Chapter 8
Serena began the day barely awake. By the time she decided to focus on falling asleep, she had only 5 ½ hours to sleep before Brock knocked on her door, telling her to get up. Serena whimpered before she got out of bed and put on her disguise. At breakfast with the other pages, Serena helped herself with more tea than she would normally drink, hoping the caffeine would give her enough energy to go through Satoshi's new plan to woo Sonia with him. Satoshi gave his favorite page 3 hours to prepare before sending Serena to the Magnolia estate.
Serena read the notes she had written down while discussing Satoshi's plan as she walked from one side of Viridian City to the other. Occasionally, she stopped and thought of what to say to let Sonia down if the countess tried to make a move. By the time Serena was close to the Magnolia estate, she felt ready to convince Sonia to stop being in love with her and focus all her affections on Satoshi instead. When she reached the estate's walls, she found Nando sitting on a bench beside the gate, playing a happy tune with his guitar without a care. Roughly remembering seeing Nando while she was in the courtyard trying to convince Giovanni to let her see Sonia, Serena cleared her throat to grab Nando's attention, and he turned to her and gave her a friendly smile.
"Good morning to you," Nando greeted.
"And to you, good sir," Serena said. "You are a member of Lady Sonia's staff. Are you not?"
"Indeed, I am her fool. Her jester. Her musician," Nando said. "Though, may I ask what business it is of yours?"
"My name is Timothy Durbin. I am the messenger Duke Satoshi sent to see the countess yesterday," Serena said. "The lady permitted me to come here today to have another audience. Would you be willing to open the gate so I may see Lady Sonia?"
"The gate isn't locked, and my lady is expecting you," Nando said. "Although, given your improper behavior yesterday, I wonder if I should let you in. I think I can speak for my mistress when I ask if you come with a more proper demeanor worthy of being in her presence."
"Er, if I must be frank, sir, I come bearing both good and bad news," Serena said. "The bad news may hurt her feelings, but I hope that the bad news will be considered minor compared to the good news I pray that she will embrace."
"Well, God guide you to accomplish your mission then," Nando said. "The lady of the house is by the courtyard fountain. She's been cheerful since your last audience, so I speak for the rest of her house when I say I hope you will keep sweet Sonia in such a delightful mood."
As Nando opened the gate for her, Serena fought the urge to show any unease. The fool gestured to Serena to come in with a wave of his hand, and she briefly bowed her head before entering the estate. The disguised honey-blonde woman's hands shook as she walked down the courtyard path, feeling pressured to please Sonia while still rejecting her love.
Serena came to a halt as she saw Sonia sitting on a bench by the fountain and reading a book. Her funeral outfit was replaced with a blue gown as bright as her smile and her long peach hair was tied to a side ponytail on her left side. Serena's unease grew as she noticed the heart-shaped hair clips on Sonia's ponytail, expressing that her heart was full of love. Serena gulped and made a cross with her hand before walking over to the blissful countess.
Sonia looked up from her book upon hearing Serena's footsteps. Her eyes widened, and her smile stretched to the sides of her face. Serena forced a smile as she stopped in front of Sonia and took a bow.
"Good morning, Timothy," Sonia said warmly.
"Most excellent lady, may the heavens rain blessings upon you," Serena said.
"Oh, Timothy, you're such a flatterer," Sonia giggled while playing with her hair with her finger. "You certainly know how to charm a lady."
"Actually, my greeting comes from Duke Satoshi, my lady," Serena said.
Sonia's smile turned into a disappointed frown in a blink of an eye.
"Oh, I see," she said coldly. "Is there any greeting that comes from only you?"
Serena hesitated before she said, "It is heartwarming to see you so cheery today, my dear lady."
Sonia's smile returned, and she giggled again as her cheeks turned pink. Serena wished her words didn't encourage Sonia to stay in love with her fake identity, but she couldn't think of anything else to keep the countess happy. If nothing else, Serena was sincerely glad the countess was no longer mourning. Sonia patted the spot on the bench next to her and Serena hesitated before she bowed again and reluctantly sat next to the smitten countess. They sat in silence, with Serena feeling awkward and Sonia stared at Serena as though the person she thought was a man was a painting to admire.
"Tell me, Timothy. What is it about being a page that pleases you?" Sonia asked.
"And to be clear, I want an answer concerning the occupation itself."
Serena looked at Sonia, taken aback, having not expected her to ask that question.
