By the time Naruto and Sasuke got her home, Sakura was ready to kick their teeth out.

This was not unusual, all things considered. Whatever. That still didn't make her want to do it any less.

They had stopped on their way home to get dinner at the little takeout place. Sasuke was driving in front of Naruto and Sakura, so they just followed him. Naruto was diligently keeping less than two feet between Sasuke's car and the front of her car, and when a poor bastard tried to merge-read: cut-off like the little fucker he was-between Sasuke and Sakura's cars, well, Naruto wasn't having that.

At first, he laughed. And there was something to know about Naruto and his laughs: They were either the most pure and good-natured sound you ever heard and the simple sound of it could make any crappy day just a little more bearable, and then there were the few laughs of his that scared the crap out of everyone.

They weren't even necessarily evil or threatening sounding. But there was just something about them that set your teeth on edge. Something about them that drew attention and make the muscles in your back tense right up. It was the sound of someone who was so typically kind and generous and forgiving trying very hard to rein in his inner demon. And you really, really didn't want to anger that inner demon. That laugh was the only warning you would get; it was the laugh of Naruto really telling you Rethink this decision. Quickly. Typically this kind of laugh was heard when either Sasuke or Sakura was in some kind of danger - or at least, what Naruto perceived as danger.

And, apparently, some poor bastard who had likely had a long day behind a boring desk job trying to cut-off Naruto and make him lose sight of the teme's car was perceived as a threat.

Maybe it was because it was simply stupid and dangerous to try to merge between two cars that were already so close together. Maybe it was because the bastard was being rude and offensive about it, attempting to cross the lane without having the room to do so. Maybe it was just because Naruto had already heard the teme tell him earlier that day that Sakura was running into a burning building after an explosion and he was in his protective-best-friend phase, where the normal, carefree Naruto would suddenly turn into a demon shot out of hell.

Either way, Naruto made this kind of funny laugh that-was-not-really-funny-at-all-and-kind-of-terrifying-though-Sakura-would-never-admit-it and Sakura, out of instinct, closed her eyes and prayed to God.

Basically, honks were sounded. Curses were muttered. Possible skid marks were made. And one angry Uzumaki phone call was made to one perpetually angry Uchiha about fucking bastards on the fucking road who can't effing drive and did you get his license plate number?

Sakura, smartly, stayed out of it.

Then, when they actually got to the takeout place, there was the issue of letting Sakura come in. Sakura demanded. Naruto whined. Sasuke glared. She didn't trust them to order everything correctly (it was mainly her who would pick up food anyways) and the owner knew her and her usual order, and if she could just walk in and let him see her, they wouldn't even need to tell the owner their order. All would be well in the world that was her fucked up life.

But Sasuke and Naruto wouldn't hear of it. Apparently, she was still woozy and dizzy and they didn't trust her to use the bathroom in the restaurant by herself in fear of her passing out and hitting her head on the corner of the filthy toilet and having the awkward experience of having to break down the bathroom door in a restaurant to make sure she was still breathing and therefore the apocalypse would ensue because her pants might be down. This was their soundproof argument, of course.

Sakura almost ended up punching Sasuke after he just continued to stand there with his insufferable Hn escaping his mouth every few minutes, but he was quick on his feet and caught her fist before it could properly greet his face. Too bad.

In the end, she stayed in the car. But that was only because after much demanding and foot-stomping, they told her if she stayed in the car they would buy her next $500 textbook.

But because they knew her too well, Naruto ended up staying in the car with her, chattering nonstop until Sasuke came out with bags in his hands and got into his car. By this point, Sakura had one hell of a headache. And she still had studying to do.

So no one could really blame her for wanting to kick their teeth in. No. One.

After dinner-where Sasuke did manage to get the correct order by telling the owner her name, smart bastard-Sakura tried to escape the dining room and Blue's frantic puppy dog eyes begging for stray pieces of food to take a shower.

Basically, read back a few paragraphs and you will see how that played out. Again. Really, you would think the morons thought she'd never been in the bathroom by herself.

