You reached the Jeon mansion in more time than you anticipated because you couldn't find a cab for a while and the traffic was so bad. You decided to wait for Junkook and Saera and tell them the truth after they return from the airport but the dim light from Jungkook's window told you you were in luck. You decided to go up and see if he actually was there.

With quick steps you went up and opened the door a bit. 

Jungkook was in the middle of the room, on his knees, lighting up tiny  candles. The creaking sound from the door made him look up and his eyes went wide.

"Kim?" he asked as he got up.

"W-what's going on Jungkook?" you asked as you looked around at the candle lit room , scented and decorated so beautifully with roses and lilies and God knows what else kind of flowers. "Weren't you supposed to get Saera from the airport?" 

"I sent the cheuffeur to get her and take her to our parent's home. I told her she couldn't live with me anymore. And instead of going to the airport, I stayed here because I wanted to prepare a surprise for you"

"S-surprise?"

"Yeah" he said as he pulled you closer and placed his hands on your backside" I thought I would officially ask you out, and then maybe do something naughty later" he pecked your lips as he squeezed your cheeks.

"Jungkook I- " you looked around, taking in all the effort he had put in in decorating the room. Roses, lilies, candles...

"What?" he asked, chuckling " You're going to change your mind again? Also, you're in a bit of trouble for ruining my surprise" he tapped the tip of your nose twice with his index finger, narrowing his eyes.

"Jungkook I have to tell you something..."

"Well... okay, but it better not be an excuse to get out of my bed...room." he smirked playfully.

"I.. I am.. I... I don't... I..."

"Why are you so nervous? I am supposed to be the nervous one here!"

"I... had.. have four brothers. Growing up with them I thought they were so cool. I wanted to be like them...I wanted to be a... a.. a boy. Like them. And I pretended until a large part of me stared believing it. But I am... still.. even after wanting it so much... recently more so, I am anatomically a girl"

"What are you even talking about?" Jungkook felt like his head was buzzing. The smile still dancing on his lips, he asked.

"I am not a boy biologically. I say that I am. I want to be, for you... But... I am not"

" You're... not...being serious, right?" The smile finally disappeared from his face.

"Jungkook I..."

The room was stagnant with a thick ugly silence. His hand slowly rose up and he traced your cheek ever so softly with his knuckles. His lips were a thin line. His expression  were unreadable.

He should've known, he told himself.

He had had that gut feeling all along that something was terribly off about this whole thing but he had ignored it. He had tried to suppress it so many times...

Your skin, it was so much softer than any guy he had ever touched. Even the guys who practically took dunks in lotion ended up being slippery instead, but your skin was so soft without any trace of artificialness. 

Your scent... it was so strange and yet so enticing. It smelt like oceans and flowers...

And he loved all these things... he didn't mind them as long as you were a boy.

You weren't a boy.

You just told him you weren't a boy.

It was as if someone told him the sky was green...

His thumb brushed your lips gently as he tried to put everything together, as he tried to process all of this. He was still, after knowing the truth, waiting for you to tell him it was a joke.

"Jungkook..."

"Shhh..." he placed his index finger on your lips, shushing you. His hand then traveled downward and traced your beauty bone. His expressions didn't falter. 

His hand fell down to your shirt and he slowly opened your buttons, one by one... so painfully slow. 

Every second felt like a century as you stood there, waiting for his response. Waiting for him to say something. Anything.

Rejection, acceptance, wrath, disgust... Love..? Anything, just anything at all.

He undid your last button and pulled your shirt down your shoulder. You tried to cover your self, but he pushed your hands away. He examined you like you were some wax statue in Madame Tussauds, slowly tracing your skin with his fingertips. He undid your compression bra and it fell to your feet at the floor as you stood there, looking at your toes and on the verge of getting a cardiac arrest out of anxiety. He stared at you, as if in a deep thought but truth be told his mind was numb, he was unable to process any of this.

He got down to his knees and pulled down your zipper slowly. You.. you were so painfully aware of how you had laid bare your soul to him and now he was taking off the last bits of dignity you were left with but you didn't dare tell him to stop. You just let him him continue. You let him pull off the jeans and ezxpose your legs too. When your jeans layed in a heap at your ankles, he stood up, tracing your leg with his hand on his way up. It was as if he wanted to memorise all of this, see it  with his own eyes and feel it with hands to believe it.

When he stood up, he pulled you into himself and your head collided with his firm chest as you gasped. You held onto his strong muscular arms as you inhaled in his intoxicating smell.

"Oh Jungkook, please accept me. Please accept me for who I am or I would go crazy knowing I once inhaled your scent and I was so close to you and knowing you exist on this planet but you can never be mine. Please..." you begged him inside your ears, as if hoping he would hear it.

 His handed started again at your nape and went slowly down your spine. Low and low it went down the column of your spine.

I should've known...

It echoed in his head.

Glimpses of all the times he should've known.

That waist which was so distinctly different than a guy's sharp curve. It was curved so much more gently. How he had seen the tiniest glimpse of a cleavage below that towel... how your voice was a bit more high pitched... how you had tasted so different...

Why couldn't I figure it out... he thought

His hand went down the column of your spine and hooked in the waistband of your fem-boxers and slid slowly downward, never losing its path. 

And you almost jumped when you his finger touched you so intimately on its way down.

"Jungkook please.." you almost moaned.

He pushed you back gently and studied you .

"Please say something..." you begged with your eyes closed, tears streaming down your eyes.

Jungkook felt like his heart was breaking, like it was turning to ashes and soon everything around him would turn dark. Like it was the end of everything

Never had he ever liked someone so much. Before you, everything was a blur.  He had been with so many people but it had never felt so real and so true...

And the truest thing he had turned out to be fake.

It really felt like the universe was punishing him for breaking all those hearts...

He fell to his knees and finally a sigh left his lips, 

Or was it a suppressed sob?

"Say something please!" you got to your knees to and held his shoulders .

"Why?" he asked, you could feel the question wasn't directed at you " h-how?"

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry I tried to tell you so many times..."

"But you always used the word 'hyung'... you even called me hyung..? And.. back at that resort, that girl was your fiancé...wasn't she?"

"She was my cousin..."

"Didn't you make her bleed? You had scratch marks,.. you fuc..."

"It was me, I had my periods and I fought with her..."

"Kim..." he shook his head as he looked at you with tear filled eyes and his hand reached out to touch you.

"I'm still me Jungkook. I'm still the person you love..."

"Oh baby, you aren't" he whispered.