Day one

Tubbo sat alone the first day after Tommy's death.

He bore it all in silence. Occasionally Ranboo or Quackity would come by and offer him food or help him stumble to the bathroom, but for hours on end, Tubbo sat, emotionless, a barrier against him and reality.

There was nothing that mattered.

He thought of many things. He thought of the last time he saw him. He thought of his voice. He thought of yesterday, when he had tried to kill Technoblade. He thought of his excitement at seeing Tommy again.

He thought of...

He thought of the tower and the rain and the lightning and the mud and the screams of agony. He thought of his head hitting the ground and blacking out for a long moment, for too long, but he woke up. He woke up and he clawed his way towards the forest, towards where he thought Tommy's body would be, unable to stand, his desperation the only thing that spurred him on.

He thought of the hours and hours he spent shivering in the rain, crawling under every fallen tree, trudging over every grain of sand, trying to find something, anything, that could let him find his best friend and give him a proper burial.

He would have gone on for hours, days even, if Quackity hadn't run to him. It was a blur, as Tubbo was already delirious by then, but he remembered Quackity asking "what are you doing here?" and looking straight at the tower, his eyebrows furrowing.

And Quackity had carried him back through the portal, through the warmth of the Nether. And through it all Tubbo was still conscious, rain and mud and blood and tears streaking his skin, and Tubbo could barely fathom where he even was and what had happened.

And he fell asleep.

And he woke up.

And for just a blissful moment, his brain refused to remember what had happened the day before, and when he did recall that helpless feeling, he brushed it off as a dream.

Then he looked at the blood-stained apron of the butcher army.

And he fell into this nothingness.

Someone who had lost everything they had to give.

This hollow, emotionless state.

A body void of a soul.

And that was day one.