"You promised."

"I did no such thing, Ugly."

"Yes, you did. I remember. I was in your store, and I told you about the nightclub and you said you'd go with me. You promised."

"I never promised anything. And I have no desire to be viciously mauled to death because you somehow think that parading me in front of your many, many homicidally inclined suitors is a good idea."

There was a heavy pause.

"I'll let you sneak dye into Sasuke's shampoo next."

Another pause.

A tiny sigh.

"Deal. But next time I want to dye Dickless's hair."

"I promise nothing. Oh, and wear something black. Preferably leather . . ."

"You really are trying to get me killed, aren't you? Hag."

"Bastard."

They were rather...fond of each other.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Sakura was smirking.

She was rather good at it. Growing up with Sasuke and being around so many Uchihas did that to a person. Sakura tried not to do it too much, since she knew how annoyed she got when Sasuke did it to her, but sometimes it just had to be done. Now, for example. Now was a very, very good time to smirk.

However, Sakura was a little nervous too. Not the scared kind of nervous, but the excitedly-squirming-in-her-seat-but-still-not-completely-sure-how-things-were-going-to-go kind of nervous. She hadn't seen any of the Uchihas or Akatsuki members, sans Kisame, in quite a while. Personally, Sakura was amazing at their restraint in not tracking her down and forcing their company on her, as they always had done. Though recent occurrences would prove to all of them that this was not a usual line of events, so Sakura didn't really have much to go on and didn't know what to expect.

Naruto and Sasuke weren't with her. They both had the night shift, and Sakura was a tiny bit glad for it. She really didn't want to have to deal with them being overbearing and also having to keep an eye on them both the whole night to make sure they were not either (1) getting drunk off their asses and putting on a strip show for the immediate vicinity and/or (2) getting mauled by fangirls who may or may not be arguing/betting on how gay their relationship with each other actually was. Those were always immensely amusing, especially since Sakura still remembered the nice little blackmail photos she had from her stay at the Uchiha mansion that included both Naruto and Sasuke in a rather . . . provocative situation that may or may not involve bondage. Yes, there was always that.

There was also the fact that Sai was with her, and whenever Sai, Naruto, and Sasuke got within the same building as each other, shit will undoubtedly be going down. And not in a good way. In a dear-Kami-why-was-she-friends-with-them-all kind of way. Between the not-so-sly comments about Naruto's dick and the ever present representation of Sasuke being a traitor that of which Sakura was still not privy to the details of, since all three of the boys refused to speak of whatever Sasuke had done to deserve such a nickname from Sai, Sakura was truly amazed at her self-restraint in not killing them all brutally and horrifically. It was a wonder of Kami, apparently.

And then there was Sai's personal nickname for her.

"Hey, Ugly, we're here."

Truly, a wonder of Kami.

They found a spot about a block away from the club, and Sakura was only slightly annoyed at how fluently and easily Sai slide into the parallel parking spot on the street. On his first try. With somehow perfectly symmetrical space between both cars. Damn him.

Sai was one of those people Sakura had to come to realize she would always have a love/hate relationship with. Love, because the bastard had grown on her over time, and there was something amusing and somewhat adorable about walking in on Sai hunched over a self-help book on conversing with other normal human beings. Hate, because the bastard was so easily perfect at everything else. Everything. Even animals loved him. Like, even the possibly rabid cats in the alleys downtown slid right up to Sai and purred against his leg.

Or that may simply be due to the confounding worldly truth that like calls to like, and rabid cats living in trash who love to hiss and swipe at any unsuspecting passerby would undoubtedly be called to Sai, who also on occasion hissed and swiped at other human beings.

Sai was wearing leather, as was asked of him. Not that he really needed to be told, all things considered. He seemed to own more leather jackets and pants and sometimes even shirts than socially acceptable. Sakura blamed this on his unhealthy obsession with Grease.

That night, he had on one of his black leather jackets that hugged his small waist and outlined his shoulders. He had his hands shoved into his pockets and walked with a rod-straight back, as he always had. Perfect posture had been rigorously applied in his upbringing.

His pants were soft black jeans, worn at the knees and hems, but just in the way that showed good use and many washes. A belt was loosely tied around his waist-more for appearance than anything else-and underneath it all Sai wore a loose black T-shirt with a slight V-neck. Sakura had slowly clapped for him when she first saw him that night. Oh, this was going to be so much fun.

She was also simultaneously thinking about how to steal away the belt Sai had on. She quite liked it and thought she could sling it around one of her grey dresses. There were tiny emerald rhinestones at places around the belt. Ino would be so pleased.

Sai had also left his hair unbrushed-that, or he had mastered the delicate hairstyle that took an hour in front of the mirror just so he could pull off the "messy" look. Or the "just rolled out of bed" or "just had sex" look. Ino would know what to call it-and it flopped in front of his forehead and sometimes flowed into his inky black eyes. His lashes were so thick, that sometimes Sakura was tempted to ask him if he wore eyeliner. She couldn't tell one way or the other, and it never appeared to smear, so she was inclined to think it was just natural. But she stayed her tongue because she knew better than most how hesitant Sai was about everything he did. The nicknames, the outfits, the hair, the posture . . . they were all different ways in which Sai was trying to fit in with the crowd. It wasn't that he wanted to be normal, per say . . . just that he wanted to understand everyone else, even if that meant breaking them open at their most vulnerable and rarest to see what lay inside. Hence the self-help books on how other people ticked; hence the heavy-lidded eyes following not just Sakura around a room, but everyone else, taking note on their postures, being able to tell what they were unconsciously saying with how they tipped their hip against a counter, how they sat slumped in a chair and playing idly with a fork on the pristine white tablecloth . . . Everything was notarized and sealed inside Sai's head in carefully organized boxes, and sometimes Sakura wondered just how dangerous Sai really was.