In the end, Sakura locked them both and the dog out of the bathroom to take her shower. By the time she was done and was back in her bedroom, her phone was beeping with missed messages.

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Ino Pig

Message: What's this I hear about explosion on campus?

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Ino Pig

Message: If you're dead, does that mean I get your shoes?

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Ino Pig

Message: Wait...

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Ino Pig

Message: That sounded bad

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Ino Pig

Message: Actually, never mind. I just want your shoes.

And then:

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Red Devil (aka: Karin)

Message: Goldilocks and High Redhead just walked in. Both look smug.

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Red Devil (aka: Karin)

Message: Are you alive?

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Red Devil (aka: Karin)

Message: If they kidnapped you again I'll go all honey badger on their asses

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Red Devil (aka: Karin)

Message: Actually, no. I take that back. You need the sexual relief.

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Red Devil (aka: Karin)

Message: I feel like it would be real kinky

To: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

From: Red Devil (aka: Karin)

Message: I want details. At least twelve of them!

She had great friends. Really.

To: Ino Pig

From: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

Message: I can feel the love. Explosion was false alarm.

To: Red Devil (aka, Karin)

From: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

Message: TWELVE details!? Girl, you lost your mind.

To: Red Devil (aka, Karin)

From: Sakura Haruno (moron babysitter)

Message: Why honey badger?

Ino didn't text her back right away, but Karin did. It was simply a link to a YouTube video.

Sakura clicked on it and turned the volume up.

Oh.

Now she remembered.

There was pounding on her bedroom door followed by a whine that Sakura couldn't distinguish as coming from Naruto or Blue.

"SAKURA-CHAN. I HEARD VOICES."

Blue clawed at the door.

Sakura still wasn't sure if the whine was from Naruto or the dog.

She stood up and went to the door, unlocked it, and let a curious Blue waddle into her room, where he easily made himself at home on her bed and stole her favorite pillow. Selfish little mutt.

Naruto just fidgeted in the doorway, looking over her shoulder like there was going to be someone else in her room. She frowned. "Were you listening outside my door?"

He looked back at her, his blue eyes wide and pleading. "Noooooo. I would never do that to you, Sakura-chan!" He laughed uneasily.

She sighed and held up her phone, where the video was paused on an angry looking honey badger. "I was watching this."

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Naruto's eyes - if possible - got wider. "Ohhh, I remember that! Honey badger don't give a shit."

"Well, now you've just gone and ruined the ending." Sakura gave him her best hurt puppy dog eyes. Immediately, his tan face heated up and turned scarlet as he made sputtering noises until Sakura dropped the act and laughed.

Blue was peaking over her shoulder at the screen on her phone as well, making a comically human face at the frozen image of a pissed off honey badger eating a snake. Blue made a disgusted noise. Sakura raised an eyebrow.

There was a very girly scream from down the hallway.

Sakura almost gave herself whiplash from how fast her head spun to look in that direction, jumping to her feet and almost dropping her phone in the process, that of which was un-paused in her fumbling and had the distinct, very gay male voice coming through the speakers: "Now, look at this. Snake's up in the tree. Honey badger don't care. Honey badger don't give a shit, it just takes what it wants-"

The screaming stopped. Sakura looked to Naruto, who was looking pointedly down at the floor like it was a wish-granting ramen factory.

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Naruto."

He didn't look at her.

Another very feminine scream.

"What did you do?" she hissed, already thinking about how she should have taken a Xanax.

"-the honey badger's pretty badass. They have no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Look, and it's just grunting and - eww! - eating snakes. Eww! What's that, a mouse? Aww, that's naassttyyy."

Pounding bare footsteps came down the hall, and Sakura just took the initiative and sat back down next to Naruto, ducking her head and reaching out to pet Blue. The dog just looked up at her and thumped his tail.

Sasuke appeared in her doorway, the only thing covering him and her naïve, innocent eyes from all this Uchiha glory a damp black towel tied around his waist. Sakura grumbled something unintelligently about damn Uchihas and couldn't bother to put on some shorts and just like his perverted uncle and rewrite that damn roommate agreement.

