04. chapter four.
—you don't get it

I WASN'T PLANNED. My whole existence wasn't planned, funny I know. But the last thing on my mothers mind was having a kid, let alone with my dad, Rubén, especially not with my dad. It was just a one time thing. Unfortunately for my mom, it slowly became her worst nightmare, sharing a child with someone she didn't particularly like. It was doomed to end horribly.

Despite my moms hateful feelings towards him, my dad did his best. He was there, for every ultrasound, for every doctor's appointment, my dad showed up.

After everything my dad did to prove to her that he was going to be present, that he was going to give me everything he could, and more, my mom didn't seem to care. Because she didn't see it that way. To her, he was just correcting his mistake, because apparently my dad wasn't capable of caring.

She would tell me that. I was a one year old, hearing my mom talk literal shit about Dad. Funny thing is, wouldn't that say something about her too? She was willing to sleep with him, so what does that say about her?

I didn't believe her when she said that he wasn't capable of caring, because not only was my dad very capable of caring, he was also very capable of loving. After my dad found out about me, when he found out that he was going to be a dad. He changed. He wasn't drinking his doce de modelo every night anymore. Instead, he showed up, he tried. He just wanted to prove himself to my mom.

He failed in her eyes, but he succeeded in mine.

Even when my mom found herself a husband that was "capable of having kids", my dad was there to pick me up for his weekend. Because to him, it didn't matter if she was going to be part of us, the only thing that mattered to him was that I was there.

We'd meet up at a Walmart parking lot, I'd jump into his arms, he'd take my my little pony backpack to his beat up pickup truck, then we would go inside of Walmart and buy me one thing, it could be anything I wanted. I never bought anything really expensive though. I don't think he'd be able to afford it, but I knew, even back then, that my dad would buy it anyway. He would spend his last cent to see a smile on my face.

I told him once, when I was six, that I didn't need him buying me stuff to know that he loved me, because I knew. I knew with all my heart that he loved me. But it continued, the Walmart parking lot, the reuniting, the bag, the beat up pickup truck, and the gifts. And I never complained because I loved it, and I loved him.

My moms house was different. After months, Alva got pregnant with the "capable" man, Eduardo, and they had my favorite golden boy, Jo.

I never held hate for Joshua because it wasn't his fault. He was just a kid. I was just a kid. Josh had simply always been my little brother, even when he didn't follow me to my dads, even when he would cry every time he saw that damn Walmart sign, because he knew.

As I grew older, it became harder to look Josh in the eye. Seeing him, seeing what it was truly like to have the perfect family. No split holidays. One roof, one family. His family.

I felt out of place at my mom's. Like if I did something wrong that I would ruin the perfectness. So, I did my best in school, I maintained my scholarship at my private school, I got home at a reasonable hour, I did every chore my mom had set for me, and I followed Eduardo's stupid house rules.

Leave your shoes at the door, don't eat in the living room, make sure you clean the dishes you use, and lastly, don't use your phone at the dinner table.

Alva wasn't really big on the money thing either, even with two incomes coming in. My mom was a teacher, a Spanish teacher, so was Eduardo. They met while my mom was student teaching. He was just barely becoming a teacher himself, and my mom was helping out his class. Not even going to lie, they were a book-worthy romance.

I was happy for her, I really was.

But sometimes, I can't help but imagine a world where my mom had seen how hard my dad had tried for me, for her. What would have happened then?

I knew one thing for sure. He would still be here.

The party was nothing special. Just a bunch of Susannah's friends. I recognize a couple authors from books that Laurel has recommended me, some that I have failed to read. Me and Laurel don't have the same taste in books. I mean, yes, we both like romance-like books, but she likes to read about older characters and their complicated lives. I like reading about characters my age, problems people my age face.

Laurel doesn't take offense when I don't read one book she recommends to me, because she also knows that she would never read the books I would.

I walked around the shop a couple times before I found myself grabbing a random book from the big stack of books that Steven was holding.

"Hey!" Both Jeremiah and Josh yelled out, getting the attention of several people around us, the two didn't seem to care. All three of them laughed when a couple of the top books fell over.