"Er, well, I admit that I am not used to the general responsibilities of my position, but I am the one my employer looks to me to play piano and sing for him. As someone who grew up learning to perform, I am glad to be required to do something I was raised to do while having a roof over my head and a steady income. Plus, it is a requirement in my master's household for his pages to know how to fence. It is difficult for me, but at the same time, it has been an interesting skill to learn."
"I bet with enough practice, you'll become a rather dashing fencer," Sonia said with a kittenish look.
Serena responded with a nervous chuckle, which Sonia interpreted as her being bashful. The women grew silent again with Sonia admiring Serena's fake appearance while Serena looked away from the countess, thinking of how to bring Satoshi into the conversation. After half a minute, Serena remembered part of what she and Satoshi had discussed earlier, and she opened her mouth to speak, only for Sonia to raise her hand for silence.
"I must be frank with you, Timothy, I'm glad that you have found enjoyment in being a page, but it doesn't sit right with me that you are someone else's page. If anything, I think your talents would be used better if I were your employer instead of the duke's," Sonia said.
"You honor me, my lady, but I like to think that I already am in a way," Serena said. "Duke Satoshi is your servant if only in love, and I'm his servant. Thus, you could say I am your servant because the person I serve strives to serve you if you only give him a chance."
Sonia frowned bitterly and said, "Please stop bringing the duke into the conversation. I have told you that I cannot love him even if I tried, and that rings true today as it did yesterday."
"But, why, my lady?" Serena asked. "You stand firm to say you cannot love Duke Satoshi Ketchum, and I stand puzzled, thinking no woman in your shoes can disregard his love."
"Maybe it's because it's not his love I crave," Sonia said.
Serena resisted the urge to squirm while Sonia was looking at her. At that point, it felt like Serena and Sonia were going in circles, with Serena wanting to talk about Satoshi and Sonia disregarding her attempts to keep the focus on Timothy the Page, not knowing that said page was a woman. It was then that Serena accepted that if the conversation were to move forward, she would have to tell Sonia straight out.
"Dear lady -"
"Please, Timothy, let me speak," Sonia interrupted. "You must be confused with Giovanni giving you a ring. I said you left it to me when it wasn't true. The truth is for all your efforts on your master's behalf, you've put me under a spell that has filled me with joy. The ring is a gift to express in secret that my heart beats for you."
"Madam..." Serena began.
"Let me finish," Sonia said. "I'm not oblivious that you might disapprove of my trickery because I, a countess, choose to be secretive about how I feel about a servant. But how I feel is not something that the world needs to know. Not yet, anyway. Only you need to know how my heart races just from seeing your face at this very moment. You alone, Timothy, must see that you have won my heart by being the passionate, devoted man that you are. If you understand my deceptive means of giving you your gift and accept it, let us take this time to share our feelings with no one else around. If, however, you are displeased with my need to be secretive about my love or how I have confused you with my trickery, I accept that."
Guilt filled Serena's heart as Sonia made her confession. The countess beamed when she spoke, confident that the person sitting next to her would accept her feelings even as she said she would accept rejection. At this moment, Serena accepted that Satoshi's pursuit of Sonia's heart was a lost cause, for there was no way she could reject Sonia and then convince her to fall for Satoshi. All Serena felt she could do was let the countess down and return to Satoshi to tell him Sonia would never love him.
"Well? What say you, Timothy?" Sonia asked.
"I say I pity you, my lady," Serena said.
"Pity? That must be a step toward love," Sonia said.
"No, it's not a step. Pity is a common feeling one can also feel for an enemy, or bystander, or a friend," Serena said. "I thank you for falling for me, disregarding my rank, madam, but I cannot love you any more than you can love Duke Satoshi."
"Why not? Is there someone else you love? Is there a woman you find more beautiful than me?" Sonia asked.
"My lady, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but there's another whose image I value above all else," Serena said.
"Who? Who is this woman? What does she look like?" Sonia demanded. "Is she another countess or a maid in your master's house?"
"Neither. I won't speak of their rank, but this person has tan skin, dark hair like a raven, z-marks on their cheeks, and eyes that, in my eyes, shine like brown diamonds," Serena said. "What's more, this person has a smile that lifts up my spirit, and I wish nothing more for them to always smile at me for who I am inside and out."
Sonia tilted her head in confusion, and she said, "Tan skin? Dark hair? Z-marks on their cheeks? That's how I hear people describe Duke Satoshi. Do you mean to say you prefer men over women and have fallen for your master, Timothy?"
