Chapter 21.

Hurting you was nevermy intention.

~~

"What is it called when your crush has a crush on you?" Logan asked excitedly.

"I don't know."

"Imagination!"

I gave him a flat displeased look. "If that was supposed to make me smile, you aren't doing a good job."

He sighed dejectedly, tapping his finger on his chin. Thinking of another lame joke. Until now he had said quite a few jokes and although some had made me smile a bit, I just wasn't in a mood to laugh. I simply wanted to cuddle into a ball of sadness.

I sighed and leaned on my Tom and Jerry cushion staring out of the window. Contradictory to my mood, the day was sunny and lovely which made me melancholier. I frowned at the sun, hoping it would get my message and hide behind the clouds for the rest of the day. When it didn't, I twisted my lips and turned to my friends who at least respected my emotions.

We were in my room, mom had said no boys but somehow Logan and Alan managed to summon her into their charm. I was unsuccessfully surviving day three 'being-away-from-Ace', the void in my chest was still there, waiting to be filled again.

Distance is good but the crazy part about it is you don't know if the person will miss you or forget you.

I looked around my room filled with the people who supported me throughout the good and bad times. Logan was still thinking about jokes to make me smile, Alan was down in the kitchen searching for food, Janice and Brittany were talking something about Connor Franta turning gay and how every hot guy was gay now-a-days. I couldn't even argue on that one! I wondered when Brittany would tell us her story, this was the best time. All of us were here and I really needed a distraction.

"Brittany?"

She stopped talking and turned to me with a questioning gaze. "Yo Joanna?"

"Your story about Max?" I asked hesitantly.

She froze before her shoulders slumped down in resignation. "I guess I have to say sometime. Alan emergency." She shouted.

Soon we heard footsteps coming up and then a curse, then footsteps again.

Alan entered with a bowl of cookies in his hand. "A cookie fell." He pouted. No wonder the cuss word.

Brittany rolled her eyes and pointed at the bed for Alan to sit. He obediently sat, cookie bowl possessively on his lap.

He promptly slapped Logan's hand when it reached for the bowl. "I will share anything but cookie and girlfriend. Get those for yourself."

"You don't have a girlfriend and sharing is caring." Logan pouted.

"I just said I will share anything BUT NOT cookies." Alan reminded, still holding the cookie bowl close to his chest.

"Just one?" Logan pleaded, eying the cookie bowl with longing. Alan shook his head, "Get them for yourself. I had to make puppy face for two minutes to get these."

"I thought you love me." Logan cried out.

Alan rolled his eyes, munching on a cookie. "I love cookies more."

Logan scowled. "Fine I'll get another best friend."

Alan rolled his eyes, dumping a cookie in his mouth. "Good luck trying."

"Guys." Brittany warned and the room instantly silenced.

She started. "Max and I met when we were in freshman year. He was the bad boy with notorious friends and I was the nerd buried in books with barely any friends. Our parents were business partners so we knew each other from face but our leagues were far apart. We were complete opposites."

"One day he wanted some notes at the end moment and I was the one he contacted mainly because his father told to do so. He came at my house late night to take the notes. That was probably the first time we had a proper conversation although it mainly consisted of 'write this' and 'goodnights'."

"After that he would come to me for all the notes, we soon started talking and hanging out outside school grounds. I was naive and inexperienced. It was the first time I had received so much attention from a guy, a hot one that too, so obviously I fell in love with his funny jokes and good looks. At the start of sophomore we grew closer and kissed. After some more kisses it led to making out and unconsciously I blurted out my feelings. Everything turned upside down after that. I knew Max probably felt something for me. Why else would a hot guy associate with a nerd? But Ace's hatred for woman kind wasn't unknown and he pressured Max to leave me."

My eyes widened at the mention of Bryan's role in this. This was probably why he blamed himself for their break up. It all made sense now.

"Things slowly changed after that. Max had to manage me as well as Ace and Dylan. Even Dylan was with Ace on this, they had secrets and were afraid of me finding them out. Our meetings decreased from every day to once a week, he started talking notes from other students, we never kissed again and eventually we just stopped talking. Finally Max had submitted to his childhood best friends and left me to drown in my sad, sorrowful life."

Janice patted Brittany's arm and I smiled at them.

Brittany returned the smile. "The whole of sophomore year was a disaster but I survived it. I saw Max flirt, get a new girl, kiss her as he ignored me the whole time. In junior year I luckily met you guys and felt alive again." She looked at us with tearful eyes. "I can never thank you guys enough for befriending me and giving me a chance to live and have such wonderful friends."

