February 5th
*Laurel's P.O.V*

I walk across my apartment, trying to calm my nerves. My heart beats faster than it ever did before, and I'm holding my pendant as I picture all the possible scenarios for tonight:
1- I don't get to see Luke;
2- I'm able to sneak in but he doesn't want to talk to me;
3- I sneak in and we talk but things just get worse;
4- I sneak in, we talk and we get back to being friends;
5- I sneak in, we talk and we get back to what it was before;

As you can see, the good options are 2/5, which means 60% of chance that it will totally go wrong for me. The odds and statistics are not in my favor.

"Okay, so my ID, money, lipstick..." Megan counts her things, tugging everything inside her purse. "and the ticket. I'm ready"

"Now we just have to wait for Riley" I respond.

"Coming!" She shouts from her room and I hear something collapsing to the floor. "Dang it"

"Watch your language, little one" Jokes Megan.

I roll my eyes, impatiently stomping. Rule number 1: if you want to go out with Riley, tell her to get ready 2 hours before yourself.

Megan offers me skittles but I shake my head, feeling the butterflies on my stomach.

"Baby, relax" She rubs my arm, kissing my cheek. "You are gonna turn out fine, oh, you turn out fine..."

"But you gotta keep your head up, oh, and you can let your hair down, eh" I finish the lyrics and Megan chuckles.

"That's my girl. Now, remember: it's just Luke, the same person you met two years ago"

"I don't think he's the same; I'm not."

"You know what I mean. It's no use being nervous, all right? Just chill out, take a deep breath and everything will work."

"Okay, I'm ready" Riley finally gets to the living room. For the first time ever I see her without her glasses. She's a very beautiful human being.

"I bought my contacts yesterday" She explains when I compliment her. "It's so weird, my vision is somehow clearer"

"I know right?" Even though I should, I barely take off my contacts, not even to sleep; my ophthalmologist is always disappointed at me.

"Let's go, then?" Megan sighs, relieved. "It's about time."

My stomach contracts. That's it.

"Let's just do it, for Christ's sake, or I might end up passing out in here" I say, heading to the front door.

Inside the cab I can feel myself cold sweating, my mind again playing all the possibilities like a movie. So I start practicing what I'm gonna tell Luke in case we actually get to meet each other, and in less than 20 minutes we are in front of Bill Graham Civic Auditorium.

As I already expected, there are hundreds of people already, some in tents, wearing sweaters with Calum's face on them. We hop out and I panic, feeling all my body shaking.

"Oh God, I don't know where the backdoor is" I rush, nervously rubbing the back of my neck. "How am I supposed to find Jeff? Oh God, oh God, oh God"

"Laurel, what are you even talking about?" Riley frowns.

"Last concert I knew where the backdoor was because Luke told me, but it was in Charlotte. Now we are in San Fran and I don't even have his number anymore so what am I gonna do?!"

"Call the other boys, don't you have theirs?" Megan suggests. I take a deep breath and unlock my phone, searching for Ashton's number.

The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please check the number and dial again.

"Crap." I try Calum's, and then Michael's.

Same message. I whine, shaking my head.

"They must have changed their numbers as well when Luke lost his phone. Now there's no way I can reach them."

"So we're just gonna have to find the door, come on" Riley pulls me by the hand, and we casually walk around the place.

Turning the right corner I spot small trucks, just like last time. I stride through them, tilting my head from side to side looking for a door, but find nothing. I groan, disappointed.

"We are gonna find it, Laurel"

"No" I retort. "Let's just go inside. I want to have at least one more chance to see him perform."

We slowly walk back to the line, waiting for the gates to open. When they do, my chest is hurting and my hands are sweating. I hold my necklace again, pressing my lips.

"Honey, try to relax" Riley hugs me. "You are going to be okay. No matter what happens today, it was for the best, yeah?"

I sigh and nod, smiling at her. I may be suffocating on the inside but my friends don't need to know that.

We get to our seats - not even a little close to the stage, by the way - and wait for the concert to begin. Oddly I'm calmer now than I was before, maybe because Jennifer Lopez is playing on the stereos.

"Are they better live?" asks Riley to Megan.

"Just as good as what you hear in your phone" She replies. "I mean, if you do listen to them"

"Of course I do"

"To be honest I know nothing from this new album" I get in the middle. "Luke showed me only a few scribbles, not the complete songs"

"Didn't you look for them later?"

My eyes roll.

"Meg, I had just broken up with him and I couldn't stand even remembering his name. How could I possibly get to listen to his voice?"

"Alright, my bad, grumpy cat" She raises her hands.

"Sorry" I mutter. "Can't this start already? I'm impatient"

"Really? Haven't even noticed" Riley giggles. "But we just got here, it's gonna take some time"

I puff, supporting my chin on my hand.

