You'd think that I would be less nervous to see them this time around. The knowledge that they are both very much taken, happily so from what I have seen, should have reinforced the platonic vibe of the evening. If anything, I should feel relief. But this swirling anxiety in my stomach is the same sensation I've felt before going on first dates. This isn't a date. I'm going to a fifty-year-old man's birthday party for god's sake. That reminder doesn't change the fact that I'm currently applying my third layer of deodorant as I wait nervously for my ride.

       Ivy's amusement of the situation has been no help. Despite my attempt of discretion, Ivy saw right through my pink cheeks, and she has been enjoying my troublesome attraction way too much. Instead of links to sex clubs, I've been receiving polyamory and threesome porn links. She has been no help to my imagination. The dreams I've been having had me thanking all my lucky stars that Casper and I's schedules were polar opposites this week. I even snuck into the office one night to take a picture of his schedule. I can switch a few shifts around if needs be. Pathetic. I know.

      I get a glance of their Toyota through my living room curtains, and mumble encouraging words until I reach my front door. I smile to them both, through the windshield as soon as I step outside. Lawson steps out the driver's seat, greets me with a nod and soft smile before opening my door. The gentleman act only makes me feel worst for my perverted thoughts.

      Casper turns in his seat to face me. Of course, he would be the passenger princess of the two.

      "Hello." I smile in greeting. He returns the smile and doesn't bother to be subtle about the way he looks me up and down.

      "Everything alright, Desi?" He pretends to be concerned, but his lips twitch as if he knows about the torment my mind has inflicted upon me.

      Shot and fired. My heart is in my stomach and all it took was one of them opening the door and the other calling me by a nickname. Hanging out with them is going to do very bad things to my libido.

       "Just peachy," I speak through gritted teeth because I know Casper is toying with me. I regret my choice of words because now I'm thinking of their asses. Casper releases a throaty laugh at my reaction. I narrow my eyes. He knows I'm at a crossfire in his flirting game. I won't flirt with a man that's taken.

      Lawson returns to his seat and nudges Casper in the ribs as he ties his seatbelt.

     "Please, ignore his lacking manners." Lawson apologizes for his boyfriend, tired tone implying that he makes a habit of doing so. "I'm still working on building him a filter."

      "He's teaching me all kinds of things with positive reinforcement...Although, strangely enough I find myself facing more punishments than praise."

      I close my eyes and breath through my nose. As if I need to envision Lawson punishing Casper in the bedroom. I suspected there was a wilder side to Lawson's well-kept and reserved appearance, but the confirmation... has me clenching my thighs and shifting in my seat. If I leave a wet mark on the leather beneath me, Casper will be sure to point it out.

      "Jesus Christ, Cas," Lawson curses. His knuckles go white, grip tightening against the steering wheel. There's a warning in the dark gaze he shoots Casper, and I feel like I'm interrupting something. Hot damn. There's more passion in their one shared gaze then what I've experienced in my whole life.

      Casper shrugs with exaggerated innocence. "Considering what she walked in on, I doubt a few dirty jokes will affect her much."

      Speak for yourself, jackass.

      I groan. "I'm sorry about—" Lawson and I both start at the same time, and I laugh.

      "We shouldn't have done anything while you were there. That's our bad," Lawson starts again. "It's not how we wanted to tell you. I thought you might have known already... While I panicked Saturday, I'm ready to answer any questions today."

      "Questions?"

      Lawson hums.

      "We'll answer anything you want." Casper adds. There's a glimmer in his eyes that creates the impression that he hopes I ask about more than their first kiss.

      I chew my lip as I ponder my endless list of questions. Half of them I won't dare ask, no matter Casper's promise that there's no wrong question.

      "How long have you've been together?"

      "It took our first year of college to finally work things out. So, a little over 4 years now."

      "You guys went to the same College?"

      They both nod. "Even shared a dorm room." Casper wiggles his brows. That means they've been living together for five years.

      "Who made the first move?"

      This time Lawson grins and Casper huffs.

