Cassian

The walk took longer than I would've liked. But I had some company and the lady, who had given her name as Mrs. Lorthe, never spared a second to talk and I quite frankly did not mind the incessant chatter. It was a nice distraction from the silence around and the memories that continued to leak through. I even found himself chuckling and getting involved, asking questions. It had been a long time since I felt my smiles and laugh become real and stay real. But I always had to keep an eye out in the woods. In these woods, anything or anyone could show up.

"Ah, we are here. Finally." Mrs. Lorthe sighed in relief, slowing to a stop to stretch and move her basket of wild flowers to the other arm for a break. "It would do you well to find some place for the night. Soldiers are always welcome here, especially at the Happy Horse Inn. You may find cheaper accommodations."

"Thank you, ma'am. I greatly appreciate it." Though I wouldn't have complained about sleeping on the forest floor, I was relieved for a bed and breakfast. Taking her other arm, we struggled down the uneven grassy slope towards a lively little town. It had been a long time since I had been here. And from what I could see, it hadn't changed much except in the volume of people. Evening was approaching, the sky darkening and the lights of the city were clear and vibrant, warm colors and the sound of cheers and laughter rang loudly in the open air. Loud, loud voices all around...sounds...voices...so loud...yelling into the night air...Smoke...smoke, curdling his stomach and making his nostrils and throat burn. No! Not here! It's over, it has to be over- The screaming, the high-pitched chanting-

"Cassian?"

Blinking suddenly in shock, I found myself facing a town, and the voices were no longer muffled and hidden behind thunderous booms and screams. They were screaming songs and cheer in the night air instead. Laughter following along. The smell of roasting meat and vegetables. The curdling in his stomach faded just slightly, as he shifted uncomfortably on foot. Mrs. Lorthe was staring up at him, a worried frown on her face, before a look of pity or sympathy crossed her face. He struggled to rein in his expression, nodding tightly.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm fine." She didn't reply, just looked ahead as they started towards the town but I was just stuck in thought. Shake it off. It's not there. It's here. It's just festivities. No battle. No fight. It's fun...loud fun.

As we stood at the edge of the town, I turned to Mrs. Lorthe, giving her a polite smile as she patted my hand gratefully.

"Oh dear boy, I can only imagine the hardships you'll face in your second chance of life." A wry smile crossed her as she glanced at the crowd. "And your hardships will not be of the past you survived. But the past you'll return to." With a final smile, she took her basket and hobbled through into the dancing crowd, fading away like a fog. I stared after her in confusion, before waving it off, eager for food and rest. Shifting through the lively, moving crowd trying to avoid bumping into people, their skirts and hair flying past, arms swinging around in a dancing jig in the town square, almost dizzying.

Despite looking around and seeing no fear, no anger, nothing dangerous or ravaging

Heart thundering, picking up pace in his chest and I could almost cry to a deity in gratitude when I saw the inn up ahead and hurried inside, breathing a heavy breath in once I slammed the inn door shut behind me. Breathe, just breathe. Inside, it was quieter than outside but the people inside were people dancing on the inn floor where they had pushed tables and chairs back to create space on the floor and dance to a lively, heart-thumping beat. The loud noises made my skin prickle and squirm uncomfortably, expecting it too thunder and bang in sounds that could break a man. Hurrying past the dance floor, towards the booths near the back of the inn, furthest away from all the activity and celebrations and I could keep an eye on everyone who entered or walked by. It wasn't even summer and the town was celebrating wildly outside as well as inside. It wasn't until I heard the cheers and some men slamming their cups against each others, which made a loud clanging sound. My fist tightening painfully around my pistols nozzle.

"To the end of the War!"

"Long live King Roark!"

"May we finally find peace with Bra'Ah!"

My grip loosened.

Peace. Free. Over. End of the War. Swallowing a breath I didn't know I needed, tasting the smells wafting all around me, a light smile crossed my face. People, they're just celebrating. Celebrating. It's over. But there was still a part within, that didn't know what to think, was stuck in place. I couldn't celebrate myself. Too much loss. I've lost too many...friends, best friends since childhood...my older brother...they were gone.

