Author : kins009
Reviewer : Charmed_Sunshine_22

Title(Titre): 7 /10

I like the title yet I feel you could have made it a bit more unique by using synonyms for the word "beyond" or "horizon". I feel the star and emoticons are not needed as well as the hyphens that are framing the name of your book.

Cover(couverture): 2/10

It is very simple with one picture. The title is cut off and I cannot see the author's or the graphic designer's name on the cover. I'd suggest that you ask a graphic designer to make your cover as they could make it more attractive for your readers or for the future ones, so that they want to read this story.

Blurb(la description): 2/10

The first part of the blurb : The readers should know about the novels that this anime fanfiction is based on. The second part of the blurb: Introduces the main character named Kieru O'Hera as well as what his main purpose is but that should be written in a character sketch instead of the description.
The third and last part is an author's note, which I feel is not needed except for the day when you publish the new chapters and the copyright claim which should be added in your book too. Overall the blurb didn't catch my eye. The description as well as the cover are the vital parts for readers to start reading the story and I would suggest you should rewrite it completely. You can add a small
part or some dialogues of a chapter so that everyone's attention goes to it and let the excitement build up.

Storyline(scénario): 6/10

The story is a bit confusing until now. The first two chapters showed that an anomaly broke out of the confinement and is on the run. At first it was confusing but chapter 3
cleared a bit of the confusion and now my excitement to read this book is growing. It's getting more and more thrilling, chapter by chapter as well as it is interesting. I'm not purely satisfied with it as I believe that you have not shown your full potential.

Dialogue/Expression(Dialogue/
Expression): 7/10

Some of the dialogues expressed in the first chapter are a bit confusing and I don't know whose point of view the story is based on. You should always write in the beginning of the chapter, who's PoV it is, so the readers do not get confused by it. If someone is talking to themselves or someone else don't write for example in bold: He said to her. But when he's thinking or having internal monologues something like this, "What did I do?" His heart questioned him. Or when you write in flashback you can either write it in bold or in italics but always mention it before you begin with the chapter to ensure that everyone understands it. In every sentence that you write this way,
"The light is gone," a scientist present in the room says, "the power must have been cut!", needs to have a comma(,) in between the sentence and who said what. When you write a recap of the previous chapter, then write it fully in bold or cursive. I'm not fully happy with the way you
expressed the dialogues, but they are
getting better chapter by chapter.

Creativity/Originality(La créativité/Originalité): 9.5/10

This story is definitely written in a creative way. I've not read something like this ever, so it's quite original for me. Well done but some things are still lacking but I cannot point out what.

Grammar(grammaire: 9/10

Your hold on the grammar is good, I
haven't found any grammatical errors as of now, but please try to write "I" in capital letters everywhere as I found that you have done it in some parts of the same chapters and in some you did not and the same case is with the names of some of your characters. And another thing, I found but didn't think it was something
most of us notice is this sentence, "W...wow,.." he smiled. That...that a compliment?!"
I would write it like this, "W...wow," he was astounded and gave her an open mouthed smile as he asked her while stuttering a bit before regaining his courage, "i...is that...that a compliment?"

Characters(personnages): 6.5/10

Sadly the character sketch comes way too late in your book after 10 chapters. It should be usually before or after the prologue, so that readers who haven't read the novels it's inspired by, get to know the characters beforehand. Kieru/Kiel is a slightly mysterious character and he doesn't seem like he is as bad as people make him out to be or rather some of the scientists and Haturii. Getting to know more about his character is very important as he's the main character. Yukira seems awesome and I like her. Orenji is based on my favourite Teen Wolf character. So he's one of the characters I like a lot, well done! Okay Sean is a persona, I don't like him at all. The way you described him suits his personality. Ganymede, she seems interesting and whatever is written about her, doesn't want to make anyone want to cross paths with her. And the new characters are nice too.Overall all the characters seem interesting, amazing with their different characteristics.
If any other characters emerge into the story, you can introduce them later on but the important ones are to be introduced as I mentioned in the beginning.

Flow(Couler): 10/10

In the beginning(Chapter 1 and 2) the flow was slow but since chapter 3, it is shaping up quite well. The pace is not too slow nor too fast which is great as the pace is perfect!

Reviewer's opinion(critique) :

I read 26 chapters as it was updated till that chapter of what I read was nice yet I feel like you can do better by editing the chapters is going to help quite a lot as well as the points I had mentioned.

Total: 59/100

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