Dedicated to kingCHEO  for being a wonderful reader and making me grin stupidly with the comments! Thanks hon! ❤

Chapter 17.

Imperfection is beautiful.

~~

"Are you okay?" Ace whispered, rubbing my back soothingly.

I wiped my nose on the back of my hand, sniffing and clinging closer to him. "I think so."

He raised his hands, picking me up from his lap. Fear gripped him hard. No, no. I needed human contact right now. More like Bryan contact. I needed comfort and someone to make be me feel wanted. And at this point he was exactly what I desired desperately. I encircled my arms around his neck, burying my face deeper into his shoulder.

"Not yet, please." I whispered weakly. The plead echoed in the tiny confines of car.

His arms dropped and then wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. His face rubbed against my hair, kissing them lightly. "I am so sorry." Taking my face in his palms he kissed my ear, "Really sorry." He kissed my cheek. "I didn't know this would scare you." He kissed the right corner of my lips, "I won't do that again." He kissed the left corner, "You still look beautiful." He stared at me.

By now my breaths were coming in short pants, I stared into his dark rich brown eyes falling into its depth and losing myself in them. I gulped and licked my lips unconsciously; his eyes followed the action lustfully. I shifted slightly and gasped as I felt something hard under my thighs, his arousal - he wanted me. And boy, did I want him? Hell yeah. Fuck the consequences!

As if he read my thoughts, in the next blink, his lips were on mine, hard, urgent, fervent, consuming and dominating all my senses. I kissed him back with equal fervor. This is what I needed to forget my past for now, even if it could be wrong and would end up with me eating ice creams and watching Disney movies all day.

He was like a cup of tea on a rainy day, irresistible and addictive!

His tongue entered mine with no resistance from me, mine met his halfway. My fingers curled in his hair, pulling them lightly. A throaty moan made its way from his throat into mine, making my insides clench in forbidden desire. He pushed me back, freeing my lips and attacking my neck. The steering wheel stung my back but that was my least concern, my attention was on the craving erupting in my stomach, raising every hair in attention at his mere touch and kiss.

I could do this forever and still be insatiable!

I moaned with pleasure and clenched my insides as he lips created havoc in my body. "Your lips and skin are so soft." He whispered, still placing open mouthed kisses on my neck. His hands lifted my top and entered inside. The sudden contact of his cold hands and my warm waist made me gasp.

I groaned in sheer pleasure, unconsciously grinding against him. His hands gripped my waist tightly, stopping me. "Don't, it's already hard to control myself."

"Then don't." I panted desperately, my eyes half closed.

He groaned loudly, "You do things to me Joanna, things I don't understand."

Right back at you, Bryan. Right back at you.

His mouth assaulted mine again, claiming me. Taking me to places I had never imagined. For the first time in my life, I wanted to lose my virginity and didn't care about the aftermath.

Fuck virginity.

"We should go." He murmured on my lips, not releasing his hold.

I heaved, still befuddled by the new sensations. My mind screamed, No! Let's get done with this for once and all but I knew once wasn't enough for us and I surely didn't want our first time in a car. "We should." I agreed, sighing to myself.

"Don't think this is over yet." He lifted his hip, grinding against me. I nodded mutely, eyes closing again as I moved against him. He pecked my lips one last time and freed me. I scrambled to my seat, my mind reeling.

What just happened? Was he going to ignore me again?

"Don't ignore me." I whispered, staring at my knotted fingers, still trying to get my breathing even.

I felt his gaze on me, "I can't, even if I tried."

That's progress. Right?

I watched out of the window, the surroundings passing by in a normal speed. I took that time to wrap my head around the incidents happening in my life. I had so many questions and no answers, I hoped to get them today. I knew he had many questions too.

I could feel curiosity rolling off his body at my sudden outburst on the speed driving but he wisely kept quiet.

I peeked at Ace, a small smile, content yet unraveling, it stuck on his face making him look innocent and even more gorgeous, a Greek God who just kissed the living daylights out of me. A small smile spread of my face. He was right, we can never be friends. We have far too much chemistry to remain just friends.

Sometimes a heart refuses to remain 'just friends'.

"What are you staring at?" He asked with amusement.

"You." I answered without any hesitation.

His smile widened, pleased with my reply. "What about me?"

I titled my head back, getting a better look at his face. "How different you are and how special make me feel." I paused, "At times. Otherwise you're just an asshole."

He glanced at me and then turned to face the road again. "I am not perfect, I'll make mistakes." He warned. "And thanks for the compliment."

I rolled my eyes at the last sentence. Only he would take an insult as a compliment. "Imperfection is beautiful." I whispered. "If we don't make mistakes, how will we know what is right and what is wrong? Mistakes just bring us one step closer to being more awesome."

He snorted. "You stop making mistakes then. You already are pretty darn awesome."

I let out a low laugh. "I know right? I am mega awesome."

