Failure. A failure is what I am. I've finally come full circle it seems.

   "How could I have let this happen?" I question to myself. "It's all over because of me."

   No. Everything was going to fall apart because of him.

   "But I trusted him, like an idiot."

   Sephora and Elle hurry to my side, crouching beside me as I kneel to the ground in defeat, staring at the place where they had once stood only seconds ago.

   Elle's voice quivers in worry. "What do we do now? We have no way home."

   "I-" Sephora falters, something I'd never heard her do.

   "We need to warn the others" Elle says, trying to pull me to my feet but not having much success.

   "I agree," Sephora replies. "But I'm not sure how. This realm, its magical properties are different than Edalirwen's."

   She looks down at me where I remain speechless.

   "Mallory, are you okay? We're going to find a way to stop this, but we're going to need your help. Is there any way you could-"

   "I let them win." I finally speak up in a quiet voice, shaking my head in disbelief. "Everyone is going to die because I'm an idiot."

   "No." Elle kneels in front of me, looking me in the eyes. "No, don't say those things. None of this is your fault. You tried-"

   "You're right." I startle them both by springing to my feet with a renewed fire. "All of this is his fault."

   Suddenly, I was hot.

   "He was the first one crying about trust and betrayals then he goes to stab me in the back because of what!? Because I told him I wasn't in love with him! So he plays right into his mother's hand- the same woman whom he claims betrayed him- and sentences everyone to death because he got his feelings hurt!"

   I am beyond pissed right now. I mean, I'm sure I could melt iron with the flames searing my eyes. 

   How dare he do this to me! That lying, traitorous bastard! Then he runs straight to the one person he despises with all his might and helps her, for what? To get back in her good graces? To take a jab at me? To deal with his apparent mommy issues? I don't know.

   I trusted him.

   That's what hurts the most out of all this, that's why I'm so pissed- at him and myself. I trusted him.

   "See what happens when you try to clean your own mess up." My pessimistic, but wise, voice returns. "This is exactly what happens."

    I'm tired now, completely exhausted from life. To think, the night- the whole day- started so well, it was so memorable, now this.

    "We can deal with this in the morning," Sephora says.

    Elle nods in agreement and all I can do is run my hand through my hair, exhaling.

    "I'll find somewhere for you guys to sleep tonight," I say, already starting back toward the trailer. "We just have to be quiet."

     We manage to sneak into the house without detection and I gather some more pillows and blankets for them to use. They're both fine with sleeping together on the mattress, so everything is set for the night.

    Leaving them alone while I go to take a shower and get ready for bed, I stand in front of the mirror over the sink, washing off my makeup (a little rougher than need be), pausing to stare at myself. Mascara runs down my face, blending with the foundation and lipstick that dribbles down my chin. Yeah, just about sums up my night: a ruinous mess.

    Hopping in the shower, I take a brisk shower then change into my night clothes before heading back to my room where I find Elle already curled up on the edge of the mattress, comfortably asleep. Sephora, at first, appears asleep, but as I climb into bed, she stirs, sitting up, careful not to disturb Elle.

    "Are you okay, Mallory?" She whispered in the dark, her voice filled with concern.

    I begin braiding my hair aggressively- I'm literally working like an angry machine.

    "Yeah, I'm fine." I'm not. Not in the slightest.

    She continues to look up at me for a little while longer before finally bidding me goodnight and lying down.

    Finishing up my braiding, I let out a frustrated sigh while rubbing my face. That's when I feel something metallic rub against my skin.

    Looking down at my hand, I'm surprised to find Xalale's ring still on my hand.

     "I guess it's hard to give something back when you're being stabbed in the back."

    Yanking it off, I glare at it, thinking of all the ways I could destroy it. But as the ideas swarm in my head they just as quickly die mid-thought.

    Toying with it in my hands, I can't help but feel bad about doing anything malicious to it. I mean, first of all, it's not mine to begin with and, secondly, what good is it going to do me pawning this family heirloom in my anger other than earn me a few bucks? I found this thing in a dusty room, stored away and I kept it then, why get rid of it now?