I was one of the last ones left of our little raggedy group of musketeers.

My throat hitched when the innkeeper placed a steaming plate of roast meat and vegetables with a large pint on the table in front of me. I had my money out and set it on the table corner.

"Extra coin for one night in a room, please."

"Of course, sir." The lady took the money with a skip, now that business was booming at the moment. She came back with a key and a gentle smile. "You're in room nine."

Eating in as much peace as I could, while I watched the crowd celebrate and through the window outside, I watch the festivities continue further. But seeing the middle of the town light up with the huge bonfire through the window, people throwing items in it...Burning away...eating away pieces...bodies...Fire...dust...ashes...so much smoke. They needed fire. They needed to move all obstacles...obstacles like bodies...

Gritting my teeth, fighting the sickening feeling in his stomach, shoving the rest of the food and drink down and quickly shoved out of the booth, ready to retire and hide away for the night. With the sounds all around, I probably wouldn't get any sleep which wouldn't be anything new now. Moving through the crowd, keeping my head low as people danced and hurried by, laughing and cheering drunkenly, shoulders bumping into mine. I tried to shake away the sudden ringing in my ears as the sounds converged around, everything growing blurry it was hard to distinguish what was happening. Hands, hair, faces swept past, unable to see their expressions...it was red...it was orange like a fire...there's a fire here.

Movement...people running...it was loud...screaming...shouts...cheers...fire...There's trouble! Where!? Where? They're in danger...I got to help them!

"Cassian!"

Stumbling through the terrified crowd, blocking out the screams and shrill voices, eyes squeezed shut. It's not real! It's not real! I'm not there! I'm in Kastra! It smells. It smells of fire...smoke...why are people screaming? No! It's happening again-

"Cassian, is that you?" Something clamped down on my shoulder and through the muffled blur of voices and sounds, every nerve shot alive and everything became loud and clear. Blood pumping headily through my ears, face hardening, all thoughts flew out of mind and pure survival instinct took over. I have to protect myself! Survive soldier! I have to survive! At all costs! I had to to go home-

"Cass! At ease man!" My arm jolted, startling me, the clang of steel ringing painfully next to my head and like glass shattered, I was looking through a now open window. Blood thundering beneath my skin and fingertips, heart echoed by itself and I could see my surroundings suddenly unlike before. Standing near the corner of the room, near a crowd of people inside the inn, people dancing, drinking and laughing. No frowns, or looks of pain and fear and anger or terror. Just joy and laughter. Swallowing uncomfortably, my gaze sweeping through the crowd before it fell in front of me and the man standing before me. His own knife catching mine against the wall next to our heads and his free hand gripping my other wrist.

"Cassian." The man's voice was clearer now, rather than muddled like I was underwater. I could feel something shaking - my arm, rattling my own body. A terrible cold chill swept over me.

What did I just do?

"Hey man, you're good." The man shifted around subtly blocking my view from the crowd, leaving just him in my sights.

"I-I'm sorry...I-I, didn't, I don't-" I stammered, my voice wavering tightly, shaking along with me in shock. The man standing before me was tall, close to my height but massive, wide shoulders, and arms that were like wheels from a small wagon. The seams of his shirt and trousers were strained tightly against his body, one wrong move and it might've torn. His hair was shoulder-length blonde curls tied back and had a light smile peeking through his dark blonde beard. But his light blue eyes were dark and scrutinizing him warily. Eyes widening, I barely felt myself lose my grip on my knife, until he caught it, pocketing it into his belt and lightly patting my arm.

"Hey there, Cass. Been a while, right?" The man gave me a wry grin as he released me, only grinning at me.

"Ervin?" I murmur, startled and eyes widening in shock as I take a step back. For the man standing before me was a friend from home and childhood. A friend whose older brother stood at my side and fought alongside with me. Another older brother who would never make it off the dead lands.

Ervin looked as though he could everything on my face right for his smile faltered, a pained look passing over his eyes but he forced a smile onto his face as he patted my shoulder gently now.

