Anxiety is kicking my ass right now. I'm pretty sure she's coming, and I feel like I'm about to go into heart failure any minute. I want to see her...so bad, but it's obvious that she doesn't feel the same.

This is so fucked up.

Who knew a little fling would leave me this way?

All this shit has me sitting here like a damn nervous kitten. I'm glad I decided to bring Kat with me. She usually soothes me but that doesn't seem to be working too well right now. Still glad she's here though because I can't imagine what I'd be like if she wasn't.

Sitting in the opposite corner from all the wedding activities, I pull out a joint and light up. Kat appears at my side, placing a glass of scotch into my hand that I'm in desperate need of. I throw it back quick and reach for Kat, and she giggles, falling into my lap.

A chuckle escapes me as I lean into her neck but before my lips can make contact, I hear Victoria's name. My heart starts to pound a mile a minute and my eyes whip around towards the direction of the voice.

And there she is.

Kat looks at me with a question on her face and follows my eyes. Looking back at me she smiles and starts to get up, but I grab her waist, so she can't move.

"Solomon let me---" but I just shake my head.

My response is hard. "No, it's ok."

Shaking her head back at me, "It doesn't seem that way to me. Is that her?"

All I can do is stare. She looks amazing and it takes everything that's in me, not to dump Kat on the floor and run over to Victoria. I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her until we both can't breathe.

"Solomon?"

"Solomon?"

"Yeah, that's her."

"Well now is your chance. Go to her!"

But I refuse. Victoria has made her desires perfectly clear.

"Katya, no."

I hear her sigh, so I know she's annoyed with me but I know I'm doing the right thing. Well...I think I am.

Placing my hands on her hips, I push her to stand up, I stand, take her by the hand and lead her outside. "Come on, I need some air."

Once out back, I release a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. I find a chair and pull her into my lap, yet again. I swear having her in my lap, always seems makes me feel safe, like she's shielding me from anyone trying to hurt me, including myself. 

We stay outside, for what seems like forever. Katya remains in place, periodically running her hands over my hair, or rubbing my shoulders. I know she's trying to calm me, soothe me but nothing will soothe me right now. Only one person can help me in this moment but that's not happening. Just knowing that Victoria is here, in my clubhouse, is sending my anxiety into overdrive.  I'm actually resolved to staying outside the rest of the night, waiting until everyone is gone, until I hear someone announce that the bride and groom are about to cut the cake.

Does that mean we should go in? I'm the club president, not to mention the fact that I was the best man. 

Fuck!

Kat turns to look at me with a raised brow, as if to ask what I want to do.

Taking a deep breath, we stand, I wrap my arm around her shoulders, and head inside.

We stay as far back in the corner as possible, but as soon as I scan around, my eyes land on Victoria. She's standing next to Memphis, laughing at something he said to her, and a weird tightness hits my chest. I want to go pull her away from him and tell her how much I missed her, how badly I want to be with her, but I know I won't. I close my eyes and try to get my shit together. When I open them up, I see her staring back at me.