As much as I tried to ignore the fact that Nick was in the same restaurant as I was, I couldn’t.  The fact that he had brought Margaret here made me so angry.  We had never come to a fancy place like this while we dated because he could “never afford it”, yet after only months of having broken off the wedding, he had brought another woman here. 

As we got back to the table, I noticed nobody else had really noticed my absence.  It became obvious to me that only John had kept tabs on me while I was away and he had gone looking for me.  I couldn’t help but feel grateful to him for having done that.  Standing in front of Nick and his new girl had brought out all my insecurities, all the emotional baggage I thought I had stowed away.  It was a miracle I had not broken down…

John tried to take my mind off of it by pushing drinks my way.  Apparently, that was his way of trying to get me to cope with what had just happened, but I knew myself better.  I did accept a few drinks, but I cut myself off intentionally.  Getting drunk while upset didn’t exactly serve as a pick me up, instead it let me get in touch with my feelings and I ended up being a sorrowful mess.  However, a few drinks did help me to relax and lose a little inhibition.  As I talked and joked with the guys, I started to feel better, but in the back of my mind, I kept reliving that episode with Nick and Margaret.  Whenever John saw me become too pensive, he quickly directed the conversation to me and I’d have everyone teasing and joking with me.  I can’t say I had the best night of my life that night, but John did have a way to help me handle the situation at hand gracefully.

When we finally left the restaurant, I tried to look around to see if Nick was still there…discretely of course, but John was apparently keeping a close eye on me because as we walked out he leaned into my ear and whispered:

“He already left, luv.”

“What do you mean?” I asked trying to sound like I had no idea what he was talking about.

He looked at me knowingly, but didn’t say another word about it. “C’mon now…” he said as he moved me in front of him and slightly let his hand brush the small of my back.

Back in the hotel, John pulled me aside to see if I would be okay.

“You alright Emma?”

“Yes…I’m fine.”

“I’ve heard that before.” John retorted.

“No, really…I just need to get some rest.  Everything is okay…it was just the initial shock of seeing him…that’s all.” I lied.

I could tell John didn’t believe me, but he wasn’t pushing the issue.

“Alright…but if you need anything, you know where to find me.” He said as he walked me to my room.

“Sure…but I’m just going to go straight to bed…” I continued as we reached the door.

“You do that…I’ll see you tomorrow then.  Have a good night.” He said as he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

“You too.” I stammered.   

As I got into bed that night, I couldn’t help but think.  Think about everything.  I had thought I was over Nick but seeing him today with another woman…well that just brought back all the emotions I had tried to convince myself were gone.  I suppose it is hard to just throw out the feelings one has for another person even if they did hurt you.  I couldn’t lie to myself-I still had feeling for Nick-what those feelings were I wasn’t sure.  Part of me was so angry at him; the other part was hurt and sad.  Part of me wanted to beat him for causing me so much pain and another part wanted to ask WHY?  What had I done wrong?  What was I lacking to keep him wanting me?

I thought about John.  I also knew I had feelings for him, but who was I kidding…John was out of my league…a dream that would never come true…a simple fairy tale I had created for myself in order to deal with the reality that was my life.  But life wasn’t a fairy tale…a fairy tale is something you tell kids to keep them dreaming, to keep their innocence, to allow them to have a childhood of dreams and fantasy. But you can’t keep them in a bubble forever.  They grow up and face the world…a world that has deception, that has complications and they start to realize that Prince Charming isn’t all that charming after all. Now I wasn’t thinking John was my Prince Charming, but John had a way of making me feel like the Princess of all those stories my mom told me when I was young…

The next couple of days didn’t leave me time to think.  The Beatles' last show on the tour was at Candlestick Park in San Francisco. Although nobody would admit it, I had a feeling that would be their last performance for a while.  The sense of relief I saw on their faces after they got off stage was something I hadn’t seen up until now. 