      "Tell her, Cas," Lawson teases. The ease in their relationship warms my heart. I hope I find what they have, someday. If I thought they were attached to the hip when we were kids, it's nothing compared to their bond now. The love they share is so evident that I wonder how I didn't pick up on it right way. Although I think it's safe to say that they've always loved each other, even if not romantically.

      Casper sighs but he can't hide the amusement in his soft smile. He does enjoy a good old embarrassing story, even if he's the story's main character.

      "Lawson was flirting with me for months before my closeted ass picked up on it. I thought he was as clueless as I was. One would think I would have taken my attraction to him well, considering the many times I jokingly flirted with him, but he started using all my tricks on me and I just about lost it. Little did I know he was goading me to break, waiting until the day I stopped being an oblivious idiot. I never did... I thought he was messing with me, and I was so damn mad at him for playing with my feelings.

      And then one night, I was already on edge when the fucker decided to walk around naked after his shower. It wasn't the first time I saw him naked, but the dorm was tiny. Our beds were only a few feet apart. While I was lying in bed, he bent next to me to root through his bedside drawer for a pair of boxers. Ass and erect cock in my direct line of view." He emphasizes erect, and I'm already laughing in anticipation. "I blew up. I don't remember half the stuff I said, but I yelled until he shut me up with a kiss."

      Of course, their first kiss would occur amidst an argument. I laugh at the mental picture of a naked Lawson kissing a stupefied Casper. God, I wish I had known them back then. I would have been their number one supporter.

      "I see you're still in the habit of walking around butt-naked after a shower," I tease.

      Grumbled laughter escapes Lawson. The tint of his cheeks matches Casper's salmon colored button-up shirt. I do love to see a man blush.

      "I mean I would too, if I was packing a dick like yours." The words leave my lips before I can think them through, and I idly wonder if Lawson might be interested in building me an internal filter as well. I'd surely be more obedient than Casper.

      Casper loses it. His head bumps against the headrest, and I can't hear the music over his laughter. If I wasn't so embarrassed, I would savour his melodic sound.

      "I didn't mean to say that aloud!"

     "Is your next question going to involve measurements?" Casper laughs.

      I don't think it really matters how many inches they're packing. They'd make do with even the smallest of cargos, but I don't need a measuring tape to know their packing something between 7 and more than enough inches.

     Because it seems I have a bad case of verbal diarrhea today, my next question is almost as stupid as asking them to pull out a ruler would have been.

      "Is it an open or closed relationship?" Oh god. I clamp my mouth shut. I didn't mean for that to sound the way it did.

      Casper's brows flick into his blond curls as he whistles, and I think Lawson might have stopped breathing. Talk about awkward!

      "I'm not implying..." I don't know how to finish that sentence without further embarrassing myself.

       "We're here," Lawson announces, voice gruff. He parks at the end of a long driveway that already has ten cars. I really didn't think this through. I'm about to meet the whole family. Though I know most of them from my childhood, I must admit that them bringing me here is a little odd.

      Casper and Lawson share another silent look that conveys a thousand words that I don't understand. There's a hesitation to answer my question.

      "We have about thirty seconds before we're ambushed by Jackie," Lawson interrupts the silence. He's looking forward, where a small blonde runs clumsily towards us.

      Casper turns my way with a dangerous looks in his eyes. Even the most oblivious person on earth wouldn't miss the fiery lust in those blue eyes. What have I gotten myself into?

      "Can we continue this conversation tonight?" Though he chooses words that form a question, there's a finality in his tone that tells me he will ensure that conversation occurs.

      Every part of me knows this is begging for trouble, still I swallow once before nodding. I owe it to myself to at least hear the answer to my stupid question.

      The toddler jumps in Lawson's arms the minute he opens the door. "Uncle Awson!"

     My heart soars as Lawson lifts her effortlessly and kisses her cheek. "Hey, beautiful."

      Though she made a run for Lawson, in no time she's wiggling in his grasp, little hands begging to be given to Casper. "Uncle Cassie!" I am so storing that nickname for later.

      Casper takes her with an eagerness that has me melting even more. She giggles as he spins her around a few times, pretending to drop her before tucking her into his side. "There's my favourite Novak! I missed my little spitfire."

