On the first day of Christmas, I got out of bed

Had my dog fed

Before baking sweet bread.

On the second day of Christmas, I visited my child.

Got him to smile

And stayed for awhile.

The third day of Christmas, I brought the gifts home

Filled with a joyful tone

"His mind will be blown."

The fourth day of Christmas, I called my brother Jack

"Don't call back!"

His words burned like a smack.

But I deserve that.

On the fifth day of Christmas, I invited Mom out

"I can't come this year. You know what that's about."

Her words were upsetting, I wanted to shout.

But knew it was better

To not glorify her doubt.

The sixth day of Christmas, I almost fell apart

These Beautiful plans won't ever start

There's holes in my heart

Razor blades sharp

Calling my name like a mesmerizing harp.

The seventh day of Christmas, life was brighter

As I embraced my inner fighter

Pulling an all-nighter

To make the best tasting cider.

The eighth day of Christmas, I lit up a fire

The flames of desire

That always inspired

Which I admired.

On the ninth day, I gave it all away

The bread, my dog, my house and the bay.

"It's all yours," I said as the skies turned to grey.

The tenth day of Christmas, I met up with Heather

Apologized with a gift.

"But we're not together."

"I know we're not."

The guilt seeping in.

"Can we at least be happy for him?"

As we looked over, Brandon laughed hard.

With his new father, no longer scarred.

I smiled brightly and wished them well

This was the end, as far as I could tell.

The eleventh day of Christmas, I delivered the presents

The love, the regret, they'd get the message.

Though they rejected my offerings as the hurt was too strong

I atoned for my sins

Fixing the wrongs.

The twelfth day of Christmas, I laid in the snow.

As now they will know

I wasn't the loser

They were happy to see go.