Chapter 33: Insecurities

With Ed and Mark away at the gym one afternoon, I caught Helen alone in her office.

"I wanted to run something by you before I mention anything to Ed," I said as I sunk into one of the chairs opposite her.

"Sure." Her eyes lit up, probably assuming I was already taking her advice on board.

"My friend Gabby is throwing a birthday celebration soon. At her flat. She's invited Ed and me, but I'm not really sure what the protocol is around private parties."

"He's not a prisoner," she said. "I can't stop him going to a party if he wants to go."

"I know," I said quickly, "and that's why I wanted to talk to you first. He'll want to go, but I can't have security detail at my friend's birthday. If he comes with me, it's as my boyfriend—not as some hot celebrity who upstages the whole party. Is that going to be remotely possible?"

Helen blew out a long sigh, then pressed her lips together. "Yes. Security can stay in a car nearby. I think we can safely assume there will be no physical threat inside Gabby's flat, but we'll do recon first. How many people will be there?"

I spun my ring around my finger, anxiety churning in my stomach. "Eight. Becca will be there. With Mike."

"We've already established that those two cancel each other out. Who else?"

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I dared a glance up at her. "Logan McIntosh."

"He's not a problem. That matter has been settled, and he moved off the case anyway. You just need to keep Ed in check. He should know better, and he's excellent at keeping his emotions at bay, but he's not had a girlfriend in a very long time and—"

"Understood. I'll give him a heads up, so he has time to come to terms with it."

Helen nodded. "Is that it?"

"Gabby's girlfriend will be there, but she'll be fine. The main person I'm worrying about is someone called Holly Weston. She was on Gabby's course. Gabby assured me she's better behaved now, but she was a bit of a live wire at uni, and..." I trailed off but Helen had already written the name down.

"I'll take a look into her. If there are any red flags, we can discuss it further."

With a grateful smile, I rose from my seat and smoothed down my top. As I headed towards the door, though, she called me back.

"Sophia."

I turned to face her, noticing how her business expression had softened into something more sympathetic.

"I appreciate you taking this so seriously. I've been in this industry for a while now, but I still remember how it felt at the start. This life isn't normal for most people. I'm aware of that."

"I know, but he means so much to me, Helen. I care about him a lot."

"I can see that. We all can. That's why it's important you have independence without anyone else's influence. Gabby's party will be a great start."

I tipped my head towards her notebook. "Let's hope Holly isn't hiding any skeletons, then."

Helen flashed me a rare grin. "If she is, I can ensure she has other plans that day." My blend of surprise and fear must have shown on my face, because she quickly followed up with, "Kidding."

Except I wasn't sure that she was kidding.

*

Ed and I split our dates between public dinners and private takeaways. On the odd occasion that people approached us while out together, he'd been as polite and friendly as ever, but rather than instantly signing an autograph or agreeing to a photo, he'd checked with me beforehand—in front of the fan.

I always gave him my blessing; that was part of our pre-agreed public date strategy, knowing we'd be interrupted and preparing a response that would portray us in the best light.

At first I'd watched him interact with fans and wondered if any of them were the same ones who'd sent messages. Although unlikely, I imagined it anyway: these nervous strangers creeping up to him with fear in their eyes before going home and sharing an explicit photo.

Despite his popularity on a romantic and sexual level, nobody was ever rude to me, and somehow I'd managed to stay in the tabloids' good graces, too. I wasn't naïve, though. At some point, I would be the subject of a scathing story—likely fictional—and I'd have to swallow it with the acceptance that it came as part of the job.

So, after my one-on-one PR briefing with Zola on Monday morning, I held back to ask if she had any old stories about girls associated with Ed. When her brow furrowed in confusion, I explained that I wanted to practise desensitising myself to negative press.

"You're his first public girlfriend. There's never been anyone else to write about."

"I know," I replied. "But surely something must have come into your inbox? Even if it's lies or speculation, I still want to start getting exposed to it."

"I'll write you an article." The offer came from Helen, who leaned in the doorway with a mug of coffee in one hand and her trusty notebook in the other. "Or rather, I'll find you some articles and substitute their names for yours. The internet has plenty to say about women dating famous men. It won't take me long."

An apprehensive chill trickled down my spine at her offer. Knowing Helen, she'd manage to dig out some horrendous stories.

I cleared my throat and straightened up, letting my shoulders drop down to dislodge the tension gathered there. If fake articles scared me, I definitely needed to work on desensitising.

