'It is only through the eyes of others that our lives have any meaning'

"Where the fuck I am?" I tore my hair watching the bus leaving on the road ahead, turning smaller and smaller, I had an urge to wave my hand to stop it. But by the time I noticed why?. It was gone, disappeared out of my reach.

I looked around helplessly at the deserted road, no one in sight. Where was I?

Ugghh.... post-Avi you've gone too far this time. Literally.

I switched on my phone but it was dead.
Great just fucking great I kicked the basket frustratedly, It shook turning making the lid fall off. Something white something growling poked out-

"Fucking no!" I cried pointing at that cat Miru who leapt angrily at me and due to my pathetic ankle, I couldn't escape his attack on time.

"Ahhh!" I screamed holding my cheek then chased the cat with the lid of the basket, bloody fucking fast cat ran away making me tired and left alone in the middle of nowhere.

It was almost night I don't know how will I go back home? When I didn't know where I was or how I was here?

Okay, I actually know how I was here checking the bag and my condition. Post Avi tried to run away fucking AGAIN. Laksh and me or precisely only me treated it as a joke I thought she'll get over it and just come to terms that she was a personality her choices or whims don't really matter.

I sighed with a pinch of regret now.

Again fucking again I acted like a bitch and landed myself into a problem. My friends told me to get on friendly terms and try to understand her, if I had done that then I won't have fucking landed myself in this situation.

I dug the bag in hopes of finding something useful maybe another mobile or power bank. And I found only unnecessary things. I tossed away Doritos packet I don't even like Doritos!

Mindlessly, I still rummage through the things purposely avoiding the fact that I was lost and should take immediate steps to get out of here if I didn't want to appear on tomorrow's news headlines

A girl died trying to kill her second personality

Or

17 years old Avi Shukla was found dead in the middle of nowhere. Is it the work of paranormal activities or an aliens' invasion?

No time for dark humor

I pulled out a piggybank it was cracked open with surprisingly a lot of money.

There was a note, a pink note stuck in between. I pulled it out.

Then looked here and there.

And surprise! surprise!

no one was still there

I am getting scared let's read this note, yeah of course everything will be okay then.

I opened it hopefully thinking of finding some map or a way out of this place but nope, how can I expect normal things from Post Avi.. anyway I read it still hoping for some codes to crack

Random Musings

~Why is the sky blue why not pink? I know due to the scattering of light! So why couldn't red and blue wavelengths found some middle ground and make the sky pink?

~Why is it always the quiet ones with the twisted minds?

Okay maybe this note is not that useful as I thought

~You know it's said that newborn babies cry after birth because they remember their past life and the separation, the loss of their loved ones make them grief over it until they forget or in other words, grow up and ready to make a new start.

Do you know they say bad things happen to those who deserve them?

Do you know why smiling is much easier than crying?

And do you know it is said, better to live alone than to have fake friends?

But can you imagine a life with nothing just nothing? It has nothing but only you?

A life without regrets A life without moments, without friends, without loved ones, without anyone, without anything to remember to smile upon to laugh at to cry on, embarrassed about, or to just miss something and long for it?

It has just you

Which is sufficient

Trust me it's very sufficient

But not complete

We are all looking around for something or someone that makes us complete.
And 'nothing' can't fill up that blank.

It's not the answer. There's to be something or someone to take that place to make changes in our lives.

Here, when I woke up on this hospital bed.

I remember nothing. I feel like a newborn baby with dark phases instilled in my mind It's so dark. I don't remember them I feel like I am part of it. It's not a memory I belonged to a particular moment and I have been stuck with no recollection of after that but just it.

Slowly and steadily, I realized I am a girl that girl who's six years old who was cheerful who was innocent with a happy family. But I can't remember them. Other than, this ocean of sadness and despair, I seemed to be drowning in.

I need happy memories I need to find what makes me happy and save myself from this darkness that might be the cause of why I was born, distinctly.

I am Avi Shukla yes I really am Avi Shukla because when I looked at my albums I see me. I know that 6 years old is me that had been lost and swarmed by the darkness over these years.

I see myself gone and forgotten like some other part that isn't found in my 10 years old or 16 years old self. I am gone I have become something new and different, that's not like me.
Instead,
I see a girl who has big walls around her, wears her insecurities as her confidence, she might look like me but she isn't me. I wonder what would happen if the last thing that connects to her real and the old world is also gone?

