30

"What?"

His mouth hanged open while looking at me. Kung naiba lang ang sitwasyon namin ay matatawa ako sa reaksyon niya. Mukha siyang tanga na nasabugan ng bomba.

"Noah.. Noah's my son?" nanginginig pa niyang sabi. Tinalikuran ko siya at pumasok sa kotse. He stood there for idle seconds before following me inside. Hinarap kaagad niya ako habang ako naman ay nanatiling kay Noah nakatingin. I already spilled my piece. Hindi ko na uulitin pa iyon.

"Allara!" sigaw na niya. Tiningnan ko siya bago huminga ng malalim.

"Is he my son?" basag ang boses na niyang sabi. Tiningnan ko ang kamay niyang nanginginig na. I smiled bitterly when I saw our wedding band on his ring finger.

'It's a cold hard road when you wake up
And I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go'

"Yes. Kailangan bang ulit ulitin Greg?" sagot ko. He was dumb founded again with what I said. Tinitigan niya si Noah, para bang makakakuha siya ng sagot mula mismo sa bata.

"Pero.."

Pinigilan ko siya. "Sa bahay na tayo mag usap." Sagot ko. Ilang sandali muna niya akong tinitigan bago siya nagmaneho palayo. He kept on looking at me and Noah behind before shaking his head. Agad kaming nakarating sa bahay ko at nagmamadali niya akong pinabuksan ng pintuan. Bumaba na ako at tuloy tuloy na pumasok sa bahay.

"How can he be my son?" tanong niya kahit nasa labas pa lamang siya. Ibinaba ko si Noah sa crib. If we were having this conversation, then I should put Noah down first. Baka mabitawan ko siya dahil nakakairita ang tatay niya.

"Hindi ba't sinabi na ni Clyde? Artificial Insemination ang tawag roon. We took your sperm to match it with my egg." Sagot ko. He stared at me as if I was a ghost who just came back to life.

"Pero ang sabi mo..."

Nag iwas ako ng tingin. I sat on the sofa before burying my head on my hands. "Hindi ko naman binalak na ikaw ang magiging donor ko. Si Sylvia ang naghanap ng sperm donor para sa akin. When she found out that we had a relationship back in highschool, naisip niyang gawing paraan ang AI para magkabalikan tayo. She talked to your doctor and asked for your sperm sample. Buntis na ako kay Noah noong nalaman kong ikaw ang donor." I simply said. Greg breathe hard before sitting on the floor.

"You sound as if this is nothing to you Lana." Aniya. I smiled before shrugging.

"Because it is."

His head snapped. "What?"

"It's nothing. This is nothing. Ano naman ngayon kung sayo nanggaling ang sperm hindi ba? If you don't want to be Noah's father, then so be it. You're just the sperm donor. You don't have to take responsibility for a child you didn't even plan." Tuloy tuloy kong sabi. Ngumiwi siya sa narinig. It was as if he was plainly slapped by my words.

'Maybe it's just me, Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place'

"Stop it!" pagmamakaawa niya. Napatayo ako ng wala sa oras dahil sa impit na sigaw na iyon. Greg kept silent for a few minutes before looking at me.

Hinawakan niya ang dibdib niya at marahan iyong tinapik tapik. Nalukot ang mukha niya habang nakatingin lang sa akin. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to make you see how sorry I am. But Lana, this is too much. Hindi mo ako pwedeng tanggalan ng karapatan sa anak ko. Noah's my son too." He said. Tears were slipping down his cheeks and I was stunned.

What the hell? Bakit siya umiiyak?

Nag iwas ako ng tingin. Maglalakad na sana ako palayo noong naramdaan ko ang braso niyang pumulupot sa binti ko. He went into a kneeling position, his face buried near my knees. He kept on sobbing while holding me.

"B-bitawan mo ako."

"I'm sorry Lana." Imbes ay sagot niya. I looked at the wall, everywhere except for him. Tumingala ako para pigilan ang luha na gusto ng kumawala mula sa akin.

"Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita Lana. I might have lied over a thousand things about us, but this is the only thing I can guarantee that is real. I love you. I am so inlove with you. Lana, please." He said. Natawa ako ng bahagya at marahas kong pinahid ang mga luha ko.

"Ang kapal ng mukha mo." I said, the anger I have been keeping for so long is starting to resurface. Napatingin si Greg sa akin dahil sa talim ng boses ko. I stared at him, wala na akong pakialam kung makita man niyang umiiyak ako. I will end this, once and for all. After this, I won't cry anymore. This will be the last time. Ito na ang huling pag iyak ko dahil sayo Greg Festines.

"Mahal mo ako? Bullshit Greg." kinagat ko ang labi ko noong nanginig ang boses ko. His hold loosened and I immediately stepped back. Tumayo siya pero bago niya pa ako malapitan ay malakas ko siyang sinampal. Napabaling ang pisngi niya sa kabilang direksyon at agad na nagmarka ang palad ko.

"Damn you. Kung mahal mo ako, bakit may iba? Kung mahal mo ako bakit ka nagloko? Alam mo, kahit ilang beses mong ipaliwanag sa akin na ginawa mo iyon para protektahan ako, hindi ko pa rin maiintindihan! Hindi ko kayang tanggapin Greg! Ang bobo lang ng rason mo. Ayaw mo akong masaktan kaya mo ako niloko? That's just a nothing full of shits." Hindi ko namalayan na hawak ko na pala ang kwelyo niya at sinusuntok ko na ang dibdib niya. Hindi gumalaw si Greg. Sinalo lamang niya lahat ng pananakit ko.

"I'm sorry." He said. Pero hindi ako nakinig. Matagal na akong walang naririnig.

'There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
And I'm here to sing
About the things that mattered
About the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
About the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong'

"Can your sorry fix this? Greg you did not only lie to me. You lied to our marrieage, you lied to our family! Pero hindi yun ang pinakamasakit Greg!" huminto ako at lumayo sa kanya. Dinuro ko ang sarili ko habang nakatingin lamang sa kanya.

"Niloko ko yung sarili ko para sayo. Dahil hindi ko kayang maniwala na magagawa mo sa akin yun. Because you promised me Greg. At pinanghawakan ko ang pangako na yun. Too bad it was broken too. Alam mo bang ilang beses ko kayong nahuli ni Celeste, pero nagbulag bulagan ako. Nanahimik ako Greg. Ginago ko yung sarili ko dahil ayaw kong masira itong pagsasama natin. I believe in our marriage Greg. I believed in it and you threw it all away." Sumbat ko. Greg's face paled and he can't even look at me anymore.

"Nandidiri ako sayo." I said, delivering my final blow. He stepped back from me, his face tears stained, his knees shaking.

"Ano bang kailangan kong gawin? Lana, nasasaktan din ako." aniya. Umiling lamang ako. Tinitigan ko siya ng diretsyo bago tumawa ng walang laman.

"Wala kang karapatang masaktan. Ginusto mo ito, pinili mong sirain tayo para sa ilusyonadong proteksyon na sinasabi mo. Panindigan mo ito. But remember this Greg, I might forgive you, but I will never forget you fucked up our relationship, the relationship you promised you will protect."

'And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
And I was crying alone tonight
And I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
Better than it ever was'

"You ruined this marriage Greg." I said. Tinalikuran ko na siya at kinuha si Noah. All I can hear is his gut wrenching sobs and his fist banging on the wall. Wala na akong pakialam. Naubos na lahat ng pakiramdam ko.

I am numb.

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Song Used:

Maybe - Secondhand Serenade

*pen<310