"-the honey badgers have fairly long body, but a distinct set of broad shoulders and, you know, their skin is loose, allowing them to move about freely - they twist around-"

Sasuke just stood there in the doorway of her bedroom, still dripping water from his shower, looking at Naruto and Sakura and Blue all huddled together on her bed as the gay male voice came through her phone speaking of the wondering, attractive bodies of overgrown rats, also known as honey badgers. Sakura forced herself to smile and look like she didn't give a shit.

"Now look, here's a house full of bees. You think the honey badger cares? It doesn't give a shit. It goes right into the house of bees to get some larva. How disgusting is that? It eats larva. Eww, that's so nasty-"

Sasuke continued glaring, so Sakura took pity on him and paused the video. She then blinked and took note of why he had been screaming in his mother's voice.

His hair - usually styled into the perfect replica of a duck butt with copious amounts of overpriced products bought from fawning gay men in salons who were all just too happy to assist Sasuke in any way possible and making that explicably clear, and who spent a good hour in front of the mirror every morning applying it - was now blue.

Blue yelped.

Naruto continued to stare at the ground.

Sakura continued to not give a shit.

Sasuke was seething. His hair wasn't neon blue or anything - more of a dull shade of it. His hair was already so black that this new color wasn't immediately noticeable, especially since many of the hallway lights were off at that moment.

"Well," Sakura interjected, "looks good, Teme." She gave him a thumbs-up just to spite him.

Sasuke ignored her. He only had eyes for Naruto. "Dobe," he hissed, and Sakura immediately thought of the snake the honey badger had just been eating on her phone screen.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, finally looking up to meet Sasuke's eyes.

And it was in that moment Sakura knew without a doubt the Paint War had just reached a whole new level.

Because Naruto wasn't in the least bit ashamed or guilt-ridden. No, his normal playful blue eyes were full of nothing but cunning and revenge plans.

Why revenge plans? Because the kitchen had been painted blue.

Sakura sent a silent prayer up to the heavens.

And then Naruto grinned at Sasuke, full and wide and nothing but the kind of self-satisfaction that only cats and Ino could pull off.

Sasuke lunged at Naruto, and by proxy, lunged at Sakura. Sakura was hyper-aware in those few moments about the fact that Sasuke - her childhood friend, one of her best friends in the entire world - was only clad in a damp towel, droplets of water still hanging off his body and now blue hair.

Normally, Sakura would just jump out of the way and let Naruto and Sasuke have at it. But she now lived with them both, and if they damaged the house, well, it was her house too now. So she cared.

And so before Sasuke's towel could fall off of the boy, making this situation so much more awkward and force Sakura to force the Uchihas to give her compensation for the therapy she'd undoubtedly need there afterwards, Sakura hooked Naruto around the waist and tackled him to the floor, bringing part of her bedding down with her and making Blue yelp and jump down after them, like they were all about to start having a wrestling match right there on the floor and it was only natural the dog got in on the action. Jesus.

Sasuke hit headfirst into the bed. Sakura was halfway on top of Naruto, holding him down. He may or may not have hit his head quite hard on the floor on the way down, taking his weight and Sakura's on impact, but she'd worry about that later.

Sakura had a flashback to the Uchiha mansion and the morning she'd been there, when Naruto had been the one slamming her into the bed because of a certain blob of red and black - namely, Shisui - who had attempted to also body slam into her. It seemed her life was made wholly up of being slammed and slamming into the moronic men in her life. God help her.

Blue - the hyperactive dog he was; bless his canine heart - jumped on top of Naruto, knocking the air further out of the blonde moron. Blue licked his cheek.

Sasuke was having difficulty pushing himself up on her bed - goddamn it, the emo moron was getting her bed all wet, the little imbecile - and finding purchase, and so Sakura took that moment to fling herself back up on her bed and hold him down.

And once again, Sakura found herself in the awkward situation of straddling Sasuke's chest while he was mostly naked. She idly wondered if she would have to threaten calling Itachi again as a means to get Sasuke to stop this idiocy. Dear Kami - what was wrong with her life?

