sixteen: make it right

"This eternal night with no end in sight. It's you who gifted me the morning. Now is it ok if I can hold that hand?"

//

it's past midnight.

Elianna likes this time of the day the most. she strives and drowns in it. the night welcomes her just as her tattoos and the love from her friends embrace her. somehow, she always finds herself feeling everything and talking the most when the night settles.

Jungkook was overjoyed when Elianna knocked on his door. he was speechless, uh's leaving his lips before he grabbed his jacket and walked with her. he was extremely surprised that she wanted to talk things out.

they made their way outside, to the patio garden. Jungkook has his leather jacket, jumper underneath as he sits at a distance. Elianna has a blanket wrapped over her shoulders as they sit side by side, knees tucked.

Elianna fiddles with the silver rings on her fingers as she tries to think about what to say. there are so many questions and answers yet the words die on her usually outspoken tongue. the patio lights allow them to see each other but they don't dare to. Jungkook is the only one who takes occasional glances, licking his lips in nervousness.

"why did you leave?"

Elianna can't process the fact that everything is happening right now. a part of her never thought this conversation would come. but she's glad it has, she's waited for so long. years have passed and now that she's outside, alone with her ex-lover is alarming. she asks the question of most importance.

"so we're jumping right into it then." Jungkook chuckles lowly. he shakes his head, black bangs bouncing as his eyes crease. Elianna's lips twitch, trying not to smile at his smile. even in their darkest and overwhelming moments, he shines the brightest. it leaves her wondering what they could've been if he hadn't left... she misses him.

"we have to." Elianna gulps harshly. her black hair lies above the blanket as she looks up at the sky. she'd much rather look at the stars in Jungkook's eyes. wait what? stop, no. "i want to skip to the part where we actually talk. we've had small talk for years, even silence so let's do this right shall we?"

"okay you're right." Jungkook nods, agreeing. "so why did i leave?" he repeats to himself as he taps his fingers against his sweatpants. in this moment, none of his rehearsed words go to plan. instead he speaks from his heart that he knows belongs to one person only. "can i just say that it hurt me just as much as it hurt you. leaving you was the worst decision of my life and i'll never forget it. i did you wrong." he clears his throat.

"it hurt us both i know." Elianna says quietly, staring ahead. she's had enough of being angry, now she wants to listen and speak like civil adults. her anger and stubbornness has usually worsen situations, instead of making them better. so now she'd like to use her changed mindset and attitude she's developed in the past years for good, with someone good.

"i left because i felt like i had to go through with Yoongi's words." Jungkook answers honestly.

Elianna already knew the answer but had never heard it out loud. ever since he left, they never talked about it. she wonders how things could've been different if they talked about it earlier in their lives. "was he that controlling with you that you had to listen?"

"you loved me right?" Elianna questions, bold voice shooting goosebumps up Jungkook's sleeves. "so why was it so easy for you to leave?" her voice breaks in the space.

"i didn't want to hurt you anymore that's why i didn't stay." Jungkook says, eyes blinking. "i never felt like i was good enough for you." his vulnerability after all these years may have decreased but it's still there.

"you always were. you never saw yourself the way i see you." Elianna takes a moment to look at Jungkook. their eyes meet before they quickly look away. it's too intense and emotionally intimate.

"do you still see me in the same way?"

"would it make a difference if i did?"

"yes." Jungkook is certain as he leans forward, not showing his shyness anymore. "everything about you matters to me Elianna, it always has." she likes how open he is now, how he's no longer afraid to say what's on his mind. she's proud because he was so different when they first met.

"i know in our last few days i did hurt you."

"yes you did." Elianna tries to keep her tone of voice stable, not wanting to appear harsh. "but i hurt you too." she admits. they both hurt each other many times, her from the beginning and him towards the end. but what hurts the most is that Jungkook had this motive long before.

"no El, i did wrong." Jungkook furrows his brows as he stares at the ground between his feet that are covered in slippers.