There was a lapse of comfortable silence, until he said "You have changed, a bit." Quickly he added. "In a good way."

In that moment I realized that I had indeed changed. My habit of analyzing things over and over again, not rebelling, hardly lying to my family, sitting in the middle of 200 page books as I studied, fear of people's views on everything I do - had all changed. Now I was the girl who didn't think much, shouted from a terrace of a 20 floor building to help my friends, lied to family like it was my favorite pastime, sitting besides a bad boy after kissing him senselessly, not give a shit about what people thought. Yes, I had changed and I hoped it was for good.

Grab any chance you get to change because you change only for the people who would change for you.

§ - §

"Want to have a shower?" He asked, entering our room. I froze, dirty thoughts filling my head. "Uh- what?"

He shook his head in mild laughter. "Not together, alone."

"Oh, no!" I shook my head. "I am hungry."

"Okay, let's see what this hotel has." He kept our bags on the table and went for my hand. I willingly entrusted it to him.

"What is this?" I asked in a low voice, staring at some green thick juice.

"I think its soup." He replied, taking a sniff of it.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust, pulling him away. I wasn't going to risk my health by tasting it.

"Noodles and sausages and shrimps." He sighed with relief.

"I am trying to turn vegetarian." I informed him, looking for any sign of vegetables.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "I want to."

"I think there is rice and fries over there." He pointed to a corner labeled Veg.

I went there and helped myself with a small amount of rice and mixed vegetable. If it was edible I could take another spoon. I saw some sweets on a nearby table and grabbed a handful of pies and cakes. Nothing can ever go wrong with sweet dishes.

"This is good." Ace muttered, eating the chicken noodles.

"Surprisingly." I added, eating my second round of rice and sweets.

After eating we went to our room and suddenly the atmosphere dipped and turned into curiosity and nervousness. He hadn't forgotten about my waterworks and he wanted to know more.

"I need a shower." I gulped and ran into the washroom, my towel and clothes in hand.

Usually cold showers made me feel relaxed but this time I was still standing stiff under the water. I was tired after a long day but I knew I had to tell Ace the truth especially if I expected the same from him.

Sharing secrets is just another sign of trust.

Rubbing my body one last time, I wiped away the drops and wore my PJ's and Disney princess tee. Here goes nothing.

When I came out Ace was standing near the window, looking outside with a blank face. I licked my lips nervously and sat Indian style on the corner of bed, twisting my fingers.

"Bryan?" I whispered my eyes on my lap.

He turned and sat in front of me, instantly figuring what was eating my brain alive. "You don't have to tell."

"I want to." I said truthfully, it was all clogged up inside me and suffocating me. I needed release. I needed this. I needed him to know I trusted him.

I got up and took out a photo frame from my bag, I never went anywhere without it. It was my life jacket. I stared at the picture.

It was of me and Kian on our twelfth birthday. We were hugging and chocolate cake was smeared on our faces. The picture was taken just when Kian was putting cake on my cheek and I was laughing hard, trying to avoid it.

I smiled looking at the photo, tears already brimming in my eyes. I handed the photo to Ace who took it cautiously.

"Kian, my twin brother." I answered the unspoken question.

I saw Ace gasp lightly and stare at our similarity, the only difference between us was the smile, he had a left dimple and I didn't.

"What happened?" He kept the photo on his lap with care, like it was a baby.

I swallowed. Hard. "We were having eighth grade vacations and Kian was insisting Connor to teach him to drive. Finally after two weeks he agreed and we took our dad's car. Kian was on the driving seat, Connor on the passenger seat and me and a friend at the back. I was right behind Kian. Kian drove properly for a few minutes, no problems at all. Connor had just got addicted to smoking, he was a senior then. Smoking was the new 'thing'. He bent to remove the packet from his shoe, where he hid the packets from our parents." I paused, the scene enacting clear in my mind.

"I took his hand to stop him from smoking. I was shouting at him to quit smoking and he was laughing at me. 'Smoking makes guys look cool, Joey.' were his exact words. 'No, it makes them look dumb that they don't know it leads to cancer.' I had said. We were still fighting when suddenly Kian turned to face us, saying some joke about guys and sticks. No one saw the high speeding truck that was coming straight at us from the side. Connor was the first to see it, but it was too late. The truck crashed straight into the driver's side, killing him on the spot. I should have seen it but I was too busy fooling with Connor." I wiped away my tears.

"I don't remember anything after that expect looking at my twin in a pool of blood, his head had cracked to the side. Just the sight had made me unconscious. When I woke up in the hospital, my right hand was fractured and head had a few stitches. Connor got his leg and back sprained badly. As for my friend, she just got a few bruises on her hands. It took me one year to actually be able to sit in a car without screaming and running for hell and Connor never touched cigarettes again. Ever. Speeding cars and any bad addictions were banned from my house. I guess that was one good thing that happened due to that accident." I scoffed sullenly.

