Broken Down but Still Alive

Tomura stayed up much longer than Kurogiri and y/n. He rolled the little speakers in his fingers as he thought about all the information he gathered in the past few weeks. Unbeknownst to y/n, he occasionally turned on her voice box and listened in on what her mask could pick up.

He learned listening in was practically useless during the day. Y/n was either sleeping or in another room. During the night, he could hear Twice and y/n looking for new members. He could listen to how much she's improved from Giran and Twice's assistance. The afternoons were infuriating most of all. The mask didn't pick up much of anything. It became increasingly clear to Tomura that y/n didn't spend much time in her room while she was with Twice. She was spending that time with Twice instead.

Tomura compared his observations to how y/n usually is. Y/n habitually spends all day sitting in the corner reading. She doesn't say a word to him unless he talks to her. He recalled that y/n is also much more social towards Giran. Tomura couldn't figure out what was so different. He's been kind to her since the beginning. He saved y/n from her mundane life and freed her from needing to follow society's norms. Compared to everyone else, Tomura has done more for y/n than anyone ever had. So why does she treat him differently?

The villain's head went over everything he's heard over and over like a broken record. He could feel his anger boiling up inside while he tried to connect the dots and figure out what he isn't doing right.

Twice praised y/n quite a bit, Tomura recalled. He thought back to how often he praised y/n. In the beginning, he did it regularly, but once she tried to get help, he stopped doing it as much. He remembered the passage from y/n's terrible romance book he had read. The main character was getting showered with compliments from her love interest. Then Tomura thought about Giran. He wouldn't be surprised if he were also filling y/n's head with garbage. He'd say whatever he needs to if it ended with a business deal.

Tomura didn't like the thought of it, but he felt like he needed to change his strategy. Obviously, RTS wasn't the way to go. He held the little speaker between his middle finger and thumb while he tapped on it with his index finger. A change in my strategy, huh? He contemplated to himself.

Y/n woke up and arched her back. She stretched and let out a yawn before grabbing the stuffed f/a and cuddling it in her arms. Y/n glanced over to the edge of her bed. Part of her expected Tomura to be there. She closed her eyes for a moment, losing her motivation to get out of the warmth of her bed.

Y/n could hear the sound of sharp claws digging into the wooden floor. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and sat up to face to face with her Nomu. The monster practically had his face in her bag. Y/n pat the beast on the shoulder. "Good morning." Y/n was never sure why she talked to Nobuo, she knew he would never respond.

She glanced over to Tomura, who was still asleep. Y/n pulled the bag away from the monster and dug around inside. She pulled out a small handful of treats she bought explicitly for Nobuo. One by one, y/n handed the monster the jerky in her hand.

Y/n recalled Kurogiri explaining that Nomu doesn't typically eat. He guessed that her Nomu had some sort of defect. Both Tomura and Kurogiri considered sending Nobuo back to fix his fault. Y/n insisted that Nobuo was fine just the way he is. Since y/n stood her ground on the subject, both Kurogiri and Tomura decided to allow Nobuo to stay.

While the monster ate, y/n reached into her bag. She bought another thing for the beast. She held up a dark orange bow tie and a matching ribbon that curled into a loose spiral. Since the creature was distracted with his jerky, she wrapped the bow tie around his neck. Y/n took the matching ribbon and tied it around his forearm.

Y/n tilted her head and smiled at the monster. The bow definitely helped make Nobuo look less intimidating. She patted the beast while giving him one last piece of jerky. She tucked the remaining jerky away as Tomura woke up.

Tomura glanced over to the monster, who was still chewing. "What did I say about feeding the Nomu." Y/n apologized. "Save it," he sighed; "you're going to do it again regardless."

Y/n tried to measure up Tomura's mood. It's challenging to judge Tomura's temperament as soon as he wakes up. Surprisingly, Tomura often woke up in a somewhat neutral mood as long as no one disrupted his sleep.

Tomura sat down on the mattress next to y/n, he was silent for a moment. Y/n could see him scan the Nomu. "Did you," he paused and sighed. Y/n could hear the disappointment in his sigh. "Why is the Nomu wearing all that?"

