AMADI

"How is Shalewa?" Mum asks randomly, making me turn my head to her gaze.

"She's fine." I answer her when honestly, I haven't seen nor spoken with her for almost two months now. It felt like she disappeared at first because I didn't see anyone getting into her house nor go out of it.

I tried reaching out but my calls and texts were ignored. It was when I saw her instagram update that I knew she left Abuja.

I didn't want to dwell on whatever might have been or would have been between us so I decided it best to move on. Shit happens.

"When next will I see her?" She asks, eyes wide with excitement.

"I'm afraid that won't be anytime soon." I state calmly.

"Ah, don't tell me there's another woman already, Amadi." I keep shut, looking downward. Mom doesn't have to know everything that happened, so I choose not to give an answer.

Plus I got something very disturbing sent to me last week. Something I really don't want to believe.

Two days ago, Miriam told me she came to the house. It means one thing; she's back and I need answers.

I honestly don't know how the info got to me but I am thankful to whoever it is.

After work, I pick Kaima from school and drop her with Miriam at home before heading to Shalewa's.

She opens the door the moment I knocked. It seemed like she was on her way out. I came just at the right time.

"We need to talk." I tell her.

"Okay." She answers shortly. She answers like she's angry. For all it's worth, I am the only one between the both of us with that right. She threw away the right to be angry by herself.

"What do I get you? Do you want water, a drink?" She asks, nervously. I studied her face and she looked tired. She has on a baggy shirt and leggings.

"Thank you. I'm okay." I give a tight lipped smile.

"Oh. Okay." She says, sitting across me. I slip the file I'm holding across the table.

"Take a look at it. Is this true?" She looks at me, confused before picking up the file. The moment she opens it, she freezes and soon, a tear drops from her eye.

"So, it's true." I say, making her look up to me.

"I...I....Amadi...I had no choice at that moment. I was emotionally down." She sobs as she tries to explain herself but my anger would not let me listen to her.

"You took a life, Shalewa. And you felt it was not important to let me know?" I ask her.

"Amadi, I am sorry." She apologizes, weeping profusely.

"I asked you, Shalewa. I asked you what happened with your child, you told me she died! What you left out was that it was you who killed her! You murdered your child! You aborted her!" I am beyond furious.

"You need to understand." She reaches out to me but I slap her hand off me.

"Understand what? How irresponsible  you are?" My blood is boiling. What's even more annoying is the fact that she is trying to justify abortion. What the fuck!

She doesn't answer me but just continues with the tears. I hate seeing women cry, I really do but this tears, she deserves worse than it.

"So, if I had not miraculously found out, were you ever planning to tell me?" I ask, really pained.

"I..." She stutters with pleading eyes.

"There, I have my answer. No, right? Please excuse me." I pick up my car keys from the table. Shalewa runs after me and grips my hand.

"Amadi. Please. Please. Amadi, don't leave me alone. Please." She's begging me as tears are flowing down her eyes.

"Remove your murderous hand off me, you witch." My voice thundered around the house. She still does not let go. I hiss and push her off me, walk out of her house and slam the door shut.

I am beyond furious. I can't help but imagine if Nnenna had aborted Kaima. My little bundle of joy wouldn't be here today.

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SHALEWA

Everything is just happening so fast, losing Amadi, him finding out my biggest secret and now, this. My hand unconsciously goes to my tummy after he left me on the floor.

My child.

When my period did not come at its expected time, I gave it to stress and maybe hormonal imbalance but when two weeks passed, I knew I had to see a Doctor. So I booked an appointment and got my worst fears confirmed. I am pregnant. Seven weeks pregnant and Amadi is the father which makes me confused on how because he used protection.

I was about going to his house when he came and the confrontation got me shocked. My biggest secret, not even my family knows of it. Scared. Confused. Tired. Scared. How exactly did my life turn this messy? From one phase of fire to the other.

My hormones kick in and I begin to cry again. No wonder I have been getting tired and catching weird smells recently. My first pregnancy had me throwing up like no man's business. How did that step also miss in this second one?

My baby deserves a happy life and a family. A family I wouldn't be able to give it, except my own immediate family. My baby deserves to know that he/she has a big step sister. I guess that detail will also have to be omitted seeing as the father hates me and already has a woman he is in a relationship with.

"We'll be fine, baby. I promise." I whisper down to my stomach, even though it felt like I was talking to myself. I felt a new breeze of hope blow pass me. It's like the baby was telling me something. Like he/she counted on my promise and that alone brings a smile on my face.

There's so much work being a single mom encompasses but I am not throwing away my second chance at being a mother. My chance at happiness. What happened between Amadi and I might have been a mistake but I am not and never making my child seem like one.

Selfish or not, I am keeping this baby.

That Saturday, it felt weird seeing him in therapy. I could feel the disdain in his eyes when he looked at me and I would be lying if I said I felt comfortable but I knew I had to play it cool. We never showed our closeness in therapy and now, I am grateful for that. So many questions would have followed and I don't think I have the strength to start giving answers.

Saleem asked me to go clubbing with him. Who says a pregnant woman can't enjoy herself. I agreed to go with him but also invite the girls. Karen with came with Maxwell and Ladi came alone.

I only took juice so I don't hurt my baby. I need to be extra careful this time. I notice Ladi and Saleem cozying up and soon, they head to the dance floor. I don't actually mind if they like each other. In fact, I'm happy for them and glad that he's off the thoughts of going out with me. Duh, I noticed all the flirting he's been doing.

I can't possibly date another man while currently carrying the child of someone else in me. I honestly don't have the strength.

When I get home, Nadira prepared fish stew and rice. I picked the smell the moment I stepped into my apartment.

"Bring the food upstairs, Nads."

"Okay, ma." She answers.

I ate the rice joyfully, smiling even because it tasted so good. The moment the fish entered my mouth, it became a different story. I felt nauseous. It takes only a matter of seconds before I'm rushing to the toilet to throw up. Tears well up in my eyes.

The last time I was pregnant, Timi was there to take care of me. Now, I'm alone. I can't possibly put the burden on Nadira. She already has alot of troubles and her job description didn't include Nanny for my baby.

When I'm doing emptying out my stomach, I sit on the toilet floor, exhausted. Yeah, it's clean but even if it isn't, I don't really care at this point.

After resting, I stand up, rinse my mouth with water and discard my clothes. Then I turn on the shower head and step into the bath tub. I am too tired to have a proper bath so I just let the water run down my body.

I don't know how long I stayed in there because I slept off in-between and woke up.

I need to be strong for this child but also, I need to be strong for myself. The road is still long and I am all alone. Pushing myself up, I turn off the shower and open the drain in the tub.

I contemplated whether or not to tell my family. It's just been a short while since the twins' naming ceremony, let me not drop such a heavy weight on them yet. I'll give it time then I'll tell them.

Till then, I'll be fine.