"I was just one of those people. didn't even believe in true love. just said I wanted to be in love like a habit. but I found myself. the whole new myself.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

maybe I'm your truth and your lie. maybe I'm your love and hate. maybe I'm your enemy and friend. your heaven and hell, your pride and embarrassment."

—

Elianna keeps her eyes down as she makes her way into class.

She hates getting stern looks every time she's late. It's like people have this magical talent of giving dirty looks to everyone.

Elianna makes her way to the middle of the steps and she sighs when realising Jimin is sat in the middle seat, meaning she can't sit next to Jungkook. She sits down, patting Jimin's crouched back, he seems to be intrigued by the paper in front of him, it's a marked paper from their teacher.

Elianna ignores how Jimin doesn't greet her or even look up at her. She really needs an eye smile from him to get her through the day. He continues to look at the paper instead of usually shooting her a cheerful smile. She knows something is wrong which is why she leans back and looks at her lover.

Her lover, she wishes.

Elianna tries to get Jungkook's attention but he's oblivious to her fake coughs and loud whispers of Kookie. He has his mouth open, lost, his eyes on their teacher and a pen in his hand as he writes nothing down on his notepad. It seems like one thing is going into his ear and coming out of the other.

Eventually Jungkook's bronze eyes turn towards her and they sparkle. They freaking sparkle. They're so dark and Elianna has to stop herself from getting lost in them because she ends up taking in everything about his eyes like his eyelashes, his dark pupils and how they look when he smiles. He looks at her and notices the anxious look on her face so he raises his brows.

Elianna eyes the pink haired boy (who got a fresh haircut) who's seated in between them. Jimin is looking ahead now and it must be pretty obvious that his friends are talking about him, literally behind his back. But it's simply because they are concerned.

Jungkook shrugs, his finger in his silver earring as Elianna sighs, trying to convince herself that Jimin is okay. He's just being distant and quiet for one day, he'll be back to normal soon.

Normal. Elianna hates that word.

(If it has anything to do with his ginger ex, Elianna is certain she'll attack her immediately).

Jimin is clenching his small fists in his lap and Elianna notices it. She also notices how he flips the paper in front of him over angrily.

Jungkook notices his frustration, the playful look fading from his charming face and he nudges Jimin. He whispers something to his friend and Elianna hears a familiar Jimin-sshi. She's more than certain that will make Jimin smile.

But he doesn't.

It makes Elianna's heart ache because once again, she feels hopeless when it comes to her friends. Jungkook continues to annoy Jimin, trying to get a response out of him and make him smile. But Jimin barely listens, he nods twice and it's as if Elianna and Jungkook are not on either side of him.

Jungkook leans back again, conquered but worried and he flicks his hand. "Leave it." He mouths.

Elianna tries to hide her smile when Jungkook puckers his lips at her. She turns away, blushing.

Elianna gathers her books and phone along with her backpack, rushing after Jimin who's the first one to leave. "Hurry up." She mutters under her breath to Jungkook and leaves without looking back.

Elianna is tormented. She needs to keep an eye on Jimin and ask him what's wrong. She needs to stop being useless, she feels.

So she follows him out of class, her book pressed against her chest as she sees the pink haired flower go into the bathroom.

Elianna is about to give up, walk away and find Jungkook but a loud, violent bang is heard.

From the men's bathroom.

Hell no.

Elianna shoves her book inside her backpack before storming up to the bathroom door. She's stopped when someone grabs her arm.

"Elianna, what are you doing?" It's Jungkook, his copper eyes flooding with confusion.

"Jimin's in there. I'm gonna make sure he's okay." Elianna doesn't give a single fuck what people have to say or think, about how she's walking into the men's bathroom. Her friend is in there and she wants to be there for him, always.

So Elianna walks in, taking in the dirty surroundings. Yup girls rule, she thinks to herself. Thankfully there's no one else inside.

But Elianna stays glued to the spot when she hears quiet cries from the last toilet cubicle. The moment the sound of her friend crying is heard, she clarifies to herself that this is one of the worst things in life, Park Jimin sobbing by himself.

Elianna walks to the door of the cubicle, trying not to make any sounds with her boots. Her hand is about to knock. "Jimin?" And the cries stop quickly.

Elianna knew he'd freeze, not reply so she knocks on the door. "Jimin, open the door please." She keeps her voice calm, collected.