She would crumble down.

She might have grown up but she's more susceptible to hurt than me.

Therefore, I have to come up to protect my other half my new half that has changed by diminishing her light.

I am here to make new memories, I am here to make something real that she could hold on to and still feel connected.

~How do we know we exist?

Simple, we know it from others eyes

Our relationships with others make us what we are today.

I felt beyond happy when I became friends with Riya. Her presence brought a change to my newly started life.

I feel more alive when I talked to Kavya. Her warm affection made me want to bask in it more.

The attention from Ishaan and even the jealous vibes from Tanya, made me feel something significant something closer to my vulnerability and important to the factor, that I exist. That I am acknowledged and I make a segment to certain moments of their lives.

Ryan, he pokes my origin, the darker place I came from. He scared me and I want to change it but I am too frightened to discover my origin.

And with Laksh it started with something weird something a little dark but yeah I realized, everyone's have their own darkness. With Laksh the feelings were strange I wanted to avoid as well as continuously feel it.

But at the end of the day, these people have made my life worth living for. They added emotions to the emptiness they added something that I could remember and smile or be angry about.

I can guess why people like attention, why people want to become famous?

Cause, So many people know you so much acknowledgment of your existence. And it makes you happy?

Nope, I don't think so that's how you seek real happiness

~What makes you remembered by other people in a good way?

Simple, Your impact in their lives

I want also to be remembered by them, to make others smile to make their heart warms when my face flash in their minds.

I don't know how will I do it?

But I want to make these people know my presence, feel something changed in their lives because of me.

I want to help Tanya to know that she's not evil as she thinks so

I want Ishaan to realize that he can love someone without any ulterior motives

I want Riya to confess her feelings to Laksh, he might not reciprocate it but this way Riya won't hide when she falls for the right person. Or embarrassed about her feelings. Something we don't have control over.

I want Kavya to stop doubting herself she's the best baker and sometimes one can have two dreams. She should open her bakery because that's what she really wants!

I want Ryan to let go of what's pulling him down. I want him to have friends I want to help him have friends. Become his friend.
I want to tell him in his face. I am not scared of him Honestly.

I want Laksh to kiss me once. Hahaha...

Take two I want Laksh yeah I want Laksh hahaha...

Take three! I want Laksh to just say it already that he loves me! Not me...I know but still, it's me. Anyway, He's perfect however he is.. he is just perfect to me. he's like my prince charming. And just one time I want to be his savior too I want to know his darkest secret. To entertain him when he gets sad telling me.

And I want, Avi the new one to not forget her old one. She doesn't have to change completely. I might be something she had left behind but I am still a part of herself.

I stared at the paper the words got blurry I crumbled it and shoved it back in the bag and zipped it, facing at the still empty road

Not the best moment and location to get emotional at. I squatted there on the road with my head placed on the arms.

What should I do?

Don't know how long I sat there chanting what should I do? In the middle of nowhere but the honking of a car jolted me awake bringing me back on earth. I lifted my head squinted at the headlights. The door opened and the familiar figure came out approaching me.

"I told you we should stop meeting like this!" Exclaimed the odd brother looking down at me amusedly and concerned.

I got up dusting my dungaree dress frowning, "what took you long?" I shot him a dirty look and got inside the car leaving my stuff for him to pick up. I ignored the two people occupying the back seats.

When the odd brother had thrown my belongings in the car trunk quite loudly.

He jogged back and took the place behind the wheels.

"When I was turning to this road I had this weird feeling something weird was going to happen" the odd brother still continued the drama.

"Tell me when this acting gets over," I said dragging my shoes on the dashboard.

The odd brother glared at them,
I purposely rubbed them against the board.

"Are you guys really dating? Or Laksh you imagined about it?" Ryan asked from the backseat, in shock.

I could guess Laksh's reaction he must've just shrugged or ignored him

After some minutes, "stop the car" I said.

The odd brother shot me a confused look. Which I replied with, "stop it right now"

He did it cussing.

I got out and opened the back seat door and shuffled in and scooted closer to Laksh. His arm immediately drew me close, silently. I closed my eyes resting my head against his chest while he mumbled the words in my ear that I wanted to hear.

She really did help me find a real thing that I could hold on to.