I could practically feel my mothers footsteps coming straight towards us, so I did my best to casually walk away like I didn't cause most of the chaos that came after the books fell.

I found a little corner of the shop and opened the book. I had no idea what it was about, but I was curious. So curious that I began reading.

My curiosity sometimes isn't a good thing, this time it wasn't because the book was absolute ass. Even while only reading three chapters, I could guess what the ending was, it was so predictable.

I looked up from the book, my eyes caught Conrad downing a bottle of what I'm guessing was wine. I was intrigued, so I quickly apologized in my head, and set the book on the nearest shelf. It was something I hated doing, especially since I know what it's like cleaning up other people's misplaced books. Then, I walked to him.

"Is Conrad Fisher drinking a bottle of Chardonnay, and didn't dare invite me?" I sneaked up from behind. He slightly jumped at my sudden presence, he probably thought it was one of the adults about ready to tell him off about how he was too young to be drinking. "Wow. That is very low of you, Connie."

"Well, what's stopping you from drinking some?" He handed me the same cup he was drinking from, and then he proceeded to pour me some more.

"Is there anything in particular that we're drinking to?" I asked, looking down at the wine, debating whether or not I should take it. I shook my head from my terrible thoughts. If I couldn't take one sip, what did that mean for me?

"Does there have to be a reason?" He looked down at me, setting the half empty bottle on the table. He seemed to be a bit drunk already, so it was easy to talk with him.

"It's clear that there is." I responded, my eyes searching his, but there was nothing there. "But never mind that, here's to nothing."

I brought the cup to the air, as if there was an actual toast happening, and then chugged all of it. Conrad laughed lightly, grabbing the bottle from the table, as if he was preventing me from getting more.. "Calm it, Alva is right across the room."

"I don't see her." I responded quietly, I practically snatched the bottle from his hands, but he held it tight, too tight. It pissed me off a little, but it wasn't long before he started pouring more into our cup. "And since when do you care about Alva catching us, it's not like that's ever mattered to you all those times before."

"Times before?" Conrad acted clueless again.

"I know there's no need in reminding you, Connie. I'm very sure you remember quite vividly." I said, I didn't look at him. My attention was focused on the glass of wine. It wasn't interesting enough for me to put my full attention on it, and not the boy that stood before me. Even I knew that no glass of wine was more entertaining than Conrad Fisher.

"You sound so demeaning when you call me Connie. It's like you're treating me like some child." I could feel his stare on me. "I hate it."

I finally looked at him again and said, "There's nothing demeaning about me calling you Connie, Conrad." I paused, my eyes narrowing. "Everyone calls you Connie, what's so bad about me calling you Connie, hm?"

"It's different when you say it."

"How so?"

"Everything's different when you say it." I felt my breath fleeing from my lungs. I didn't expect that. I expected a, well you used to call me Connie when we were younger, you were always mocking me when you did it.

Conrad was not the type of guy that said things like that, not even with me. He would never do anything that would give himself away, so why was he doing it now? What's changed?

Well, he is drunk.

My eyes held his, he held mine. I had to fight the urge to not tuck away his loose strand of hair, not to brush my fingers through it. It was always so soft, so touchable. I would end it if I did it unwillingly. Imagine if my hands just suddenly reached out for his hair, then my fingers brushing his hair, out of nowhere, I would end it right there and then.

But I wanted to do it.

Laurel called Conrad's name. We both jumped. The moment was gone, but I could still feel his words and my pounding heart as my brain processed what he actually said to me. I never knew such simple words could mean that much.

When Laurel waved him over, I basically fled the other way. I need time to process that. A couple minutes could suffice.

I spent those minutes eating some food at the food bar. When the time finally came, I walked around to see what everyone was up to. That's when I saw the boys, barely able to sit properly on this sofa. They were chanting about something. Josh and Steven doing their bro handshake, probably agreeing to something.

"Dude, we can't." Jeremiah said.

"Dude, it'll be fun. Come on, I thought you were supposed to be the fun brother." Josh was always good at convincing people even if it wasn't in a good way.

"Fuck off," Conrad said, elbowing Josh.

