13. chapter thirteen
—perfectly flawed

OUR PHONE CALLS ARE consistent. When we aren't on the phone, talking and laughing about our old memories, we send each other pictures of what we're doing. I'm assuming that since it's summer it's easier to talk to him like this because during the school year I'm busier than I am now. I'm practically free all the time, but when I'm not free, I send a quick picture. He responds with a quick message afterwards.

I might not see him, but I get to talk to him, which is more than I could ever ask for. The huge weight on my shoulders wasn't there anymore to weigh down my happiness. He was doing okay, and so was I.

The people that reside inside the summer house have noticed my constant smiles as I reach for my phone. They have started asking me questions. Mostly Susannah and Belly, but I haven't really answered their questions. I have mostly brushed them off, which didn't help stop their theories. I didn't want to disappoint them. They have concluded that the reason my smiles and happiness were different now than before was because of a boy or girl. Belly teased me about my secret lover. What they didn't know, my amazing relationship with my dad had turned bad. They had no idea that I had been struggling because of it. To be completely honest, I didn't want them to feel guilty about not knowing and I knew they would, especially Josh, so I played along with Belly's and Susannah's crazy fantasies.

"Who are you texting now?" Belly teased, her mouth full of cereal. "Is it Leo?"

"Leo?" Susannah pitched in. "Did she finally give you a name? Do I know this Leo?"

"I'm literally right here." I gave both of them a warning glance, but it was playful.

"Well, maybe if you answered her questions, she wouldn't be so invested in your love affair." Jeremiah said, before chugging down Belly's milk. I wanted to vomit just watching him drink all that milk.

"It's not a love affair," I said, feeling my cheeks grow red. I cannot believe I am playing along with this. It was the last thing I needed, everyone thinking I had a boyfriend.

"She wishes. Sonny has grown into such a hopeless romantic. She looks out of her window and wishes for her Prince or Princess Charming to appear."

"You haven't even had your first kiss yet, niño," I stuck my tongue out and watched as his cheeks grew red.

"Well, seeing as though he's taking Maya to the deb ball, I think that might change," Steven said, sending a wink in Josh's direction.

Alva walked in while Steven talked about Josh. She looked surprised, so she quickly said, "Josh, you're going to be an escort in the debutante ball?"

"Yep, and I am too," Steven danced, jokingly.

"Wait, you too?" Laurel said, from out of no where. She had been standing there the whole time, but hadn't bothered to talk. Well, until now.

"Yes," Steven said.

"With who?"

"Shayla."

"You're going to the debutante ball as an escort," Laurel said, not really asking. She seemed to be trying to convince herself of this, like she couldn't believe that Steven would do such a thing.

"Yes, wrap your head around it, Mom." Steven continued teasing her. "Shaylas coming today with Nicole and Gigi, so you'll meet her."

"That's wonderful." Susannah smiled at Steven, then turned towards Belly. "Oh, and don't forget, Ms. Covingtons first dance rehearsal is tomorrow, so, uh, tick-tock."

"I'm asking Cam today." Belly reassured her.

"I don't know my kids anymore," Laurel said.

"You and me both," Alva interjected.

"Wait, are you wearing makeup?" Susannah asked with a smirk. She turned towards my mom and they smirked at one another.

"Her natural glow is gone," Alva teased.

"Oh, my... she definitely is." Steven continued.

"Mom!"

"Laurel!"

"So what? We're having a party." Laurel seemed flustered.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with John coming to the clam bake?"

"Oh, please," Laurel said, rolling her eyes, "the husbands always come for the forth."

"He's not your husband anymore," Belly said.

"Oops. Yeah." She chuckled awkwardly. "Ex-Husband."

"You know, I still don't understand why you invited Dad's girlfriend."

"Her name is Victoria, and your father wanted us all to meet her." Laurel paused. "Oh, Belly, I need you to make up the guest bed."

"Wait, Dad and Victoria are staying here?" Belly makes a disgusted face. "In the room next to mine?"

"Yeah." Belly groans and everyone just laughs at her.

"Oh, speaking of dads, yours called. He's closing a deal, so he can't come." Laurel and Alva give each other a look. It was like they were speaking to each other with their stares alone. They have always done it, look at each other and know what the other is trying to say to them. Belly and I used to hate it when they did it because we too wanted to know what they were talking about. We used to hope we were like them when we were older, able to communicate with stares alone.

"What?" Jeremiah was disappointed. I don't think any dad has ever missed Susannah's Fourth of July party. Well, except for Belly's dad last year. Oh, and obviously mine has never attended one either. Eduardo has never missed one though.

