Now that I know you exist,
How do I not love you?

Laksh's POV

Flashback

The bright vibrant color flowers, the clear skies, soft breeze bringing fragrance in, making a picture-perfect view from the window of the onset of spring and how nature is at its full glory during this season.

Our class teacher decided to not continue the lessons today. She wasn't in a mood or just thought, why to pressurize grade 4th students over the syllabus that is almost repetitive from the last year.

I was a bit disappointed, when she took our class outside on the ground to play or to do whatever we want.

I had been quiet since younger age,I never remembered myself as laughing shouting and jumping around like other kids. So, Silently, I sat alone on the swing just watching my classmates having fun.

Too exhausting.

I sighed slowly swinging, looking up at the blue skies.

"Hey, you! get off. This is our place" I looked down and came face to face with a girl of my age. (9 years old)

She was not in my section not that I knew all of my classmates. But I knew she wasn't. She had two little pigtails, eyes narrowed, chin held high actually too high and hands on her waist.

She was glaring at me.

I don't know why.

But it was kinda amusing.

I tore my eyes from her to the others standing right behind that girl.

One of them was a tall girl.

Tanya.

I knew her.

The most talked about, the daughter of a some famous model that I don't know or don't want to know. All the students of her grade even some from mine were invited to her birthday party. The discussion of it continued like for months after it.

She was in class 4 A. and that were her friends. She always had a crowd around her following and acting like her chaperones.

I looked back at the girl who was almost pouting and with that glare, it was so funny that I couldn't keep myself from laughing.

"Why are you laughing ???" She asked appeared more furious and proportionally to that it made me laugh more.

"This is our swing it belongs to us move away you loser!" She yelled at me

I didn't get up. I took pleasure listening to her even though she was glaring and scolding me as if she was older than me.

"Push him," Tanya said from behind everyone joined shouting "push him!"

The girl bent down looking at me, "run away they will beat you and no one is gonna save you" she said holding the chain of the swing and stepped aside leaving a way for me.

A boy jostled out, "I am going to teach that dumbo a lesson"

"I am talking to him na" The girl said, tapping my foot with hers stealthily as if urging me to go

"Why do you act like a leader!" A girl asked angrily out of the crowd.

"Yes why?? you're not Tanya"

Soon one by one they started coming at her. She appeared nervous. While Tanya watched with a smirk.

I looked back at her and saw a boy suddenly pushed the girl the one that indirectly saved me but landed herself in trouble.

What a fool.

I got up and gave that boy the second punch of my 9 years old life.

Well, then there followed many more as my school years carried on. And today one more will be added to my punching quest, with Ishaan being the third time, the receiver of it. I didn't know what he did or what he said but I just have that look on Avi's face flashing in my mind, when she was talking to him.

That fallen face, the lost of usual light in her eyes.

I found that simp near the office, not the best location to commit an act of violence but who cares they can't throw me out unless they want their merit student off from the school's boasting chart. And not to forget my father being the chief member of all the sponsorship of school functions So they'd have to think twice before my final expulsion from school.

I punched him before he could even notice me that I was coming from the opposite.

The annoying thing was, he always used to move around with group. That no brain cells followers' necks whipped to me in shock which I failed to see the reason for it, as it was the third time happening in front of them.

So why were they shocked every fucking time?

Idiots

Anyway, I took the advantage of it and scrambled away to the Library

I shouldn't be hiding, I don't know what happened between him and Avi. But whatever it be I don't think the news of punching Ishaan would make her twirl in happiness.

But,
It felt good to get out the rage of my body now.

I busied myself looking for a book that I also wasn't aware of what it was.
But it kept my mind away by preparing a schedule of how many lessons I will cover up this time during the suspension.

Good thing tests would start from the next week. So this week's suspension is only in my favor and anyway who study in school?? (Not me 🤷💁)

I only focused on classes to correct teachers. Their embarrassed faces are so amusing and Avi's irritated when I interrupt the class. The post self of her used to didn't mind much but since I became her partner she was also frustrated. They both are so similar. It's like the post one was her hidden part that she didn't want to show anyone.

I held the horses of my thoughts before they get immersed in her again.

