Has something weird happened? Something weird... but something totally, completely wonderful too?

It's true. Something amazing has happened. I feel totally different. I float on air, my head in a different place from the rest of me. I am in control, totally in control. I have found the solution to life, happiness and everything.

See, I can eat as much chocolate as I want. I can scoff up mountains and mountains of it. Same goes for crisps and same goes for those pastries and cakes, all the stuff the Great British Baker makes all the time. Yum, yum...

And then I can puke them up. They taste nice, but that's all I want from them. Taste them, chew them and swallow them, but no need to leave them where they land in my stomach when I can just spew them back out again.

And hooray – I just stepped on the scales and I weigh... well, not quite nothing but a whole load less than a month ago. Amazing. Amazing.

How to celebrate first? I start my checking in on myfitnesspal which congratulates me on my weight loss and shows me my weight on a graph. I like the sharp dip in the graph. I check in with the Annies and I tell them I have lost weight (but not how much and certainly not how much I weigh). I log onto Cheryl's Twitter account and tell Matt Rogham that, like him, I've been doing a health and fitness 'thang' and I've lost weight too (Great Cheryl! Fab work! Keep it up!) and I do a little bit of writing.

After an hour or so, I hear the voices in my head. It's so easy, so easy Savvy... let's DO IT.

I make a start with the cookies, giant double chocolate chip cookies courtesy of the Great British Baker, followed by the flaky pastry cheese and onion rolls she made stopping at two so she won't know, and then onto the home-made bread slathered in butter and Marmite, and then handfuls of crisps and several glasses of salt water...

All gone.