    It's a bitter reminder, though; I guess it'll always be for everyone who wears it.

    Placing it in my drawer, I settle down to sleep, trying not to let my mind run to the one person I want to run a knife through.

    It's a hard night. I sleep in anger, which, let me tell you, is the worst way to sleep. I even wake up still infuriated at the situation, but lying there in the wee hours of the morning allows me to cool down some before starting my day.

    Getting up, careful not to wake up the others, I head to the kitchen where I start making myself breakfast. My parents eventually get up to head to work, surprised to see me up so early. I barely register their presence since my mind is still so cluttered. My mom, of course, notices and gives me that questioning look she always gives whenever something is up.

    "Have a good day at work." Is the only thing I tell them before they go, ignoring my mom's silent question.

    I'm sure she'll pester me about what's wrong when she gets home tonight but I'd rather forget about everything and push on with life.

    In fact, I'll just forget about the last- what is it?- month. Just erase everything that happened during that time: the dance, Aelita, the stone, Edalirwen, the Fates, darkness, falling through wormholes, all of it. I never fell down that rabbit hole in my backyard, I never even went in my backyard, I stayed inside the house all day and wrote on my blog for the rest of the summer.

    Elle is the first to join me in the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she regards me.

    "Good morning."

    "Morning."

    She joins me at the table, watching me eat my cold Pop Tart.

    "How did you sleep last night."

    "I've had better nights," I reply in a flat tone. "You want anything to eat?"

    She shakes her head no and I continue to act like I'm actually engaged by the nutrition facts for a box of Wheaties.

    We just sit there in silence until Sephora comes in, a perplexed expression on her face.

    "I hope you both are well rested because we have quite a bit we need to accomplish in order to return back to Edalirwen."

    "I'm ready to do whatever it takes, at all costs," Elle says with determination.

    They're both looking at me now. Me who simply gets up to toss my plate into the sink and opens the fridge to look for anything to drink. I pull out some orange juice, decide there's not much left in the container and proceed to drink from my head. Wiping my mouth, I notice them waiting on me to join in on their quest to stop this all.

    "Well, if you need a map of Cauldron drawn just ask. I'll print it out."

    I start for the family room as the two of them follow behind, their voices troubled.

    "We're going to need your help the most, Mallory. You know this world, you know what magical properties do and don't work, you're our best way of returning home and stopping this calamity."

    Getting comfortable on the couch in my usual spot, I search for the remote.

    "Yeah...I have faith in the two of you. You got magic and the Fates on your side. What use am I?" I frown. "Where is that turner?"

    A heartbeat of silence goes by as I continue to search for the damn remote. Elle, this time speaks up, a bit more tentative.

    "You're of great use to us, Mallory. You have prevented things before, you can stop this as well."

    At that, I almost stop and laugh. She's so cute, she really is.

    I get up to look for the remote, glancing over at them in the process.

    "Let's stop and think for a moment. What have I really done that's helped anyone?"

    Sephora starts, "You saved Edalirwen from the darkness that was set to destroy us-"

   "A darkness I help put in action by my being there." I move aside a few things.

   "You saved me and Coxen from certain death." Elle chimes in optimistically.

   "The only reason you and Coxen were even there was because you guys were upset about your village being burned which was due to yours truly." Noticing the black remote tucked behind a table leg, I beam in victory for a second reaching for it then returning to my seat.

    They watch me with troubled expressions but remain mute until I turn on the TV and get comfortable.

    "You made a difference in our lives," Elle says, barely audible above the television.

    I glance over at her with a blasé look.

    "And what would that be? Let's be honest with ourselves, guys, we can do that, can't we? I haven't done jack shit. Everything that's happened and been resolved is because of coincidence and luck. You can replace any average Joe or Jane with what I've been doing and nothing would be different, I promise you. I'm sorry I've led you to believe that I'm good at helping people, but the truth is I don't fix things, I fuck them up, someone else fixes my mistakes. You're ten times more capable doing this on your own than looking at me for the answers."

    Returning my attention to the screen, I turn up the volume a little bit before reclining to watch my show.

