A/N: An update for my birthday. :)

6 Years Ago

"I had a really nice time," Ryan commented while they stood at the entrance of the cinema, waiting for his ride home. Frank was doing the same, standing a foot away from Ryan because even though they had been close when they were sitting in the cinema whilst watching the movie, he was absolutely shitting himself all over again.

"Yeah, me too." Frank nodded. He had a nice time, all things considered because he had been able to spend time with Ryan out of school. Although, Frank had to admit that he would rather watch anything other than Twilight. Ryan had walked out of the theatre with a smile on his face, gushing over the movie and the cute boys. Frank just nodded along, pretending that he had totally been into the film, even though at one point he swore that he was going to fall asleep.

"Really?" Ryan chuckled, folding his arms across his chest, shivering while he kept a look-out for his dad's car, "I thought you had fallen asleep at one point, to be honest."

"When?" Frank frowned. He knew that at one point he may have dozed, but he never properly fell asleep. He hoped and prayed that Ryan hadn't seen the way his head had dropped down before he snapped it back up, blinking himself awake.

"Towards the end," Ryan spoke, "When Alice had the vision of the ballet school."

"Who?"

"Were you even paying attention?" Ryan laughed lightly. The tinkling chime of his laugh had a wave of butterflies erupt in Frank's stomach, his eyeliner-rimmed eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Of course I did," Frank insisted despite knowing it was a fat lie. The last thing he remembered was some baseball and a good soundtrack and thereafter his edges had begun to blur. He caught Ryan's dubious eyebrow and added, "I mean if I wasn't paying attention, can you blame me? I had a pretty good distraction."

Ryan's cheeks turned a bright pink to match his cold-ripped nose. He leaned back against the doorway of the cinema, smiling at Frank before looking away, averting his eyes sheepishly. Ryan hid his smile behind the cuff of his sleeve, biting his bottom lip to try and calm himself down as the fluttering feeling in his stomach blossomed more. Frank was about to add something when he noticed the way Ryan went coy, but he stopped when he realized that he was shivering; Ryan was cold. The Jersey night air was icy as it wrapped around them while they waited, "Hey, you're cold?"

"I'm fine." Ryan insisted as he put his arms around himself to keep warm.

"Nope, bullshit. Here," Frank said, shrugging his jacket off before holding it out for Ryan, "Wear this."

"But you'll get cold-"

"I insist," Frank cut Ryan off with a kind smile, shaking the jacket pointedly. He wanted to be nothing more than a gentleman, helping Ryan into the jacket when he eventually caved, rolling his eyes before slipping his long arms into the sleeves. The warmth from Frank wearing it had Ryan pulling it tighter around him, thanking Frank with a smile. Frank loved seeing him smile, "You're welcome. I don't want you getting cold, babe."

"But you'll get cold-"

"A-bub-bub," Frank silenced him again, "I'll be fine."

"You're too nice to me, y'know," Ryan said after a moment of silence passed between the two of them. Frank looked at Ryan then from where he was leaning against the doorframe. He tried to ignore how he was already absolutely freezing.

"And that's a problem?" Frank queried with a raised eyebrow, watching Ryan fiddle with the zip on his jacket.

"It's not a problem, just, I mean... I guess I knew for a while that you may have liked me, especially seeing as I know that you watch me in English class."

Frank cringed, "You knew about that?"

"Of course I did," Ryan snorted, "No one is ever that interested in Othello." Frank blushed profusely, avoiding eye contact with Ryan, only noticing when he moved closer to him out of the corner of his eye.

"I like you, too, Frank." Ryan whispered. Frank turned to look at him with wide eyes, surprised at the admittance. Ryan hadn't said anything until right now and the words hit Frank a little harder than he expected, but in the best way possible. His heart hammered, eyes locking with the gorgeous boy that was so close. Frank's mouth went dry when Ryan stepped closer to him again. He had a look in his eyes that Frank couldn't quite read. Frank's mind raced, wondering if now was the right time to make the first move. If it was, was he going to be anywhere close to good at kissing?

