Dear Diary,

I am still having the dreams, but now I have a body at the end. I get to rewatch the horrors every night, only to have it end with the soldiers all turning to me and saying "This is your fault." 

I am honestly terrified and I don't know what to do! I told Alaric this morning about my visions, but he insists that the Vismarian army is way stronger than the Cilanians. It is foolish I tell you! My premonitions have never been wrong, and he knows this! 

In all honesty, I believe that he is scared as well, and he is trying to force himself to believe it will be alright. I know this will not end without a fight. Our scouts returned today from Cilan with news that the city's army is growing. But Alaric still refuses to acknowledge the truth! 

After a vicious fight with him this morning, I have locked myself in the nursery. Theo allows me to forget the growing threat at the very walls of my home, his giggles and bright green eyes show none of the fear and stress I can see in the eyes of every other person in this castle. I feel at ease with him, even the smallest of his gestures can make me smile, every twitch of his tiny hands shows me that there is still an ounce of good on this land. I wish these moments would last forever, immortally ingrained in my mind, blocking out any looming hint of darkness. Just a woman and her son, laughing together in an otherwise empty room, seeming to all the world a carelessly happy family without trouble. 

But I know better. 

I know this will end in blood, and I know that this moment must end. And I realize that I am the reason for the imminent slaughter of my innocent people. It truly is my fault. My blood is to blame for all the pain soon to come. The Cilanian mission to eliminate all witches has finally come to me. It is now my burden to carry. No more running from my past. 

 But I must end this entry now, Alaric is knocking at the nursery door, asking to apologize.