"I thought it would make him look more friendly," y/n replied. Tomura asked why she wanted to do that. "I dunno. I guess it's for me more than anything."

"That's counterproductive," Tomura replied. Y/n smiled at him and agreed that he was probably right.

Tomura reminded himself of what he was thinking about before he fell asleep. He needed to change his strategy. He had two approaches in mind, Tomura decided that he could combine the two and see what happens. "Twice reported back to me while you were sleeping," Tomura lied. Y/n looked up at Tomura. "You did a good job."

The villain observed y/n's face, he noticed y/n's eyes light up as she heard his compliment. She smiled at Tomura. "Thank you."

Y/n's smile made Tomura feel nauseous. It slightly ruined his mood. Tomura looked away and tried to ease his temper. "I have a job for you tomorrow night." Y/n asked what it was. "Twice told me that you had managed to convince a few people to join The League. I'm proud of your improvement so far." Tomura placed a pair of fingers on y/n's head and ruffled her hair.

Tomura watched the smile fade from her face. His stomach knotted up differently. "Where are the new recruits?" y/n asked.

Tomura sighed. He didn't think she was ready for that answer. However, Tomura knew that he couldn't hide it from y/n forever. Today was as good a day as any to answer her question. He stood up and walked to the backroom door. Tomura banged on the door. "Kurogiri!" he called out.

Almost immediately, Kurogiri transported himself out of his room and manifested in the center of the room. Tomura watched y/n get up and step forward. "Let's take y/n back to the Nomu." Tomura could see Kurogiri give him a look as if to ask if he was sure. Tomura gave him a nod.

Kurogiri took Tomura and y/n back to the Nomu factory. She glanced around the factory. It was still just as hard to see as before. As far as y/n could tell, it seemed like nothing had changed since the last time she was there. Tomura began walking forward while y/n was distracted. She hurried off to catch up to the villain.

She walked close to Tomura as she scanned the still empty capsules. "Y/n," Tomura called out. Y/n stopped staring at the gigantic tubes and looked up to him. Tomura stopped walking, nearly causing y/n to bump into him accidentally. He turned around to face y/n.

His cold hands lightly held onto her jawline and tilted her head up towards him. She could just barely see Tomura's eyes being lit up by the blue lights emitting from the capsules. "Would you say you're loyal to me and my cause?"

Y/n knew what her answer would be, and she didn't want to answer him. She knew Tomura won't like what she had to say about that. Y/n felt like she was trapped in a corner. Tomura was the first and only person to catch her thinking of a lie. Knowing that her quirk was her only defense against Tomura while also knowing that she couldn't use it on him made her feel helpless. It didn't help y/n's nerves as she felt several of Tomura's fingers lightly rub against her neck.

"I can't say that I am," y/n finally admitted. She couldn't get around the fact that she had to tell the truth. Y/n studied Tomura's eyes.

His eyes were like a window to his emotions. Whenever he felt angry or upset, his eyes always reflected that. His eyes would look intense. They often appeared sharp and biting. However, whenever he was in a good mood, his eyes would often show that as well. They'd lose that intensity, he'd look much more gentle. They'd give off an air of contentedness.

Through his eyes, y/n could tell that he felt mildly irritated, but his mood didn't seem to be ruined. Y/n guessed that he expected that answer from him. She decided it would be within her best interest to reel the conversation back a touch and do some mild damage control.

"I don't have anywhere to go through. So I guess I can say you have my cooperation." Once again, she studied his eyes, looking for any change in his mood, no matter how small.

Tomura let go of her face. Y/n could feel the warmth of the factory's air on her skin in such a way that it almost felt like Tomura had left handprints on her. "It's not my intention to make you feel like a prisoner," Tomura replied; "I'm showing you this because I trust you as a member of The League of Villains." Tomura turned around and continued walking.

Y/n followed behind the blue-haired villain. As she did so, she could feel a wave of relief wash over her. That conversation could have gone in many different ways, she was relieved that it went so well.

Tomura stopped in front of a line of filled capsules. Y/n looked over the Nomu inside; these were the same Nomu as before. She walked up to one tube and looked at the same grey Nomu that Tomura had first mentioned giving her.