But that would likely result in having Itachi - and therefore most, if not all, of the Akatsuki and Uchihas - break down her door because all they got out of that phone call was Sakura straddling a mostly naked Sasuke Uchiha, and that simply was not acceptable in their fucked up world.

Sasuke squirmed underneath her, and Sakura had to hold his wrists down to keep him from pushing her off, all the while flinging profanities at Naruto. It was one of the few times Sakura had actually heard him raise his voice.

Sakura wondered what her neighbors must think.

"Stop, stop," Sakura grunted in between breaths. She tightened her legs around Sasuke's torso, making him look at her. She bared her teeth at him. "It has been too fucking long of a day for this shit. So calm the fuck down."

Naruto was scrambling with Blue on the floor still, making irritated noises while Blue just continued to jump him and hold him down because the dog thought this was all play. Sakura whirled her head to glare down at him, waiting until Naruto locked blue eyes to green.

She narrowed her eyes. "And you," Sakura growled. Naruto visibly swallowed and went stock-still. Blue even stopped wagging his tail to look at her, wide-eyed as well as if waiting for the moment his owners killed each other. "Did you put blue dye in Sasuke's shampoo, Naruto?"

Even though she was asking him, it wasn't really a question. Anyone with a brain could plainly see that Naruto had been the one behind his prank.

Naruto swallowed again, his arms propped up behind him so he was sitting up on the floor amidst her bedsheets. "Maybe," he grumbled, which was good enough for Sakura.

Sasuke growled from underneath her, and Sakura twisted her head to give him her attention once again. She glared at him; Sasuke glared back. World War III may have been on the cusp. "I know you're pissed right now, and you have every right to be. But you cannot attack Naruto and ruin this home. Plus," she added, "it doesn't look half bad. In fact, your hair is already so dark that the blue just makes it look like a dull navy. I like it."

Sasuke blinked up at her.

After a moment, he turned his face away with his typical "Hn," and Sakura let it slide.

Slowly, Sakura began to loosen her grip on Sasuke's wrists, peeling her body off of him. "Now," she sighed, seeing that the immediate danger was over, "get out of my room. Both of you."

Both morons just looked at her.

With a huff, Sakura turned her attention to Blue, who was also just looking at her. Shit, the dog was learning from her morons. She narrowed her eyes at the dog. "You too," she said, to which Blue visibly deflated and let his head drop, slowly padding out of the room.

Sasuke gave an undignified huff, as if this was all below him. Sakura scowled at him, since he was the one who flew himself at Naruto and was the one in the towel. Moron.

"You both have work tomorrow. Go to bed." Sakura looked at her poor bed, damp now, and sighed.

This got a reaction out of both Naruto and Sasuke, oddly enough. Sasuke looked down and Sakura would swear she saw a light blush on his cheeks. Naruto just looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling uncomfortably.

When they were gone, finally, Sakura had the task of changing her bedsheets, which no one wanted to do right before they were supposed to go to bed.

A thump was heard outside her bedroom door. Blue barked.

Sakura turned off her bedroom lights and put in her new earplugs, that of which she'd purchased after the realization that she was going to live with Naruto and Sasuke kicked in, and she figured she'd need them. It was the newest addition to her How To Deal With Morons Manuscript, that of which already included a pink bottle of pepper spray, a spray bottle, and neon orange duct tape.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

When Sakura woke up, both Naruto and Sasuke were already gone for work, and since she did not have another class until much later that day, Sakura decided it would be a good time to go out and do some shopping, that of which would include going to the paint store.

She fully intended to still make Naruto and Sasuke paint the bathroom pink. Maybe even some hot, cherry pink. It wasn't like Naruto could put pink dye in her shampoo.

The paint store was also quickly becoming her least favorite place to be. Simply because she and the two morons had been in so many times, arguing about color schemes and what would be blue and what would be orange, etc, etc, . . . that the employees were now on a first name basis with them all. And not in a good way.

So Sakura's plan was to get in and get out as quickly as possible. She lied to herself and said it was just because she still had schoolwork to do before her lab later that day. She almost believed herself.

The other reason Sakura wanted to get in and out of the paint store as quickly as possible was because it was also the place where Sai worked part-time.

