Frank unlocked the front door, holding it open for his Master to enter before he walked in behind him. He could barely keep his eyes open while he kicked his shoes off, toeing them to where they were kept while he shut the door, dropping his bag by his shoes because, in all honesty, Frank really didn't care. Gerard walked into the kitchen with his stack of mail in his hand, loosening his tie before going to sit at the breakfast bar. He watched Frank walk over to him with his shoulders slumped and his eyes devoid of their usual sparkle.

"My boy, are you okay?" Gerard asked when Frank came over to the island counter, passing Gerard because he knew it was nearly dinner time and he had to make food for his Master. Gerard stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm, pulling Frank to face him, "I'm extremely sorry for what I put you through today."

"It's okay," Frank shrugged, knowing that fighting over this wasn't going to change anything. It had happened and now Frank knew; though he wished that Gerard had told him in the first place; there was no changing that now. He sighed softly, "And I'm okay. Just tired as fuck, man. It's been a long-ass day."

"I know," Gerard nodded, tilting Frank's head up to look him in the eye, giving his submissive a smile to which Frank gave him a weak one in return, "Why don't you take a break for now? I know you were about to prepare dinner but I think you recharging your batteries is much more important at the moment."

"No," Frank protested even though he wanted to say 'yes' wholeheartedly to what his Master offered. He immediately winced at his own reaction, "Th-Thank you b-but... I think it's best if I stay awake. Don't want a repeat of what happened the other week."

"This isn't you missing an alarm, boy," Gerard told him, still holding Frank's chin pinched between his fingers, "This is me telling you to go and rest. You don't have a choice."

"But, dinner-"

"No 'but'," Gerard silenced Frank instantly with his words and the hard look he gave him for resisting, "I told you to do something and I expect you to follow orders, don't I?"

"Yes, sir." Frank nodded, trying to fight back a yawn even though he failed and he proved to Gerard that he did in fact need what he was being told to do.

"See, you are drained. Mentally, physically, probably even emotionally after what you witnessed happening to me today," Gerard sighed, "Do not fight me on this one, boy. This is for your own good. You can cook dinner later or we can even get some take-out."

"Alright," Frank gave in with a sigh and an eye-roll that Gerard chose to ignore, "I'll go nap. Should I set an alarm, sir?"

"I'll come and get you later, don't worry," Gerard responded with a wave of his hand, "Now go on, my prince."

Frank took his time but went straight to his room, sitting himself down on the bed to take his socks off. He tossed them into the nearby hamper before he took a moment to stretch; he really was drained in every way possible.

Today had been so hard on him that even doing something as simple as undressing himself to get changed seemed like the hardest task he had to accomplish. Frank considered just lying back for a second to gather some energy just so he could get ready to sleep. The moment that he lay back, he was immediately relaxed, feeling the softness of the bedding underneath him, already unwinding from all the stress he had been put through today. Frank gave himself a minute to rest but he was passed out asleep and snoring before the sixty seconds came to an end. He was sprawled on his stomach with his feet hanging over the edge, still fully dressed in his work clothes.

~

When Frank did wake up it was by the hands of his Master. Frank opened his heavy-lidded eyes to see Gerard leaning over him.

"Time is it?" Frank asked thickly, rubbing sleep from his eyes with his hands.

"Nearly midnight." Gerard told him as he patted Frank's arm, "Up you get, boy."

"Midnight?" Frank sounded shocked, feeling guilty that he had slept for so long. He hoped that he hadn't been difficult to wake because of just how tired he actually had been. What if Gerard had tried to wake him countless times? He stood up, stretching his back and hearing it click between his shoulder blades, "Sorry I slept for so long, sir."

"It's not a problem," Gerard reassured him, "You obviously needed it. I left you until now."

Frank breathed a sigh of relief but he was still confused as to why Gerard had woken him so late. Why hadn't he gone to bed?

Frank considered his internal monologue as Gerard held his wrist, pulling him out of his room. He glanced over his shoulder at Frank, who didn't say another word. He opened his mouth to ask about their destination as he followed his Dominant passed their playroom. He shut it again and just stayed silent, staring in admiration at his tall and graceful lover. 

He followed his Master downstairs and outside into their beautiful backyard in which Frank really wished he had spent more time. It was dark except for the lights that were dotted around the lawn and the ignited firepit that was in front of the large lit up pool in the center of the yard. Frank chose not to question what was going on and merely followed in a sleepy haze until his Master stopped by the reclined chairs that surrounded the lit firepit.