Back in England, things were a bit mellow.  I didn’t see any of the boys for the first few days we were back.  I suppose they needed their much deserved rest as well as time with their families.  Despite Brian telling me to take off a few days to unwind from the tour, I went back into the office a day early.  I saw Sandra sitting at a disheveled desk; when I tried to help her out she smiled and asked me not to move anything.

“Despite how it may look, I know where everything is.”

“Oh.”

“You know…I think I may work better from here than traveling with Mr. Epstein.  How did everything go?”

“It went as good as it could have.  Taking into consideration all the controversy surrounding the tour, I guess it didn’t go as bad as we were expecting... except for a few minor drawbacks.”

“Yes…I heard about the mob incident.  Are you doing okay?”

“Yes…much better.  Thanks for asking.”  I smiled.

“So is Mr. Epstein in the office?”

“Yes.  He is with John.  They’ve been in there for nearly half an hour now.”

I helped Sandra file some papers as I waited for John to come out.  I wasn’t all that convinced when Sandra had told me she knew where everything was, but it was true…she could direct you to find the paperwork needed in seconds.  I was impressed. 

About 20 minutes after I arrived, the door to Brian’s office opened and I saw John walking out.  He was surprised to see me, but his expression soon changed to a smile.

“Well there you go…why don’t you just ask her yourself then, Eppy?” John directed his question to Brian.

Brian shot him a look and then greeted me.

“I’m just saying…you’re so against the idea without even talking with the one person it’s going to directly affect…and she’s standing right here. “ John continued.

Brian sighed in defeat and called me into his office while John kept Sandra some company.

“Have a seat Emma.” Brian said motioning to the chair.

“What’s John talking about?” I asked curiously.

“I’m not sure if you know, but Richard Lester asked John to be part of the cast of the new movie he is directing, How I won the War.”

“No…I didn’t.” I confessed.

“Well, the majority of the filming is going to take place in Spain and the first day of filming starts on the 19th of this month.  John is set to leave in a couple of days to get situated down there and he has asked that you go along.”

“Excuse me?” I asked as I adjusted in my chair.

“He says that since the other boys are not going to be doing any projects, the workload here can be handled by Sandra…but with him participating in this film, he wanted someone of confidence to…well he wants you to take the role of his assistant.”

“Oh.” Was the only thing I said.

“I told him that you are currently in school…that you and I had already agreed that your work for me would not interfere with your classes…that you had helped us out plenty by going on this American Tour when that wasn’t part of our contract…”

The thought of spending some time with John without the others was a bit… dangerous.  I was torn as to whether it was a good idea, but the way I felt when I was with John was anything but dangerous…I felt calm, secure…and so despite my better judgment,  I convinced myself it would be fine.

“You don’t have to thank me for going on the tour…it was an amazing experience.  As for school…well…” I started trying to think of a valid reason as to why I could still go with John while being in school. “…uhh…I am just doing research for my thesis so that doesn’t really depend on me being in classes…I can work on that anywhere.  If John would like me to go help out while he is on location, I don’t have a problem.” I answered.

I could have thought of plenty of others who were more apt to “assist” John.  How about Mal or Neil for starters?  The truth was, and we all knew it, including Brian, that John wanted me there with him…

By the end of my meeting with Brian, We had agreed that I would be meeting up with John in Spain.  Brian needed me to handle some things for him before I left and I needed to update Sandra on some pending things before leaving.  I assured Brian I didn’t think Sandra would have any problems while I was gone and he agreed.

John was still chatting up a very smiling Sandra when we walked out.

“Okay...it’s done.” Brian said.

John’s eyes lit up when he realized what that meant.

“But she’s going to be meeting up with you in a week and a half or so…I need her to finish up some things here first.”

“Thanks Eppy.” John winked.

“Sandra, it was a pleasure seeing you again…Emma…I’ll be seeing you soon, luv.” John said as he left the office.