Sai held the door open for Sakura, and it took her a moment to blink her eyes and get used to the darkness before she was through the hallway and into the flashing lights of the nightclub. Red and black all over. Like blood, like a fresh bruise with blood rushing up to meet skin. Sometimes Sakura couldn't decide if she liked it or not.

It was very, very crowded. Sakura was pushed and pulled through the crowd, and after getting her toes stepped on for the third time, she reached back and grabbed hold of Sai's jacket, pulling him with her to the back corner of the club. She wasn't interested in drinks.

A man got in her way and gazed down at her with unconcealed lust and intoxication, and Sakura sneered at him. His lips moved soundlessly, his words overrun with the beat and sway of the music around them that made it impossible for conversation. There was a mood heavy in the air that night that made it feel that that was exactly what meant to happen-it wasn't a night for talking.

Too bad, then, that that was exactly what Sakura had come there for.

Roughly moving her way around the man, Sakura yanked Sai behind her until she could feel him against her back. She had a moment of regret that she was manhandling him like this, but she didn't want to lose him in the crowd. For once, she knew it would be ridiculously difficult to find him again and she hadn't come there just to spend the night playing Marco, Polo, but also because Sakura knew very well how Sai felt about overcrowded places and being alone, and putting those two things together just wasn't acceptable. That wasn't why she'd brought him with her.

Sakura found a spot near the back that at least had breathing space, and paused there with Sai. She finally looked back to see Sai gazing around the room with a tiny fake smile on his face, taking in everything and everyone in such a rapid succession that Sakura could see his black eyes dilate and flinch to everything around them. There was a thin line of sweat forming on his brow.

Sakura caught a spot of silver hair out of the corner of her eye, and her head wiped that way too quickly, a muscle popping in her neck painfully.

"Hidan!" she screamed, though the music was still too loud. She screamed his name again, and she saw his head whip up and to the side while his violet eyes scanned the room with a firm frown on his face.

When his eyes got over to her corner of the wall, the bodies packed so close together that Sai was knocked nearly right on top of her with a soft "Oomph," Hidan's eyes almost passed right over her. But then they flicked back and narrowed in on her pink head. Her hair was kind of difficult to miss, even with the dim lighting and flashing strobe lights.

It took him a bit longer to get over to her. Hidan wasn't all that slim, and even with all his loud cursing and shoving people out of the way and exclaiming that "People need to fucking move, for Jashin's sake!" it was still a few more minutes of getting to watch the show that was Hidan's life before he nearly skidding right on top of her again. Seriously, Sakura knew she was short and small, but this was ridiculous, and wrapped a possessive arm around her waist. For once, she didn't really mind.

Until she noticed the narrowed violet eyes on Sai. Sai, for once, kept his mouth shut, and Sakura could see the wheels and cogs turning in his head as he came up with a suitable nickname for Hidan. Sakura prayed to Kami that she could stop Hidan from killing Sai when that moment happened-the man didn't take well to being smartassed, and Sai was the most smartass-y man she'd ever met.

"Bitch," Hidan scoffed in her ear, having to lean over her to be heard. "Where the fuck have you been? You fucking left me with stitch-face and the rest of these fucking dickheads. I deserve so much fucking compensation for the fucking hell you subjected me to." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and if that wasn't enough to tip Sakura off to where his lewd mind was at, his cocky, over-zealous smirk would have done the trick.

"Mmm," Sakura murmured, patting him softly on his chest. "Did the big baby have to play with the grown-ups while I was away? So sorry for that, dearest-I'll make sure to buy you a drink later on."

Hidan's violet eyes widened comically, and Sakura had one of those glorious moments where she was sure she'd said the last thing Hidan had ever been expecting. But before he could come back with a refute, Sakura grabbed Sai's hand behind her and took a step back from Hidan's arms. "Hidan, this is Sai. Sai, this is Hidan. Please don't kill each other, and if you do, make sure not to leave bloodstains on the carpet, yeah? Far too messy, that."

Hidan eyed Sai and not-so-subtly scoffed. Sai just stared blankly and smiled his little fake smile, to which Hidan's eyebrow arched. Sakura swallowed a chuckle. She made a good choice in bringing Sai with her.

A pair of arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her back to rest on a solid chest. It took her a moment of panic and uncertainty to figure who it was, but since Hidan hadn't decapitated whoever it was that was touching her, Sakura figured it was one of the Akatsuki members.

Breath on her ear and a low voice gave away his identity next, and she hadn't even had to see the red hair.

"Doll-face~" Sasori drawled. It was almost a purr. "It's been far too long. And you even wrapped yourself up in pretty clothes to come see me-I'm touched." He rubbed his face against her cheek, and Sakura was once again reminded of a cat.

"Sai," Sakura said, gesturing behind her to Sasori, "this is Sasori. Sasori, this-"

"Is Sai, I heard," Sasori finished, looking through half-hooded eyes as Sai just blinked at him. There was an awkward moment when no one said anything else, and Sakura tried to slowly pull away from Sasori's hold, but, alas, he only tightened his arms around her and the flow of bodies around them was too thick to get much space between any of them, anyways.

"Ugly," Sai started, and Sakura cursed the gods for what was likely about to happen. "You didn't tell me that one of your friends was a druggie."