Conrad was on the far left, then it was Josh, Steven, and Jeremiah on the very far right.

"What are you four planning? I can smell the plotting from across the room." I accused.

"Don't count me in with these idiots." Conrad said, acting as normal as before that happened.

"We're going to get some ice cream." Steven said mechanically. He really was an idiot, and a terrible liar.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "To ice cream?" I asked, they all nodded, but not Josh. He looked guilty of something. "Can I come with you guys?"

"You're an idiot." Josh muttered, almost like I couldn't hear what he just said. "She loves ice cream, good cover."

"Actually, we're going to that ice cream place you hate. There's no way you'd want to go. You remember that one time they gave us half melted ice cream?" Josh asked. "It was horrible."

"Then why are you going?" They really are complete idiots. "Anyway, I heard Kenny talking about how it's under new management. Said that it's pretty decent now, so I want to go."

"Then what's stopping us?" Steven flew up from the sofa, dragging Jeremiah with him. His laugh echoed as he walked away, Jeremiah being pulled behind him.

"Let's go!" Josh tried to run away, but I wasn't going to leave him off the hook too soon.

I grabbed his arm to stop him from going any further, and told him, "Te lo juro, si haces unas de tus pendejadas, te mato yo misma, okay?" Josh responded by nodding at me, but he didn't look me in the eye, he looked straight ahead, jaw clenched.

I let go when I thought that he actually understood me because I was not going to be dealing with his bullshit.

I don't know what's been going on with him lately. He's been acting differently. He's not the same Jo—ever since what happened with my dad, ever since I spent the whole summer in Mexico, and not at Cousins—I don't know what's wrong with him. He lost his school scholarship, there had come a point where he was first in his grade. He quit almost everything he used to enjoy. He has been miserable.

The only thing that's keeping him at bay is his soccer, even then, he was forced to quit because of his grades. I guess that's what pushed him over the edge.

"What was that about?" Conrad asked, finally standing up from the sofa, he might've not understood a word I had just said, but he knew.

"Mind your business. This is between Josh and I." I walked towards the exit. Conrad didn't have much of a choice, he followed behind me. He's probably very pissed at my choice of words, I would be too.

We made it to the famous red jeep. Jeremiah and Steven stood outside, they didn't have the keys. Conrads hand went from his pockets and then threw his keys towards Steven. "You drive." He said, then he motioned for them to get inside.

The trio followed orders, but first Josh said, "Don't be an idiot." It was a threat, a stupid threat at that, but it was one.

Still, I have no idea what is going on, but I wasn't clueless. I knew that we weren't going to that disgusting ice cream place, just like I knew that they didn't get new management. And Conrad was now asking to be left alone with me, probably to tell me what's going on, please let that be the reason.

Conrad sighed, and then said, "Just so you know, even though I'm pretty sure you know how to use context clues, we're not going for ice cream."

"Then where—" before I could even finish, he was already inside the car. "Vete a la mirada." I muttered, containing myself from yelling at him. How was he just going to say that we weren't going to get ice cream, and then not tell me where we were going.

He has always known how to piss me off.

I huffed and went to the other side. Once I opened the door, I saw that Josh was sitting there, I bet he was expecting me to go in the middle. "Move over."

It didn't take long before he did what I said.

My eyes never left the road. I was too busy trying to figure out where we were going. Maybe I was being clueless, but even when I kept my eyes up and out the window, I had no idea where it was that we were going.

"I don't understand why you guys won't tell me where we're going. I'll figure it out once we get there." I said, for about the millionth time in the ten minutes we've been in the car.

"Exactly, you'll know when you see it." Steven said, too calmly, too thrilled by the idea that he knew something that I didn't.

"Fuck you all." I turned to look at Conrad. "Especially you." My eyes went from him to the window right beside him. That's when I saw it. The dozens of cars lined up in rows, in front of a big screen that was playing some movie.

They wouldn't...

Oh, but they would.

"You all better fucking hope that this drive-in isn't the one Belly is having her first date, or I swear to fucking god..." I searched the rows of cars, something that would tell me we were just at another drive-in, that Josh hasn't turned into a complete asshole. Even if there weren't any other drive-in's in Cousin's.

