Sometimes I feel like I'm not going to make it. The third week of not hearing from Devin was the worst. Some nights the agony was so excruciating that I couldn't sleep at all, then morning would come, and I had to face another day without him. I still haven't gone into the office, which makes things a little easier for me. In the sanctity of my home, I know I don't have to answer questions about whether or not I'm alright or if I feel ill. I can cry when I want, how loud I want, I can do what I feel and not feel like I have to hide. I know I must look like death though. Some days I can barely get out of bed...on those days, I don't even bother to answer the phone. Sydney freaks out, so she made me promise to constantly text her. She's so worried about me. She calls a lot, comes over almost every day, brings food, and hangs with me. I guess she thinks I might do something stupid, but I won't. Solomon is ready to kill Devin, but I really can't worry about him. I have to be concerned about myself. I have to fix me. One day all of this pain will go away; I know that, but it hasn't yet, so I'm struggling.

I still can't believe he hasn't called, texted, nothing. It's almost like our entire relationship didn't even happen, like it was all a dream or that he died, and I'm grieving a terrible loss. If it weren't for my connection to Sydney and Solomon, I would think he had actually died. He might as well have; he's dead to me. At one point, I would tell myself 'when he calls...', now I've changed that to 'if he calls....' if he ever calls, I honestly don't know if I can talk to him. I feel so broken.

My phone rings. It's Mario, "Mario, how are you?"

"Gorgeous girl, where have you been? I've stopped by your office twice this week, and your frumpy ass assistant tells me you're sick. Are you alright...can I do anything for you?"

Chuckling to myself, "Don't call her frumpy Mario, and I'm fine, really. Just a little under the weather, but I'll be ok. Is something going on? You never stop by unannounced."

What he says next almost stops my heart, "Well, you know we have a meeting with my clients this week and I wanted you to go over some things with me."

Wait...what is today? It's Wednesday. Shit! We're supposed to meet with the MC on Friday! Oh my God, I can't. Panic is rising in my chest, and I start to feel like I can't breathe.

"Nicole, are you there? Are you really ok? I think I should come over; you're making me nervous!"

"No Mario...no... I'm fine, but...uh...are you sure it's this week? With the MC? Um...I don't think I can meet Friday. Ashley must have messed up my scheduling. Uh...can you meet without me?" My voice is shaky.

In a flash, his concern turns to anger. I've never pulled this on him before. "Hell no, Nicole, you have to be there. You came up with all of those fucking logistics! I don't even know what half of them mean." And then, as if he realizes his tone with me, he changes up and his voice softens a bit. "Look I can reschedule it if necessary but you have to be with me, no matter when the meeting is Nicole."

Fuck!