Serena's cheeks turned red, and she looked away from Sonia.
"I will not say who I have fallen for, but I assure you I am not someone attracted to people of my gender," Serena said. "Regardless, the person I'm talking about has their eyes on another, yet my eyes crave to see them, even if it were just for a moment. As surely as the Lord lives, those moments are my greatest treasures and will always be."
Sonia's face fell, and she looked away from Serena, processing her words. Serena turned her head to look at Sonia sympathetically as her rejection hit the countess. She took out the ring from her pocket and laid it beside Sonia. Sonia picked up the ring, and her mouth quivered as she fought the urge not to cry. With a sniffle, Sonia lifted her head to the sky and forced a smile, trying to act as though she were admiring the clouds.
"Well, I suppose it can't be helped," Sonia said. "That leaves nothing left for me but to find a way to smile again without my feelings for you."
Serena gave Sonia a small smile and said, "I hope you do. Though, is there any chance you think you could find that reason to smile by finding love for my master?"
Sonia shook her head.
"I thought not. You can't blame me for trying one last time, though," Serena said. "I will return to my master and ensure that he lets go of his pursuit of you. You will never see me or anyone else from my master's house again. Best wishes to you, my lady."
"And to you, Timothy," Sonia said. "I hope for nothing but the best for your future wife, who will treasure your heart the way I was prepared to."
Serena mentally chuckled at how the countess was unaware of her real gender. She stood up and took a bow, which Sonia returned by bowing her head, and then walked to the gate. As she prepared to exit, Serena sighed and smiled, feeling satisfied that she had successfully spoken with Sonia about her feelings. She did not know what she would say to Satoshi, but she was prepared to take it easy with never needing to go to see Sonia again.
"Stay!" Sonia shouted.
Serena stopped momentarily and squirmed, mentally whimpering before she went back to walking to the gate, pretending she didn't hear Sonia. She was seconds away from reaching the gate when Sonia caught up and stepped in front of Serena with a pleading look and her hands clasped together, forcing Serena to stop. The woman in disguise closed her fists, resisting the urge to push Sonia away so she could be free, disregarding Sonia's high rank.
"Timothy, please tell me what you really think of me," Sonia said.
"I think you're not who you think you are, madam," Serena said.
"If that's true, then I think the same thing of you," Sonia said.
"Then you're correct. I'm not what I appear to be," Serena said.
"Then I wish you can be what I want you to be," Sonia said.
"I'm afraid that is impossible in ways you can't comprehend," Serena said.
Sonia stepped closer to Serena, took her hands, and held them together. Serena grew uncomfortable as Sonia looked at her with longing and desperation.
"Even if God himself can't make it possible, I can't let go of how I feel," Sonia said. "Timothy Durbin, noble page, upon my honor, my title, and everything else I possess, I love you. I love you so much you're all I can think about. Neither wit nor reason can suppress my passion. Even if you treasure the appearance of another, I choose to believe you'll find my desire for you favorable long term. After all, love asked for is good, but love freely given is better."
"As God is my witness, I agree with you, Lady Sonia, but that doesn't change how I feel," Serena said. "No woman has ever won my heart, and no woman ever will. I know what I've been saying might confuse you, but what you ask for is impossible. If it's too hard for you to let go of what you feel for me and give my master a chance, then it's best that I tell him you said to send no more, and your rejection is final. Lord willing, Duke Satoshi will let go of his feelings, and you will never see me or my fellow pages again. It will be hard for you, but it's for the best for everyone."
Sonia looked at Serena, crushed, as though the person she fell for hurled her with vulgar insults. Serena gave the countess another look of sympathy before she pulled her hands from Sonia's grasp. The woman in disguise bowed one last time before she walked past Sonia and opened the gate. She was halfway through the gate when Sonia turned around and called to her.
"Please, come again, Timothy!" Sonia shouted. "I promise to keep a more open mind next time. I may yet fall for Satoshi."
Serena stopped momentarily, squirming, for she knew Sonia wasn't serious about having an open mind. She breathed through her nose, then walked through the gate, closing it behind her. Sonia stared at the gate as though Serena was still there before she sighed and glumly walked back to the bench. She picked up her book and the ring still lying on the bench and stared at the ring for a moment before she shut her eyes, fighting the urge to cry before she walked to the house. Unbeknownst to her, Fuba stood behind a tree from a distance, watching the interaction between Sonia and Serena. The foolish knight watched the countess with a bitter scowl as jealousy overtook him.
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