    They linger, unsure of what to say or do, but in all honesty there's nothing anyone can say or do that will convince me that my help is crucial to this mission. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm not a fairy godmother for crying out loud.

    Finally, they seem to get the message and sulk off back to the kitchen to regroup and organize a plan. I just hope for the sake of everyone that they figure out a way to return home and clean up this mess that's been made- maybe I didn't make it but I've definitely been pushing the dirty water around.

    I'm allowed to relax in peace only a few minutes before a knock on the door interrupts me. To be frank, I'm not feeling up to making those few steps to the front door to check whoever is there- I'm just not.

   The knocking persists, causing me to sigh in annoyance; but this couch isn't letting me get up without a fight. Thankfully, though, Elle comes to my rescue and looks between me and the door, which is being assaulted by whoever is banging on it.

    "Shouldn't you answer the door? It could be-"

    "Can you answer it for me. Thanks."

    Chuckling a little at a stupid commercial, I can hear Elle opening the door, hesitation in her voice as she cracks it a bit. She only gets the hello part out before I hear the door swing open widely without a care in the world.

    "Why'd it take you so long to answer." A familiar voice whines.

     "Oh, just what I needed." I completely forgot it was still a weekday. Rubbing my temples, I try not to focus on the noise in the background.

    "Hey," Clifford pauses, scrutiny entering his voice. "You're not Mallory."

    "Uh, I'm s-sorry," Elle stammered, taken back probably by the loud mouth kid who barged in without introduction. "I'm not. She's in there."

    Hearing him skip into the room, I keep my focus glued to the screen, determined not to be interrupted.

    "Hey, Mal. Why are there strange people answering your door? I kept knocking and knocking but nobody answered then she opens the door and I thought I had the wrong house-"

    And blah, blah, blah, blah. This kid is an endless motor, constantly going on and on. Can't he see I'm trying to watch TV?

   "-yesterday. Yesterday was fun, wasn't it?" He bounces from one foot to the other. "My knee is all better now, too. I had so much fun yesterday, I ate candy and I hung out with everyone I know and it was awesome and- where's Axel?" His eyes brightened as they darted about the room searching for him. "Is he up yet? I wanna show him a neat trick Dean taught me."

    Even just hearing that name flared my anger and aggravation again.

    "He left." I practically spit out the words.

    But oblivious Clifford doesn't notice, he remains as eager as a puppy.

    "Where'd he go? I can wait for him to come back. It's a really cool trick, too." Joining me on the couch, he plops down like he lives here.

    "He's not coming back, period."

     That finally burst his bubble.

     He looked at me with a mixture of confusion and sadness.

   "What do you mean? Why?"

   "Because he's a low life son of a-"

   "It was time for him to go home," I reply nonchalantly, flipping through channels.

   "Aww, but I didn't want him to go." He cried. "Why didn't he tell me he was leaving?"

   I hadn't realized I was gripping the remote so hard until my knuckles started to ache. I stopped grinding my molars to dust as well.

   "Well, you know, sometimes people come and go without telling you anything."

    He grew quiet for a minute. When I glance over at him he appears to be reflecting on things.

     Finally, I land on a channel that interests me but I barely have time to enjoy it before Sephora and Elle creep back in.

    "Mallory," Sephora gets my attention. "We're going to depart now to try and locate some ingredients to use for a potion to get back home. You're still very welcome to come-"

   "Whoa!" Clifford's back to being an obnoxious kid again, staring wide-eyed at Sephora. "You have pink hair! That's cool."

    Sephora doesn't really know how to take him, so she's merely giving him one of those smiles adults give annoying kids who think they're clever. She refocuses on me again.

   "I know you don't believe you've played any useful part in the part but believe us, Mallory, you have. We can stop this disaster from happening if we just work in tandem-"

   "What's your name? Are you friends of Axel as well?"

    That name was like nails on a chalkboard to my ears. I couldn't help but cringe whenever it was spoken.

   "We don't know of any Axel..." Elle, who seems really sweet with kids, begins. "But we are friends of Mallory. I'm Elvina, but call me Elle."