"Aww." Alan wiped a fake tear. "We love you too Britt."

She let out a low chuckle and sent him a flying kiss.

"Bryan is such an idiot." I sighed.

"It wasn't his mistake, he was facing his own problems and when he saw Max slipping away from his side he grew uneasy. He isn't really that bad." Brittany assured.

"Is that why you hate Ace?" Alan inquired, cookie crumbs in his mouth.

"Eat and then talk." Brittany scolded. "Yeah, but I don't hate him anymore. I still dislike him for creating a distance between me and Max. And now for making Joanna cry but it's okay. He has his own excuses. Everything happens for a reason."

"Sometimes I just wish I knew what the reason was." I murmured lying on the bed.

"You will know . . . eventually." Brittany promised.

"So what about you and Max now?" Janice asked.

"We are in talking terms and I still like him but that Australian guy, you remember?" We nodded our heads. "He's good too. I am in no hurry to get into any relationship right now."

"What's his name?" Logan asked.

"Gabriel." Brittany answered with a slight smile. "He's super awesome but weird. He hates mushrooms and cheese and I love both. Who can even hate these?"

Alan snorted. "Clearly Gaby."

We ignored his sarcasm.

"Isn't he the one with longer nose?" Janice asked.

"Yeah, they aren't really that similar. His brother, Jasper has different eyes too." Brittany informed. "What's up with you and Dylan?"

On cue, Janice blushed. "We are just friends." Her emphasis on just didn't go unnoticed by us.

I snorted in disbelief. "Friends who are super possessive about each other and flirt at any chance they get."

"We like each other but don't want a relationship. We will see when we decide our colleges."

"Which college are you planning to go?" I asked her.

"No talking about colleges please. I am not in a mood for that." Logan complained, throwing a crumb of cookie at me.

"You are never in a mood for that." I scowled at him.

"It's a sad topic." He retorted.

"But important." I argued.

He groaned. "I just want money to fall from the roof so I don't have to go to any college."

I looked at Brittany and Janice as we rolled our eyes. "Dream real, Logan."

"Look at the news!" My mother's urgent shout came and we all ran downstairs.

"The notorious drug peddlers that have made young generation victims of the atrocious drugs namely cocaine, crack, magic mushrooms, marijuana, ecstasy, LSD, heroin have been finally caught. The whole gang was trapped when they were passing truckloads of toys to another peddler. All these toys contained drug packets hidden cleverly in them. Both the gangs are caught and are now in police custody. The other members are been searched for. Luckily only five members aren't caught. Every arrested member is questioned for more information and the whereabouts of other drug dealing peddlers in the state. Rumor has it that a certain ex-member gave a slip to the police about this shipment. This unknown caller hasn't been found and no one knows from which group he is. Is there a third party involved? Or just some ex-member getting his revenge? The police are now trying to find him as well as investigating for any other helpful information. Keep tuned in for more news about the drug lords, back to you John."

"That's a lot of drugs." Logan said after a few minutes of silence.

My mother suddenly stood up with a stiff stance. "If that tattoo guy of yours does all of these drugs you will be staying twenty feet away from him every living second."

I gulped and nodded. "But I don't think he does all of that."

"You know how I feel about addictions Joanna." My mother snapped.

And I kept quiet, I felt the same way. I just hoped Ace did no drugs. He had said he didn't do, hopefully he wasn't lying.

"I should call Dylan." Janice whispered, taking out her phone from her back pocket.

I sighed, should I call Bryan? No, I would breakdown. But what if he's not okay?

"I'll ask how he is." Janice said to me, noticing my dilemma as she went upstairs.

"Ask about Max too." Brittany shouted as she shifted through the channels, searching for more information on the drug attack.

"How did we get into this?" Logan grumbled, leaning back on his chair.

"Because Joanna fell in love." Alan answered, making me choke on air.

"I am not in love." I protested, looking for any sign of my mom but she was fortunately in the kitchen.

Alan and Logan both snorted.

"You guys have sexual tension that is off charts, you guys kissed and you loved it, you lied to your mom for staying in the same room with him, you became jealous after hearing about that girl, you left him because you were hurt not angry. And even after all this you still care for him, my theory says these are the symptoms of love." Logan said proudly.

I froze as my mind processed the words and then replayed them. Could it be possible? I knew Logan was right; I left because I was hurt but it was easier saying I was angry.

Hurt means you care, anger means you don't, not much.