Frank curled his toes against the cobbled-stone paving of the patio, still genuinely curious about the plans for their evening. Gerard came up to him, watching him in the fire's glow before he pressed a kiss to his lips. Internally, Frank gave up caring about why Gerard had brought him outside, taking hold of his Master's arm while resting his other hand on his chest. He leaned into the tall man that held him, melting as they continued to kiss in the quiet night around them.

"W-Wait," Frank stopped as alarm bells sounded in his head. He stepped away instantly, looking around. What if someone had seen them? Gerard had never shown any sort of affection outside of the house or out of the confines of his office. This was new and Frank couldn't help but worry his bottom lip lightly with his teeth, "Someone might see us, sir."

"They won't at this time of night." Gerard said softly, giving Frank a reassuring glance as he pulled Frank closer to him again, stroking his thumb over his cheek. The touch was calming his fears from the sudden overflowing bubble into a calmed simmer. He looked up into his Dominant's dark hazel eyes as he whispered, "It's just us, my prince."

Gerard pressed his forehead to Frank's before he moved to slide the blazer off his submissive's slight shoulders. Frank moved with it, sliding the jacket off his arms before Gerard set it down on the nearest garden chair. It took Frank a moment to realize that Gerard was undressing him, undoing his tie and sliding it out from his collar. Frank took it upon himself to rid his Master of the faded grey C-3PO t-shirt he was wearing. Frank inhaled deeply at the sight of toned porcelain skin lit up by the warm glow of the fire beside them. He let Gerard unbutton his shirt before slipping it off his suddenly sensitive skin, discarding it to the chair where the clothing pile was sitting.

Frank kissed Gerard with more desperation when his belt was being undone, stepping closer to his Master while getting his fingers looped into the pants Gerard was wearing. His work pants were pushed down and Frank whimpered softly against Gerard's lips, ridding his Master of the unnecessary item of clothing, too. Frank stepped out of his pants, thankful for the fact that he had already taken his socks off earlier, but Gerard pulled away when he went to slide his underwear down. Frank frowned, wondering if he had been too assertive with what he had done, thinking that his Dominant was taking over their heated kiss. Gerard confused him even more as he took hold of Frank's tattooed hand to pull him towards the swimming pool.

"I know I said that this was something that we couldn't do," Gerard started, looking at Frank who was still frowning, "But given the situation, and the time, I thought maybe you deserved something I knew you wanted."

"Wait-" Frank started but stopped himself, the cogs in his brain whirring but not ticking over until he watched Gerard slide his underwear down to his ankles, kicking them to one side. Frank looked at his naked Dominant and at the pool beside them and his jaw dropped, "Really?"

"We haven't got all night, my prince."

Frank tucked his thumbs into his underwear but paused, "What if someone sees, sir?"

"It's nearly midnight and no one is around. We are completely safe, now come on." Gerard calmed him once again with a dulcet whisper as he held out his hand. Frank nodded, sliding his underwear down, stepping out of them before taking a few tentative steps towards the pool. Gerard was with him, but the nerves crept into Frank's stomach in the same way they did on Picture Day in school.

"Are you okay?" Gerard asked, noticing the look of worry that spread across Frank's face, replacing the excitement that had been there momentarily, "You do want to do this, yes?"

"Yeah," Frank nodded, looking down at the steps into the pool, seeing how deep it got at the other side, "Just, well, you know I'm not the greatest swimmer, sir."

"I'll look after you, I promise," Gerard put Frank at ease, squeezing his hand before taking a step into the pool. Frank followed suit, inhaling sharply at how he expected the water to be cold, but it was warmer like a tepid bath that had started to run slightly colder. The water rose around him the further he stepped into its depths. Frank got a foot on the bottom tiles of the pool before Gerard swam ahead of him gracefully, turning to face him, waiting for Frank to join him.

Frank swam forward, smiling when he got to Gerard, treading water as quietly as possible. For something that they weren't supposed to be doing, Frank was enjoying this moment more than he had anticipated. The fact that they weren't hiding behind closed doors, even though it was still hidden away, it was the closest they had been to a 'couple' outside of four walls.

"Are you okay, my prince?" Gerard asked. Frank nodded, smiling, and watched as Gerard swam back a little, submerging himself in the water. He reappeared moments later, splashing Frank in the process, making him laugh and splash back at his Master while he pushed wet hair out of his eyes. Frank felt like this was some form of liberation for the two of them. Gerard may have taken a moment to swim around, but he couldn't get over the freedom of the moment that had him enjoying it more and more. It was an exhilarating experience to say the least, even if it was only a one-time thing that they were going to share.

