It feels strangely bizarre to have a routine to my day here. Getting up in the early morning hours, getting dressed, heading down to the throne room to practice with Xalale, eating breakfast, checking in on Coxen and Elle, and then just wander the halls out of boredom.
But as organized as everything was, there are still issues to be dealt with.
"One more day, one more day" My mind was counting down the days left. I've never felt so stressed in my entire life.
Xalale on the other hand didn't seem as fazed by the depleting time period. It was almost as if he wasn't concerned or worried about this at all. Which to me is ludicrous seeing how he'll be greatly affected by this as well.
On top of that, I keep pestering Sephora about the solution she's making that'll send me home when all this is over. She keeps saying 'give it time', but it's safe to say that we have very little time left and I'm beginning to stress about this. Finally I guess Sephora has had enough of my badgering and sends me on a mission to collect some ingredients that I'm sure she already has an abundance of. Secretly though, I'm glad for this busy work. It distracts me from worrying about everything and everyone.
"You can find some mushrooms in the forest, along with some nightshade." She informs me as I'm handed a basket.
"How much do you need?" I ask.
She waves her hand.
"However many you can carry."
I leave her to her work and head toward the servants' quarters where I exit through the drafty door.
The outside air is a relief to my scorching hot skin. The dull blue sky stretches out over the looming forest, making everything appear more eerie than it actually is. I know it's out of my way, but I decide that while I'm out here, I might as well check to see if Aelita is nearby. It's a stretch, but I would love to see her again and thank her for her words of encouragement.
I don't remember exactly where I met her, but there's probably some houses or something around here where I can check.
Venturing into the woods, I scan the area hoping to jog my memory of where we were. I'm about to give up when something, out of the corner of my eye, catches my attention- a fallen, decaying tree trunk.
I rush over to it and wait, like magically she'll sense my presence and appear out of thin air like my fairygod mother.
"You should know life doesn't work out that easily for you." I sigh and decide to do what I came out here to do. "What does nightshade even look like? Does it look the same as nightshade on Earth?"
As I scrounge through the bushes and patches of grass (hoping my hand hasn't accidentally brushed against something poisonous) my mind finally stops worry about the approaching deadline- exactly what I needed to happen.
"So I have ten mushrooms, six nightshade thingies...I really hope none of this is poisonous because that's all I need is to die from picking up a lethal plant-"
"Mallory?"
I stop rambling to myself and turn to locate where the voice came from. A smile breaks out across my face the moment I realize who it is that called me.
"Aelita!"
She still looks the same as yesterday, as approaches me with a questioning look.
"What are doing out here?" She ask taking me in.
I hold up my basket. "Collecting ingredients. By the way, are any of these poisonous by any chance?"
Peering into my basket for a second, she surveys the plants. "No. But why are you collecting mushrooms and bellflowers?"
"Bellflowers?" I pull one out. "That's what this is?"
She gives me a warm smile and begins to guide me toward the fallen tree.
"I actually came out here to looking for nightshade and mushrooms, but I also wanted to find you."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. I wanted to thank you for helping me yesterday."
"You're welcome. I saw you were hurting and wanted to make sure you were alright."
We settle down on the tree.
"I'm actually surprised you were still around here. Do you live close by?"
She looks away. "I don't live anywhere as of right now, but I will find a place. My life has been a little hectic lately."
"Where do you sleep then?" I ask concerned.
"I make do with what I've been given."
I knew what it was like feeling hectic. I'm fortunate that I was in the right place at the right time when I first met Elle and Coxen. They gave me a place to stay even when they didn't have much to give.
"I would invite you to stay with me, but it's not my house. Plus I'm already in the hot seat with Xalale-" The words were already out of my mouth before they could register in my mind.
Aelita straightens up and her steel blue eyes bore into mine.
"The king?"
I'm debating whether or not to tell the truth, but something in her eyes lets me know I can trust her.
"Yes."
"Are you related to the king?" She ask.
"No, nothing like that. It's actually a long, long story..."
"He permits you to stay in the castle?" Something in her tone was disbelieving.
"Like I said, it's a long, long story."
"What is king like exactly?"
"Well when I first met him: psychotic. Now it's more like bi-polar, but still psychotic."
"Um...its kind of hard to describe him." I say struggling to come up with a non-offensive word. "Difficult to an extent, but most...honestly, I mostly see him as confused."
She's studying me, probably wanting more of an explanation, but its hard to describe why I see him that way.
"I know most people in the kingdom probably see him as a tyrant, and he's not the most selfless person, but there's more to him than meets the eye."