He had imagined kissing Ryan, but his imagination was a much smoother lover than how he knew he was in reality. He would probably end up messing it up somehow by going the wrong way or bumping into Ryan. What if he killed the moment and, in turn, killed off what they could possibly be? Ryan had said that he liked him, too. Ryan inched even closer to him; being this close had the butterflies in Frank's stomach erupting tenfold. Looking at Ryan this close, Frank could see the light freckles on his nose, and notice the tiny details about Ryan that just made him beyond beautiful. His hair and eyes the same chocolate brown, his lips a similar shade to roses that grew in his mom's garden. Frank shuddered a shaky gasp at the smell of mint gum and Coke on Ryan's breath. Frank caught sight of the line of fur on Ryan's hood that he had pulled out from underneath the borrowed hoodie. Frank had honestly forgotten about that until just now when the thought of Ryan actually wearing real fur came screaming back to him. Frank paused then, not breathing for a second as the panic set in.

"You okay?" Ryan asked, his voice laced with concern. Frank blinked, shaking his head, snapping out of instant worry that held him.

"Yeah...sorry, I just," Frank stammered. Part of him couldn't even begin to comprehend how he would feel if Ryan was actually wearing real fur. This insanely perfect person would suddenly become tainted, and Frank didn't want to consider how this would change everything for him. He swallowed and looked down nervously, "I've gotta ask something because it's bothering me. I know it shouldn't, but- I just, fuck... I didn't want to ruin anything but I just have to know."

"Frank? What's wrong?" Ryan's head tilted and his brows furrowed. Frank's leg was twitching again and now he was fidgeting with the wallet chain that was fastened to his jeans.

"Is that real fur on your hood?" Frank asked as he pointed to the stripe of black on the hood, not wanting to look at it, "Because if it is... I-I just-"

"Hey, Frank, relax," Ryan spoke softly, his voice calming Frank while he took hold of his arms gently, "It's not real."

"I-It's not?"

"Of course not," Ryan reassured, "Do you really think that I'm the kind of person who would do something as awful as that? I would never wear real fur, honey."

A smile broke out on Frank's lips when relief washed over him. Was it possible for someone to become even more attractive just by admitting that they didn't wear fur, and thought that the idea of wearing fur was awful? Frank's heart skipped in his chest; Ryan wasn't the kind of person that Frank has been worried about. Frank looked at the line of fur that had been bothering him for most of the evening, finally calm.

Ryan was actually the one to make the first move. Frank stopped breathing when he felt Ryan's lips lock with his own. In an instant Frank felt like he had lost control of the butterflies in his stomach; he tried to remember to breathe. The fluttering sensation was coursing through, leaving him dizzy. Frank moved a hand, holding onto Ryan's side, grounding himself down into the moment. Warm, soft, cherry lips pressed against Frank's, and his first kiss was ten times better than he had ever expected. Ryan was actually kissing him and Frank hadn't messed it up. He was over the moon because Ryan liked him back and hopefully this was going to be the start of something for the two of them.

Frank snapped out of the memory when the sound of ringing filled his ears. Being drawn back into the reality where he was currently in his boss's hotel suite. He was sitting up in bed, feeling somewhat sorry for himself after what Ryan had done. Frank had barely moved since yesterday afternoon; he had stayed in bed because it was comfortable and comfortable was what Frank felt like he needed. He felt so used and vulnerable- And broken.

He barely moved a muscle when the sound of his phone ringing came out from the depths of the bed. Frank searched for his phone in the folds of bedding, wondering who was calling him. He knew for a fact that it wouldn't be Ryan, and Frank hoped that it wouldn't be Gerard especially after what happened happened. The idea of talking to him after Ryan had fucked him and left him made Frank feel so guilty. Frank pulled his phone out from where it was hiding, his Korn ringtone louder now that it was no longer hidden under the comforter. Frank frowned when he saw 'Lindserino' on the screen.