Gerard came back to his happy submissive, being close to him in the water as their eyes met. Frank was getting lost in the moment and in his Master's gaze, he couldn't break the heavy eye contact even if he tried. His usual Dominant stare was softened, pulling Frank in like a hypnotic python, something which he knew he would never resist. Frank found himself drawing closer to Gerard in the water, lips parted until he molded with his Master's soft pout. Locking together softly and slowly, synchronized like only they knew how. The few months for them felt like years as they kissed, the slide of a warm tongue against Frank's lip made a small whimper leave him. 

He gave up on swimming and chose to wrap his arms around Gerard's neck, his legs instinctively lifting up to lock around his Master's hips. Gerard slid his hands down to hoist Frank higher as he stood in the water to keep them anchored. Frank craved the closeness now more than ever, pressing himself against his Dominant, one hand sliding into Gerard's hair, holding onto the wet locks. 

Soft words danced on Frank's tongue as they kissed, words that Gerard knew already- they didn't need to be spoken. Frank had already uttered those same words just days before- This time, the utterance hadn't rendered him catatonic in the process. Frank didn't want to break the moment they were sharing even as Gerard broke the kiss, swimming and pulling Frank over to the steps so they could sit in the water.

Frank clung onto his Master, feeling his toned muscles pull and stretch under his skin as he swam. He held on so tight, not wanting to let go as he buried his face below his Master's ear, feeling nothing else other than the overwhelming overflow of butter-soft emotions in his chest. Gerard sat with Frank in his lap, the boy had one hand on Gerard's shoulder while the other played with the damp strands of hair that were slowly drying. 

They stayed in their silent reverie for a short while, finding comfort in the silence between them. Frank was exceedingly happy after sharing this one-off experience.

"You're awfully quiet, my prince." Gerard commented, looking at the boy he adored so much. Frank looked up for a second, smiling at him.

"Nah, I'm just content, Mon Apollon." Frank was thinking, wondering about his Master because of what had happened earlier in the day. He never wanted it to be repeated again; worry began to creep up his spine, "Sir?" Frank asked nervously, "While I slept, did you do everything that you needed to do?"

Gerard frowned a tad, "What do you mean, boy?"

"I mean, did you do your injection or... Or whatever it is you need to do?" Frank asked, looking at Gerard with concern in his eyes.

"I did," Gerard nodded, "You don't have to worry about that. Lindsey was on my case with that tonight after what I put you and your colleagues through this afternoon. She just keeps me in check because she worries."

"Well I'll be the same when it comes to you remembering to take your insulin," Frank said almost sternly, not wanting to sound like he was trying to boss or dominate his own Master, but when it came down to his health, Frank knew that he had every right to be this way. He sat up to look Gerard in the eye, "I don't want there to be a repeat of today."

"And there won't be," Gerard reassured and then paused and raised an eyebrow slightly. Frank continued his fidgeting routine; he wrapped his Dominant's damp blonde strands around his fingers, sliding the hair free from his loose grip, and repeated the soft tugging and curling. Gerard eyed him curiously, "Why are you doing that?"

"Hmm?" Frank responded, forgetting himself for a second before he snapped back into the moment, "Sorry. Pardon, sir?"

"Why are you so overly fascinated with my hair tonight?" Gerard queried as he held Frank's hand, setting it down on the boy's thigh before pushing his own hair out of his eyes, "You never usually fixate like this."

"Oh, sorry," Frank blushed in the low glow from the nearby firepit, not knowing if his thought was going to be appreciated once it was out in the open. He twisted it in his mind, turning it into a fully-faceted statement as he looked at the pale hair so close to his face, "I just- Why did you change your hair color, sir?"

Gerard sighed, "I knew that you liked it when I had my hair orange, but when I thought I had lost you... I couldn't bring myself to look at my own reflection without seeing it. Without thinking about the fact that you were gone. It made me sad because it reminded me of you, so I changed it."

"I-I never realized," Frank felt censurable when he realized it was his fault, "I feel bad now..."

"Don't be," Gerard kissed his cheek before taking hold of his chin, making Frank look at him, "I have you back now, my prince, so it's all in the past."

Frank nodded, biting his lip. Frank was sure that he would have loved whatever color Gerard chose to dye his hair, but he did miss the brilliant orange; he couldn't help it. That was one of the first things he ever noticed about Gerard; the shock of blazing vermillion fire when they first met at the cafe. That seemed so long ago now, but Frank still held on, realizing just how much he missed it.

"Why do you ask?" Gerard queried, clearly sensing that there was something 'off' about the boy sitting on his lap.

"O-Oh, it's nothing," Frank stammered, "I do like your blond hair, it's just... I miss it."

"You miss it?"