She walked over to the next capsule and looked at the Nomu inside. This was Nobuo's old capsule. This Nomu appeared more human-like than the other monsters. Its skin was a fleshy pink color, and its eyes didn't bulge out of its head nearly as much as Nobuo and the other Nomu.

Y/n walked over to the next capsule. Her heart sank as soon as she saw inside. A person. She placed her hands on the cold glass. Y/n got up on her toes as if to get a better look at the person inside.

Y/n's hands trembled as she studied the man in the capsule. She backed away from it as she began to hyperventilate. She knew the man in the tube. That was the villain that agreed to meet with Tomura the first-day y/n spent with Twice.

She began to feel sick as she stared at the man. Her eyes darted from his capsule to the others she had already looked at and back to his tube. He was fated to live as a Nomu, if that can even be called living, to begin with.

Y/n walked down the line of capsules, she glossed over each person inside. Y/n's footsteps echoed throughout the empty factory. Another set of steps followed behind hers at a much slower pace.

Finally, she stopped between a pair of capsules. These were a pair of villains Twice was struggling with, so y/n convinced to join The League. Y/n covered her mouth in horror as she looked at what she did. Their seemingly lifeless bodies were engraved into her mind.

"I did this," y/n uttered under her breath. They were going to decline the invitation to join The League of Villains, and then y/n stepped in. Had she kept silent, they wouldn't be in this situation right now. Suddenly feeling lightheaded, y/n crouched down in front of the capsules. Her hand slid off her mouth and over her head. She hunched forward and pressed her forehead against her knees. "I didn't know," y/n mumbled over and over as if trying to plead for forgiveness.

She felt something cold brush up against her fingers, but she couldn't break the trance she found herself in. "I'm so sorry," she began to say in between bouts of I didn't knows and sobs.

The coldness came back in full force. She could feel Tomura's hands firmly on her shoulders as he pulled y/n to her feet. Y/n stood up and sobbed in her hands. She felt Tomura nudge her shoulders towards him; y/n stood her ground and resisted this time, refusing to have anything to do with him.

"Why are you crying this time? They're all villains, so why do you even care? Don't you think they're the bad guys anyway?" Y/n heard Tomura ask. As he asked each question, his voice began to raise more and more.

The questions stopped, and y/n could feel Tomura's hands slip off her shoulders. Y/n could still feel his presence hovering over her, but he was silent and completely motionless. 

The pair stayed like that for nearly an hour. Tomura stood still. As per usual, he didn't understand what was wrong and didn't know how to remedy the situation. At this point, the only thing he knew was that he needed to stand and wait for y/n's fit to blow over.

He could hear y/n's sobs starting to ease. Tomura could feel himself beginning to relax as well. Typically, he found joy in the suffering of others, but this was different. The sound of y/n crying was grating to him and comparable to nails on a chalkboard. Once her sobs began to hushed enough, Tomura once again reached out and tried to pull her closer to him. Just like before.

Once again, y/n resisted him. He didn't know what else he could do. Holding y/n in his arms was the only way he knew how to comfort y/n. Tomura found himself getting more and more outraged by the scenario he found himself in.

The thing that upset him the most about this whole circumstance was that he wasn't mad at y/n. Y/n was the one causing his discomfort. He was upset that she was crying, and he was upset that his brain had spent the last hour considering that Twice, Giran or Himiko probably would have calmed y/n down by now. However, he couldn't force himself to be mad at y/n. That realization both angered and scared him. He felt like he was losing control of the situation.

He tried to think about y/n's habits, deciding that there had to be some clues to help him out. As emotional y/n is, she still leaned towards logic and reason. Tomura decided to take a more logical approach.

He bent down, so he was closer to y/n's level. "I don't understand why you're upset," he admitted in a calm tone. "The League has been targeting villains. I didn't think you would have been this upset because I thought you would prefer something like that." Tomura paused, y/n's cries were beginning to stop. "Can you explain to me why you're upset so I can at least understand."

Y/n was still a mess. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Because," she started between unstable breaths. "Because," she repeated; "I did this to them."

