Raidah's PoV

I look at Latifa and Sana passing looks to each other as I entered the kitchen. I was plating the dinner for Baraaq. They kept doing their work. There is no bread nor rice like very alternate day. I should've packed food for him,why couldn't he have dinner with me back home! I return to warn him not to sleep.

"Baraaq don't fall asleep yet,give me fifteen minutes.. Can you?"
I ask stroking his hair back as his yes keep dropping to the floor.

He looks at me and sigh. " I don't think I can wait, if I'm awake I'll eat and if I'm asleep don't wake me up"
My lips pressed,it gets me crazy inside when he sleep without eating,he is in such pitiful state and I cannot do anything!

"Please.." I insisted as he laid back.

"Raidah get me a glass of milk instead"

I walked into the kitchen angrily,they know he doesn't eat at my parent's. Can you not see how hard he works!?

He drank the milk and slept but I couldn't sleep. Good people...good  is he, but good pays....good is too pricey.

Baraaq is the third of the four brothers; two sister,both married. Baraaq's eldest brother works at a government office at a good position once his father was at. The elder one is unemployed or rather I say isn't working by choice. The youngest is still in college leaving Baraaq and his eldest brother, the only one working. Baraaq's father retired and his mother with his father has no power in the house,they both are bed ridden sick and extremely pitiful.

Latifa is an arrogant elder after them but with her being the manipulating head of the house everything is unsettling and ruined. On the other hand I know Sana as a cunning lady but she is only held back by the inadequate image of her husband.
Then there are 4 kids of Latifa and 3 of Sana; the living room is full with no space ,the kids are teenagers ;the eldest has crossed  20. With a house so full I always feel like forced a addition because the store house once belonged to Latifa dreaming to turn it into a room for her sons now belongs to us.

The income for such big family and sick elders is low. Everything has to be seen. The school going kids,the college entering boys and the sick parents with the ever rising prices of the food items. I never realized I belonged to rich household until I came here, I always thought we were well to do,nothing close to luxury but here I can understand that a dress every month is luxury, picking abayas you like without worrying about the price is luxury,I haven't bought any makeup in the longest time now and to be honest everything  seems so expensive when I go out. I cannot lie,I miss my life. I want new clothes and new makeup and I want to buy new jewelry that I myself would design.

I slept feeling pale. My routine of life gets me up by 4,I pray and then prepare the breakfast for Baraaq and tea for my in laws. They don't like me much,they never would've agreed to this marriage if it wasn't for my father. I never imagined in my life that I was ever so wanted,so despised. I always had mistaken myself to be likable,I thought I had fair chances to be appreciated and loved anywhere I'd go.

I moved to room and sat on my bed. The funny thing is I'm not sad now,I mean it sure hurts but I'm tired of feeling hated and now I'm numb. I don't look forward to anything really. Baraaq is my sole goal for every night,my only little life between 11-4.
But even in this little time somehow we fight at times when we shouldn't really,what do I expect from him? I'm robbed of that certainty too,I can't ask him to move out;that would be life changing though. His parents sick,this family runs on his little money,he is the one of two financial support this family has. I maybe a little self centered but I can't blind myself to this extent to selfishness ever.

He is a guy of little words,of  locked emotions and smile of seldom seasons. Even though this house is always hustling with screams and terror of children around,I'm always feeling hollow. I kept looking at him change into his usual same clothes and kiss my cheek and off he goes into the emerging morning to be not seen till the darkness of the night. I cry,I don't even know why....

How are you suppose to feel when you have a man who loves you but doesn't promises anything? For promises gives hope and hope is far away here.

I went into the kitchen.

"Are you going to do laundry or you're needed to be said?"
Latifa said looking at me.

I have a place face,it turns red when I cry and it hurts when everybody know that you've been crying but they take pleasure in ignoring it and instead make it hard on you. But I'm glad I got the bathroom this time.

I washed this weeks laundry,oh I hated doing laundry, we all hated it and khadeeja used to be the  only volunteer to run this work but we helped her occasionally, here nobody helps. I expect nobody to help,I feel I nag too much. I took the clothes on this terrace and hanged them in open air.

I walked down and washed the dishes.

When I could see nothing else asking help,I stretched myself on my bed.
I could hear Sana saying loudly enough "--in her bedroom of course,don't you know she needs rest;she has washed clothes,she isn't going to help with the lunch, she must be tired after all"

I know this tone well. I entered the kitchen and tied my hair in a bun.

"Don't give me this attitude!"
Latifa said as she left the kitchen.

What did I even do now?

When late night I was drenched and tired and Baraaq came home every one had their bickering bestow on him on how much attitude problem I have and how hard it is to deal with me,it makes me sick of every body and if any body thinks it is bad enough think of being asked to have s*x after?!

Jana's PoV

Ibrahim's and I have returned from his brother's house, they had this little party for no reason as I call it.

"Ibrahim isn't Jamil cute?"
I asked.
I couldn't stop adoring Ibrahim with his brother's son.

"Yes...I love squeezing little kids,I love how he speaks like he tries to and then his like blah balb "
He cherished the recollection.

"You love him,don't you?"
I asked and I could notice he sensed it.

"We're not having kids Jana,not anytime soon"

"But Ibraheem-"

"I said no!"
He slammed his hand on the bed.

"I don't know what you don't understand, if your visiting your mother's house brings about these cravings of having a child,better quit going there!"
He continued.

I buried my head in my hand. There's no one,no one but him and when he isn't here,there's no one again.

I cried. He threw the cover on the floor and left for a smoke. Keep smoking Ibrahim nobody has to convince you for a bad.

I'm so done staying alone and crying to myself all day. I want to throw things on the floor and break them and then this only maid who I hate would come and clean it and I would again throw something and she would clean it and feel anxiousness and uneasiness all day when nothing here matters,nor broken glasses, now screams,nor words,neither feelings....nothing,not even me. Nobody listens here,nobody speaks back,these walls are all I see,all I talk to. What kind of man I married,who has duties of a husband lesser than of a workman,like he oblige his only half a night to me. I would rather be his work,he gives all day to. What do I do of all this money, his cars and his lavish house when it is nothing of any soulful compliance to me. I've tried shopping but once you leave the mall,you leave your mental freedom after all I have to come home again and home is horror.

No friends can reach here,such a deserted awful mansion!
I've watched all the series shows,heard every song ten thousand times,I've made all the cakes I wanted to,loved my life all I had to but now I'm bored of it all! All of it! I want him to stay a little longer,to talk a little more,to hold me in the daylight but I'm all sore now.

He is him,he is mine. We are done now. I cannot get my more beautiful to entertain him and he cannot be so for me.I want to have a child,because I want to see the beauty I know he can bring to my life. I have nothing but him to look forward to. If ibrahim cannot understand this,I cannot be happy anymore.I wish I had my mother in law rather screwing my life and hating me and making it a hell than just everything just being so unavailable. I want to fight,smile,laugh,share my emotions feel human!

I'm tired.....I'm tired....I'm lonely and he like always isn't there.

He returns late at midnight.

"Jaan I'm sorry..."
He says to my ear.

"Just please hug me and let me cry"
I hugged and let my emotions flow off.

He kept running his hands in my hair and alternatively rubbing my back and I held him every time he tried to let me go because I needed him so bad....so bad.

"I love you Jana"
He said kissing my head.

"I love.you.....too"
I said sobbing on his chest.