"Yeah," Frank nodded, "I'd never met anyone with hair like yours before. It was so bright and unique and just, you stood out so much with it and it's one of the things that caught my attention so much when I first met you," Frank blushed as he opened up, "It was so obscenely you. Whenever I saw the same color, I immediately thought of you. And... For a politician? Most of them are, like, seventy and grey. And if they're younger, they're so boring or... Just- They're not you. Nothing is even close to comparable."

"Really?" Gerard whispered, watching his suddenly shy submissive nod. He smiled slightly and touched Frank's chest with a wet hand, "Well, I'll see what I can do about that."

"Yeah?" Frank brightened up at the idea, running his hand through his Master's hair to play with it again, "Maybe I could do it for you. Take care of my Dom," Frank chuckled to himself, "I am good at dyeing hair."

"Are you, boy?" Gerard quirked an eyebrow, looking at Frank's damp scruff.

"I'll put the time I fried my own hair orange down to 'experience'," Frank retorted with a small snort, "I promise I'll never do that to you, sir."

"Orange on you," Gerard hummed, "I didn't think there was any way you could stand out to me more, my prince."

Frank went coy, not knowing what to say to that compliment other than, "Th-Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome," Gerard pressed a kiss to Frank's lips before he looked at him, taking a moment to think, "I find it fascinating. You know so much about me. You learned so much about me early on and now every now and again I get little tidbits of information about you. Slowly you are painting an image of yourself for me. And I love the color palette."

"You know you can always ask about me like you said I could for you," Frank told him, shifting in his lap, curling his toes against the water, "I'm not a closed book, sir."

"Okay then," Gerard nodded, thinking for a second, "When you were a child, did you ever know what you wanted to be when you were older?"

"Wow," Frank chuckled, "Going for the basics here."

"Well, for me, I know more about your sexual preferences than you yourself," Gerard pointed out and made Frank blush, "So, yes, I went for the basics."

"Well, when I was five all I wanted to be was Batman," Frank smirked, seeing the surprised smile on his Master's face because of his answer, "Bruce Wayne was cool. He had Wayne Manor and the Batmobile and the utility belt. He had Alfred, too. He just- He was so cool and confident and he had the money and he was his own person. He was all I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course, when I actually grew up, it didn't turn out like that because I ended up with Ryan and we moved in together and I had to provide. I had to get a job to pay the bills and I guess I never had any sort of aspirations. Even with the careers advisors at school, I never knew what I wanted to do with myself."

"But you're so intrinsically bright and have such talent," Gerard offered as he rubbed Frank's thigh and made him blush again, "I'm sure you could have been anything you wanted."

"Yeah, probably," Frank sighed, "I guess life took over and I just had to knuckle-down and do what was best; earn money over doing something that I wanted to do. Working for the paper was great, but it wasn't exactly like I pictured myself doing that my whole life. It was an easy job because I was working for Ryan's parents."

"A lot of the time we end up doing what we think is best over what we actually want to do," Gerard added, stroking his hand over Frank's damp hair, "It becomes comfortable and that is when dreams get forgotten."

"Yeah, I guess."

"We must never forget our dreams," Gerard pointed out, resting his finger under Frank's chin to tilt his head up, looking him in the eyes, "Sometimes they are what keep us going until we achieve them and we can finally be who we want to be."

"Well, I always wanted to do something with politics," Frank added with a smile, "I guess I got lucky there. Got the dream job and someone who, at one point, I could only dream about."

"He must be a very lucky man." Gerard hummed, stroking his thumb against Frank's cheek.

"Yeah," He nodded, "I'm pretty sure he knows it."

"Favorite color?" Gerard moved on swiftly, going back to wrapping his arm around his boy's waist, holding him close.

"Other than orange," Frank said pointedly, eyeing the mop of blonde on top of Gerard's head, "Green and teal, remember?"

Gerard raised an eyebrow, "Is that why you were so fond of the green marker when you were doing your contract, my boy?"

"You wish," Frank snorted, "If that were the case then everything would have been marked 'green'."

"Favorite book?"

"I grew up on Harry Potter," Frank admitted, "But my favorite is Catcher In The Rye."

"So, you enjoy the intelligent yet cynical protagonist?" Gerard smirked.

"Kids are smart," Frank pointed out, "They speak honestly and can see right through people. He was smart. He could figure people out so easily. Something I wish I could do I guess. If I could do that then maybe I wouldn't have had to have put up with Ryan for so long. I would have known exactly how he would turn out to be."

"But if you hadn't then how would we have crossed paths?" Gerard queried, "Sometimes we wish that things wouldn't have happened, especially if they leave us hurt and wounded from experience, but my boy, without him, you wouldn't have got the interview with me."

"I guess."