There was another awkward pause, but this one ripe with tension. Sakura blinked, and had to take a moment to figure out of Sai was referring to Hidan-who had some wacked out violet eyes that were always jumping all over the place, who looked like he'd had one too many caffeinated drinks, and who perpetually had a shit-eating grin on his face-or Sasori, who just looked like your A-typical junky who spent all his days doing absolutely nothing and who would quite suddenly let out a remark about the wonders or distaste in life and have some grand epiphany about art and what it all meant to have an existential crisis.

Oh, wait.

That was exactly what he did.

Sakura could also plainly see the moment when both Hidan and Sasori came to the realization that it was not them Sai was referring too, but the other. Hidan's shit-eating grin only widened and Sasori let out a soft chuckle next to her ear.

Sakura silently thanked Kami no blood had been spilt.

And then it seemed to compute in both Hidan's and Sasori's brains what Sai had just called her, and Sakura felt both of them immediately tense up and ready to defend her honor. Sai looked on amused and ignorant.

Sakura firmly, "accidently" stepped down hard on Sasori's foot behind her, and he left out a pained yelp, drawing everyone's attention back to him and Sakura.

She smiled crookedly up at him. "Sorry," she said. "So, where's Deidara?"

Sasori immediately scoffed and nuzzled his face into her neck. Sakura shivered at the feeling of his hair tickling the sensitive skin below her ear. "The brat's having some fun over at the bar, flirting shamelessly with anything and everything female." One hand wrapped tighter around her waist. "See, pet? This is why I'm such a better match for you than that immature brat."

"Aren't you the one who plays with dolls?" Sai asked, and Sakura couldn't hold back the gasp/choke/chuckle that made its way out her throat. She choked silently on air.

Sasori just gazed out at Sai through half-lidded eyes, not smirking, and Sai tilted his head to the side with his little fake smile on while Hidan was hunched over, laughing and also choking on air.

Well. It wasn't like the same thought hadn't crossed all their minds at some point or another.

Sakura patted Sasori's hand in comfort and then skillfully disentangled her body from his limbs. She morphed her face into one of comfort and not one of pain at holding in her laughter. "I don't suppose Pein is here tonight?" she asked, even though she already knew the answer.

Sasori's eyelids drooped lower and his pretty little mouth twisted into a scowl. Sakura suddenly put her hands on his cheeks and pushed until it looked like he was smiling. Sasori's eyebrows were up to his hairline in surprise.

"Don't do that-your face is too pretty to sneer and it'll get stuck that way. And then Deidara would really have a reason to call you an old man."

Sasori just blinked at her.

Sakura sighed. "Where is Pein?"

"Over here, Sakura-hime."

Figured he'd be right next to her.

Sakura rolled her eyes discreetly and turned on her heel to see Sai's body turned just the smallest fraction to his left, looking over at the pierced owner and leader of the Akatsuki. He looked just as Sakura remembered him too-all gleaming silver piercings and bright grey eyes. Sometimes it hurt just a little too much to look straight at him, like looking in the sun for too long, and that night that feeling was especially prominent.

Pein gazed down at her-curse her height and the choice to not wear kitten heels-and without turning to look at Hidan, said, "Why don't you take Sakura-hime's friend over to get a drink from the bar; I'm sure you can find Deidara somewhere and introduce him around."

Sakura's eyes flicked back to Sai, and she was marginally surprised to see his tense frame. It wasn't much-just rigid shoulders and the smallest of wrinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes, but Sakura caught it. She caught it and didn't like it.

She moved her eyes back over to Pein quickly though, in case she was caught staring for too long at Sai. Something was going on behind her, near the stage the Uchiha strip show had been at some time ago, and there was a smattering of clapping and hoots and hollers from men and women alike from that part of the room. Sakura didn't look.

Sakura flicked her eyes over to the private rooms, and Pein took her by the waist and led her over to the same room she had seen him, Madara, Kisame, Itachi, and Kakuzu at one point or another. They seemed to have put their seal on it as their own.

"Sakura-hime," Pein began the moment the curtain closed behind them and the noise died down enough from the club that they could hear each other without screaming. For the first time, Sakura thought the curtains must be made out of something near to soundproof, and made a note to ask one of the members of the Akatsuki about it at a later time.

Sakura sat down at the far end of the booth and clasped her hands in her lap underneath the table. "Is everyone here tonight?" she asked, stopping Pein from continuing whatever he was going to say.

He stared at her for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I believe so." He moved to slide into the booth across from her and placed his hands on top of the table, folded over each other. Sakura eyed the ring he wore on his thumb, the one with the kanji on it. It gleamed in the light above, and Sakura for the first time wondered what it meant.

"It's been a month," Pein said, but instead of sounding like an accusation, it was just a statement. "I'd almost given up hope."

"Hope? For what?"

"Forgiveness."

A corner of Sakura's mouth quirked up. "You didn't need my forgiveness, Pein. You needed my trust again."

Pein lowered his eyelids so he was looking at her through his too long lashes. Sakura had always had the thought how it was so unfair that men like Pein could be so much prettier than her at times, especially in this kind of low lighting and all gleaming piercings and tight black clothes. She suddenly understood the term butterfly lashes.

"It was never my intent to lose it in the first place."

Sakura did smile at him then, softly and a little more than sadly. "No, I doubt that you would ever have intended for that. But you did, anyways, even though I get why you did what you did. It just hurt, you know? But," she said, flicking one of her own rings around her forefinger, "I'm over it now. I just needed some time by myself first."

Pein was leaning against the booth so lazily, so calmly that it could only ever be a façade. While Sakura knew better than most that she still was not privy to a good deal about Pein, she did understand his postures at this point. She understood his locked jaw and flat palms on the table, like he was ready to move, to react at any time.