I had to concentrate on my studies I just don't get it why I acted so recklessly when it concerns her. I lost my temper, my sanity. But there's something about her no matter how she acts how she behaves it's just something about her something that makes me want to go all limits, break all rules and do things I shouldn't have done... like bunking school.

I had bunked classes one or two before but not the school. I have never had bunked off the school hours. But today I did it and, how many reasons I made avoiding the obvious one as to why I was doing this? won't explain my decision.

She was restless, she was gloomy and she looked lonely

And I knew better about loneliness

We were walking to the same road that we took with her post self. When she held my hand or was it me?

Great memory to store.

She was holding my hand like a kid.

Tightly and frighteningly.

And if I did hold her hand now she would definitely chop it off. I reminded myself there's no need to hold her hand she won't run away or avoid me as she did before. But I like the feel of her hand in mine what the fuck why was I sounding like a girl!!!???
(I AM SORRY 😭😭😭 I am a girl Laksh and I suck at writing a guy's feelings, bear with me pls)

"Don't walk like a wall with me, speak otherwise I will sleep out of boredom" Avi said with an impatient look.

"What were you talking about with Ishaan?" I asked the question that was jutting out in my mind to be get noticed. So I picked it.

She frowned in suspicion, "It doesn't concern you anyway" she said.

It does because I punched him. So I should know what he said at least.

I said instead, "you should leave him he's good for nothing"

And I know what her response would be.

"You won't tell me what to do! I will leave him or I will keep him you just stay out of it"

Can't

I was already in there.

"What's it?" She stopped tugging my arm. I looked at where she did, then at her, "what?"

She narrowed her eyes, "I don't like that look you have on your face right now"

I wished I could see myself now

"What look?" So I asked confused.

"That look like you did something and you're proud of it but you're also confused so you're proudly confused about it so yeah so what I am saying ughh... you have to tell me!" She said frustratedly looking around to probably kick something. A very dangerous habit of her and also for others.

"It doesn't concern you," I said trying not to smile broadly.

"Oh well then damn it! you tell why did you ask my post self to spy on Ishaan? " She asked another question.

Because I don't like that dude

And I don't trust him when it concerns you

Or anyone

"Who told you about it?" I asked back.

She glared at me," didn't I ask you first?"

"You didn't agree and I never asked again to spy" I replied.

"Then why did you ask me in the first place???" She was the picture of confusion now.

"Because well.." I ran a hand through my hair. I don't know honestly. I just said it so that you won't agree with him. But admitting it won't make you understand therefore I said, "does it matter now? I mean it was your post self what's the point of asking it now? When you don't even care about her"

Looking at her expression I saw that I hit a nerve. She turned back continuing the walk with small steps while fiddling with the straps of her bag. She took a deep breath as if holding herself.. she looked so small so lost that I couldn't tie myself from not stepping front and taking her hand to show support.

She hesitated for a moment then grabbed it ..crushed the life out of it.

Ouch

Oh well you're welcome

"Free it asshole I am desperate and I will cling to anything and might even clutch and destroy it" She warned me not loosening the grip on my hand.

I felt heat surging all over my body.

"Destroy me," I said.

Her head snapped to me, surprised,

" I- I me-ean destroy it"
I stuttered. I fucking stuttered it's a very shitty habit of mine. When I was nervous I stuttered like a fool.

She stared at me as if trying to know what was going on in my mind.

Do me a favor tell me too if you got it, Because everything was wrong in there.

She smiled and Damn me if I lie saying it didn't affect me.

It skip a beat or beats.

Hitched my breath

It's a one hella sight those big doe eyes shone with tears and a smile so bright. I wondered why wasn't anyone making a painting of it???

Broken yet so beautiful

"My dear Laksh don't look at me like that, last thing you would want to be in love with an emotionally wrecked and not so right from the mind, girl". She warned me with a playful tone underlining with a silent request.

Well too late for that

My phone beeped with an incoming message.

I took it out catching whatever escape I got before I do something that I'll regret. I pulled out my phone from the pocket.