"Obviously because I can only assume you wouldn't have been working for his parents at the paper," Gerard said, making Frank realize that he was actually onto something with this, "No job at the paper. No interview with me. No meeting and me hiring you. None of this would have happened without Ryan."

"I guess I should thank him at least," Frank curled a weak smile, knowing that he would have rather have slapped Ryan than thanked him, "Not that he deserves it."

"After what he did to you, he doesn't deserve anything from you at all, but I am grateful for the fact that he made you see sense twice."

"Alright," Frank shut his eyes, waving his hand dismissively, "Next question."

"You're an only child, aren't you?"

"I am," Frank nodded, "I don't think the world could handle any more people like me, to be honest."

Gerard chuckled, giving the boy a gentle squeeze on his waist, "Did you ever want siblings?"

"Someone to play with when I was a kid would have been nice," Frank admitted with a sigh, "It was pretty lonely growing up. I mean, I had an imaginary friend called Byron, but I'm sure every kid has one of those at one point. Jamia was like a sister to me, but, well..." Frank trailed off, not entirely wanting to think about the fact that she was gone. He could just imagine how she would have wanted the gossip on what he was up to with Gerard when they started, but even thinking about the fact that he didn't have that one person who took him in and looked after him, it made Frank's heart sink and ache.

"It's okay," Gerard soothed, clearly sensing that he had stepped into territory that he hadn't meant to set foot. Gerard pressed a kiss to his temple and Frank smiled softly at the affection, "Let's move on, boy. I don't want to upset you."

"Thank you, Mon Apollon," Frank spoke quietly, pulling himself closer to Gerard before he looked out over the lit-up pool in front of them.

"At what age did you hit puberty?" Gerard questioned, throwing a curveball at Frank that he hadn't expected.

"Wow. Zero to a hundred real fast."

"I'm nothing more than curious," Gerard spoke, "I'm learning about you as much as you have been about me. You have asked me some personal questions to which I answered so I thought you should return the favor, my boy."

"Oh, no, I'll answer," Frank assured him, "I just didn't know you were going to go there so quickly."

"I'm quick only where it is needed, runt," Gerard said as he eyed Frank, who instantly felt his stomach knot at the hidden meaning to his words.

"I-" Frank stammered, getting his head out of the enticing gutter into which Gerard was currently luring him, "I was thirteen. What about you, sir?"

"I was fifteen. Somewhat a late bloomer, so to speak." Gerard answered.

"I can't even picture you as a teenager," Frank shook his head, trying to imagine his Master as an adolescent hitting puberty with the wonky voice and everything else it brought on. He readjusted his seat on Gerard's lap, "It's not a bad thing. I just- I see you as you are now and I think I could picture anything less."

"I wasn't much different, to be honest," Gerard admitted with a noncommittal shrug, "I wasn't as articulate or as knowledgeable as I am now, but everyone has to start somewhere. We learn and grow and become who we are."

"So, no embarrassing stories about you being nothing but a horny teenager?"

"No, but that is a good question, boy. Thank you." Gerard praised.

"Wh-"

"Any embarrassing stories about you being a horny teenager?" Gerard mimicked the boy, seeing him blush in the low light.

"Oh, I was always horny as fuck," Frank didn't even hesitate to admit, "Not that it ever calmed down almost a decade after it started. But there was one time where I was... Y'know..."

"No, I don't know. You'll have to enlighten me, boy." Gerard stated with feigned innocence as he touched the surface of the water with his hand, his gold wedding ring glinting in the flames so close by.

"I was jerking off," Frank told him with a sigh. Gerard was clearly amused over Frank's honesty when a corner of his lips pulled up, "It was something that I ended up doing regularly because, well, every teenage boy probably did the same when they had all those hormones raging inside of them."

"Masturbating, I can understand, yes. That hasn't stopped for either of us, I see." Gerard said with a nod.

"It was just like everyone else's experience, I guess," Frank shrugged, closing up when the humiliation piled on top of him like heavy graveyard dirt, "There's not much to say, sir."

"Then why do I sense more?" Gerard narrowed his eyes, making the boy squirm at the eye contact, "You're holding back on something for sure."

"God, you know me way too fucking well," Frank shook his head and then sighed as he looked at Gerard's smooth chest, "So, I was jerking off in my room and I guess, because of how often I was doing it, it wasn't enough. I couldn't get off and I couldn't get a good angle with my fingers and I didn't wanna whip out some porn because I accidentally washed my earphones in my jeans pocket so they were fucked. And there was no way I was gonna watch it with the sound on 'cause my mama was downstairs. I wasn't trying to fucking die that day. And so I figured I could just use something else to just add to it. And... I kinda reached out for the closest object that I knew would do the job- Literally."