Conrad walks in with a bucket. "Did you say Dad's not coming?"

Susannah hums in response, like she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"But I got some serious fireworks for the show this year," Jeremiah said.

"We'll take a video." Susannah tried to sympathize with him, but it didn't seem to be working.

"It's not the same."

"I know."

I finally glanced at Conrad. He seemed to have the exact opposite of Jere's reaction. He had a smile on his face. I don't think I've seen a smile on his face that big this entire summer. I couldn't help but wonder what it was he was smiling about. Was it really because of his dad? He used to admire him so much, what's changed?

"What're you smiling over there for," Jeremiah asked.

"No reason."

I continued to watch him. It seemed like there wasn't anything that could stop him from smiling, which was good to see. He also seemed to be in his own mind because he didn't notice my staring.

Alva finally got my attention. She said, "Sonny, I got an email from the school. Go get my laptop and respond to them. It sounded really important. I don't think you want to keep them waiting." She didn't look at me when she spoke. She was too busy cleaning the dirty dishes.

My eyebrows furrowed, confused. What exactly did my school want? I was done. I did everything I needed to do. So why were they emailing Alva during summer? "What did it say?"

She looked around the room, almost as if she was debating whether she should say this in front of everyone, before she finally decided to respond. "Just go do it, okay?" She said it in a pleading way. She didn't demand it from me, she just seemed too tired to argue with me.

I knew the look on her face too well. She looked at me in a way that told me it was not an option or even a question. I needed to do what I was told and there was going to be no arguing. I didn't say anything. I just got up and left, leaving everyone in the kitchen with a confused look on their faces. They probably knew better than to ask what that was about.

"It's Fourth of July, Alva," I heard Susannah say to my mother as I walked up the stairs. She totally gave her the look.

"The holiday isn't stopping them, so why should it be us?"

I looked at my email. As it turns out, I was not done. They wanted me to write a five-hundred word essay about how I felt when they told me I was going to be valedictorian, especially knowing that I was the first Mexican-American to do so. I wanted to send them an email to tell them that I wasn't interested, but I read the reply Alva sent to them, she was also sent the email, she will happily do that for you. Thank you for taking your time and making her a part of the new display.

Apparently I didn't read the email as carefully as I thought because the vice-principal planned to make a display at the front of the school. It displayed the kids who made a difference. There were still five other students from my graduating class who they chose too.

I would have told them no, but Alva took that choice away when she decided to email them and not tell me about it. Now, I need to write an essay, during the summer, and it was due by the end of today. What was their rush anyway?

"You okay," Conrad asked, teasingly. He leaned against my door frame with his arms crossed. "You look like you're about to explode."

"Don't even make me tell you about it. I want to explode just thinking about it."

"Can I read it then?"

I nodded. Since I was at my desk, Alva's computer in front of me, I leaned away from it so that he could read it over my shoulder. What I didn't expect was for him to lean in close. Too close. His eyes squinted down at the email, trying his best the read it. I felt his breath on my neck. I didn't dare move because of how close we were.

He kept that distance and looked away from the computer and instead turned to look at me. We were so close. Our faces were only inches away from touching. "That's brutal."

I watched as his eyes scanned my face. I scanned him in the process.

I nudged him with my shoulder, playfully but feeling awkward. What was that? Why did my heart suddenly just start beating so fast?

"Well, aren't you going to help me?" It was almost a whisper. This moment felt so intimate. I can't seem to be able to explain it, but I could definitely feel it.

Conrad hesitated, but in the end, he agreed. "I'll bring a chair, but we've got to make this fast."

I sent him a smile while he walked out of my bedroom. Once he walked out, I zoned out and let my mind argue with my heart. They couldn't seem to agree with one another, but I didn't play any attention to any of it. I will not allow myself to think or feel anything right now. I wasn't in the right mindset to feel anything about anyone. I couldn't. I had things to do. I had to catch up with my dad. He has missed so much already; so have I. I wasn't going to allow weird unimportant feelings to get in between that, especially when I have wished so hard to talk to my dad in this manner. It almost felt normal between us.

"So, what do you want to write?" Conrad set the chair beside mine. He sat down and waited patiently for me to answer him.

I said, too seriously, "I want to say, thank you for your offer but I will not be a part of your diversity pick, especially now that I'm not attending your school anymore. Kindly, go fuck yourself."

Conrad looked away as he chuckled. I haven't seen him this happy in a while. I liked it.

"Alva would absolutely kill you."

"Oh, I know she will." I sighed.

He looked at me for a second before saying, "you still can't seem to get along with her, can you?" Conrad carefully watched my face, examining over every inch of my face... again. Why does he keep doing that?