      The way she wraps her arms around Casper's neck has my ovaries ready to burst. I might have cooed because her attention is suddenly drawn my way.

      "Who's that?" she points a little finger at me.

       "This is our friend Desirae," Casper introduces.

      I smile at Jackie. "You can call me Dez." I didn't need to give the guys ammunition with another nickname.

      "I like your nose," she says, reaching forward to pull at my nose ring. Casper pulls her hand away before she can do any damage.

      "Thank you," I laugh.

      "I like it too," Casper butts in, whispering loudly in her ear as if to share a secret. "Uncle Lawson especially loves it. It starred in the dream he told me about last night."

      I bite my tongue to ensure I don't curse. Damn him and his mouth.

      "Look!" Jackie is pointing again, but this time Lawson is the victim of the finger. "Uncle Awson is turning pink. I like pink!"

      As if his new pinkness won him new brownie points, Jackie returns to Lawson's arms. "I think Uncle Cassie needs a timeout," Lawson mumbles as he starts heading towards the backyard, seemingly eager to escape this conversation. Jackie giggles at the idea and I breathe through my nose. Lawson is more subtle but he's as bad as Casper is.

       Casper chuckles softly. "You'd love to see him put me in my place, wouldn't you Desi?" He speaks the words in my ear, in an actual whisper meant only for my hearing.

      I huff and step away from him. I start walking ahead of him, spinning to shoot him a warning. "You two keep this up, and I think I'll be the one indulging on the punishing."

      I expect Casper to laugh, but all humor vanishes as he bites his lips and seems to actually consider the idea. Sweet hell. He's looking at me like he'd love nothing more than to be at my complete mercy. Fuck. While being a cis woman has many downfalls, boy am I glad I don't have to worry about boners.

      When we reach the yard Lawson places Jackie on the ground. Her legs are already swinging before she touches the grass. If the resemblance to Lawson and my childhood memories are correct, the woman Jackie is running to is Lawson's younger sister. The last time I had seen Elle, she was playing with Barbies in Lawson's basement.

      We follow Jackie, three empty lawn chairs saved next to Elle's. Her eyes shoot into her hairline when she sees me.

      "So, this is the special guest you promised," she greets me with a hug. "It's so nice to see you."

      I smile back at her, resisting the urge to kick Casper in the shins. He said everyone wanted me here, implying they knew I was coming.

      "It's nice to see you too," I return. "I'm already a fan of your daughter."

      She grins down at Jackie and points to the chairs beside her. "Have a seat." She gestures. "We still have a few minutes, before dad gets here."

      Casper and Lawson beat me to the chairs, forcing me to take the one between the both of them. Elle stifles her laughter by coughing into her shoulder. At least, that's confirmation that I'm not imagining their behavior.

      "Wait until Mom sees her," Elle laughs, looking at her mother, Jenna across the yard. She's too busy right now to notice me. She's holding a phone between her ear and shoulder, as she adjusts a few balloons on a sparkly chair that reads Old Man. There's balloons and streamers splayed across the whole yard. Lawson's mom never did do anything halfway.

       Jenna's head shoots up and she nearly drops the phone as she looks around the yard. "He's coming," she tells everyone. The chaos and excitement rolling off her even from here, has me smiling. It's nice to know some people don't change.

      Everyone yells "surprise", and I laugh as Jackie runs towards her new target. She's clearly excited to wish her grandpa a Happy Birthday.

      Elle shakes her head in fond exasperation. "She's been bouncing off the walls since the person who was in charge of dropping off the cake, thought it'd be a good idea to also bring a bag of Candy labelled to a special Spitfire."

      Lawson chuckles as Casper plays dumb. He picks at his nails as if disinterested by the conversation.

      I laugh, not the least bit surprised that Casper would be the spoiling type. "Sounds like something Uncle Cassie would do."

      Casper narrows his eyes at me at the use of the nickname and I grin.

      "I had a few treats saved for you too, but you keep that up and I'll withhold them until you're begging," he says.