Gerard didn't say a word; he merely continued to look at Frank with one eyebrow slightly raised, obviously wondering what on Earth Frank might have used. He just waited on bated breath to hear the rest of his submissive's pubescent tale.

"So, earlier on in the day I had been eating ice cream while I was watching Ricky Lake and I still had the spoon in my room," Frank said far too confidently, inhibitions sliding as he continued, "You know, the long shiny ones with the thick handles? Proper ice cream spoons. So I, uh... I fucked myself with that."

Gerard remained silent still, speechless over Frank's continued admittance, "I was lucky it wasn't one of those fancy handled ones to be honest. Y'know those with the trigger that release the ice cream. My mom could barely afford rent, you think we have a fancy spoon?" Frank laughed dryly, scratching at the back of his head, "Had one of the best orgasms of my teenage years, I fucking swear. But afterward, after what I had done, I didn't have the heart to put it back in the kitchen so I told my mom I lost it somehow. She was so damn mad at me, but I think she woulda been horrified if she knew what I had really done with it."

Gerard cleared his throat when Frank finished talking, not really knowing what to say to what he had just learned about the boy, "That was... Surprisingly unexpected."

"Oh, God, you're judging me," Frank immediately whined and covered his face with his hands, attempting to fold himself over in his Master's lap to hide while he went a burning shade of red, "Oh, God, why did I say that? Maybe I should be a closed book. Then I won't come out with shit like that and scare you."

"My, my, you do seem to enjoy gratifying yourself in odd ways, my prince," Gerard chuckled, resting his hand on Frank's back, "Spoons. Vanity tables... My leg. Your pillow in your sleep."

"The vanity table was nothing, I can assure you," Frank said far too quickly before he regretted it immediately, "Oh, shit sake, why did I tell you that? I shoulda just said something else. Something that doesn't wanna make me throw myself out a window or some shit."

"My boy," Gerard started, getting Frank to sit up straight in his lap, trying to make him keep contact with him even though Frank wanted to look at literally anything else, "All I know is that if you ran as much as your mouth did, you would be in impeccable shape."

Frank laughed before going back to groaning, burying his face in his hands to shield himself from Gerard, "Please can we just move on? Right now all I wanna do is crawl away and die."

"Now come on, my sweet runt." Gerard tried to calm him down, prising his hands away from his face, seeing the panicked embarrassment that was all over his pores, "From what you've told me, it proves to me that you were a bottom from the word 'go'. Plus, it's nothing of which to be ashamed. I've heard far worse."

"Yeah?" Frank brightened.

"Definitely worse from my high school days. A spoon is an innocent object in comparison to some of the rumors that circulated the hallways," Gerard reassured, recollecting his high school years in his head, "One involved a curling iron, switched off may I add. Another involved a candle and one, unfortunately, a dog and some peanut butter."

"That sounds..." Frank winced.

"Disgusting?" Gerard finished off Frank's sentence. He nodded in agreement, "Oh, I know, but yours is really nothing if you compare to the depravity that runs rampant in the world, present company included. Don't look so embarrassed. Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"I never did it again," Frank urged, "I threw it away and told myself that I would never tell anyone that I did that. Ryan never even knew, sir."

"I can imagine him being horribly appalled with you if you told him," Gerard snorted softly, "I feel honored that you had the courage to tell me of this self-indulgent dalliance."

"Don't expect more stories like that," Frank muttered as he started to calm down, "I did eventually calm down with my urges and just dealt with it as any other guy would. No spoons involved. Just a hand and some lube or spit. Okay once there was an incident with some 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter', but I swear that was genuine scientific curiosity."

"That's good to hear. I wouldn't want to walk in on you satisfying yourself with the handle of my whisk or my Land O' Lakes," Gerard smirked. Frank went to pull away then but he was stopped, held tightly as Gerard pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Oh, come on, I'm trying to lighten the mood, little one."

"How about we lighten the mood by changing the subject altogether?" Frank insisted, looking at Gerard rather grumpily, "How about I ask you a question?"

"By all means." Gerard encouraged with a charming smile. Frank had wondered about this before; he feared that maybe it wasn't what he expected.

"Two questions."

"Go ahead, boy."

"First one is" He took a small shaky breath, "When we first started this whole thing, you used to call me things like 'dog' and 'pup' and now you don't. You call me other things. I just... I just noticed. I wasn't sure if you realized."

Gerard's body tensed just slightly beneath his submissive as he eyed him, before composing himself, "If I tell you the full honest answer, please don't be angry with me."

Frank felt his brows knit together and he nodded slightly, "Yeah?"