"Hey, Ugly," he greeted her the moment she walked in, despite Sakura's sound plan to speed walk right through the door. Too bad.

Sakura waved a half-hearted hand to him, grimacing as he adorned that bland little fake smile. She had gotten over him calling her "Ugly" a while ago, mostly because she had caught him reading a self-help book on how to properly converse and be social with other human beings. Sai didn't know she knew about the many, many library check-outs of that genre of books, and she didn't plan to ever tell him about it. He wasn't trying to be rude - he just didn't understand that that kind of nickname wasn't the best thing to call a girl who wouldn't hesitate to smack him into next week. Which was what she did . . . a lot.

Sakura had met Sai a few years earlier, when she was just starting university. He was an art major, and a damn good one. Like Sakura, Sai had gotten a scholarship to help him get into the school and cut ties with his family, that of which was more than just a toxic relationship. He and Sakura had that in common.

Now he worked at the paint shop part-time, and had been witness to many of her and the morons' fiery arguments about paint schemes. Sai had silently watched over this all the while dropping little comments and insults just to stir the fire. It was like pouring oil on a flame.

But that was when Sakura was with the morons. When it was just her, however, things were different between them. Possibly because Sai knew Sakura first, befriended her first-well . . . Sakura befriended him, actually, whether he liked it or not-and met Naruto and Sasuke through her.

When Sakura first met Sai, she had thought he would be another Sasuke. His appearance was already similar to that of a Uchiha, even though he wasn't, and with his little insults and couldn't-give-a-shit vibe, Sai was like a little Uchiha clone.

After a while, though, Sakura found herself liking Sai more and more, mostly likely because it didn't take her too long to figure out his fake persona and the mask he always wore. It took her almost a year to find out that his abusive family was the cause of that, and the emotional damage done wasn't about to leave anytime soon. And Sakura was fine with that. Kami knew she had her own familial baggage, too.

Sakura hadn't even known Sai had started working part-time in the paint store until she and the morons had wandered in one afternoon a few weeks ago, still arguing and ranting and pleading and scoffing about the other's color preferences. Sai had looked so amused, the cocky bastard.

"Buying more paint?" Sai inquired, a tilt to his head.

Sakura nodded. "I'm making the morons paint the bathroom pink." She grinned devilishly. "It's payback for screwing up the kitchen."

Sai's lips twitched, and that was as far as Sakura would get for a pleased and amused smile, one that wasn't completely fake. She would take it.

He spun on his heel and led her to the pink paint options, even though Sakura knew where it was by heart now. Hell, she could probably work at the store too; she already knew the layout and what they did and didn't have so well.

Sakura scanned the selections, pairing the paint options side-by-side, occasionally turning to Sai with a tilt of her lip while he would yay or nay with a twitch of his lips or a curve in his brow. She may have wanted revenge for the Paint War Naruto and Sasuke had initiated, but she would have to also see and use the pink bathroom for as long as she lived there - it still needed to be a color pink she could live with.

So no neon hot pink.

Instead, Sakura-and Sai, by proxy-decided on a soft looking pale pink, similar in color to a blouse Sakura owned. Sakura found herself actually excited for the color, even though this had all started out as a punishment for the morons.

So Sakura paid for it and was on her way out of the store when she paused, turning back around and inviting him to Red Dawn one of these nights.

This was in no way a concession on her part to being around those damnable Uchihas and the Akatsuki, but just her understanding that there would likely be reasons and ways they would get her back at the nightclub. Also, Karin worked there. Ino would want to go more often than not for no reason other than that, but, also, it was a nightclub, and it was Ino. Let it never be said that the ponytailed blonde didn't enjoy a fun nightlife.

And so Sakura figured that if she was going to have to endure more nights at the club, then she might as well fill it with people she was comfortable with. More distractions to keep her away from those stripper Uchihas and Akatsuki members, anyways.

Sai just looked at her for a second, a little taken aback at her offer. But he had her cellphone number, and so Sakura promised to text him sometimes about her offer, and eventually Sai just nodded and gave her his usual fake smile. But his eyes were soft. So it was progress.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

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