                                 •••

A terribly loud noise snaps me out of my daze and I look at the stage, scared. Lots of screaming is going on and when I look at the big screen they are about to initiate the countdown.

That's when I have a heart attack.

I squint, unable to remain in the same position for more than two seconds. Riley and Megan shout the numbers along the rest of the crowd, while I'm here, speechless.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1"

So many screams, although to me they are all muffled, even the sound of the guitar and the drums. Hypnotized, my eyes focus on a tall blonde figure moving fast up the stage, walking towards a microphone in the middle of it. I know that he's singing something but I'm not capable of saying the words.

After all this time, I'm finally seeing him in front of me again. Um, not exactly in front of me, but in the same place.

By the end of the song my two friends are screaming like crazy and I'm still quiet. It's like my entire body got into panic mode, in which I can't even move a muscle.

Calum says something to the crowd and they all yell. I swear to God I don't even understand it; all I can focus on is Luke, holding his guitar, in his typical skinny jeans, black shirt and boots, gazing into the crowd. The big screen shows Ashton and he waves at the us, showing off his cute childish grin. Michael and his dyed hair appear right after, and then Luke.

Oh, Luke.

He looks different, I don't know... His hair is longer and he shaved. He smiles and then looks down, joining his feet in that cute way he always does, and my heart melts completely.

The numbness goes away and I finally concentrate. They play two, three, twelve songs; I even remember some by what Luke had showed me before and others are from previous albums.

Time for the cover.

Michael is speaking. He says something about this song being very meaningful to him.

I recognize the intro from Wake Me Up When September Ends. God, I freaking love this song, and Green Day.

I catch myself at one inch from bursting into tears, but I hang in there, humming as they sing. I feel Megan wrapping her arm around mine, kissing the top of my head. I smile fondly at her.

Once it's over, the whole crowd screams louder than before, and when I thought they were gonna leave Luke walks towards Calum and whispers something to him, to what he nods. Then he looks at Michael and he chuckles. Ashton does a thumbs up. So he sighs and gets back to his microphone.

"Before we end tonight, there's this song we don't play in ages and I've got a feeling we should sing it now. I hope you guys can help us at this."

Oh no. Oh my God, no.

"For a while we pretended that we never had to end it, but we knew we'd have to say goodbye..." He sings and I cover my mouth with my hand.

"Megan, this song..." I stutter, shaking. "Remember when we met them? I said..."

"Yeah, babe" She hugs me tight. "I don't think it's a coincidence they decided to sing it here, in San Francisco. That's for you, Laurel"

I can't fight my tears any longer, feeling them streaming down my face. At this point I could care less about my makeup.

"Torn in two and I know I shouldn't tell you but I just can't stop thinking of you wherever you are, you, wherever you are" I try singing with them, even sobbing the way I am now. "Every night I almost call you just to say it always will be you, wherever you are"

Luke turns to the camera and when I look at the big screen it's like he's staring directly at me. I'm absolutely wrecked, my heart turned into a puddle of love and admiration. I love him so much.

"You can say we'll be together someday, nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. So why can't I stop feeling this way?"

As Calum sings his part Luke rubs his eyes, and from the distance it looks like he's crying.

"Guys, I need to go" I tell my friends, stumbling on their feet. "I need to find a way into their dressing room, I need to speak with Luke."

"Now?" Megan questions like I'm insane. "It's almost done, can't you just wait?"

"No"

I leave them behind and get out of the auditorium. I can hear the band from outside, and a lot of screaming. Bewildered, I run across the entire building until I finally get to a small door, very well hidden. There's a big guy blocking the entrance, and when I get there completely out of breath and look up to him, he's still a wardrobe, but not Jeff the Wardrobe.

"What do you want?" He asks me, his arms crossed.

"To get in. I need to talk to Luke" I respond, in between breaths. "Where's Jeff?"

"You need to leave, mam, now" He commands and I glare at him.

"No. I need to talk to him, I know him!"

"Sure you do" He mocks, holding my arms. "If you don't leave now I'll be forced to take you out of here."

"What are you doing?! Let go of me!" I writhe, but the man is holding me so tight I'm afraid it will leave marks. "You don't understand, I mean it, I know the boys! My name is Laurel, ask whomever you want!"

"Nobody is allowed to get inside, now go away before I call the cops!" He spits, throwing my weak body against the wall. I would be hurt badly if I didn't protect myself with my hands.

The man goes back to the door and before I reach him again he slams it. I punch it hundreds of times begging for someone to open up, but no one listens to me.

Crushed, I drag myself to a corner next to the door, collapsing to the cold grey floor. I bring my knees to my chest, supporting my forehead in them. And I cry. I cry more that I have all those months, because there's nothing else I can do.

My only chance has just slipped through my fingers.

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