"It was what I used to call him." Gerard admitted, "And it merely slipped out when I wasn't noticing it. And when I realized, and after I called it off, I started making a concerted effort to call you something entirely different. Because you're your own person and not his replacement or something of that sort." 

Frank stared at him in surprise, taking in the words that had been confessed in confidence. He leaned in, pulling his Master into a gentle hug as he whispered the only thing that came to mind, "Thank you." 

"I beg your pardon?'

"Thank you. For... For trying. And you didn't just use the same names for us both. You didn't just recycle between us and not care. You see us differently and gave me a different nickname or pet name that suited me more. Because I did like 'pup' but... It didn't really suit me. Or, that's how I felt. I like the names you have for me now. They feel more personal."

Gerard smiled in earnest and reached up to stroke Frank's jaw with his thumb, "I really am trying to make this better for you. For us. As much as I can in my own abilities. Now, second question?"

"Do you feel the way you feel because of who I am to you, or is it more than that, sir?" Frank asked, tiptoeing around the actual words that would have made his question a lot easier to decipher.

"How do you mean?" Gerard frowned.

"I mean," Frank began again and took a pause to psych himself up before he said what he had been thinking, "Do you love me as your submissive, or do you love me for me? As a person. As your person."

"Why do you feel the need to ask me that kind of question, my prince?" Gerard asked, perfect brows furrowed in concern. Frank shrunk back and Gerard added, "Was I not clear enough before?"

"You were," Frank answered with a nod, "But I didn't know the reason because of the nature of our relationship. This is different for me so I don't know how this works when it comes to, you know, love and mushy feelings."

"My boy, if our love is only a will to possess and own, it is not 'love'," Gerard spoke fluidly, making Frank's insides begin to flutter even though he didn't fully understand, "If we only think of ourselves, if we only know our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love fully. Your willingness to do my every whim and will is your expression of love. When you kneel before me to remove my boots and look up at me, I can see the adoration in your eyes. And I know you love me and you love your part in my life. It's so easy to pick up on when I know the signs. And I know you well enough to know what love looks like coming from Frank Iero."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Your eyes practically soften when you look at me. Your expression melts away into nothing as though hypnotized. Your pupils dilate as though intoxicated. And that's just in your gaze. I could write book upon book of the ways in which I know that you love me." He smiled a little and watched as Frank took his hand to fiddle with it while he listened.

"I know how you look, too. I think." Frank uttered in a timid voice.

"Enlighten me once again, dear boy."

"Different ways depending on what we're doing. You look at me when I talk and I know you're listening; you're not just looking at me but you're solely focused on what I have to say. And I can tell you love me when your breathing gets a little shaky even though the rest of you seems so... Serene. And when I'm serving you as my Master, you look at me like I'm the only thing that matters. Like you don't even know where we are or what's going on. And your touch is so controlled but I can feel it's so tense and I know you want to do so much more but you don't 'cause... Because you're afraid of hurting me in the moment or doing something to ruin it. Right?"

Gerard merely smiled at his submissive and took Frank's face in his hands to kiss him so tenderly, the embrace filled with so much love and emotion that it overflowed like an imbalanced chemical reaction. Frank leaned further into the kiss, his hands on his Master's neck on either side with his fingers tugging on the bottom strands of Gerard's hair.

"Wow," Frank breathed out, feeling his insides churning, "That- That, too. That feeling I get with you. I never had that with anyone else. You make me so flustered and worked up but I feel so calm. It's like when you drop a tiny stone into a lake. There's that centralized ripple that fucks up right where it hits but the rest of the lake remains still. Does that make sense in a weird way?"

"Thich Nhat Hanh said that previous statement on the difference between owning and love," Gerard enlightened, his voice a decibel softer, "It easily relates to us. I may be your Dominant and you my submissive, but if it were only that between us, then there is no way that love could even come into it. I care more for you than I care about myself; your needs are always greater than mine. You will always be higher than myself, in my eyes. If I only considered myself in this relationship then it would not have worked from the start. And I know there were times where that did happen, albeit unintended or against my own judgment. But from the moment we began, you were always more important than me."

"But you're just as important, sir," Frank urged, "There are always two people in a relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is."

"Given the nature of our relationship, I may dominate, but you have the power. I may be the Master who claims you, but in no way do I possess you unless you want it that way- And even then it's never fully. I cannot own your thoughts and dreams and your will. You are your own person at the end of the day. If it wasn't like that then how I felt would have never changed and grown."

"But I am yours," Frank frowned, puzzled, "That's the whole reason for the contract. Not just limits, but I am yours."

"Frank," Gerard said softly, getting the boy to look at him when he took hold of his chin between his thumb and index finger, "On n'aime que ce qu'on ne possede pas tout entier."

