Transcripts of emails exchanged by an anonymous source and Agent 725

Wednesday, 9:45pm, unlisted date

_

I'm bored.

Entertain me.

Hand yourself in
and maybe I will.

Stop it with the dirty jokes

That wasn't dirty.
You made it sound dirty.

I wasn't the one who said it, though.

May I remind you there's 20 days left?

If anyone should be counting their days,
it's you.

Oh please, Louis.

You're trying to sound threatening

but it doesn't work.

And why is that?

I've seen you get hit by a pork slab.

Every time you try to put on that

"I'm an Agent, boo hoo" spiel,

I just envision you flying across the room.

I hate you.

Are you implying you'd feel anything else?

Absolutely not.

Good, because I'd kill you on the spot

if you were plotting things in your mind.

Plotting?

Oh please, you're a criminal.

You're the one who plots.

It keeps you on your toes.

I know.

Obviously, since you seem

to know everything except the

important things.

Important things?

Can you read or not?

Yes, I said important things.

That's not what I was asking.

Was it?

well chop chop, use your big words.

how am I supposed to know 

what you're asking if you don't

ask it?

Piss off.

Mad at me, darling?

Why are you messaging me?
We're in a war now, Ash.

A war?

That's what you're calling this?

Can you read?
Need me to send you the definition?

You would do that for me?
I'm flattered, darling.

Stop calling me darling.

Okay, Louis.

Don't call me that either.

Okay.

Thank you.

Meat head.

ASH.

What, I mean it literally!

You got hit in the head 

with a pork slab!

I despise everything about you.

I'd say the same thing for you, 

but I love it when you're angry.

I'm not angry.
Agents don't show emotion.

They don't?

I must be your exception, then.

No, you're not.

You can't say you hate me,

but then say you feel nothing.

Fine.
I feel nothing but hatred for you.

Good boy.
You used your big words.

I'm not a bloody dog,
don't you ever say that again.

Bark bark?

Shove off.

Woof?

Not funny.

Bowow

Sniff sniff

Bark bark!

You're the one acting like a dog.

Is that why I can smell 

the arrogance on you?

Dogs can't smell personality traits.

Oh, but you admit you're arrogant?

Do you admit you're a dog?

Arf!

Let's play fetch!

You're mental, honestly.

If anyone's crazy here, it's you.

Says the person who was acting
like a dog a few seconds ago.
Don't you have better things to do?

People*

And yes, you're right,

I'm wasting my time 

talking to you.

People?

Jealous?

No, but I pity
the people you
spend time with.

Maybe you should

pity the fact that 

you've never spent 

time with anyone.

Excuse me?

You know what I meant.

And you know I'm right.

Debatable.
I know you snuck into my office.

What office?

Don't play dumb.

Oh, yes, now I remember.

Your little partner has

quite the face.

How did you even get in?

I wouldn't mind flirting

with him again, it was

quite the interaction.

Answer the question, Ash.

He's not half-bad at flirting back.

Sad I was only distracting him.

Stop changing the conversation,
I don't want to hear about your
feelings towards my partner.

Feelings? Oh please,

I don't get feelings.

Obviously.
But now one more person
has seen your face. Shame.

Shame?

Darling, that's a blessing.

Is it?

Of course it is.
Goodnight, Louis.

Don't hold your breath, Ash.

Then maybe you should hold your tongue.
Meat head.

_

This chat has been ended by [anonymous source].

Data terminated at 10:04pm