It always surprises me how open I can be to complete strangers most of the time, but how closed up I am to others that I grew up with most of my life.
Aelita stares at me for a few more seconds, but then slowly gets up and helps me up.
"Well like I said before, I make do with what I've been given, but thank you for caring about my welfare."
"I probably need to be heading back anyway. I'll just look ridiculous taking back bellflowers instead of nightshade, but you can't say I didn't try."
I offer her a smile to which she returns it, but only briefly before taking on a concerned look.
"These words may or may not be important in this moment but I will still advise you wisely. You may feel as if you know a person because of the time you have spent together, but deep down inside of them and inside of you, you know there's a darkness to them that cannot be erased, no matter how hard you try to cleanse them of their sins."
Her eyes pierce my soul like a radiant beacon of light. I give a numb nod in return to her statement and turn away.
I don't know if it was the way she said it or the words used, but a chill goes down my spine as I return to the path.

Even with all of the distractions Sephora creates for me, my mind can't get away from the worry building within me. It becomes almost unbearable as the day drags on, each precious second brings on a new weight of stress and worry.
I know Elle and Coxen sense my worry, but I don't want to upset them so I blow them off. Shay becomes a bit concerned, but I lie and tell her it's a headache.
Finally, I can't stand the dreary halls and the concerned looks any longer. I have to escape somewhere, somewhere I can think straight and calm down without anyone adding more anxiety to my mood. So I take off to the stables, where I mount Valda and ride out into the woods. I don't stop until all I can see when glancing back is trees.
"What do I do? What can I do?" I ask aloud. "Should I do anything?"
All I get in response is a small gust of wind.
"Destiny."
Its one simple word, but it echoes through my mind like thunder.
"Destiny." The small voice in the back of my mind repeats.
"Ok...what about destiny?" I ask. Valda probably thinks I'm crazy (I think I'm crazy) for talking to myself.
"Destiny." It repeats.
I let out a frustrated sigh and stare out into the same scene I seen for the past hour.
"Destiny. What does destiny have to do with any of this?" I drop my voice to a whisper as I ponder this.
I must've sat there long enough to drift off into a light sleep because next thing I know I feel myself sliding off the saddle. I've lost feeling in my legs and have to dismount Valda and stretch.
The sky is filling with warm colors, indicating that the day was almost over- that my time was nearly gone.
I'm not sure if the ride out here worked, but I'm not as worried about the lack of time. Exhausted would be the right adjective to describe how I'm feeling.
"Alright girl, let's go back."
I turn her around and we begin our slow ride back to the stables. The woods don't frighten me, even as the warm colors fade from the sky.
As we make our way back, I can't help but stop and stare into a certain part of the woods. It's like a strange negative, dark energy emits from there. I remember what's back there, what grotesque scene lies back there. Even Valda senses it, as she whines and stomps her hooves in protest. I continue to stare at it until finally I nudge Valda on again.
"Destiny. Destiny, destiny, destiny." That's all I can think about for the remainder of the ride back. It's all I can think of as I return Valda to her stall.
"Maybe it's telling me I need to look for a different destiny?" I say to Valda. I'm brushing her mane before I leave. "Maybe it's telling me about my destiny. Maybe it's trying to alert me to my destiny. Maybe...I'm just really stressed and tired and my mind is playing tricks on me because I'm going crazy."
Valda doesn't respond, instead she continues to nibble on the hay. Her dark eyes not meeting mine.
I sigh, put away the brush, and lock her stall.
"Night, Valda."
Heading out of the stables, I finally understand what it is I'm feeling.
Empty.
Empty of hope, empty of answers, and completely empty of time.

I swing by Elle and Coxen's room one last time for the night. Elle has already drifted off by the time I get there and Coxen looks like he's not too far behind.
"Hey." I say as I sit at the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling."
He lets out a short breath. "Getting stronger each day. How about you? You seem drained?"
I offer a weak smile. "Just tired. Missing home a lot.
"You'll get home, I promise-" He motions between him and Elle. "We promised. Elle has been trying to help that friend of yours. Gathering ingredients for a potion or solution or something to get you home. It keeps her busy. I hate it when Elle worries too much, it's better when she helps others. Besides she enjoys helping."
I smile at Elle, who's peacefully resting. "Yeah. She does."
After a minute of silence, I get up to go but am stopped by Coxen.
"Mal?"
"Yeah?"
I look at him waiting for him to say what he wanted, but instead he glances away. He's uneasy about what he wants to say, but knowing Coxen, he'll say what's on his mind eventually.
"You and- about the king."