"I..." Frank stammered. He hadn't expected Gerard to come out with something in French, but the words still had the same volted effect on him; the tingles traveling down his spine even though he didn't know what his Master had actually said. He bit his lip as he blushed pink, "I don't know what that means, sir."

"It's a quote from one of my favorite French novelists, Marcel Proust. It means," Gerard started, bringing his lips close to Frank's ear to whisper, "'We only love what we do not wholly possess'."

"Oh," Frank let the sound fall from his lips. What Gerard had said began to make sense. Frank may have been Gerard's but he didn't own him; it wasn't that kind of relationship and Gerard had told him that previously in his training. It was like a blurry picture was finally coming into focus. The colors suddenly crisp and understandable. What had confused Frank now finally made sense, and he realized that his fear was something that he should never have worried about in the first place. 

Gerard loved him.

"I could never fully possess you. You're not like that and I wouldn't want to," Gerard explained, resting his hand on Frank's thigh, stroking circles of affection with his thumb, "After seeing you so broken before, I know you much better than I had done at the beginning. You are complex and fragile at the same time, which isn't a bad thing, my prince. It means that I take pleasure in looking after you and making sure you are okay. Now that I know what you are like, possessing and owning you would only break you and I would never want to do that to you, boy. I love you and you should know that."

Frank didn't know what to say to any of this; this was an eye-opener. This was Frank realizing that he had feared over nothing. He stared and nodded, reigning in the swell of emotions that were tumbling over themselves inside of him like waves on boulders.

"But why is this different?" Frank asked before thinking, "Ryan said he loved me, but how is it so different?"

"Imagine you're holding a glass of water," Gerard began, making Frank double-take in his mind but digress to listen to his Master's smooth voice, "If you hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If you hold it for an hour, you'll have an ache in your arm. If you hold the glass for a day, your arm will feel numb and paralyzed, yes?"

Frank kept quiet, frowning and nodding at his Master, who continued, "The weight of the glass doesn't change. Just like Ryan didn't change anything for you and your needs in your relationship. But the longer you hold it, the heavier it becomes. The stresses and worries in life are like the glass of water. The stress of your relationship with Ryan may not have changed at all, but it became more noticeable the longer it went on, am I right?"

"Yeah," Frank nodded, "I mean, only towards the end. I put up with it for so long."

"So you were fine for so long, like holding the glass for a minute," Gerard carried on, "Nothing happened then. Ryan loved you and everything seemed fine. But hold the glass for longer and it begins to hurt because you carried it alone. You continued and still, nothing changed, that was when the cracks started to appear. He may have been happy being the glass, but you were struggling."

"He just wouldn't change." Frank whispered, his voice cracking.

"Just as you can't change a glass of water. It is what it is," Gerard made Frank see, "So by the end of it, as holding the glass for a whole day, thinking about the stresses for so long, you felt paralyzed and incapable of doing anything to change your relationship. You wanted to move but nothing reacted when you tried. Ryan was so set in his ways. He may have loved you, but you were unhappy."

"We both know this, sir."

"But that's the point," Gerard urged and tried to coax Frank toward his epiphany, "Your relationship with Ryan is holding the glass up. If he wasn't willing to change then how could you continue to keep hold of something that was crippling you emotionally? That's not 'love' if only one person is getting what they want out of the relationship; that's being nothing more than egocentric and selfish, and that is why this is different. I love you and I care about your needs and feelings. I am in no way selfish, perhaps just idiotic at times. And no matter what, even if I am your Dominant, I promise to never let the glass get heavy for you, ever. I am not a glass of water, I am a second hand to help you keep it up."

"That's..." Frank sat on Gerard's lap, speechless; not knowing what to say as every emotion in his body began to come to terms with what had been said to him.

"It's the truth," Gerard replied in earnest, "You're in a mature relationship with an actual adult. That is also why this is different. You are with someone who loves you and treats you as an equal no matter how you kneel. Submissive or not, my feelings for you will always be the same," Gerard told Frank, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Frank kissed back eagerly before he said the three words that he had been so fearful of announcing just days before, "I love you, too."

"You don't seem so scared saying it this time around."

"It's still daunting, I'm not gonna lie." Frank admitted with a nervous chuckle, "But it's easier to say knowing what you told me. I guess, I just have to get over what I had before."

"And again, you can take as long as you need," Gerard reminded him, "How I feel will not change, no matter how long it takes for you to adjust, my boy."

"I still can't believe that I thought that what I had before was a mature relationship." Frank shook his head and let out a small scoff at his previously ignorant self.

"Being your first relationship, you wouldn't have known the difference. Now you do. I hope you realize that you deserve the best, which I will always try to give you, little one."