"we both did wrong," she says, words swaying with the breeze as it leaves her lips. "our breakup was inevitable." she admits. it was. it had to happen for a reason and the two of them learnt lessons that were essential.

"but i could've not left."

"i really loved you," Elianna breathes out, fidgeting with the end of the blanket. her body is overheating and her heart is racing. the tough composure breaks down as she doesn't dare to look at Jungkook who snaps his head towards her. she can feel his state and even now, it's full of mutual love. "i still love you." she says, feeling a lump in her throat. i do, i never stopped...

"you did? y-you do?"

"i know i never said it but i suffered so much without you." Elianna laughs, biting her lip so she doesn't cry. "i genuinely believed you were the love of my life. i still believe you are." the last sentence is a whisper.

"what?" Jungkook asks, not catching her last sentence.

"nothing." Elianna stares at the moon. "i wish you didn't leave. i wish you didn't listen to Yoongi."

"but i did." Jungkook says the statement loud and clear. it makes their hearts thrash against their chests. "i did and it was fucking terrible, i'm sorry." his voice breaks.

Elianna clenches her hands together, rings poking into her skin. she's trying not to reach over and wrap her arms around him. "i did years of soul searching and thinking about what truly happened, what i could've done and how i could get you to forgive me."

"i changed my behaviour." Jungkook knows he's not perfect. "i can't change what i did but i can make sure to never do it again."

"that's all i needed to hear." Elianna smiles lovingly at Jungkook.

"thank you." the worried boy watches the love of his life stand up, signalling the end of their conversation.

"does this mean..." he questions.

"we're good Kook." her hand pats him gently before she walks away with her blanket covering her.

//

the wedding day finally arrives.

the late nights, shared breakfast and lunches and banter comes to an end at Jin's house. their memories will live on including today's as the boys and girls get ready to go.

they all gather in the living room of Jin's mansion like house, doing last minute touches to complete their looks. Jungkook and Elianna were one of the first to get ready and now they take a moment to look around the room, one smoking and the other admiring.

Jin fixes Namjoon's tie whilst conversing, Talulah lounges on the couch with Taehyung's legs on her lap- the two of them ready and sexy, Jimin jumping happily as he circles Shira, Zelda placing hair clips into small Esmerelda's hair as Elisa watches fondly and runs her hands down her makeup free face, Hoseok asking Yoongi to help him with his expensive, golden watch and Maeve noticing the obvious glances between the destined duo that is Elianna and Jungkook.

black haired Jungkook stands against the wall, fiddling with his cuff sleeves. his eyes however are centralised on Elianna, gazing up and down with desire and love that's always been there. 

he's dressed smartly like all the other boys. suits, ties, button up shirts and styled hair. he allowed the boys to dress him up, pushing his hair away from his forehead and letting him wear his dangling earrings. glitter Jimin and glasses Namjoon were happy with what they had done. there's a small chain in his trouser loops, an ironed buttoned shirt and shiny leather shoes. he looks handsome and when he isn't looking, Elianna is staring.

every time one of them looks away, the other looks.

Jungkook musters up some courage before walking ahead, eyes meeting Elianna's as she fiddles with her earrings. "you look nice." he says, the two of them standing in the middle of the living room. their friends are around them but in this moment, all they feel is each other's presence. the laughter, excitement fades away.

just two hearts.

"as do you," Elianna looks him up and down, leaving Jungkook with flushed cheeks. "did you sleep much last night?" she asks.

"no. did you?"

"me neither."

"thank you for hearing me out and forgiving me." Jungkook mentions, hand clenching at his side when he notices Elianna's loose strand. don't push it back. "i'm grateful to be talking to you right now."

"don't be so sappy," Elianna smiles with her eyes first before her lips turn upwards. there's a twinkle of mischief in her golden eyes as her ringed hand reaches to hold Jungkook's soft cheek. she holds it playfully, patting as they both heat up at the sudden, meant to be friendly touch.

"shall we go and celebrate love?"

//

every time i write i celebrate love

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