"A qué putas te metiste, Josh?" I felt like I was scolding a jealous child. It felt this tremendous amount of disappointment fill every inch of me. I have taught Josh to treat women like royalty. This, this is not what I taught him.

"I see it!" Jeremiah says, pointing at this small blue car, it was adorable.

"Steven, pull the car around. We are not going to ruin Belly's first date, come on. She isn't something y'all can just use as some sort of entertainment when you're bored." I said, calmly. But calm wasn't even close to what I was feeling. I wanted to take my seatbelt off and force my hands on the steering wheel because I knew that they weren't going to listen to me, it was too late. They have come this far, they weren't going to back out. "Turn the damn car around!"

"Hey, maybe she's right." Conrad started.

"No, we're already here." Steven laughed.

I fucking hate boys. "All of you are a pack of insecure assholes, who get their confidence from tormenting a fifteen year old girl. That's so fucking sad." I let out a laugh, a sick one at that because they all went silent, every one of them. "I would be so embarrassed."

We pulled up next to Cam's car. I could barely see what was going on because I was farthest from the window, but Steven and Jeremiah started mimicking kissing noises. I assume it was because Belly and Cameron were kissing or about to, I'm not sure.

But as far as I knew, Belly was quick. She was already out of the car and opening Steven's door.

"What the hell do you guys think you're doing?" Belly looked inside the car, we both made eye contact, she looked hurt that I was partaking in something only they would do. "Sonny?"

"I had no idea, Belly. I would have stopped them if I did, you know that." I felt so bad, even if I had nothing to do with it. He was my brother.

"Oh, come on, Belly. Stop being such a downer, we're just catching the end of our favorite movie." Everyone in the car laughed, everyone except me and Conrad.

"You have no right! You have to go!"

"Oh, Belly, relax. We were just joking around."

"It's not fucking funny Jeremiah. Do you see us laughing? It's nice having the maturity level of a middle schooler, huh?" I said from the backseat.

"Steven, if you don't leave, I swear to god I will send everyone in this car your Dramione fanfic." Belly said. A laugh escaped my mouth.

"You wouldn't." Steven said, betrayed.

"Oh, he spent an entire chapter talking about Draco's wand."

"You know, don't be embarrassed, man. Draco's hot."

"Is that the reason you wanted my snake stuffed animal so bad? What, are you a Slytherin now?" Everyone laughed again, because it was true, Steven had been begging for that very long snake.

"Drop it. Drop it." Steven told both me and Jeremiah.

"Hey, seriously." Belly looked at us both, Conrad and me, she knew that only we had the power to stop them, well, maybe Conrad did. "Please leave."

"We're done, yeah?" Conrad started. "Josh has had his fun, we're leaving."

"Are you kidding me?" Steven said, disappointed.

"Steven, drive the car."

"What the hell." Steven put the car in drive and hit the accelerator.

I yelled out, "I'm sorry, Belly!"

The silence didn't help the fact that I was pissed, so beyond pissed at everyone in the car, but mostly at my brother, for being a complete dick and asshole, and any other word there is to describe the jerk that he is.

"Te prometí que te mataría si hacías unas de tus pendejadas." I said to him, I could feel him tense beside me. Josh has always hated me telling him off. He's never enjoyed it because most of the time I was right, he has never taken being wrong lightly.

"No te creo." That's what tipped me over the edge.

Who exactly does he think he is? He does realize that ruining everything he cares about, or at least once cared about, doesn't change a damn thing. It does nothing, but makes everything worse. Bottling it all up eventually makes the bottle pop from all that pressure.

Steven and Jeremiah quietly spoke, Josh adding a joke or two in.

His pretending made me want to explode right in front of everyone. Tell him how much of an idiot he is, that he is a complete fucking dick for it.

I knew that it was just his fault, but it was him who convinced them. I bet Steven had come up with it, as a joke, I know them all too well. Jeremiah possibly protested, then it was Josh who actually made it happen.