      I blush, not only at his choice of words, but from the reminder of the similar warning I shared with him only minutes ago. This man has no shame and no subtlety.

      The wide-eyed look Elle directs towards the three of us makes me freeze. "Well damn." She blinks owlishly.

      I turn crimson at the obvious implication on her features. Even though she's getting the wrong impression, nobody makes move to correct her. My mouth almost falls open with shock as Lawson turns his head away from me, broad shoulders shaking with contained laughter.

      I don't have time to chastise either of them because Jenna's voice startles me.

      "And who's this?"

      I turn her way and she jumps with elation the second she recognizes me. I stand up from my chair and let her pull me into a hug. She's always been a hugger.

      She's quick to pull up a chair. "How have you've been, honey?" I answer all her questions about me and my family, about my job and some of the travelling I've done. The grin never leaves her face.

      The softness in her gaze when she eventually turns towards Casper melts my heart. I already know that she loves him just as much as she does Lawson. "How's the new job?"

      "It's great. I honestly love it already." He smiles at her. "Plus, I've got some pretty cool coworkers." I roll my eyes.

      Casper tells her about my visit a few days ago. He tells her about catching up over supper, leaving out a few very big details. I'm glad that he at least has the decency to not mention my encounter with a naked Lawson, and my unintentional cock-blocking episode.

       "We're you shocked to learn they live together?" Jenna grins at me.

      "A little," I admit. "Especially considering Casper downplayed it all by telling me that him and Lawson still hangout." I air quote hangout.

        "Shouldn't have come as that big of a shock. We've always liked to share. We used to share toys, now we share a home...amongst other things."

       Casper looks right at me, and I think I'm going to die. I can't stand the idea of not knowing if all the jokes he's making hold any merit. I'm sure he must be playing with me, because the latter would be too good to be true and a recipe for disaster. Jenna is completely clueless to his innuendo. She smiles as if the words that parted his lips were a sweet testament to the love he holds for her son.

      Elle chokes on her drink and Lawson acts like something across the yard caught his attention, even though I spot the blush creeping up his neck.

       I barely pay attention to the conversation after that. All I can think about is Casper's promise to continue our conversation in the car. I only come back to reality when my name is called.

       "Is this little Desirae?" I didn't notice Fred walk up to us. "From Lawson's class?"

      "Oh, Fred!" Jenna rolls her eyes. "Don't be pretend you don't remember her. We only heard her name every night for ten years."

       Lawson sighs at the comment but doesn't look surprised. I suppose he's used to his parents being over-sharers. One of my earliest memories of Jenna, is sitting on my mother's lap as Jenna told her all about Lawson's crush. I still don't know if it was her way of trying to kick me into action, but I was mortified even at that young age.

       I genuinely enjoy the party. I've always loved Lawson's family. Even the uncle who thought I was mute has grown on me. I let the guys introduce me to countless people and laugh at their competitive natures as they play on different teams for every party game. I'm having a great time, but I'm distracted the entire evening. Every smile and look they shoot my way triggers both apprehension and excitement. By the time we're ready to leave, I follow them to the car almost dejectedly. My mind is in overdrive.

       The tension is only worst when we take our seats and drive away. The silence is suffocating. The looks they keep sending in the rear-view mirror shoots fire in my veins. I wait endlessly for either one of them to start the conversation that we left unfinished. I refuse to repeat the question that I probably shouldn't have asked, but the pending answer in this silence is killing me. Especially considering the answer their eyes seem to convey. They're saying so much without speaking, and I don't want to look like a fool for wrongfully interpreting their actions.

       We pull into my driveway, and we still haven't uttered a word. I unbuckle myself slowly, unsure how to proceed.

       They look at each other like they're waiting for something. Waiting on me. If my interpretations skills are good, they've left plenty of hints. The ball is in my court and they're waiting to see what I'll do with it. It's now or never.

       "Do you guys want to come inside for a bit?" The second the words leave my mouth I heave a breath of relief and pray this isn't some grand delusion.

      They share another look before Casper grins. "We'd love too."

      Here comes the moment of truth.