was the place he lived in.

And Jeff with dem painting skillz scared the thug out of them and they ran away. Totally normes, rite, ik!!! But of course he didn't scare the MC.

like what the fuck is scary about a painted ho in the hidden hole of hell rite???

K and they went inside (and he didn't force her what a shock!!!) and talked a little, then Jeff went like:

"When I was a baby my mother was taken away from me by da hood.My father wasn't there and my mom was holding me in her arms then suddenly POOF da hood arrived and the leader smirked darkly and laughed and then grabbed my mom and fooked her" 

LIKE HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT HOE

LIKE HOW THE FUCK YOU KNOW THAT HE SMIRKED DARKLY

LIKE HOW THE FUCK YOU KNOW ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED JEFF YA WERE A LITTLE BIGGER THAN A DICK WTF

do you have some photographic metatrataxed 52.0 mind? or are you 37 or something???

or ya playin

wait what do you mean he's actually 37

what

what do you mean he didn't stop growing up after 2002

what do you mean he's not blonde anymore

what do you mean the year is not 2002

i need a moment

K Blah blah blah things torture dark past some rape & porn and suddenly she's like: "But Jeff why do you paint your face"

not

why the fuck did you enjoy watching people cutting each other's dicks when you were 8 years old????

or why the fuck didn't you suck mine yet???

JEFF WHY DO YOU PAINT YA FACE

and he just calmly answers, before chuckling: ah it's not painted that's the way I was born

and she's like: oh alright thx god thought you were a paint-faced creep living in the middle of the woods; now i find out ya are just a creep living in the middle of the woods - gee thanks now i'm like -10431409183409850185094185% freaked out praise the lord i'm in the house of a creepy creature with monstrous face but at least he's not painting his face WHO'S READY FOR A CUDDLING SESSION

hoe

hoe

*that guy from hips don't lie voice* no fighting!!!

ok ok I won't comment because it will lead to a never-ending rant and I really don't want to bring out my rudest version and actually offend someone

not yet

but babe...you know that there is this thing called

no come closer

closer

CLOSER

*whispers* third person point of view - like you can explain what happened without the MC's to actually be here and be aware of what happens?

or those pretty things called flashbacks

Oh, whatever. Let's move to the next topic.

cutting

Ya know, surprisingly, I have nothing against the self-harm/depression/other synonyms. Just I don't recommend writing about them unless you experienced those sensations. Like you know, just saying, if it's like "I got sad and slid the blade across my wrist" - where's the feeling? Like what the hell did Juanita felt when she did that? Pain? Relief? Euphoria? Who knows. 

Or with depression. Let's say your fanfic is one of the "WWE Highschool" ones and there's this girl who suddenly gets bullied like one time and she's like omg cry cry let me cut my wrist bernard and poof i'm depressed

honey it doesn't work like this

If you can't describe those feelings properly because you never experienced them, well, better not do it. Or if you want that kind of fanfic, document. There are lots of stories or rp guides or whatever that could help you write what your MC feels when she's cutting or whatever. Or if you write it just because and you're not comfortable. Just don't do it. Write the things you're comfortable with. /unless it's porn/ Because once you find your center, you are sure to win.

/man mulan really fucked me up didn't it/

And that doesn't apply just to cutting.For example, I was thinking about making a story -yes a proper one- in the future and I really want my MC to have social anxiety, y'know? And obviously, because I'm a sociable careless asshole and I don't know shit about social anxiety, I'm going to document instead of making her look like a scared-of-everything easily-abused-and-bullied bitch. Just like you shouldn't make her cut for every little thing. (but lol what do i know about fanfics anyways?????)

omg my parents yelled at me let me cut

omg my eyeliner is not on point let me cut

omg twerking can't make me relevant wait a sec i have to cut

Oh, I should also mention that this isn't directed to someone especially. Just basic paigeonomics, bruh.

and can you believe that i was actually serious omg???

But you know what really jiggles my balls in those kind of fanfics?

when (of course) she meets Jeff blah blah blah talking and suddenly they're like

"Jeff stop using drugs" Carolina said.

"Okay. Stop cutting." Jeff said.

"Okay." she whispered and pulled him for a kiss.

LIKE HOE IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THIS

LIKE HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF ADDICTION

if i just asked you straight up to not read fanfiction anymore you'd be like "okay"????

nein

1. cause you can't drop an addiction just like that

2. and ya nasty

+ more moments that jiggle my balls

you know that moment when the MC has a really weird name?

like Queen Annette The Third Spit From The Forth Floor

or Jehovalina

regular names like Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez aren't tickling your fancy anymore, m'lady?

seriously get your shit together

or when she stands up to who-the-hell-cares and her best friend (of course) Aj Lee comes to congratulate her bc woah what a thing and the author's like

Carolina wrapped the petite woman in a hug.

hon hon hon baguette man when did we get so bilingual like damn

like uhm... how about short? small?

or better

AJ

mein god i really fucked you up didn't i?

but don't worry young grasshopper, there's still time to learn the basic paigeonomics

emperor out

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Now, a question for you my babes:

What do you want to see in the next chapters? Like, do you want a specific category of fanfiction being discussed/made fun of/whatever the hell i'm doing? Or just some random moments that were(n't) in the book(if we can call it a book) in detail? e.g. obsessions/carolina's opinion on herself/that abusive shit that happens in ffs?

comment and don't forget to bring a fedora to class

k, that's it

emperor out