"You almost got me there, mate. I would've hated for that to be our reunion."

"I-I'm sorry, I...I just-" My gaze lowered to my hands which were trembling less now but still shaking, feeling cold and tingly at what almost just happened.

"Come now, Cass." Ervin laughed, brushing it off, a forgiving smile on his face as he held out his arms. "Can't a man ask for a hug from one his friends he had thought he would never see again?"

A split second of hesitation took place and unsure if I should or if I could - was I safe to do so but...

I found myself launching into his embrace, and the memories of childhood niggled through as we chuckled heartedly and my eyes burned hotly. Ervin sniffled from somewhere, slapping my back.

"Damn, it's good to have you back, my friend."

"Well, that's..." Ervin trailed off, eyes falling into his mug unable to continue as the news hit him hard, even though he already suspected. I found himself unable to turn to my quarters, feeling almost better now that I had a friend to talk to. Ervin though, partially drunk, took the news as best as he could. But knowing most of his friends never had and will never leave those battlefields was a hard pill to swallow.

But I knew it also hurt Ervin knowing he never got to be there to fight alongside his brother and his friends. To never have been accepted into the Royal Army hit him hard when he was younger but he never faltered until the very end.

Ervin shook his head, his shoulders dropping as he let out a breath. "I'm sorry for your brother, Cass. He was a good man and I know he would've fought as hard as he could." I could only give him a weak smile, staring at his drink despondently as we sit in mournful silence despite the lively joy outside our sector. "Hey!" Ervin clapped his hand against the table, gaining my attention. "Do you remember," Ervin started chuckling, leaning in close in his seat, mug sloshing at his quick movements. "Remember when we were kids and you, my brother, Rory, Tali and the others, we would sneak bread from the bakers cart and, and...and..." Ervin was already laughing heartily and my lips shook as they joined in laughing at the memory.

"And we ran into the woods just outside the village. And before we could even break the bread to share,"

I raised my mug in salute, finishing off as Ervin continued to chuckle loudly. "And there was my brother. Glaring down at us. And then he would dragged us to back to the baker before he kicked our asses." We laughed jovially.

"I remember I couldn't sit for a day after that. Your brother had a swift kick to him alright."

"Amen, Vin. Amen."

"Well then," Ervin sighed heavily and raised his drink. "Tonight we for our friends, our brothers. How times were great back in the day. And they will never be forgotten."

"Cheers. To them. And to the end of this bloody war." I raised my drink high and threw the drink back taking the ale as it burned down my throat. Coughing through the uncomfortable burn, ignoring Ervin who burst into laughter, smacking his hands against the table

"If they were here, they'd be laughing at you now, man!"

"I bet," I grumble, wiping my mouth of alcohol. "What are you doing here anyway, Ervin? I thought you'd be in Soulth still, with your family?"

"I am. But I'm also a man on a mission. I bring in orders and I take some orders home for us to do. We are expanding everything now. My parents work at home and I like to travel and I'm good at what I do and good at selling."

"That's fantastic. I'm glad for you." I was glad but unable to feel really truly relieved as my mind was on something else and I wasn't sure how to ask right.

"Your parent's are well." Ervin knew me well enough and I slumped in relief. Ervin smiled knowingly but there was a slight flicker in his eyes. "Or as well I assume they are, they miss you and Rhys but always around town. Business for them, well, it hasn't been the best or steadiest." I nodded at the last part, guilt lingering at the thought of what they might've gone through without me to help alongside, especially with my father's condition.

"Your father is the same, stubborn old man who," Ervin hesitated but continued slowly at my glance. "He's struggling to help your mother around the farm. His leg won't stop him but you know how it is. He refuses to spend the money they have on himself." My sigh was irritable but familiar, sipping my ale as I pondered the thought. This wasn't new. Even when we money had been good, father had refused to spend money on medication. Which led to losing one leg already and now he was on his last one. But there was not much I could do.

"I've sent money to them over the years. He can use just a little bit of the money on himself-"

"Your father would rather spend it on your sisters or mother or the farm than himself." Ervin shrugged. "My mother sometimes helps your mother around the farm and with your sisters."