We pulled into the driveway. Everyone slowly departed from inside the car, probably knowing what would happen once they were gone. When it was just Josh and me, we both slipped out, but when he tried walking away from me, I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"Qué fue eso?" I asked, what was that? I was so angry. I felt my blood as it continued to boil. He didn't respond quick enough for me, for my anger to stop. "Hm?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Josh didn't look me in the eye. He did that when he was guilty of something.

"Oh, so now you don't know what I'm talking about? How about when we were at the drive-in, tormenting Belly on her first real date?"

"It's not a big deal, we were just having fun, that's it. Can I go now?"

"No, you can't go, because who else will tell you that a girl's first date, at her age, she'll remember it. She'll remember how you ruined it. She'll remember how much of a fucking dick you really are. That after all that bickering you two have had, after everything, you really are the worst." I said. "Is that what you really want? Do you actually want Belly to hate you?"

"I don't care what Isabel thinks of me." He lied.

"Liar." I laughed. "You are such a damn liar."

"You know, ever since everything happened, I've noticed this change in you. You lie to mom, you lie to me, you lie to yourself." Through this entire conversation, Josh has never looked at me once.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Just know that you don't get to do that, Joshua. That just because you've been miserable this whole time, doesn't mean you get to treat everyone around you like shit, especially Belly. She doesn't deserve your fucking baggage."

"There it is." He laughed maniacally. "Sonny, protecting Isabel, almost like you're playing sister with her." That's when he got close to my face. "Let's get one thing straight, Sonny. You can play sister with whoever the fuck you want, but just know that you're a real shitty one in real life."

He walked away. I'm glad he did, I'm glad he walked away, because he didn't get to see how hurt I was by his words. He didn't get to see how much his words affected me, because he was right.

I am a terrible sister, a shitty one.

"Fuck!" I yelled, glad that I was left alone.

I need some time, time to think. Time to get
these nasty thoughts away. But, in the end, they'll always be there, there to tell me that it's always my damn fault.

If someone would have told me that it would happen, after a stupid party that a girl from my school was throwing. I would have never taken part in it. No party was worth it. The sneaking out from my bedroom window, at my moms house, was not worth it.

I would have never called my dad and begged him to come get me, half because I didn't want to get in trouble with my mom, since I couldn't even walk properly, and the other half because I didn't want to play Eva's stupid game of truth or dare. The players always managed to eventually make me make out with Troy, who happens to be a complete dick with really bad breath.

So, I did exactly what my dad told me to do in that situation, call him.

He arrived in ten minutes, he lived eighteen minutes away. I was already outside when he got there. I automatically recognized the noise of his pick up truck, nothing could compare to its roaring sound.

I drunkenly walked to his truck, I opened its door and sat inside, closing the door behind me.

"En que te metiste, mi hijita?" My dad asked, quietly as he switched to drive, he wasn't exactly asking me. Even while drunk, I could feel his disappointment. At that moment, I wanted to sink into the seat. My dad has never been disappointed in me before.

The whole ride home, to my dads house, the pick was filled with quiet. My dad was quiet, he was never quiet, especially when I hadn't seen him for a week.

But I didn't have enough to dwell too much on it, before my hands flew to my mouth "I want to throw up." I muttered, keeping my hands on my mouth to prevent any vomit from coming out.

"Te quieres vomitar?" He asked. I responded with a very small nod.

He quickly pulled over to the side of the road.

Nothing in my small lifetime would have prepared me for something like what was going to happen. Not even movies like under the same moon.

BONUS: belly's point of view.

After what they came and did, it wasn't the same between me and Cam. I felt defeated. I felt stupid for letting them, him, affect me in this way.

It was always easy to ignore them when Sonny was there to tell them to fuck off. But sitting in this car, basically ignoring Cam, it was a reminder that they will never see me as they saw each other. Even they wouldn't do something like this to Sonny. She had always been one of them, which I never understood.

Yes, I was glad she always chose me, but the reminder was always there when they asked her to go somewhere and not me.

My excuse for Cam, I was just dehydrated before. It wasn't too bad.

He did his little awkward laugh, the one that never seemed to get old. Then he asked, "Are you... hydrated now?"

"Yeah, very." I managed to say before we both started laughing together. Our laughter faded, and it was all silence again. Cameron, he's the type to give you comfort, even while knowing that you know nothing about him.