Riya

She was Avi's friend; the post one. During these all happenings we unknowingly got knitted close into one group; Kavya, Riya, and Ryan when it came to Avi. Because when her so-called friends left her bereft and to herself. It was us who did everything to protect her.

I looked at the message.

Riya
You are suspended for five days

Laksh
I know

Riya
What did you do?

I wasn't good at interacting. I never had friends before. Kavya was my brother's friend so I knew her from childhood. But other than that I never had any real friends.
So I was kinda perplexed why Riya still texted me when I hardly reply back. I kept my phone without a reply.

No one really was interesting for me other than

I looked back at Avi

"Who was it? Girlfriend?" She interrogated folding her arms.

"I am suspended," I told her.

"What!" She frowned, "for bunking?"

"Ah just forget it... let's go somewhere.."

"I demand an explanation Laksh Kashap why are you suspended!" She asked from behind catching up to me.

"Don't worry it's nothing"

"I am not worrying who cares?? you get suspended or rusticated or just marooned on an Island. I don't care."

"Why are you curious then? I asked amusedly.

"I am not curious I just want to oh well I don't care I am not curious too" she kicked a car's bonnet I caught her arm before she fell.

"Okay," I grinned.

"You always do that right? Trick and confuse me?" She said shrugging my hand off, sulking.

"Well I have been told I am intelligent," I said, following her

"You're just cunning," she said rolling her eyes.

"Gee thanks" I smirked

"It wasn't a compliment" she glared at me.

"I didn't say it was" I laughed.

"Ugh my head"

••

I brought her to the mall where she worked as Post Avi hoping she would remember anything.

Kavya came out in her red uniform with our orders.

"Laksh boy! Oh my gosh Avi you came" Kavya reached and engulfed Avi in a sudden hug.

Avi shot me a look what the hell!!.

Oh, she didn't remember Kavya.

Kavya said, "how are you kid? You look pale ...why? are you having a problem there in breathing??"

"Ah, not anything just your hold is a little tight for my body," Avi said with a fake smile.

"Oops" Kavya pulled back guiltily.

Avi breathed out then glared at me to explain what happened.

I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly, "ah yeah she's Kavya and you know she's Avi" I introduced them dumbly.

Avi shot me a confused plus amused look

Kavya awwed, "oh dear Laksh is still a shy boy like before" she patted my arm sympathetically. That I found so frustrating.

"Shy boy!!!" Avi nearly yelled.

"Yes you didn't know he's-

"Kavya don't talk to customers unless you want this month's salary late!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Kavya snarked at the co-worker. "You remember him, Avi? Ritvik?"

Avi shook her head blinking.

"Oh no probs honey he wasn't even a charming memory"

"I can hear you"Ritvik the supposed co-worker said from behind.

"Oh really I thought you were deaf," Kavya said sarcastically walking back.

"Who are they?" Avi asked with a puzzled expression

"You used to work here and they were your co-workers. " I told taking the tray Avi picked her too as we ambled towards our table.

"No kidding!! I have been working!" Avi said in partial shock.

"Yeah very diligently," I said taking the opposite seat.

She nodded with a thoughtful look as if letting the information sink in.

"Anyway! You tell me she said you're shy! An asshole that is shy it doesn't suit much" she asked suddenly changing the topic

And I thought she would let it go.

I felt awkward and embarrassed to talk about it."I am just not good at interactions -

"But you're comfortable with me actually way too comfortable"

"Yeah" I avoided her eyes, "I am not the talkative type as you know and so I kept to be quiet -

"And act like you don't care and everything is boring and you're arrogant, so that no one approaches you when in actual you are just a SHY BOY! OH MY GOD!!"

"Ah yeah you said it" I admitted, my ears burned with embarrassment.

"Oh my gosh!! but you're bad boy??" she exclaimed.

"I have some bad habits like short temper and my reputation you already stained"

She munched her fries.
"Credit fully accepted, So you're a bad boy!"

I shrugged.

"Also a shy boy!" she was enjoying it like anything

While
I was flustered

"So a bad boy is a shy boy. Noice book title"(srsly 🤦)

I forced a laugh out. It was really embarrassing.

she grinned, "tho I find it cute"

•••