She leaned across the table and lightly touched a finger to the back of his right hand. Pein went very still. "I'm over it, Pein," she said again, slowly, looking straight into his eyes to make sure he understood she was serious.

"I haven't done anything to deserve your trust again." He was staring at her hand, touching his.

She shrugged. "I know you well enough to trust you inexplicably, even at times like this. And I know that you'd move Heaven and Hell for me. So. There's that."

Quicker than she could catch, Pein flipped his palm over and caught her fingers in a light enough grip that she could pull away if she wanted to. He lifted her hand up and leaned forward to graze the back of her knuckles with a kiss. "I will not misplace your trust again, my Sakura-hime."

She gave his hand a squeeze, then leaned back and folded her arms across her chest and crossed her legs. "So, who should I talk to first? I was thinking Itachi, based on his reaction the last time I saw him, but you've seen everyone more than I have lately."

The corners of Pein's mouth turned up, just slightly enough to show amusement. "Leaving me so soon after searching for me, Sakura-hime? I'm slightly insulted."

Sakura snorted. "You'll live."

Pein rapped his knuckles on the table for a moment before saying, "Itachi would be good, actually. I can go fetch him for you, if you like?"

He was already up and moving out of the seat before she started nodding, and out through the curtain he went. Sakura blinked, and was alone in the private booth for the first time.

Forgiving someone like Pein was startling easy for Sakura. He was not a trustworthy man, not by any stretch of the imagination, and yet Sakura knew he would never harm her nor misplace her trust easily. This had all been a mistake from the very beginning. Pein was not supposed to be the one to break her trust in him and the Akatsuki, and yet he was the one to take the fall for it.

But letting it go had been surprisingly simple. Sakura hadn't had to think twice about it, and seeing him again after a month was like slipping on an old pair of comfortable and well-worn shoes.

She lightly traced over her left hand, where a thin scar had stayed since her attack. She wasn't all that surprised she was left with a memento for the attack like this. There had been so many scratch marks on her hands and arms that at least a few were likely to leave a lasting imprint. But the one on her left hand that extended from the end of her thumb to a little past her palm was the one most noteworthy. It was smooth and straight, and every time she saw it when she looked down or when she washed her hands or when she typed on her laptop, she was thankful to have a physical reminder.

Sakura wondered if that was wrong of her-to like that she was left with a scar like this. That it was something she could look at and remember, and say that it wasn't only her nightmares that were her unwanted guests from the attack. That she could point at it and say how it happened. Not that she was about to talk about it with many people-if any people.

It was a reminder that for a split second, she felt helpless, but she was still okay, still alive, still a virgin, because there was so many worse things than dying. It was a reminder not to buy into the bullshit the therapist Naruto and Sasuke had forced her to go to for a handful of appointments about how brave she was, how she was strong enough to overcome an experience like that, how it was a war wound, a testament to her bravery. Bullshit. If anything, the scar was a testament to the evil in the world, and how you could be trained and skilled and know every safety trick and self-defense move and still be caught off guard long enough for something like this to happen. This wasn't about bravery or courage or strength. This was about fucking bad luck. How a girl could do everything right and still have something like this happen to her.

Sakura almost screamed when her mother called her after the attack, and one of the first things she said to Sakura-after her mother did the accurate amount of thanking God that she was alright and asking her a million times how bad her injuries were-was demanding to know how stupid Sakura could be to make a mistake of this catastrophe. How dare she walk to her car in the dark because didn't she know that there are rapist everywhere? Didn't her mother raise her smart enough to know better? Didn't her mother give her an alarm to attach to her keychain when she was fifteen, and why didn't she use it? Didn't Sakura remember the talk her mother gave her at thirteen about date rape drugs and how to hold her drink correctly so that boys couldn't slip her something? Didn't she remember to pee her pants when something like this happened, because apparently peeing your pants was enough to make your attacker change their mind? Didn't she remember to be smart? Sakura should have screamed more. Sakura should have called for help and was Sakura dressing a certain way? Was that why this happened? Were her clothes too tight?

Because that would make a fucking difference. In a sense, Sakura was a little shocked her mother hadn't just come out and asked her if she had gone off the deep end since she'd left home and was dressing slutty and, ya know, this wouldn't have happened if she'd just carried pepper spray in her pocket.

Because for however much this made Sakura a victim, she was still somehow stupid for allowing this to happen. If the correct steps were followed for women and girls to be safe, this would never have happened. Because the mere idea that all the "correct" ways to be safe were followed and something like this still happened, something like this almost happened, would be far too terrifying to comprehend.

So, yes, Sakura was damn glad for the physical scar. It didn't remind her how strong or brave she was; it reminded her how perfect she could try to be and still have shit happen to her, and that was alright so long as she made sure that the worse thing left afterwards was just a smooth scar on her thumb.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Itachi walked in about ten minutes after Pein left, and Sakura was a little surprised to see how dark his eyes were, and how flecks of red were dotted around his irises.

"Hey," she breathed.

Instead of sliding into the opposite side of the booth like Pein had, Itachi came right up to Sakura and kneeled down in front of her. Sakura was so shocked that she didn't react when Itachi lifted his hand to brush against her check, her jaw, and then down to her hands where they were clamped together. He detangled her fingers and immediately locked onto the scar on her thumb that she had been running a finger along. He rubbed his own fingers over it, tracing it from the end of her thumb to the center of her palm.

"Does it hurt?" he breathed, and Sakura realized that they were both breathing too softly, and that their pulses were going too fast, and she was slightly ditzy.

"No." The lights were dim, and when Itachi locked eyes with her, Sakura almost regretting distancing herself for so long from these men. Almost.