Shock appears on Elianna's face when the door immediately opens after being unlocked. She wasn't expecting him to listen to her, she was expecting a go away. Her second plan was to go out of the boys toilets, grab Jungkook and climb over the toilet. But Jimin wants her to talk to him it seems and she's going to try her best to be there for the boy who deserves to be happy.

She walks into the murky cubicle after locking the door. Jimin sits back on the toilet seat, his head buried in his hands, controlling his cries. Elianna sighs, dropping her heavy backpack to the floor before sitting down on the horrible looking floor.

Elianna places her arm on Jimin's lap, draping it across his thigh to pat him in a friendly way. She's about to speak but he beats her to it. "You know the floor is really dirty right?" He asks, his voice clearly showing emotional distress.

Elianna leans into him, her side presses against his legs as she sits on the floor and he sits on the toilet seat. "Like I give a fuck right now. You want to tell me what's wrong?" She asks, looking at him.

"I'm sick and tired of not being good enough."

Jimin breathes out and removes his hands from his face. His pale cheeks have dried tears, his eyes seem to fill up with water again when he makes brief eye contact with Elianna and he grips her hand in his, needing the contact comfort whilst being in a vulnerable situation.

"Is this about your grades?" Elianna asks, scooting closer.

Jimin nods, hiding his face. "My moms... they expect too much from me. They want me to achieve higher and higher. But it's getting to the point where I care more about grades than my health. I just want to be good enough. I want to get perfect grades and I want to be a perfect person. I fucking hate being so insecure."

Elianna has several thoughts running through her head. Like how parents pressuring children is one of the worst things, how being a perfectionist is self defeating. How Jimin doesn't deserve to feel this way because the expectations he has to fulfil is affecting his mental state. Elianna may think he's good enough but someone else's opinion can differ a lot from your own.

"Your moms need to realise that not getting high grades is not the end of the world. Sit down with them, explain that all this pressure is too much .. and your thoughts about needing to be perfect at everything, is seriously affecting your mental health Jimin. Slow down." Elianna hopes she's saying the right things to her friend. She wants to help the people she loves.

Jimin grips her hand tighter and he bites his lip to stop himself from crying but he can't. Tears flow past his cheeks hurriedly.

Elianna pats his knee, not looking at him because she's certain she'll start crying too. "What do you see when you look in the mirror?"

"A short boy who tries to please the people around him. Someone who feels the need to be perfect at everything, for himself, for others mainly. A boy who isn't good enough and never will be because the amount of flaws he discovers keep increasing. A boy I wish I could recognise." Jimin finishes and his voice sounds distant, bitter. The look on his face is emotionless and Elianna keeps her hand in his- giving him lots of comfort.

"Well, I see something completely different when I see you." Elianna says, her voice full of confidence and certainty. It makes Jimin look at her for the first time properly today and his red, tearful, hurting eyes look at her hazel bothered ones. "Do you know what I see?"

"I see the complete opposite. I see a pink haired boy who smiles at everyone in the corridor, who tries his best to get on with everyone. I see a best friend who spreads kindness, makes people laugh and smile and is more than good enough. I see someone with yes, flaws, of course because that's what makes him human. I see a boy who is perfect in my eyes because he's trying, he's himself and he's good to people. I think it's time he stops being so harsh on himself, let's life run on its own course and that he is more than enough, so much more." Elianna finishes, her chest aching and when Jimin looks at her, it aches more than it's supposed to.

Jimin let's out a sob, his face scrunching up as tears roll down his cheeks. He starts to cry and Elianna embraces him, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

Jimin hugs her back and she holds him close. "Let it all out."

—

Elianna sighs, lying down on the bed beside Jungkook after a long tiring day. Their heads are next to each other but their bodies are facing opposite ways.

It's story time.

Jungkook asked Elianna about any toxic friends she's had in the past. Elianna prepared herself because the story is exhausting.

"Go on." Jungkook says, his eyes on the ceiling.

Elianna looks away from the patient, beautiful and loving man beside her and starts to tell the story of the man who contrasts with Jungkook, he was selfish and cruel. Comparing him to Jungkook is simply impossible.

"Yoongi. That's his name."

As soon as she says his name out in the open, her mind is filled with his appearance. Shadowy hair or whatever colour it is now, piercing eyes that stare at you for the longest time and they have the power to know exactly how you're feeling. Long earrings on each ear, silver rings on the fingers that he always managed to get bruised or battered. Short height, skinny legs but a stature that made people aware of his presence. Pale skin, good looking features and he fucking knew it.