********

The next week was very hectic.  I didn’t think I had so much to show Sandra until we actually sat down and discussed our pending items.  I had decided not to tell my parents about the Spain trip since I knew it wouldn’t look good for me to be going there alone with John and even though I had talked to Emma about going to Spain for work, she didn’t know the full details.  When I finally had a chance to breathe, I called up my sister and was able to catch her up on what was going on.

“I am so jealous you’ll be in Spain again!  I bet the Beatles are excited to be going.” Emma commented.

“Well…the only one who is participating in the film is John.  George is going to India and Ringo and Paul are staying here in London.”

“So…you’ll be the only one going?”

“I’m sure there will be others goi—“

“Mirel…you know I’ve never been one to pry into your life, but are you sure this is a good idea?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.  After what happened with Nick and Margaret in Los Angeles…well I just think you might be feeling a bit vulnerable.  I just don’t want you to do anything… stupid.”

“Stupid?”

“Mirel…John is married.”

“I know that!” I snapped at her.

Emma didn’t say a word.

“I’m sorry…” I apologized.  “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.  I know he’s married, but nothing is going to happen…he and I are just friends.  You’re right.  Seeing Nick with Margaret was devastating, but that is why I need to distract myself…get my mind back on track…”

“And you’re sure you can do that with John?”

“Emma…I feel good when I’m around him…with everything that has happened, I need to surround myself with people that make me feel good…and John does that.”

Emma sighed.  “Okay…just be careful.  I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“More than I already have?”

“More than you already have.” she repeated.

“Okay.  I’ll try to call you when I have a chance.”

“You better.  You’re the only distraction I have from all this work I have to do.  Who would have thought that while I’m working my butt off here, you are enjoying all the perks of my job!” she laughed.

“Well you’re the one who wanted to be a doctor…nobody forced you.” I laughed.

*******

I flew into Madrid on the 22nd of September.  John wasn’t able to meet me there since he had already started filming.  He had told me there would be an older man by the name of Jerry waiting for me and from there he would accompany me to Carboneras, the location where he was filming.  Jerry was a nice man.  He was originally from England, but had been living in Spain for the last 7 years and told me about the country and Spanish culture.   When we arrived to Carboneras, Jerry took me to a small seafront apartment John had rented when he arrived just days earlier.  Jerry wasn’t sure when filming would be done for the day, but told me to make myself at home.  Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be able to stay with me since he needed to be somewhere that afternoon. 

I looked around and saw that the apartment was small but rather cute...except for the fact that is was a complete mess.  There were dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor and papers all over the bedroom.  I set my suitcase in the corner of the living room and figured I would get started on assiting John by cleaning the place up a bit.  I finished with the kitchen and then moved onto the living room.  I  picked up the clothes lying on the floor and furniture and piled them in a heap by the bedroom door before moving into the bedroom.  I picked up some papers lying on the bed and couldn't help but take a peek at the words written on the top of one of the pages. 

"Strawberry Field." I read. 

I read some of the lines written below the title and realized it was probably a song John was working on.  I took the pages and set them on the nightstand before making the bed.. 

An hour or so later, I was done with the housecleaning and John was still nowhere to be seen.  I went out to the balcony to take a look at the view and was immediately taken in by the beauty of the ocean.  I decided I wanted to walk down to the water while I waited for John to get back.  The weather was gorgeous and after being in dreary London weather for the last few weeks, the sunshine and beach was very inviting.

I had brought some summer clothes and quickly changed into a sundress before making my way down.  I made sure to stay directly in front of the apartment so I wouldn't get lost.  The other beachfront apartments were identical and I didn't want to get confused. I walked to the edge of the water and let my feet get wet.  The waves were light and the sound of them was so relaxing.  I sat a little ways up the beach to avoid the water from getting to me, but as I stared out into the ocean, thoughts of California filled my mind. 

California meant remembering Nick and Nick meant remembering that I had seen him with another woman back home. I tried not to think about it, but it was inevitable.  Since I had been back in England, I hadn't had a minute to myself...getting back to work, preparing for this trip to Spain.  This was the first time since that I had any time to myself and as unfortunate as it was, Nick was the first thing that had come to my mind.  