Sakura cleared her throat, but let Itachi keep her hand, making soothing strokes along the center of her palm. She wondered if it was just a devious method to check her for any lingering pain or injuries, but either way, she let him keep her hands in his.

She thought about how Itachi wasn't asking her or berating her about what had happened or what her choices were after the matter. She thought about how she wasn't tired anymore, and how the sounds outside the club were in the back of her skull and the thudding of her heart was out of connotation with the beat of the music, and, oh God, this was why she'd had to distance herself from these men. She thought about how they say the eyes were the windows to the soul, but really they're just the windows to the brain, the frontal lobe and beyond. But-Kami above-if there was ever a way for someone like Sakura to be able to bottle little things like this-like Itachi's eyes when his posture and facial expressions were so stoic, but his eyes anything but-and keep that little bottle with her to take out and taste every so often, on the bad days, like a memory charm, she'd bottle Itachi's eyes and Hidan's sass and Pein's quirk of a grin and Kisame's understanding of all things and Shisui's playfulness . . . And God help her, but she'd sell her soul for those things.

Though it could be argued, even, that the soul was already made up of those little things, every little thing that made living meaningful, and the times when she felt weak or drained of living, then it was like a parched drain, ready to be filled up again.

Sakura was so tired of being drained.

"It hurts me, you know, when I found out that my own daughter hadn't thought to call her own mother when she's hurt," her mother huffed through the phone. Sakura had regretted picking up the phone the second she had, but it was too late now to hang up without making the situation worse. Her mother had been calling Kushina almost nonstop and refused to believe her when she was told that Sakura was fine, that the situation was being dealt with, that Minato had pulled strings and everything legally-and some not-so-legally, though it was never quite said in so many words-was being done.

Sakura's own phone had been ringing for quite some time before she finally made herself pick it up. In a way, she considered herself lucky that her mother hadn't shown up on her doorstep yet, and Sakura had already spent the last few minutes arguing with her mother that she was not required to alert her mother every time something happened to her. She was an adult now, and she could handle these kinds of things on her own.

What was not being said was that her mother was the last person alive that she wanted to talk to about these things-talk to about anything, really-and that if Sakura could barely manage to pull together a few sentences to talk to Naruto and Sasuke about what had happened, what the hell was she going to be able to say to her mother?

It also went without saying that contrary to her mother's fantasy, speaking to her did not, in fact, make her feel any better about the situation, but only made her feel a thousand times worse.

But that day Sakura had finally made herself pick up the phone, if for no other reason than to prevent the threats her mother had left on her voicemail about showing up on her doorstep. She sorely regretted that decision. The guilt was already knotting itself in her gut, and no matter how many times Sakura repeated to herself that she had done nothing wrong, she was still in a fragile state of mind and her emotional blocks were in shatters from too many nights of insomnia and for the few times she had slept, nightmares had taken every last bit of strength out of her.

It was funny how her subconscious was more affected about the situation than she was in her awake mind, like it was a ringing reminder of what really happened, and no amount of built up walls of resolve kept it down for long. The feelings grated down into her skull and into her dreams until she was more made up of the memories and fear and little whispers inside her subconscious than she was of blood and bone.

"I was a little...preoccupied, Mother," Sakura said.

"Not too preoccupied not to give your mother a five minute phone call, or even a text that you're alright," her mother said. No, Sakura thought. There is no such thing as just a five minute phone call with you.

"What were you even thinking, walking alone at that time of night?" she went on. "It's lucky that that professor of yours was around to hear you, isn't it? Just thinking about what could have happened scares me."

Sakura traced the scar on her thumb over and over, rubbing her nail along the edge almost painfully. She pressed her lips together and waited.

"You've taken all those self-defense classes all these years and . . . and didn't those help at all?" Sakura had not told her mother the details of what occurred that night. Nothing but the bare minimum. Nothing about the holding of her attacker down, nothing about the way she felt the pure rush of adrenaline in her veins when she held him down, down, down, just like he had wanted to do to her. Nothing about the scratches that had to be bandaged along her hands and arms, and how there were some days that Sakura woke up and just knew she couldn't be strong that day, and so she had to call for Naruto or Sasuke to help her to do fickle, mundane things like tie her shoes or help her dress. How sometimes she couldn't hold a glass without it shaking so much she had to put it down or risk dropping it.

No, her mother didn't need to know any of that.

Sakura sighed. "He didn't rape me, now did he? I think that's enough proof that those self-defense classes did me some good." This was one of those bad days.

Sometimes Sakura wasn't sure if her inability on those bad days was due to the physical ache she sometimes got in her hands or if it was more due to her new mental and emotional scars. She highly suspected both.

"We should just be glad he was stopped before he could," her mother said. "I wonder why you, though, you know? There had to be other girls walking to their cars that night, and how did no one see this man? I've always said that the campus security was lacking-"

Sakura sounded the rest out. Really, she just wasn't interested in what her mother had to say.

Sasuke walked through the door, then, and looked over at Sakura, who was perched on the end of the couch in the living room with Blue at her feet. Blue lifted his head and skidded over to where Sasuke was still by the door, wagging his tail and whining loudly until Sasuke bent down to pet him and gave him the attention he'd been deprived of that day. Sasuke's eyes never left hers.

Sakura mouthed "Mom," and Sasuke nodded.

"-could press charges against the school, I think. Sakura, are you listening to me?"

"Of course I am. But, Mom, I really need to go; I still have homework I need to get done and-"

"Tell me you're not going to classes right now." It wasn't actually a question, so Sakura didn't answer. "Sakura," her mother's voice lowered and mellowed out, "are you taking your medicine?"