I really don't want this night to be over.

He did his awkward Cam stammer, something that I found quite adorable. "Uh, can I, uh...?" He started, but seemingly didn't finish. "Would it be cool to you if...?"

I knew exactly what he was talking about. "Yeah, yes. Yeah." I managed. I was possibly visibly excited.

It started slowly, then it continued to go in the direction any make out would go, not too far though. I could never, not now at least.

I finally made it inside with a smile still on my face as I continued my way towards the kitchen.

"Did you have fun?" Conrad asked with a teasing smile. He was on the island eating cereal. I didn't respond, instead I went to grab myself a bowl. "I'll take that as a—"

"As a yes, even after the stunt you all pulled." I responded, sounding a bit mad.

"Hey, it wasn't my idea. The last thing on my mind was to get in the way of your first date." Conrad continued to eat his cereal, but made sure to talk with no food in his mouth.

"But you didn't stop it." I said, hurt. "I know now that Sonny had no idea about what was happening, but you Conrad, you knew exactly what was going on, and yet, you didn't stop Steven from driving out, you didn't stop Joshua's— his... ugh, I hate him."

"Hate him so much that you can't even form a proper sentence about how much you hate him, okay... right." He said demeaningly, one hundred percent mocking me.

"Screw off." I responded back.

"Who are you telling to screw off?" My blood heated as soon as I heard his voice. I didn't look up at him when he showed up. I kept my eyes on Conrad, whose eyes widened as soon as he saw Joshua come in.

"You know... I have this very important thing I want to tell Sonny, I uh—" He was out of the kitchen in no less than five seconds.

"You know—" I started, but he quickly interrupted.

"I don't need to hear it from you too, Sonny has already talked to me about it, I don't need to hear it twice." He grabbed a cup and started filling it with water. "How was your date anyways?"

I practically laughed in his face. "You really are a selfish jerk, aren't you?" I started. "Seeing as though I don't see Sonny, I bet you said something that really messed her up, didn't you? Because if you hadn't, she would've been down here the second I walked in through the door, to hear what happened, before and after the stupid crap you pulled."

He didn't say anything. "Well, there goes my answer." I said, eating my cereal unbothered. "Not only are you making everyone feel like crap, you, yourself, feels like crap too."

"Shut up."

"What is it this time?" I asked. "Did you lose a precious game, did your dad forget to buy you flowers, did Sonny forget your birthday?"

"Isabel, if you don't shut your damn mouth—"

"You'll do what?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed. "You'll ruin my second date, third, forth, fifth?" His face was blank throughout our entire talk, he didn't seem to make one single expression.

"Guess what? Not everything revolves around little Belly. Some people actually have things going on, let's take Sonny for example. Did you ever message her and ask if she was okay, even after everything with Rubén?" He paused, emphasizing it more. "You didn't, did you? Couldn't take the fact that she didn't call you first to tell you? Were you mad at her for it? Mad that she didn't trust you enough?"

"It's your turn to shut up." Is the only thing I said.

"Say what you want, but it's true." He said. "Poor little Belly can't take a life without being first."

He walked out of the kitchen before I said something back, not that anything would be able to come out of my mouth. I was too stunned.

TRANSLATIONS:
(rubén (R) has been added, so four people.)

S: I swear, if you do any of your bullshit, I'll kill you myself, okay?

S: Fuck off.

S: What the hell did you get yourself into, Josh?

S: I promised you that I would kill you if you did any of your bullshit.

J: I don't believe you.

R: what have you gotten yourself into, my daughter (it's more in a caring way).

R: Do you want to throw up?

AUTHORS NOTE:

yall don't understand how proud i am of myself for updating in a week. i usually take like one month bc i lose motivation, but i won't be like that with two walls bc i love tsitp too much for that.

anyway, hope you enjoyed todays update. i have a lot planned for next chapter, maybe the reveal of what actually happened to sonny's dad??? should i do it or wait a little more? is it too early and too fast, or is it perfect timing?? yall tell me cause i'm stuck.

-ria

PS i love you all with everything in me, thank you for 5k!! <333