I couldn't believe it...why had things happened the way they did. The months following the breakup with Nick, I had been so upset, cried myself to sleep every night, been depressed...but recently, I had left all of that behind...and that was mostly due to the help of John and the other Beatles, but seeing Nick again had rekindled all those emotions...and I wasn't sure what to do with them.  It had hurt so much to see Nick with another woman...and there...in that place...with THAT woman...with his coworker.  Could it be that Nick wasn't that exceptional man I had thought he was?  Could it be that Nick had been seeing Margaret all this time and I didn't know it? 

I sighed.  I hated having time to think...thinking meant having to confront my reality and I wasn't ready to do that...not just yet.  I wanted to enjoy being in Spain...I needed to enjoy this opportunity that had been handed to me...maybe this was God's way of helping me through this...I just needed to let Him.  I needed to allow myself to enjoy where I was in my life and not question the whys.  But it was easier said than done, as we all know.

I sat on the beach just trying to let my mind unwind and not think about anything...and after a while, I succeeded.  I looked at the waves crashing...saw some families walking along the beach which brought a smile to my face.  I closed my eyes and laid back for a little bit to take in the sun. 

A few minutes later I heard footsteps approaching and I sat up.  I looked back and saw John walking towards me.  He was dressed in military gear and his hair had been cut!

I quickly got up and met him half way. 

"John!" I said as I reached him and gave him a hug.

"I'm so glad you're finally here." He smiled as he returned my hug. 

I looked at him and laughed. "Your hair! You cut your hair!" I said as I reached up to play with it. 

"Do you like it?" 

"It's so different, but it looks great...and these glasses...since when do you let anyone see you in glasses?" I asked pointing out the round rimmed glasses he had on. 

"I kind of like these." he smiled. 

John looked like he had just gotten off set. He was looking a bit rough, dirt on his face and hands and he looked a little sunburned. 

"I looked for you in the apartment, but didn't find you. Then I saw you out here." John said.

"Yes...the weather is great...and the beach is lovely." I replied. 

"This beach is called El Zapillo...and the apartment El Delfin Verde." 

"Your apartment is the green dolphin?" I asked. 

"You speak spanish?" John inquired. 

"Some..." I responded. I had taken Spanish in school and had really excelled in it, but I hadn't practiced it in a long time...

"You never seem to surprise me, luv." 

"Nor do you." I smiled. "So tell me about the movie? How is it going?" 

"I'l tell you inside. I've been out in this heat all day...." John continued as he started walking to the apartment and I followed him. 

"Thanks for cleaning up." John said once in the house as he made his way to the kitchen. 

"No problem...that's what I'm here for..to assist you." 

John turned to look at me. "No...you're here to keep me company, luv." 

I rolled my eyes. 

"It's true." John said as he walked back into the living room with two beers in hand. He handed me one as he slouched in the armchair. 

"C'mon...have a seat, luv."

I sat on the couch and watched John take a few sips of his beer without saying a word. 

"What am I doing here John?" I asked finally breaking the silence. 

"I already told you....keeping me company." he smiled. 

"That's all I'm here to do?"

"Petty much." he winked. I looked at him and he straightened up. 

"Emma...I don't know about you...but when I'm with you, I feel...safe....it's like I've known you for years...I feel comfortable with you...I'm here in Spain...and George is in India...Paul and Ringo in London...it's the first time in a long time that we don't have a tour booked or have any performances lined up...it's strange...different...scary. I just didn't want to be lonely...." John confessed. 

I looked at him and realized that I wasn't the only vulnerable one of the two. John was reaching out to me. He didn't expect anything from me...he only wanted a friend...a confidant. And I was in need of the same thing. 

I smiled as I leaned over to him and reached out my beer to clink it against his. 

"To us." I said.

"Cheers." John said as he took another sip of his beer.