Sakura swallowed. This wasn't any of her business. This wasn't any of her business. She did not have to answer this question. She didn't, but instead she said, "Yeah," like it was nothing at all.

She thought about the bottles of prescription medicine in her cabinet in her bathroom. She thought about the Lamictal and Xanex and other mood stabilizers.

A few years ago, when Sakura had been going to therapy and starting and stopping and trying so, so many different medications to see what would work, what could even work, she had also been given a prescription for Xanex. Xanex was wonderful, but addicting. So Sakura horded it and saved it for a rainy day when things got too bad to deal with, and there it had sat for some time without her ever touching it. She'd weaned herself off of Lamictal a few years prior, and had stayed off.

She was back on Lamictal now, 150 mg.

Her doctor had given her a new prescription for Xanex as well, so now Sakura had even more in her medicine cabinet. And she was needed it more and more every day. It wasn't bad enough for Sakura to worry, and she had been told and knew enough about her body to understand its limits. She wasn't worried about that.

So there was nothing wrong with her taking the mediation, she told herself, even as her mother did a meaningful pause that said enough on its own, and then said out loud, "Just be careful. Are you taking the Xanex, too? Don't let yourself take it every day, okay? That stuff's very addicting." Like she didn't know that. Like she hadn't taken a pre-pharmacy class and like she wasn't an adult who could manage her own medication.

It irked Sakura at times how her mother expected her to tell her everything still. How she acted entitled to know the medications Sakura was on. But Sakura also told her mother when asked, so it was her fault, too.

Sasuke was in the kitchen by then, and Sakura could hear him clanging glasses around and heard Blue's nails hitting the tiles with a repetitive click, click, click. Sakura thought Sasuke might be giving Blue treats, and the mere thought almost made her break out into a fit of giggles.

She was never going to let him live that one down.

"You should've called me," her mother went on, and Sakura sighed loudly. "I worry."

"I was preoccupied with dealing with myself, Mother," Sakura snapped. "I didn't have time to think about calling you or Dad yet. You would have hovered and worried and not been able to do any gosh darn thing about the situation, and that would have killed you."

"I'm your mother," she said with enthuses, like Sakura could ever forget that little fact. "I have every right to worry-it's what I do." Don't I know it, she thought bitterly.

"I'm twenty-one," Sakura shot back. "I can take care of myself, and I have Naruto and Sasuke here to help me."

"Maybe you should take a Xanex, sweetheart," her mother cooed. "It sounds like you might need it."

Sakura didn't pause to consider what she'd just said-it was typically easier to analyze later when her mother wasn't around to hear. There was a muffled and hurried "I have to go," and some kind of excuse and a quick "I love you" from her mother that Sakura did not return, and hung up.

Sasuke came out of the kitchen, and it occurred to Sakura that she'd been sitting there, on the end of the couch, staring down at what must had appeared to be her phone, but was really her hands and the scar she had understood at some point in the healing process that she was going to have.

She looked at him and smiled, and he blinked at her. She asked if he was cooking that night, to which he nodded. Sakura then got up and left with the excuse to go do homework.

She took another Xanex instead.

Sakura had taken half a Xanex that night, before she stepped foot in Red Dawn. She wondered if Pein or Itachi noticed. Then decided she didn't much care if they did.

She wanted her bottle of memories. She wanted shelves and shelves and shelves full of them, little and big and oddly shaped and color coated-she wanted it all.

"I missed you guys," Sakura said, lowly. Itachi's hands tightened around hers, and he didn't let go right away.

But then Sakura slid a flash drive out of her pocket and placed it in Itachi's hand. He looked at it, then looked back up at her, a question in his eyes.

"Orochimaru," she simply said. Itachi's expression shuttered. "That's who you're all messed with, right? That's who, I'm guessing, sent that man after me. Not to kill me, I don't think, but to send you all a message in the form of a broken girl."

She watched his throat bob, and smiled a little grimly. "Pein didn't want to tell me, I don't think. But for him to give me as much protection as he has this past month, it wasn't hard to guess. You all should really try to find less obvious bodyguards for me, by the way-those two men stick out like sore thumbs," she continued, referring to the two men who'd been following her discretely. To be fair, they actually weren't half bad, but Sakura's past with having to be aware of a flying Madara coming straight for her and trying to embrace her or Shisui trying to follow her into the hospital and go incognito as a random patient tended to train a person to be acutely aware when other's weren't.

There was also the fact that Sakura had seen the two men in question the last time she had seen Pein in Red Dawn a month ago. Guess she'd gotten her answer on why they were there and wouldn't look her in the eye.

"They could have wanted to harm you," Itachi said.

Sakura scoffed. "Yeah, and then Kakashi would have shown up with porn book in hand and probably killed them himself." Kakashi and she had oddly been able to form a kind of bond with each other in the last month, mostly because he refused to stop keeping an eye on her and Sakura refused to pretend not to notice him when he continued to read porn in public, even going so far as to not even hold in his giggles every few seconds. Also, and Sakura would never admit it, but there were times when she couldn't figure out where he was following her when she knew he was, and that unsettled her more than a bit.

Itachi cocked his head at her and a corner of his mouth quirked up a bit. "Has my foolish little brother been giving you trouble?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow at him. "You mean has he been even more overprotective? Yes, but so has Naruto, naturally. But not annoyingly so." Most of the time, at least.

Itachi nodded. Sakura noticed that the red spots in his eyes were gone, though she wasn't sure when that had happened, since she'd been looking at him the whole time. "We'll get better trained men to follow you next time," he promised.

Sakura just rolled her eyes.