I remembered the feelings that ignited inside me every time he was near me. I felt safe, secure, loved and happy with him. I could trust him easily. Yes, there weren't way too many sparks- the ones that were described in a love story- but my heartbeat did rise and fall unevenly. I did feel my stomach clench and do somersaults whenever he was close, I did feel goose bumps at his mere touch. His kisses made my brain freeze and want more.

Being with him was like walking into an unrevealed territory. I never knew what would happen next, I could climb up a mountain or fall into a deep pit, I could see flowers and rivers or go through a catastrophe. It was unpredictable and unusual yet I loved the journey. If this isn't love I don't know what is.

So yes, I reached to the conclusion that I, Joanna Williams was in love with Bryan Cooper, but there was a slightly major problem - he didn't love me back.

"Jo, he wants to talk to you." Janice said, standing in front me, breaking my thoughts.

I glanced at the phone in her hand and gulped. Great he just had to talk now, after I have faced this world shattering news. Yay.

I took the phone with a shaky hand and Janice sent me a reassuring look. I waited until I was in my locked room before pressing the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I whispered tentatively.

"Muffin." A breath of relief form Ace. "How are you?"

Distressed, down in dumps, almost crying. "Fine and you?"

"Better now."

"Was it you?" I asked, my fingers crossing on my lap.

I didn't have to explain what I was talking about. He knew I had seen the news. "Someone had to do, but it wasn't me. I told Max to call, he is safe. We did a good job."

I bit my lip, mom's words ringing in my head. I gathered all my courage and blurted out in one breath. "Do you still do drugs?"

He paused, "No Joanna. I told you I was never addicted, I just did it because all did and I was curious. And no, I didn't try all of those. I know they are hazardous." He let out an aggravated breath.

"I was just asking." I said, defending myself.

He didn't say anything. Just when I thought he had cut the call, he spoke. "Are we good now?"

Are we? Nope.

"Did you meet Anastasia?" I asked instead.

"You don't answer a question with another one." He replied.

"Answer me, Bryan."

"Yes." He sighed.

I blinked away the tears. He still loved her. . . Fuck.

"I uh- need to go." I said my voice cracking.

"Shit! Muffin, are you crying?" He sounded alarmed. Don't call me muffin, it makes me feel special and that gives me false hope!

"No, my throat is dry. I'll talk to you later." I muttered, wiping my eyes.

"Are you still angry with me?"

"No." I breathed out. I am hurt.

"You are, Joanna. Just tell me why." His pleaded.

A tear rolled down my cheek. "I was angry Bryan, but not much."

"Then?"

"I was hurt, I still am." I whispered, wiping away the second tear.

"Don't cry Joanna. Please." He beseeched, his voice rough with unshed emotions.

I couldn't stop another tear from flowing. "I need to go. Bye Bryan." I exhaled heavily.

"Muffin." He said in an almost painful tone. "We didn't do anything."

I swallowed hard. "You still love her, Bryan."

"No, I don't. We just met and-"

"I don't want to now." I lied, I wasn't sure I could hear the next words.

He breathed slowly. "Hurting you was never my intention."

My fingers gripped the bed sheet tightly. "Nor was it mine."

"I am sorry, really sorry."

"Me too."

"I miss you, muffin."

That was my breaking point. I lifted the phone away from my ear as I let out a strangled cry. I miss you too, so fucking much that it physically hurts. "Oh."

There was a pause. "Do you?" I knew he meant if I missed him too.

I nodded my head. "Maybe."

He let out a short chuckle. "You voice screams definitely."

Despite myself I smiled. "Maybe."

"Will things ever be the same?" His voice filled with worry.

I gulped. "You can try."

"I will." He promised.

I sighed. "I should go, bye." I said and cut the call, throwing the phone on the bed.

I leaned back and let the tears finally flow freely. I had no idea what to make out of the conversation I just had. He met Anastasia which means he still loves her, right? And if he loves her where does that make me stand? I vaguely remembered his words, we'll never be friends. Did he practically mean it? I doubt since he just confessed on missing me. Or was that too a lie?

I rubbed my forehead in compete stress. This is so confusing and they say girls are confusing. I scoffed at the realization I had had minutes back, loving him, a guy who loves another girl. Could life get any worse?

I rolled on the bed as I felt my phone vibrate under my back. 'I will try and succeed. We will be more than friends.' - Bryan. I automatically smiled at his name and suddenly I felt that maybe there was no Anastasia, maybe she was gone for good but I couldn't be sure. I wanted to see how much Ace could do to prove his words.

I was going to make him go through a girl's loudest cry- the silent treatment.

~~~

And there it is!

Oh I love the silent treatment! Always works!

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Dedication to a fan.

Xoxoxoxo...