SHALEWA

Mentally, I have been feeling alot better than before. For three weeks now, I have been attending therapy with Dr. Luca who is helping me deal with my thoughts and whatever goes through my head.

Funny enough, I have not checked out the hotel yet. So far, I'm almost in the second month after moving to Abuja and my outdoor routine has been close to non-existent except on days where I have my appointment and days when I go to the gym.

Today, I finally decide to inform my secondary school buddies; Ladi and Karen who reside here in Abuja that I am around. We were quite close back then but distance put a slight barrier. Key word; slight, because we still check up on each other.

I know they'll kill me but here it goes!

How far, I'm in Abuja.
-Me

Well, we have a whatsapp group chat where we gist and update each other about our lives.

Pretty 6 was the name of our clique back then. Amongst us, two stay in Lagos; Betty and I. Two others stay in Abuja; Ladi and Karen.  One of us stay in Port Harcourt; Sylvia. The last person, Boma is in California. Now I have joined them in Abuja.

They know about Timi's death and how I am seeking professional help from a psychologist. None of them knew I moved.

A tiny beep and then my phone starts to buzz continuously from the inflow of messages.

It's a lie!
-Karen

What are you doing in Abuja?
-Sylvia

Madam, when did you come?
-Ladi

See question ooo @Sylvia.
-Ladi

What do people do in a place again? Hian! @Sylvia.
-Karen

It's question I ask, I did not kee person.
-Sylvia.

@Karen @Ladi wahala for who no dey Abj o. See how you both attacked Sylvia.
-Boma.

Mtcheewww. It's you that know @Boma.
-Karen

Abi @Karen. Na she know. Oya @Shalewa answer nau.
-Ladi.

I just could not control my laughter when I read their messages. These girls are clowns.

Lol. I live in Abuja now. I relocated.
-Me

Repeat?
-Karen

Ehn? I don't get. You left me in this Lagos?
-Betty

No vex, Betty Butter.
-Me

No vex ke? I am vexing. And you didn't even care to tell me.
-Betty

I am sorry, dear. @Betty.
-Me

For how long have you been here?
-Ladi

You guys will kill me when you know.
-Me

Update us, jare.
-Sylvia

Okay. Almost two months now 🙈.
-Me

Wawu.
-Karen

Omoh.
-Boma

So, all your therapy sessions have been going on here? I'm shocked but welcome.
-Ladi.

Yeah. Welcome.
-Karen.

Thank you @Ladi @Karen
-Me

You guys want to hang out later?
-Me

Yinmu. So, it's boredom that has made you remember us today, aunty.
-Karen

Even if Ladi let's it slide, Karen is tougher between the both of them.

No vex. Pretty please.
-Me

I hear you.
-Karen

Alright.
-Ladi

Thanks @Karen @Ladi
-Me

I am excited because it has been ages since we saw.

See you both later!
Please fix a place. You know I don't know anywhere in this Abuja.
-Me

Immediately, I drop the phone, my mood goes with it. Yeah, I have been feeling alot better but that does not completely take away the downcast mood that overshadows my thoughts sometimes.

I need something to feel better!

Walking to the kitchen, I rummage through the fridge, uncertain of what to eat. And then my eyes catch an apple!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. I let out a bitter chuckle because that cannot apply in my case. Eyeing the fruit, I finally decide to pick it up.

On getting to the cutlery rack, I pick up a knife and rinse both items under the tap. Involuntarily, my mind wanders back to that day. I find myself placing the knife on the same position as it was on that day, ready to cut myself.

Don't do it! A part of my mind chides and I snap out of it instantly. Sweat beads already formed on the upper part of my face; a sign of nervousness and dread for the fact that I am a potential danger to myself.

Heaving a deep breath, I drop everything on the kitchen slab and sprint to my room to wash off and calm down. After cleaning my face, I go back to the kitchen but this time, keep the knife and just go with the idea of directly munching on the apple.

A breath of natural air wafts through my nostril the moment I step into the park. Feets from me is Kaima, playing on the swing.

Such an adorable child. For the first time since that chat, I smile a genuine one. Children are a source of happiness.

My view of her is blocked by a figure in red. Instantly, I look up to be met by the woman who introduced herself as her mother glaring down at me.

What exactly have I done to her? I am no fool. So I know she doesn't have a liking to me. Well, not everyone does.

Reluctantly, I still wave my hand at her and force a smile, to which she rolls her eyes and turns around, huffing.

Childish much?

She stops her daughter from playing and begin packing up. The moment she catches a glimpse of me, Kaima begins running to my direction.

Uh uh

While I'm smiling at cuteness reloaded, I know her mother would not have it.

"Is it Jazz or do you want to kidnap my baby?"

"Excuse me?" Is this woman high?

"You heard me." She's seriously testing my patience but I won't satisfy her. So I let out a small smile and speak. Fake smile, though. Fake!

"Sorry." I mumble.

"Sorry for yourself. Leave my family alone!" She says atop her voice, attracting stares from other people. A frustrating groan falls from my lips. I hate negative attention.

"Bah-bouy." Baby Kaima says, voicing out her cute attempt at saying Bye bye.

"Bye, sweetie." Smiling at her, I wave off, leaving the park even before they do.