Frank assumed that if Lindsey was going to get involved with what had happened then she would have done it already. But then again, Lindsey probably wasn't the kind of person who would get herself involved with what Gerard did.

Gerard was terrifying enough when you got on the wrong side of him, but Frank had witnessed Lindsey dragging Gerard out of his own kitchen by the ear. If he wasn't his usual self around her when he was in trouble then maybe she was to be feared. Frank overthought everything for a split second. In an instant his mind raced, hoping that Lindsey didn't know about what had happened last night.

Maybe that's why Lindsey was calling; Frank's heart dropped. What if in, the two weeks that had passed, both Lindsey and Gerard assumed that he wasn't coming back. Maybe this call was going to be the one where Frank found out that, yet again, he didn't have a job. Of course, Lindsey would be doing the dirty work of telling him that his contract had been terminated; Gerard probably didn't even want to talk to him. He had probably moved on in some way and wanted Frank out of his suite in the next few days.

"Hey," Frank said as confidently as possible when he finally answered, pressing his phone to his ear. He hoped and prayed that the inevitable wasn't about to happen, but he was so sure of it.

"Don't you dare 'hey' me," Lindsey all but snarled in response, snapping heatedly. Frank grimaced and braced himself for whatever was about to be thrown at him over the phone, "What the hell do you think you're doing, Frank Iero?"

Frank opened his mouth to answer, but he didn't know what kind of answer Lindsey was expecting. He had assumed that this call was going to be nothing more than her breaking the news that he had lost his job.

Lindsey sighed impatiently, "Are you going to answer me?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Lindsey. I haven't exactly had the time of my life over the past two weeks." Frank finally answered honestly, not wanting to go into any of the details.

"I'm over here wondering if you've lost your fucking mind, Frank." Lindsey retorted, making Frank frown and wonder if she actually knew what had gone down the last time that he had been with Gerard.

"I'm fuckin' questioning that, too."

"You do know that I know what happened the other week when Michael decided to pop by unannounced," Lindsey added. Frank's eyes widened; Gerard had more than likely told her everything. Frank could imagine Gerard telling Lindsey that he was gone. He could picture Gerard telling Lindsey how it hadn't worked out because Frank wasn't good enough for him. They had probably talked about it- Talked about him and how it had all gone so wrong because Frank knew that he wasn't cut out for it.

"I didn't exactly want that cunt to rip me to fucking pieces at work," Frank fired back unhappily as the memory that he wanted to erase came back. That torturous time in the office where Mikey had literally torn him to shreds. Frank screwed his eyes shut, "What he said to me was fucking brutal."

"And you listened to him." Lindsey sighed, "Jesus fucking christ, Frank... I can't believe you listened to Mikey of all people."

"Kinda hard to ignore him when he was right up in my face. I could smell his designer cologne and could the hair on his mustache." Frank snorted as he picked at the blanket over his crossed legs as a way of coping with the call.

"Yeah, I get that," Lindsey paused, "But Gerard stood up for you and look what you did."

"I know what I did-"

"I should fucking hope you remember what you did," Lindsey cut Frank off angrily "Because I've had to hear about it. He told me what happened. You safeworded your entire fucking relationship with him."

"Because Mikey was right," Frank defended as he threw the blanket off himself. He climbed out of bed, walking around the bedroom to keep himself calm despite the raging nerves in his stomach, "Linds, you don't understand... He was right, and I was blind. He opened my eyes with what he said; I'm not cut out for what Gerard had to offer. I can't be what he wants me to be; I fucked up, I made mistakes. I did everything that I wasn't supposed to do. I was only going to let Gerard down if it continued because I'm not meant to be what he expects of me."