"Could you stop doing that," I said, looking at my computer like it was the most important thing in the world when in reality, deep down I knew that it was the boy in front of me.

He smiled as he said, "stop what?"

"Stop trying to read me. I'm not a book," I paused, taking a breath. "I just want to sit here and write about how grateful I was for my dad and even for Alva. Could we please just do that?"

He only said, "okay."

I flinched, catching the hurt in his voice. "I'm sorry."

"No, I understand." He scooted closer. I felt his knee brush my leg, but it wasn't just a brush, he left his leg on mine. He didn't say anything. He just sat and watched as I typed, sometimes he pointed at the screen, correcting some of my grammar mistakes as I made them. His knee still touching me.

I wanted to apologize again. I was too harsh. As I was going to say sorry, his voice stopped me. "You're so good with words. I could never write something this amazing."

"Well, this essay is complete bullshit. It's a lie," I said. His eyebrows furrowed, confused. I don't know what part of my brain allowed me to say, "when they said my name, I felt nothing. I felt numb. I felt like there was no point in it. I worked so hard all those years for my dad to hear my speech. I wanted to look at him as I read it. I wanted to see the look on his face. He was so good at telling me how proud he was of me. I didn't get any of that just a tassel with the word valedictorian around my neck."

"It's not about the reward. It's about how you got there. It shows how capable you are." Conrad said, cringing at his own words. "I'm not good with pep talks, but I will say, even if I'm not the first one to say it, I'm proud of you for getting the number one spot in the number one school in Vermont. How did you manage that though," he teased. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. He ruined the moment, but it was funny, I'll give him that.

"The haters motivate me," I replied, which made him laugh. "Also, if you really meant it, say it in Spanish." I was only teasing him back. I didn't actually expect him to do it.

"Okay, I've taken a few lessons, but don't expect me to sound fluent," he glanced at me before saying, "estoy orgullosa de ti."

"Okay," I praised, still surprised that Conrad Fisher was willing to embarrass himself for me. "Your accent wasn't bad, but I will say you were supposed to say orgulloso because the a makes it feminine."

"Damnit!"

"You were close though." I laughed. "I would've let it slide, but Alva's teacher ways have rubbed onto me."

A familiar voice said, "As much as I hate to interrupt your little Spanish lesson, my dad is here and Mom wants you." Josh was at the door, and he was wearing a smirk.

"Quítate esa sonrisa de la cara y vete," I said, take that smirk off your face and leave. Joshua rolled his eyes and walked away.

"What's wrong with him? It's like he has a stick up his ass this summer," Conrad said, his eyes following him as he walked out of sight.

"I have no idea," I said, pausing, thinking about what was really going on with him. "He was kicked off our school's soccer team for his grades. They slipped and they weren't going to allow a failing student on the team even if he was their only shot of going to state. He was so close to being team captain and now he's acting like he hates the whole world."

"Do you know why he's acting like this," Conrad asked. "Because last year he would've never done what he did to Belly, especially on her first date."

"I have no idea," I said, still thinking of why he's changed so much and I've barely noticed until now. "From what I've seen, nothing has really changed." Granted, I hadn't been paying much attention to him. I was either in my head, at work, doing homework, or sleeping after doing all the other things. I haven't had much time to watch over him.

I rolled my eyes, hearing my mom scream my name at the top of her lungs, then I heard Eduardo tell her to quiet down. They were opposites, but almost the same if that makes sense. He was the opposite of her when it came to being on time because he was always at places fifteen minutes earlier than he should've. Him and my mom were alike when it came to always looking presentable. They always wanted us to do the same. They told us that we might not be rich but that didn't mean we had to look the part and play into stereotypes.

Eduardo and I's relationship was difficult to explain because he has always been there. He became someone I had to get used to because I knew that he would never go away, but he also knew his limits. He knew that he wasn't the main father figure in my life and he tried his best not to overstep, which I have always been grateful for. But, when it came to it, he stepped in when my dad wasn't around, recently it has been more often. There was a point in time where I hated everything about him. I used to believe that he was the reason why Alva and my dad weren't together and happy, but as time passed, I realized it was all my mom. She hadn't given him a chance and now I had to watch the perfect family become even more perfect. Without me.

Much like Alva, Eduardo was controlling. He wanted everything to be perfect and presentable. That's what made them perfect for each other.

"You ready to go," Conrad asked. He was watching me again, his eyes carefully scanning my face.

I really wanted to smile, but I knew he wasn't going to buy it, so I just shrugged. "Preparing myself to see the perfect family."