"I have to thank your parents when I see them soon."

"Your sister's are well too." Ervin finished up, his voice more lively and I was relieved and interested. Unfortunately, I barely ever saw my sisters since they were born. Since mother had gotten pregnant before I had left Soulth to join the army at the age of fifteen. Now, they would be sixteen years old and last I saw them, they were only five years old. That had been the last time I saw my entire family before I left for the front lines.

"They're a lively pair alright. Always up to trouble like their big brothers used to be. Gorgeous as well, must take after you," I roll my eyes. "They're going to reign in the men eventually." I snorted into my drink, but Ervin laughed in return. "They'd make you proud for sure." They were okay. That's all that mattered. "They know of you and Rhys. They look forward to your return just as much as your parents."

"It won't be the greatest reunion." I sigh, running a hand over my eyes.

"Don't think that way, my friend." Ervin cut me off. "You're alive. Your brother wouldn't want you to think this way. Matter of fact, he'd smack you over the head and shove the rest of your drink down your throat and tell you to be happy tonight." I couldn't help laughing at my friends words for they we were as true as gold.

"Ah, I can't believe how long it's been, Cassian."

"Almost eight years, Ervin. Since we last saw each other." The heaviness weighs deeply in my chest. How much I had missed with my family. "Eight years since I set foot on this land. And I missed eleven years of my sister's lives. They won't know me very well anymore."

"Probably, but now it's all over. You've got time now to get to know each other." Ervin knocked his glass against mine once more. "Now drink for now and retire as you please. I'm leaving tomorrow anyway and you're welcome to join me."

"Where are you travelling too?"

"Actually, my next stop is Norah." Ervin hummed, his eyes glinting in excitement. "I didn't get much opportunities to go there until business boomed. And now that the war is over, King Roark is celebrating the truce with Bra'Ah." Ervin gave me a wry smile. "Though I doubt most of Bra'Ah is accepting the truce."

"Most would be relieved." I mutter darkly, leaving it at that. No soldier, from either side wanted to war forever. As much as truce might not mean much to Noarth or Bra'Ah, the relief was great with no more war. The Bracken lands would forever be the middle line, a way for everyone to see what war was capable of.

"I can't imagine the things you saw." Ervin sipped his rum quietly, gaze lowered but his jaw hardened. "And I don't want to. But, I feel like a coward for not making it far enough to at least-"

"Don't!" I shook my head vigorously, laying a hand over his. "You are not a coward."

"But if I worked harder, or trained harder, maybe I would've-"

"There is no shame. I'm only glad you never got to see it." Glaring down at my mug. "A part of me wishes I never made it into the army but I did. And I'm lucky to survive. And for my brother, I'll live, I'll survive. I can return home and...do whatever they need me to do." Ervin was staring at me with scrutiny, his brow furrowed, looking as though he wanted to say something but thought against it.

"Well," Ervin murmured, raising his mug. "What do you say? Want to join me on a jolly ride to Norah? Might meet some old faces and such." Ervin winked at Cassian. "I know Little Miss Peri would be delighted to see us again. She did have a candle for you." I roll my eyes, grimacing inwardly.

"Isn't she married by now?"

"That she is. But doesn't stop her from becoming acquainted with most people who stop by her flower shop. Especially with the war." The grimace remained distasteful. "But still, would be good to return to the place where it started. And after my stop in Norah, my next stop is Soulth."

Well, it was maybe better than travelling on foot and alone.

"Alright, I'm in." Ervin whooped aloud for the bar patrons to hear and I pressed my mug against Ervin's, spilling some ale over the sides.

"Excellent! We'll sing along, hopefully no bandits along the way and charm any ladies along the roads." Ervin cheered aloud and the bar patrons were singing drunk and loudly. A flicker of tension sprang through my body. The tension that made him want to quiet everyone down for fear of not hearing beyond them for incoming assassins or worse.

"Yeah, excellent." I smile tightly, downing the rest of my drink, eager for a moments break from my dark reminders.