"Jesus absolute Christ," Lindsey sighed again. Frank could almost picture her shaking her head and pinching the bridge of her nose, "You really think that Gerard is that much of a bastard that he expects you to do everything right from day one? He knew what you were coming from with your ex. He knew that it would take time with you. Yet you didn't give it time and you threw in the towel after one hurdle. I cannot believe you've behaved like this, Frank."

He sighed, pacing and biting on his thumbnail incessantly. He walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, ignoring his surroundings as he stared at the wood grain of the floor almost incessantly. Lindsey continued her tirade, "You do realize that even after everything, he made sure that you weren't going to be out on the streets. He's let you live in his suite, Frank. He's been paying thirty grand a night just so you have a roof over your head."

Frank stopped pacing in his tracks, his eyes falling on a gold-trimmed lamp to his right, his mouth hanging open. Frank hadn't even considered how much it would have cost to stay in a suite like this, but now he knew, he honestly didn't know what to say to Lindsey. A weak whimper left him.

"I'm guessing Gerard didn't tell you that, did he?"

"N-No." Frank finally answered, trying to reel in some of the shock as he swallowed, still looking around him.

"So, while you've been living the life of luxury," Lindsey spoke with a snide remark that made Frank snap out of his thoughts, and back into reality, "I've been the one picking up the pieces of what you left behind."

"What d'you mean?" Frank asked. The way Lindsey was talking to him had a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. Had something happened after he left? Frank assumed that Gerard was the kind of person who could just move on when something didn't work out.

"Gerard is a strong man, one of the strongest I know, and I would know because I've lived with him for years," Lindsey spoke steadily, her voice tinged with a sudden melancholy, "But something happened after you left. You did something to him and he hasn't been the same person since."

"What d'you mean?" Frank repeated as he lowered himself into the armrest of the sofa. He had only seen one side of Gerard- His usual side. Frank assumed that Gerard was just the kind of person who got through things while keeping himself together. He had barely known him for that long and Frank began to realize that clearly he didn't know Gerard fully.

"It's been a long time since I've seen Gerard cry," Lindsey's voice dropped in volume but remained steady and truthful. Frank didn't know what to say to that admittance. What the fuck was he supposed to say? All of a sudden he realized that Gerard was not the same cold and powerful man that he had the privilege to know. He was an actual person who clearly had feelings. Frank began to realize that despite the fact that he thought that he was no good for Gerard, he had hurt him in the process. Frank honestly hadn't fully considered how Gerard would be once he had gone. Lindsey added, "Last time he cried was at my brother's funeral. That was a long time ago, Frank. And he didn't cry as hard back then."

"I-I didn't think-"

"Of course you didn't think," Lindsey butted in, her voice clipped and full of annoyance, "Well, you did, but I'm guessing you didn't think about the effect of your repercussions on Gerard."

"I thought he would be okay-"

"Well, he's not," Lindsey snapped sharply. Frank closed his eyes and bowed his head in shame. Lindsey softened as she continued, "Frank, at the end of the day, even if Gerard comes across as cold and domineering self... He's still human. He still feels. He's not a machine that's devoid of emotion. What you did in the office hurt him irreparably.."

Two weeks had gone past and not once had Frank even thought about how Gerard was doing for fear of thinking about him as a whole. Frank assumed that everything would go back to how it had been before he had even walked into his boss's life but was clear now that Gerard cared. Clearly, he cared because he was paying for Frank to stay in the hotel. Clearly, he cared because Frank still had his paycheck in his jacket pocket. Clearly, Gerard cared; especially if he was really as cut up as Lindsey was making him out to be.

Frank could just picture how Gerard had been, given his experience with this kind of thing. He probably tried to keep it together, but when he was alone at night with the other side of the bed empty, that was probably when he cracked. Gerard would lay on his side and look at the pillow that clearly hadn't been used, the other side of the comforter still laid out across the side of the bed where Frank would have been- Should have still been. It would all get too much then. Gerard probably couldn't even bear to look at the empty side of the bed.