Jungkook shifts a little, the expression on his face stating the same as he interlocks his fingers on top of his stomach.

Elianna loves that Jungkook listens to her. "He was a real pushover." She starts to describe the man who is now a stranger. "He didn't believe in equality and women power or anything empowering or positive like that. He was the most pessimistic person I'd ever met."

"He was the real definition of a fuckboy I guess you could say." Elianna's mind is blurred with an image of her ex friend, Yoongi. Him playing with girls and telling them he wants nothing but sex. "Fucked girls over many times and I felt ashamed to be his friend."

"He was bloody toxic and emotionally abusive, he never did good." Elianna says, her voice holds clear bitterness.

Elianna glances at Jungkook. His chocolate eyes stay focused on the ceiling- unsure of what to say so he stays quiet. She can hear his slow and steady breathing and she forces herself to continue with the story, instead of getting distracted by his sharp side profile.

Elianna let's out a deep breath. This is the part of the story where she doesn't know how Jungkook will react. "So .. I wanted to teach him a lesson, for what he did to girls and everything- give him a taste of his own medicine you know." And Jungkook nods.

"So I had this friend called Fleur. She's a bitch but she's lovable." Elianna rolls her eyes. She thinks about her friend who she is no longer close with but still talks to. Her purple hair comes into mind, along with her blue eyes.

A knot full of guilt forms in Elianna's chest as she recalls the memories. "So I told her to mess with him, make him fall in love with her." Elianna wanted to teach her lethal friend a lesson. At the time ... it sounded like a wonderful idea. Little did she know, the consequences.

"And fuck .. he did. Freaking hard. She was his first love."

They were inseparable. Yoongi and Fleur were a couple everyone couldn't help but envy. The looks they shared, the sly smiles, the intimate touches, their love was certainly present and passionate. It was a love Elianna wanted, she remembers thinking what life would be like if she ever fell in love. It was a unique, once in a lifetime kind of love, even the couple didn't expect to experience such a marvellous concept but they were content ... with each other.

"Then she left him." And it's all her fault, she thinks as she squeezes her eyes shut. "It was horrible, I felt horrible because Yoongi was broken, he didn't want to be fixed. He just wanted Fleur forever."

Elianna regrets the decision she made, the decision to break Yoongi's heart so he'd learn, she should've found other ways. He did change for the better, he became a better person with a good heart and it was due to Fleur. They were good for each other. But Elianna didn't think Fleur would leave, she was prepared for her to stay.

But Fleur didn't. Yoongi wasn't the only one shocked.

Jungkook turns to look at Elianna because she stays quiet. She's lost in her thoughts and the feelings she's experiencing are guilt, sadness and nostalgia. "And when Yoongi asked her why she was leaving him, she said ask Elianna."

Fleur made it look so easy, letting go of her lover. She left a damaged gap in Yoongi's heart that she had changed from cold hearted to warm hearted and she walked away. She walked away with her head held high, confidence in her self and it's like Yoongi was nothing to her. Fleur made him feel small. Maybe Fleur walked away from Yoongi so easily because she knew Elianna had no choice but to take the blame and the fall of their love.

Elianna gulps harshly. "So he came to me and gave me a bunch of shit and well .. that was the last time I ever spoke to him."

Elianna remembers parts of the day Yoongi confronted her. It was a scary moment. He came to her apartment, shouted and shouted and he started to cry out of frustration. She hates how that is the last memory of Yoongi she has.

Elianna doesn't know how he is or what he's doing. She hopes he's moved on from Fleur, is still the changed, better person and is happy and more than okay.

"It's been two years or so." Elianna sits up. "Fleur, she's always at the parties. She's the DJ." She explains. Elianna still sees her, they were very close but after the incident with Yoongi, things were never the same again since Elianna felt extreme guilt and sorrow for a while. Maybe it's because her and Yoongi were so similar, they got on so well and she misses his presence.

Elianna stares at the ground, an image of Fleur and Yoongi on a balcony, arms wrapped around each other as they promised each other a forever comes into mind. She feels like crying. "Fleur and Yoongi. A story I wish went better."

—

someone explain to me why this man ..

is so

ADDICTING

I'm sure a lot of you have been wondering when yoongi was going to appear in this story

well ... here he is

his past with Elianna- what do we think? do you think what Elianna did to him was right? what do you think he's up to now? what's going to happen hm?

ily ily

A.