"Yeah?" I walk back over to the bed giving him a look to go on.
"I'm probably stepping over my limits," He begins with a bitter edge hidden in his tone. "But you seem to be OK with the king."
"I don't understand."
"You don't seem to be afraid of him or hate him like the rest of us."
This time it's me glancing away from his gaze.
"I guess you could call it a mutual...arrangement."
There's a brief silence until he speaks up again.
"I'm only bringing this up because I care about you. I care about you like I care about Elle and I just don't want you to get hurt. Mallory, can you look at me please?"
Hesitantly I look him in the eyes and wait.
"I know you think that you can handle him, but people like him are unpredictable. He's the kind of man- he's the kind of man my father always told me to avoid, the kind of man I didn't want to be. I don't want to be a man without a soul or conscious."
Some part of me felt endeavored that Coxen cares about me that much, but another part was completely at war with what he was saying.
"Me and Elle are always here for you, Mal. If you have something to tell us, just let us know. We won't abandon you, we'll rally around you. If you think it's something Elle can't handle, then tell me. Just don't walk this road all by yourself."
I only nod in response, because I feel if I were to respond any other way I might burst out crying.
I say goodnight to him and quietly leave the room.
My mind is too tired to think about his words, but they still ring in my ears as if he were still saying them.
"Bed. I need my bed."
I'm almost to my room and about to collapse. From Elle and Coxen's, I swing by the balcony garden and stop to admire the view.
The sky is clear tonight and the stars are shining bright. I'm about to move on until I notice someone sitting on the bench.
My body is telling me to just walk away before he turns around and notices that I'm there, but some weird part of me wants to go to him. And what what part do you think I listen to? The stupid one, of course.
"Hey."
I join him and look out into the distant valley.
"Hm..."
Its funny how far away the stars seem. Almost like they're unreachable. But it feels like home is just on the other side of them.
"Do you remember what I asked you the first time we met at the well?"
I make a face at the question. "Uh...no."
"That felt like ages ago."
He continues to stare at view.
"I asked you if you were good at advice. Do you remember what you told me about my problem?"
"I can barely remember what I said to you this morning."
"Was it something about destiny?" I try.
"Somewhat, but you told me that you've always had this feeling that someone or something was waiting for you and that you were close but not there to finding it yet."
"I believe I told you to stick with whatever you were feeling, but I guess I might have said that as well. Sounds like something I would say."
"Why are you bring this up?" I ask.
He sighs and faces me. "Because I feel like I am on the verge to figuring out that feeling."
A small surge of hope fills me.
"You're going to stop the darkness?"
I must've said something wrong, because he looks away again. A tense silence follows and lingers in the air. I'm about to mutter an apology, but he speaks up before I can say anything.
"Thank you."
"For what?" I say puzzled.
He finally looks at me again.
"For helping me control what I couldn't before."
"You're welcome."
Suddenly I realize we're a lot closer than I usually like. Almost like the time at the well or his bedroom, but with a different feel to the air. Faces only inches apart. So close I can smell the scent of woods and lemongrass. His hand brushes against my cheek and the jester pulls me closer to him.
Aelita's smooth voice is suddenly at the forefront of my mind, her words echoing in my head.
'You may feel as if you know a person because of the time you have spent together, but deep down inside of them and inside of you, you know there's a darkness to them that cannot be erased, no matter how hard you try to cleanse them of their sins.' As I try to push away these thoughts, Coxen's voice speaks out. 'He's the kind of man my father always told me to avoid, the kind of man I didn't want to be. I don't want to be a man without a soul or conscious.'
The gruesome images of the bone chandelier- the one I've gotten use to- in the dining hall, the weak, fragile prisoners screaming in the dungeon, the bloody impaled body of the beaten little girl, the thought of Elle and Coxen's village burning to the ground, spring to my mind's eye. The quick flash by of the images are enough for me to open my eyes and break away from Xalale.
I quickly stand up from the bench.
"What's wrong?" He ask giving me a concerned look.
This was the same person who drove a carving fork into a servant's head because they wanted to. The same person who threw a spear into a guard because he was angry. This was a person who terrorized his people because he was nothing more than a tyrant. And I couldn't forget that, I couldn't forgive that.
Looking into his eyes, all I can see is a murderer.
"I have to go. I'm tired and tomorrow is going to be a long day." I don't look at him as I say this. Hurrying toward the door before he can stop me. Even if he did try stop me, I would continue to walk away.
Once I arrive at my room, I strip down and curl into bed. The words and images still playing through my head. The only two words loud enough to be heard, replay through my head endlessly.
"Destiny. Murderer."