Itachi was wearing some sort of cologne, she noticed then. It was musky and richly dark, and Sakura made a conscious effort not to inhale too sharply. Sakura had a few weaknesses, and one of those included good smelling cologne on men. Itachi was wearing one such cologne. Her cheek twitched, and it was just strong enough to bury itself underneath her skin and bleed into her veins, and she loved it.

If Itachi noticed her twitch, he didn't show it.

"I should go find Sai," Sakura said abruptly. "I don't particularly trust Pein or Hidan not to kill him. Or manipulate him."

"Ah," Itachi agreed reluctantly. He stood and held out a hand for Sakura to take. It would have been rude to refuse it, so she took it and let him hook her arm through his and led her out of the private room, weaving expertly through the club until they were at the bar, where Sai was with Hidan and Deidara, not unsurprisingly.

What was surprising, however, was Sai tripping over his own feet and glaring halfheartedly at both Hidan and Deidara as both morons were hunched over the bar table, laughing at something neither Itachi nor Sakura were privy to just yet.

Sakura unhooked her arm from Itachi's and went over to stand by Sai, grabbing his arm gently. He looked down at her in surprise, and then continued to blink at her rapidly like he was trying to remember who she was, and if, in fact, she was a hallucination or not.

Sakura turned her head to glare at Hidan and Deidara, who were just now noticing her presence near Sai and Itachi's smirking presence beside them.

"Sakura-chan!" Deidara exclaimed, holding out both arms like he was somehow expecting her to fly into them. She raised an eyebrow. "You came, yeah!"

Hidan snorted crudely. "Not yet, she hasn't." He licked his lips at her.

Everyone ignored him.

"Uglyyy," Sai slurred.

"It's only been half an hour," Sakura growled. "How did you even manage this?" There were no questions as to what, exactly, "this" pertained to.

Deidara snorted, his arms now lowered as her reaction was not the one he desired. "Sakura-chan, we were only trying to get him to lower his guard a little bit, yeah. Nothing unpleasant happened."

She glared. "Nothing unpleasant? What do you call getting him drunk off his ass when he is obviously a ridiculous lightweight, huh?"

"We didn't know that, yeah!"

She rolled her eyes and looked back to Sai. "How do you feel, Sai?"

He was still blinking down at her. "Your hair is . . . pink." He then started to giggle uncontrollably. Sakura was torn on either to back away slowly or tighten her grip on his arm and get him out of there. She saw Hidan take a slow step backwards out of the corner of her eye, a look of weary on his face at the normally stoic Sai giggling like Kakashi with his porn book.

"Right," Sakura said simply. "It is very pink, isn't it?"

"Pink, blue, and orange," Sai giggled. "One hell of an ugly rainbow!"

Sai, apparently, was a very vocal drunk.

"I think it's time to go home now," Sakura said slowly.

Sai moved out of her grip and wagged a finger in her face. "Nuh-uh, Uglyyy. No ugly rainbow time." He paused, sway slightly on his feet. His face broke out into an ear-splitting grin then, and everyone took an instinctual step back.

Suddenly, Sai lunged for Sakura, and she was too confused to move at first. Sai planted one very sloppy kiss on her cheek and then ran off into the crowd, yelling about rainbows and paint shops and horrible animal names. Sakura chose not to take it personally.

She turned back to Hidan and Deidara slowly, her face blank. "What the hell did you two give him?" she demanded, trying to be angry, but mostly amused.

Hidan grinned lecherously at her. "A little of this, a little of that, baby. Want some?" He held up a colorful drink to her.

Sakura just raised an eyebrow at him and sidestepped Deidara, who had lunged at her. "That bastard kissed you, yeah!" He was trying to viciously scrub at her cheek with the sleeve of his jacket. Sakura noticed that Deidara was not too steady on his feet, either.

Sakura made a side-note to ask Karin what she was putting in her drinks, and then ask for some of it for the times she needed to prank Naruto or Sasuke. Or maybe just run some toxicology experiments on the two morons. She was sure they'd be more fun for Blue to have in such a state.

She looked at Deidara, who was grinning stupidly at her. She sighed and held out her arms silently.

Deidara, quick on the uptake, grabbed her faster than what should be possible and immediately cut off her oxygen supply with his hug. "Yes, yes, I missed you too," she mumbled into his jacket. Deidara just made cooing noises.

"Hey, Blondie!" Hidan yelled then. "Get your hands off the fucking bitch!" He made eye-contact with Sakura and pouted. "You didn't even fucking hug me, damnit!"

"You nearly tackled me," Sakura argued.

"Yeah, but not with your fucking permission!"

Sakura wondered when getting her permission for being lifted off her feet in an embrace suddenly mattered to Hidan . . . or any of these men, honestly.

She twisted out of Deidara's never ending embrace and asked, as emotionless as possible, "So, where's Shuisi?" simply because she already kind of knew, but was hoping to be proven wrong.

Itachi smirked. "Where else, sweetheart?"

Sakura groaned. "Why do you guys let him do that? You have to know it's only going to end badly."

Itachi gave a nonchalant shrug of one shoulder. "It brings in good money for the club, which Kakuzu would never give up. And it's not just Shisui."

Sakura closed her eyes in defeat. "No."

"Ah."

"You've got to be kidding me. How could this possible be a good idea for anyone? Idiots, fucking idiots, all of you. " Sakura continued to mutter to herself as she made her way over to the stage of which Bad Things Have Happened Upon.

She cringed when she got to the part of a nearly impenetrable crowd of women at the foot of the stage. She knew better now, though, and didn't attempt to push her way to the front.

If Madara had attempted to give Tobi "apple juice" again, there would be blood. And Sakura would not be held responsible.