"No family is perfect. No matter how much they might pretend they are," Conrad said, getting up from his chair. "Are you ready?" I nodded.

I followed him down the stairs. My mind couldn't help but wonder if he was talking about his own experiences with perfect families.

Once I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw Eduardo trying to hold onto his bags. He glanced in my direction and set down his bags. I greeted him with a side hug. "How are you?"

"I'm doing great, mija. Just glad summer school is over. I do not have the same patience I usually have for students during the regular school year. It's like they don't know I don't want to be there as much as them," Eduardo rumbled. "Don't mind my teacher drama, how's summer treating you?"

"It's alright," I smiled.

"How's your brother been," Eduardo asked, pausing for a second. "He hasn't spoken a word to me since I got here. I don't know what's gotten into him lately. The football coach is asking for him to be the kicker this season. It'll look great on his resume, but he needs to promise to keep his grades in line before Coach even considers him."

I gave him a look. "What?"

"Maybe stop talking about your athletic plans for him and instead enjoy your time with him. It's July Fourth. He might want a dad not a manager, yeah?"

"You're right, sorry," he said.

I shrugged, "it's whatever."

"I've got to go put these up, before your mother shoots me in the head." He grabbed his duffel bag and headed upstairs.

"See? It wasn't so bad, was it," Conrad appeared from out of nowhere.

"You're such a stalker."

"I was observing, not stalking," he corrected me.

"Sure."

The door bell rang. By the time I even got to blink, both Belly and Steven were at the door.

"The debs," I asked out loud.

"Yep," Joshua yelled from what I assumed was the kitchen.

Belly opened the door. "Come in!"

"Oh, my god. I'm living for your dress. It looks stunning on you," Shayla complimented Belly. "And let's not talk about you, Sonny, because you look gorgeous as well."

"Thank you!" I genuinely smiled. I wasn't wearing anything special just a bikini top and jean shorts, but Shayla made me feel like I was in a gown.

"Sonny, I don't think you've formally met Gigi and Shayla. And you already know Nicole."

"It's great to finally put a face to your name because Belly never stops talking about you," Gigi said, genuine.

"Same here."

"Well, how about we go outside to the pool?" Belly smiled, excitedly.

My eyes couldn't help but feel captivated by their closeness and flirting. I did everything in my power to let Cecilia's and Kenny's bickering distract me from them, but I couldn't stop myself. I questioned what they talked about, what was she saying that made him smile? I sighed, annoyed at myself for thinking like a man. I let myself think my platonic feelings were something romantic. Me and Conrad were not meant to be something more than just friends. I try not to laugh at the thought. We're too much alike, but so different at the same time. We wouldn't work. Besides, he seems too comfortable with someone else. I don't blame him, she's pretty and seems pretty amazing too.

"Sonny." A hand waved in front of my face before I could let my thoughts consume my mind.

"Yes," I asked, rubbing my temples. I needed food.

"Guess who's here," Kenny asked. I heard the smirk on his lips as he talked, he sounded amused.

"Who?" I didn't look around. I continued to rub my temples, not letting his excitement change my mood; I wasn't in a good one.

"Lighten up, would you?"

"I need food. I haven't eaten since early this morning."

"Susannah has a whole table of food over there." Cecilia pointed towards the table full of food. As hungry as I was, I wasn't in the food for any of it. I wanted something familiar.

"I need Mexican food." I sighed. They wouldn't understand. "Who's here again?"

"Guess who?"

"I don't fucking know, Mark Zuckerberg?" I answered, with a serious look on my face. I didn't feel like playing guessing games right now.

Kenny's smile dropped. He tried to keep a serious look on his face, but it didn't take even a second before Cecilia and him bursted into fits of laughter, which made me join in as well. 

"No, Leo fucking Griffin," Kenny finally managed through laughs.

"No, he's not." I looked around, trying to spot him. When I finally did, he was having a civil conversation with my mother. Not only that but he was saying something that was funny enough to make her laugh. How was that even possible? "What the hell."

I was on my feet in a matter of seconds, and then standing with them within another second.

They both turned to look at me in sync.

"Sonny! Why haven't you brought Leo around more? He's the funniest guy I've ever met," Alva said, with a laugh escaping her lips.

I couldn't help but look horrified.

"Oh, thank you," Leo beamed. "As much as I would've loved to be invited earlier, I've just recently arrived from France. Sonny had no idea I was back until recently."

"Back?"