"Do you know what happened the other night? The one thing that made me realize that I had to call you to sort this out?" Lindsey asked and Frank shook his head despite knowing she wouldn't see. She continued as if she had, "I went looking for him; I needed to talk to him about our Le Grange campaign, and I couldn't find him. I looked all over the house and he was nowhere to be seen. He hadn't told me that he was going out, which he usually does. But I found him, eventually. Do you know where I found him, Frank?"

"I-I don't know."

"I found him in your room," Lindsey told Frank, making his insides twist painfully. He closed his eyes, dropped his head down, and felt the self-hatred bubble in his throat like bile. Frank felt the guilt sitting heavy in the pit of his stomach, "I found him in your room. He looked like he had been crying for a while. He was just looking at the suit you had so wonderfully dumped on your bed when you left. I didn't even know what to say to him because, well, what do you say to someone who clearly looked like they had had their heart ripped out of their chest."

"I never meant-"

"To hurt him," Lindsey finished off Frank's sentence and it made him purse his lips, "I know; you keep saying. But you weren't the one who walked in on him crying. You weren't the one to hear about how he hadn't wanted to set foot into your room because it hurt to think about how you had just given up. He couldn't bear to be in your room, but he couldn't stop himself. You removed yourself from him when all he wanted was you. Nothing else from you other than what you had to give."

The remorse made him nauseous. He didn't think of Gerard as the crying type, but given the situation, he was probably completely different from Frank's original perception. Frank didn't want to imagine him crying, but he could picture it from Lindsey's point of view. He could imagine Lindsey finding him in the spare bedroom. He had probably been going through it, looking at everything that was no longer what Frank wanted. That probably hurt the most because Frank hadn't wanted anything that Gerard had given to him. Just another sign for Gerard that probably broke him more?.

Frank hated how he had done this to Gerard. He hated how he could imagine Lindsey comforting him, holding Gerard while he cried against her. Frank imagined that Gerard was strong enough not to show weakness in himself, but this was Lindsey who had found him. His pretend wife and best friend had walked in on him when he was at his weakest. Of course, she would have comforted him, holding him close while he let it all out. Trying her best to tell Gerard that everything was going to be okay. It would all work itself out in the end, even though she didn't have a clue about what the fuck Frank was playing at.

"I'm sorry... I didn't think-"

"Of course you didn't," Lindsey snorted, "You didn't think about anything other than your own fear."

"I never wanted to hurt him," Frank replied in earnest, "I just thought that he could do better than me."

"And what if he didn't want any better?" Lindsey questioned, "What if you took away all he wanted? You really didn't consider anyone but yourself with this, did you?"

Frank realized that he had made a mistake; he had given in too easily. He had listened to that asshole of a brother who didn't even know anything about him. He had just assumed and believed that he was what Mikey had said. Deep down Frank knew that he wasn't, it was just proving, not only to himself but to someone else.

"I'm considering now," Frank muttered quickly, pinning his phone between his ear and shoulder. He walked back into the bedroom and grabbed his jeans from where they had been discarded last night after his pathetic attempt to clear up once Ryan had left him. Frank tugged them on, hopping on one foot for a second before he was pulling them up and fastening them while he scanned the room for his socks, "Where is he?"

"Gerard?" Lindsey responded with a puzzled inflection, "Probably in the office despite it being his day off. He's been working more and moreover the past two weeks. Barely see him around the house anymore."

"Thanks, Linds," Frank breathed out, reaching for another shirt in his suitcase; he was running out of clean clothes. Frank realized that he barely had anything to wear, so what he was in now was going to have to do. The already-worn and slept-in Judas Priest shirt was going to have to do, "Honestly, thank you."

"For what?"