I licked my lips, tasting a tear drop on them. "I miss him, I miss Kian so much." I whispered before finally breaking down into a waterfall of pain, regret, anger, guilt, heartbreak and loss.

Once again I found myself in Bryan's lap. I wiped away the tears in embarrassment, I was an emotional wreck but he didn't need to know that. I hiccuped, "He was the best brother ever. He told me everything and always supported me." I murmured. "I never thought I did lose him so early, he wasn't even an adult. He had so much to see and so much to do. He wanted to become an astronaut, he said there was life somewhere else to and he would be the first one to find it." I blinked away the tears. "I guess he did, though not the first one. But he did find a new place."

Ace held me tightly, his fingers creating patterns on my arm. "Hush, its okay muffin." He breathed. "You can't control death. It is bound to happen somehow, anyhow."

"He hated yogurt." I muttered. "And I always sneakily added yogurt in his dishes. His favorite subject was Math, I hated it until he left. Now I love it!" I let out a small cry of pain. "I wish I could control it. I'd join heaven and hell to get him back!"

Ace kissed my hair. "He's in a better place now Joanna. He wouldn't want to see you crying so much." And then stroked my hair in a reassuring manner.

"He loved peanut butter and I hated it and he called me peanut because of that." I let out a small raspy laugh. "But after he went I found myself addicted to it, it somehow makes me feel closer to him."

"I am sure he's eating it right now as he watches us." Bryan said.

Involuntarily my eyes darted to the open window, it was sunset time. "He loved Paul Walker, he must have met him and clicked selfies with him by now."

Bryan shifted, bringing me closer. "What else did he love?"

"Oh cars!" I scoffed and then sobered up. "It's weird how the thing that he loved was exactly the thing that took his life."

"He must be missing you."

"He better be, because I miss him, way too much." I snuffled hard. "We fought so much, if I had the slightest clue he would leave so soon I would have told him how much I loved him and that his crazy obsession over peanut butter wasn't annoying but cute. I acted like I hated it when he called me peanut, but I actually loved it. He had a special name for me."

It's only when we lose something do we realize its importance.

Bryan rubbed my back soothingly. "Was it Janice with you in the car?"

I shook my head, "No, Alicia."

He froze. "Alicia Chandler?"

I nodded mutely.

"You were friends? What happened now?"

"She liked Kian a lot, in fact they were kind of dating but after the accident she blamed me and Connor for it. Connor for trying to smoke and me for distracting Kian." I remembered how she had slapped me the first time she saw me after the accident. We were in the hospital and she just came out of nowhere, slapping my cheek and running off. I had just stood there, unresponsive, knowing it was my fault. Her tear stained face was the last I saw until after two weeks when I went back to school to find a completely different Alicia.

"What did she mean by it should have been you instead of him?" His question surprised me. He still remembered her harsh words? But then harsh words are difficult forget. They stick right on the heart, never leaving.

"The truck just missed me, a few more seconds and I would have replaced Kian." I paused, gulping. "It must be fault. You know I would trade myself in his place in a heartbeat."

Bryan lifted my face to face his. His gaze determined. "It wasn't your fault. You can't stop fate or death, they are meant to happen." His thumb wiped a tear off my cheek. "Never ever say you want to take his place. He'll be furious and so hurt, and me too."

I just stared into his eyes, my feelings for him growing deeper with every second. I was falling for this bad boy, Bryan Cooper, and I was falling hard and fast with nothing to catch me.

Bryan pulled me closer, kissing my forehead. "Shit happens, its life. Smile while you still have teeth."

I finally blinked away and chuckled, thankful for his comfort. "Thanks."

"Anytime Joanna, anytime." His breath fanned my cheeks. "Sleep, I am here."

I smiled into his neck. It's funny how few words from the right person can turn your whole day around and make you feel better in a second.

I closed my eyes as he leaned back on the bed. His arms still around me in a protective manner.

For the first time in ages I slept like a baby, soothed by the lullaby of his heart beat.

Maybe I wasn't falling, I had already fell and couldn't stand up now.

Life is stupid and makes turns without asking permission but in the end we always make it out of the maze. It is up to us, we can cry and crib about the dreadful journey or be brave and face it by saying 'Fuck you, I am not afraid of you.' on it's face. I was done with crying; now I was going to live two lives - mine and my brother's. I was going to make him proud of me. So when my time was up and I went to heaven, he would be at the gate, to hug me and say, 'that's my baby sister, younger to me by 2 minutes and although she is damn irritating, I still lover her a lot.'

I had learnt a lesson of life, everything isn't rainbows and flowers always, there is lighting and autumn too and that's exactly what makes the world so beautiful.

~~~

Not going to lie! I cried! :(

Any siblings?

Dedication to a vomenter! 

Xoxoxo...