"Yeah, I used to come to Cousins when I was younger, but my family and I moved to a small town in France for a couple years. We're finally back home, so we decided it was time to come back," he paused, looking at me for a second before continuing, "did Sonny ever talk about—"

"Did you hear that?" I pointed towards Kenny. I dragged Leo in his direction, slowly. "Kenny really wants to talk to him. They were so close then! You can't have him for yourself, Mom!" I chuckled, awkwardly turning away from her. She definitely was going to ask questions later.

"What was that about," Leo asked, stopping in his tracks. I tried to push him again, but he wouldn't budge. I backed away, feeling his gaze on me. I crossed my arms around my chest, feeling uncomfortable under his stare, not in a bad way, but I knew that stare anywhere.

"It was nothing." I shrugged.

"It was definitely something." His own arms crossed around his chest. As much I hated guys that wore tank tops, his arms weren't so bad to look at.

"Yeah, no. It was nothing."

He gave me a look. My eyes didn't register his plan in time. I was being pushed into the pool. I felt the water consume me before I felt him jumping in himself. I reached the surface, inhaling a quick breath. I went underwater again, my hands reaching his shoulders and dragging him down deeper. I opened my eyes. I saw him in a blur, but I could tell that he had a smile on his face. I couldn't help but smile too. We were so close. I felt his arms around my waist and in a second we were breathing oxygen again.

He lifted me up while he stood quite comfortably in the five foot deep water. "Was it really nothing?" He smiled.

This moment, it felt like it was just the two of us. Yet, I rolled my eyes. "How about you put me down first?"

"Fine." He let me down gently.

"It's stupid, really," I felt embarrassed all of a sudden.

He gave me a look. "Nothing you could ever say would sound stupid to me."

"I knew that you were going to say something about our first date," I said. He looked confused. "My mom tends to over analyze things. She would have acted weird towards you."

"Is it her that would act weird or you?"

"I just- the thought of my mom- can we just not involve her."

"Involve her in what exactly?" He teased, splashing water in my face.

"Who invited you anyway," I teased back.

"Redish-brownish hair, stands this tall, just barely turned sixteen and kind of bossy?"

"Doesn't ring a bell-y," I took a quick glimpse in her direction and she was definitely looking at us. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Belly and Susannah think I'm secretly dating someone because I won't stop smiling down at my phone, sneaking away to take phone calls," I paused, laughing. "Belly thinks it's you. She's even convinced Susannah that it's you."

"Is that why I was invited?" He laughed when I nodded. "I would've loved to be me, but since it's not, who is it then?"

"My dad. I don't know if you heard about him—"

"Yeah, a friend mentioned it to me."

I'm not sure how I feel that people know about it, but I continue talking anyway. "Well, we kinda fell off and now we're finally talking like we used to. It's been over a year since it happened, so we haven't spoken that well since then. It's refreshing to finally talk to him, as normal as it'll ever be now," I paused. "They don't know I had this communicating problem with him. I don't want them to feel guilty about not knowing."

"You don't have to worry about telling them that it hasn't been me. I'm fine with them thinking that you're happy because of me."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thank you," I smiled brightly at him, thankful that he was willing to do that for me.

When I finally looked away, I saw Alva, Josh, and Eduardo near the buffet. Jeremiah was taking pictures of them together. Without me. It felt like taking a stab to the heart after pleading for mercy, seeing them together, happy. Without me.

The smile on my face faded quickly. Leo's voice disappeared while the only thing I could hear now was myself breathing deeply. I felt my vision blur. It felt like I was floating as I walked out of the pool, feeling my body shake as the soft wind hit me. I have no idea how I made it inside, but I did. I needed water and something sweet.

"Belly, can you give me some water, I feel dizzy," I said, sitting down beside Jeremiah. She must've come inside while I was talking to Leo.

Belly stopped whatever she was doing and rushed for some water. She handed me a glass, saying, "are you okay? You look so pale," worry plastered all over her face.

"I'm fine." I smiled, faintly. "I assume the sun and having a small breakfast don't mix well together."

"You need food." Jeremiah added.

"Well, aren't you captain obvious, Jere?" Belly rolled her eyes at him, annoyed.

"Just give me something sweet. I'll have something from the table Susannah set up." I downed the rest of the water. "I just need something that will allow me to walk over there and not faint."

Belly looked through the food pantry and came back with a bar of Twix in her hand. She happily said, "I know how much you love these!"

"You're the best, bellybutton." I smiled as I took a bite into it, trying my best not to think too much about it. 

Victoria walked into the kitchen. "Do you guys have a blender?"

AUTHORS NOTE:
this chapter hurt to write. but the tension>>
anyway hope you guys enjoyed this.

-ria <3

ps. i really love you guys for 31k!!