Madara was, in fact, the first one she saw on the stage, his wide mane of hair twirling and twisting everywhere as he worked the stripper pole. Sakura groaned in horror as he was only in his ridiculously tight pants. Sakura made sure not to make eye-contact.

An arm slide around her waist, and Sakura jumped in surprise. Shisui chuckled next to her ear. "Expecting someone else, baby?" Sakura sputtered in indignation at being sneaked up on and scaring her like that.

But he just buried his nose in her hair, and Sakura felt him breath deep. "God, I missed your smell." His nose traveled lower on her neck. "I missed your skin, too, and your small frame in my arms." He grazed his teeth over the skin under her ear, and Sakura stifled a gasp. She did not, however, attempt to get out of his grip, even though it was loose enough that she knew she could without much effort.

She twisted her neck to see his black, curly hair and sharp teeth out of the corner of her eye. "You scared me," she huffed.

He laughed. "Sorry, baby-couldn't resist the temptation. It's been too long." There was the subtle tone of agony in his voice at that, and Sakura felt a shock of guilt sweep through her gut. She swallowed and pushed the feeling down, still knowing she was entitled to doing what she did and refusing to feel too guilty about it.

She kept her face turned towards Shisui, so she could speak easier to him without the noise. "I gave Itachi a flash drive with some information on it about Orochimaru," she said plainly. To Shisui's credit, he did not tense up right away, but merely buried his face deeper into her hair.

"You know," he stated.

She nodded. "Not everything, I'm sure, but yes, most of it I do know now."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged and lowered her eyes to focus on the silver buttons of Shiusi's shirt. "Doesn't matter now. I know, and that's what matters," she muttered.

"What's on the flash drive?" he asked.

"I know you're the . . . runner, I suppose?" she stumbled over what to call Shisui's position, ignoring his question for the time being. She had hinted to Itachi when they were leaving the private room that they would discuss Orochimaru and the flash drive with the others at a later date.

"I . . . make transactions for the Akatsuki," Shisui said, cautiously. "I make sure purchases and trades work out. Itachi and I both do that. But I usually am the one carrying the merchandise and run out to meet the buyer or seller while Itachi makes sure no one else interferes."

Sakura nodded, but Shisui went on. "I've done horrible things, Sakura. You need to understand that we're not . . . good people. We're-"

"I get it, Shisui. You don't need to explain-"

"No, no, I do. Don't you get it? I've killed people, Sakura," he said, and there was no tremble in his voice, no sign of weakness or regret.

"I don't care."

He paused. Took a breath. "You don't understand-it wasn't honorable, it wasn't in self-defense or-"

"I don't care," she repeated, softly, so Shisui had to strain to hear her calm yet hard tone.

She thought again about hands around a pale throat and squeezing and blood and scars on hands and had already come to the consensus within herself that she just didn't care what Shisui's or anyone else's within the Akatsuki sins were. She didn't care how many people they had harmed or killed or tortured to get where they were today, because when she thought about how she fought off the man in the dirt parking lot she felt more often than not regret over not what happened, but at the fact that Kakashi interfered when he did and she hadn't gotten the chance to just keep going, keep squeezing.

She wondered what that made her.

"Whatever you've done, there was a reason. Whether that reason was justified doesn't really matter to me right now. Because I'm going to go ahead and guess that these killings or other sins you think you've committed weren't as black or white as you're making them out to be." She looked back up at him, still not meeting his eyes because of how they were positioned, but maybe eye-contact wasn't what was needed at that moment, for this kind of conversation.

"And even if you've committed the most horrific of sins before-it doesn't matter. Because you're not a bad person, you're not a vindictive person. You don't run experimental testing on unwilling, alive subjects in your free time just because you feel like it, like some Nazi doctor in a concentration camp." Her throat closed up. They both knew what she was talking out.

"And if I have to choose between you and whatever sins you've committed and that, then I don't have to think twice. Because whatever evil you think you are cannot be anything compared to what I'm guessing would have happened if you hadn't done the things you have, hadn't chosen this path, painful though it may be."

She turned in his arms then, making sure he was looking her straight in the eye, making sure he understand without words that she wasn't an innocent person either, that she understood enough about his character and had enough of an idea of what he'd done to take her seriously. "I love you the way you are, shattered ends and all, and you cannot tell me anything to change that."

And, oh God, Shisui smiled at her then, one of his crooked grins, and he just looked so wreaked, so gutted in that moment, and Sakura felt sick to her stomach at the glimpse behind the mask of Shisui the prankster, Shisui the fun loving, Shisui the black sheep of the Uchiha family. She knew what was there already, had seen glimpses in the past, but it really hit her then, slithered underneath her defenses and took home in her ribcage as a dull thud.

She mentally bottled that moment up to make sure she would never forget what Shisui tried so hard to hide from everyone, even his cousins. Especially his cousins. Because baring your soul, faults and sins and damnations and all, was not pretty nor was it fun, and doing it with the wrong person could destroy the barer.

"I've tortured people," Shiusi said softly, like he was trying to ease her into it. "Not because I had to, but because I wanted to . . . I was so angry when I heard about what happened to you and . . . and I don't think you understand that. I don't think you understand the levels I've gone to to ensure my family's safety and prestige. I had a choice, Sakura. I wasn't ordered to do a lot of things I've done-I just did them because I could."

"Alright."

"I-" he stuttered off. "You don't get it, you don't get it." He sighed, and his shoulders fell, and Sakura could see the mental walls going back up even stronger than before.

"Look at the flash drive I gave Itachi," she said slowly. Shisui's head shot up at the sudden turn in conversation. "See that, and then tell me I don't get it."

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

9875 Words