Tomura stopped and thought about it. He now understood that she felt guilty and regretful, but he couldn't empathize with her. The only thing about his Nomu making project that left him feeling regret was the fact that they were using villains rather than heroes.

Heroes were too difficult to wrangle for this project. Villains were the only logical next step. They exist in abundance, it's far easier to collect them, and it reduces The League's competition.

Tomura tried his best to twist y/n's words. "But isn't that a good thing? For all you know, they were going to kill innocent people. You stopped that from happening. They're in a tube and unable to hurt anyone in their current state."

He watched as y/n put down her hands. Her face was just barely lit up from the capsules' glow. Tomura could see her lips quiver as she stared at the contained villains. "I-I guess," she stuttered.

Tomura placed a hand on y/n's shoulder. "I'm showing you this because I trust you." Y/n nodded weakly. This talk wasn't over. Tomura still had one last thing to say. He pondered how he could make his thoughts come across as encouraging.

"Now, do you see why you're so important?" Tomura asked. He motioned to all the other empty capsules in the factory. "The League still has another 120 capsules to go. There is no better person to get these filled than you."

He could see y/n listening to his words. "Is that why you need my quirk?" y/n asked.

"Yes," Tomura admitted. "Isn't that a good thing, though? You will be getting over a hundred villains off the streets. You'd be an unsung hero, wouldn't you?"

Y/n paused. "Don't you hate heroes?" she asked.

"Feeling well enough to make cheeky comments like that, eh?" Tomura asked; "I do, but I think I can make an exception for you."

Tomura circled around y/n and placed a pair of fingers on the center of her back. He gently coaxed y/n to start moving. Kurogiri already had a portal open and ready for everyone by the time Tomura led y/n back.

Once they made it back to the hideout, he leaned towards his adviser and spoke in a low tone. "Y/n isn't having a good day. Go get her... I don't know– some ice cream or something."

Y/n watched Kurogiri vanish. A horrible realization came to her, which nearly caused y/n to burst into tears again. Before Tomura could ask what was wrong, y/n spoke up. "Who was Nobuo?" Upon hearing his name, Nobuo approached y/n and laid his head down on her lap. She placed a hand on his shoulder and felt the bones under his skin.

She watched as Tomura came closer to the Nomu and crossed his arms. Tomura let out a hum. "Can't say I remember. A villain. That's all I know for sure. At least he'd probably say he has a better life now than before," he replied after some thought.

"What do you mean by that?" y/n asked. Y/n couldn't fathom how anyone's living situation could be so awful. Having their free will stripped away, and becoming a Nomu couldn't possibly be somehow better.

"You baby him. I'm sure when that Nomu was a person, he didn't have someone like you in their life," Tomura replied. He paused as he stared vacantly at the monster. "You're somewhat appealing. He, on the other hand, looks repulsive, and he still gets to lay his head on your lap whenever he wants."

Tomura's explanation left y/n speechless for a moment. "I-I don't know about that," she replied, her face all in a flush. Y/n ignored his accidental compliment. She was confident that he either didn't mean it or he didn't realize what he said.

Tomura looked down at y/n and raised an eyebrow. "What's with that face?" he asked.

"U-uhm, my face? It's-," y/n stopped as she turned her head down to the monster on her lap. She heard Tomura begin to walk away, y/n looked back up. "Thank you," she began; "ah– you know, for trying to make me feel better."

Her eyes met Tomura's as he glanced over his shoulder towards y/n. "Whatever," he replied. Y/n smiled at him as he sat down on the couch. Y/n could hear faint tapping coming from his direction.

Y/n moved her hand from the monster and reached out for her bag. As quietly as she could, y/n pulled out the pouch of Nomu treats she had purchased. Y/n waved a piece of jerky in front of the monster's face.

Almost like snapshots, y/n remembered small bits and pieces of a nightmare she once had months ago. Her heartbeat was thundering in her ears as she recalled specific moments. Y/n placed a hand over her chest, her fingers lightly caressed the little locket hidden under her shirt. She took a deep breath. No, no, no. Please no.

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