"For making me realize how big of a mistake I made," Frank said quickly before he hung up and threw his phone on the bed so he could get his sneakers on. He got himself ready as quickly as he could, grabbing what he needed, not even thinking about grabbing his phone from where he had left it on the bed.

Frank left the suite once he was ready, heading down in the elevator until he was in the lobby. He left the hotel and tried to remember where he was, and how long it was going to take for him to get to where he wanted to be. Traffic was built up outside the hotel. He spotted taxis that had no one in them, but he knew that if he got in one of them, he would probably end up being stuck outside the hotel for God knows how long in midday traffic.

So, Frank mentally calculated how long it would take for him to walk. It would take a long time to get to his destination, but he knew that he could get there much quicker if he did something that hadn't gone too well for him nearly a month before. Maybe running wasn't Franks forte, but this was important. He knew that he had to fix this, no matter what. He may have hated running and knew just how inappropriately dressed he was for running right now, but this was different.

Frank sucked in a breath as he took off down the road, running as fast as he could. Given the fact that he was wearing his Converse yet again, he wasn't going very fast at all. Frank pushed himself, trying to breathe through the protest in his muscles as he ran down the road. This was going to suck, but Frank knew that it was going to be worth it in the end. It had to be worth it in the end. He was doing this for a reason. Frank never ran unless he was being made to, or had a fucking good reason.

Give it fifteen minutes, Frank thought. His lungs began to burn and his head was pounding through the sudden onslaught of exercise. Frank hated this so much; he hated how he was already starting to perspire at the small amount of running he had already done. He hated how his body was really trying to give out on him like the time he ran with Gerard, but he pushed through it. Frank found this unknown energy inside of him that made him keep going; it made him go faster. He would be there soon enough though. Frank knew he had to keep going. And that was what he kept telling himself as he ran through the crowds of people, breathlessly apologizing when he bumped into people or just got in the way.

Twenty minutes later, Frank got to where he needed to be. His body screamed at him to collapse when he slowed down, his legs quivering like jelly. He looked at the large building that lay out in front of him. He didn't stop but slowed down as he jogged up to the door. He pulled his key card out of his pocket, swiping it against the door to let himself in. Frank didn't know what anyone was going to say to him. He had reappeared after two weeks of going into hiding. Of course, people were going to have questions about his disappearance, but that wasn't his reason for being here.

Frank didn't even pay attention to Hayley, who practically did a double-take when she saw him walk into the office. She stared for a second, seeing how sweaty and worn out he looked, but she didn't say a word. She sat there with shock and confusion on her face as Frank marched himself into his office, coming face to face with Derek.

"Frank, fuck," Derek stammered in surprise. He hadn't even noticed the state that Frank was in until he was trying to catch his breath, "Where've you been? We all thought you'd left."

"N-Not now." Frank panted as he walked past Derek. He wanted to walk straight into the office, but something in him made him pause. Frank held the door handle tightly, composing himself, hoping that Gerard wasn't going to immediately want him out of his office from the moment that he saw him. After everything Lindsey had said, Frank believed that he saw hope at the end of it all. Frank took a moment to get his act together; he pushed his damp hair away from his sweaty brow and sucked in a breath. He knew that he couldn't wait any longer.

Frank hoped for the best as he opened the office door without even knocking. He stepped into the office, seeing the look of annoyance on his old Master's face because he was being interrupted. Frank didn't say a word, he just stood there panting, still trying to catch his breath. Gerard set his papers down on the desk, all but ready to berate whoever had disturbed him, but he didn't. In the second that it took Gerard to look up from his desk, his eyes locked with Frank's own worried hazel gaze. He sat there, speechless, mouth slightly open.

No words were said for a few moments. Frank tried to compose himself as best he could while Gerard watched him, taking him in for a second. Frank couldn't even believe that he was back here, but he was so glad. After everything, and with Frank still hoping that Gerard would take him back, he felt like he was where he was supposed to be. Where he wanted to be. Where he was meant to be.