I have found it

The Euphoria is taking me higher than I've ever been
All of a sudden,
Those childish memories fade
And I feel happy again
Unbroken
I don't have a care in the world
Not a care
Not a care in the world
Then
I see it
Just out of my reach
I lean forward to grab at it
And fall into another addiction

I have found it

This alcohol is hugging my heart
It warms my inside
And I cling to the heat desperately
And I feel the blanket of drunkenness holding me closely
Like a newborn child
I nuzzle into its chest
My eyes tightly shut
Trying to memorize and embrace
That isn't there
Then
I see it again
Just out if my reach
I lean forward to grab it
And fall into another addiction

I have found it...

When the tab enters my mouth
I see it, I see it again
The agony makes me claw at my own chest
I can't breathe oxygen

The precipice of joy
I'm at the edge of the cliff again
And I jump,
Falling upwards
Sideways
Falling in the same spot for hours
Minutes, seconds pass
And I land on my feet
And fall to my knees
At yours
Reeking of self worth and cockiness
You reach down
And take my face in your hand
Lifting my chin
But crushing my soul
You needed my worship
My servitude
Didn't you?
But this time
Instead of praying
I take the shards of my soul
And dig them deep into your thigh
And watch you bleed
And you do.
For the first time in awhile
I can be in the moment
Without being high,
Or drunk,
Or tripping
And watch you bleed.
And you do.

I have found it.
The true source of my misery
And the source of my joy.