    "Elle?" He gives her a stupid grin. "I'm Clifford, just Clifford."

    "Hello, Clifford. I'm sorry to have frightened you when I opened the door earlier."

    "It's okay. Sorry if I was loud." He turned his attention to Sephora, pointing at her. "What's your name?"

    "Sephora."

    "That sounds familiar, like something I've heard of before."

    While he scrunched his nose in thought, I've grown tired of hearing this and being interrupted. Turning off the TV, I hurry off to my room, Elle and them quick to follow on my heels.

    "Mallory, please just consider the-"

    "Hey, what were you guys talking about earlier?" Clifford asks to no one in particular.

    Scooping up my computer in my arms, I turn to look at them crowding in my doorway then sigh, shaking my head.

    "Look, I'm done with this, with all of this. I'm sorry I can't be useful and fix this but I honestly was happier with my life before all this. It was wrong of me to wish to frolic in the greener grass, I get it. I've learned my lesson, now all I want to do is get on my laptop and search up city tours of Europe that are cheap."

    Pushing past them, I head to the kitchen where I set up shop and hunker down to start planning for my dream escape; the moment I turn 18, I'm out of here.

     "Why haven't I done this before? It's so relaxing."

     While I'm compiling the expenses, Elle and them talk softly between each other, except Clifford because that kid doesn't understand the meaning of hushed.

    "I'll help you!" He exclaims cheerfully to them.

    They quiet down then Elle speaks up in her well-mannered voice.

    "Thank you."

    "No problem. I like being helpful. But I don't really know what's going on."

    Rolling my eyes, I concentrate even harder on my task. The three of them come into the kitchen but thankfully aren't here to beg me to help them anymore. Only Clifford speaks this time.

    "Hey Mal, can I help them gather things to get home?"

    "Yeah, sure, whatever." I don't even look up from my screen.

    "Cool! We can go now."

    The three of them head to the door, leaving me to my planning. I sense Elle lingering for a second longer but I don't glance over at her. She finally follows the other two out, making me relieved.

     "Finally. Alone, just like it used to be."

    Exactly like it used to be.

    Then why did I feel like crap? Okay, maybe I was a little rude and passive aggressive, but really, what difference could I make? This isn't, and never should have been, my responsibility. Edalirwen isn't my home.

     "Yeah, but Earth is."

   Ugh, it seems that naive, overly optimistic little voice in the back of my mind was still alive and still trying to bury me further in trouble.

     "So what?" I cut back.

     "So you're going to let billions of unsuspecting people die?"

   I literally roll my eyes at myself. "They're bluffing. She's only going to destroy Edalirwen."

    "And that makes it acceptable then!?"

   Okay, my little voice was right about that part, I need to tone down the apathetic attitude a notch.

     "What I'm saying- thinking- is what difference am I going to make? The act is over, curtains have closed, I'm not the heroine of this story. To each their own."

   I go to drown out my ingenious voice by pulling out some earbuds and turning on some music- or at least, that's the plan. Turns out, the reason I haven't used those earbuds in eons is the fact that they've been busted for forever, I just remember that as I'm trying to use them.

    Growling in frustration, I toss them aside, focusing on my search again.

    It's still strange, though. Why wasn't I out helping them gather ingredients to go home and save their universe, their home? I didn't have to go with them to stop it, just help. In fact, me of all people- miss jaded herself- should be leaping at the chance to see the person who slighted me, king of the hypocrites himself, fall spectacularly before reaching his goal. But I don't. I have the fire in my bones for it, believe me, I do, but it dies whenever I think about it.

    It is the most infuriating feeling. To want to stab somebody repeatedly but also be afraid to look them in the eyes if given the chance.

   m Rather suddenly, I don't feel in the mood to do anything anymore. I got pretty far in my plans for Europe (I'm labeling it Operation Ciao) so I take a break from that. Returning to my room where I lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling into infinity, bored out of my mind when I could be helping save lives, I can't help the melancholy thoughts from assaulting me.

   When did failure turn into loser?