"Thanks," I said. "That'd be perfect."

"My pleasure. Got a moment?" She tipped her head towards the corridor and then pushed off the door frame.

After thanking Zola, I followed Helen out and fell into stride beside her.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"We looked into Holly Weston," she said. "No red flags, but she does enjoy sliding into the DMs of actors, comedians, musicians..."

"How did you get access to her...?" I held up a hand to stop myself, briefly closing my eyes. "Never mind. Don't want to know." Then I reconsidered. "Actually... Has she ever messaged Ed?"

"Several times. Her most recent attempt was two days ago."

An icy blast of anger ricocheted through my body, freezing my feet to the carpet and grinding me to a halt in the middle of the corridor. When Helen noticed I'd stopped, she paused and turned back to face me.

"Does that surprise you?" she asked.

"She knows me! How fucking dare she—?"

"Sophia." Helen held up a finger to silence me, her eyebrows shooting upwards. "Need I remind you—?"

"Yeah." I heaved out a sigh. "I know. Don't worry, I'll be on my best behaviour when I see her. But she's still a fucking snake."

"Some people think celebrities are fair game. You'll need to get used to that."

Bullshit. Holly and I hadn't spoken in years, but she was close to Gabby, and Gabby was close to me, so surely that counted for something?

I tried to ignore the bubbling rage and refocused on the more important part of this discussion.

"So Ed's okay to come to the party? If he wants to, of course."

"Yes. Security will stay outside. Just use your judgement, and remember this is new territory for him. Give him time to process."

So that's what I did. As we lay in bed that night, legs tangled together and arms wrapped around each other, I broached the subject.

"It's Gabby's birthday this weekend."

"Right... Who'd you need me to invite to Escala this time?"

I smiled against his chest. "Nobody. She's having a small get-together at her place. She wondered if you'd want to come."

He trailed his fingers back and forth over my shoulder blades. "Didn't realise she was such a fan."

"You're invited as my plus one. Not because you're you."

His fingers stilled. "Oh."

"Becca and Mike will be there. So will Mac. Then Charlotte, obviously. And a girl from Gabby's course called Holly."

Was that information overload? No. He'd want all the facts in one hit. Easier to make a decision that way.

Beneath my head, his heart thumped to a steady beat. Silence stretched between us, long enough for me to worry that I'd put him on the spot. To relieve the pressure for an answer, I tried to take his mind off it.

I floated my lips across the smooth skin of his naked chest and flicked my tongue against his nipple. Almost absentmindedly, his hand skimmed upwards from my shoulders to my head.

"Think about it," I murmured against his pec. "You don't have to decide right now."

"Is that why you're trying to distract me?" He sucked in a sharp breath as I curled my fingers around his dick. "Or don't you want me to go?"

I froze, jerking my head up to look at him. Lust cloaked his eyes, but I recognised the glimmer of uncertainty cutting through the darkness.

"Of course I want you to go," I said. "But I know it's not that simple for you, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable for the whole evening."

He sighed, tipping his head forwards to brush his mouth against my ear. "Let go of my cock for a second. I can't concentrate."

Smiling sheepishly, I withdrew my hand, settling it against the taut skin of his stomach instead.

"My poker face is good," he said slowly, "but I don't know if it's this good. Becca, Mac, and Mike. All in one room. At an intimate get-together."

"Mike's okay, you know." I walked a tightrope between reassurance and empathy. "You might even get along. For one evening at least. He and I have both moved on. There's no reason for it to be weird."

"Hm." He twirled a strand of my hair around his index finger as he stared at me. "He's still your ex, and you did all that stuff with him. Stuff you could never do with me."

I quirked an eyebrow, smirking. "Um, excuse me. You did some of that stuff with a random stranger two months ago. Don't give me that bullshit."

A flicker of shame crossed his face. "Yeah, and I got burned for it."

"Do you really think I care about that, anyway? It was years ago, Ed. Trust me, I do not rank relationships based on whether I can blow the guy in a public bathroom."

His lips merged into a thin line, brows knitting together. "I've just never had to do this before."

"Meet a girlfriend's ex?"

He shrugged. "Meet a girlfriend's ex. Meet a girlfriend's friends. I'm not sure what version of me they'll want. Or what version I want to be."

It was a testament to everything we'd been through that this guy—nominee for the World's Sexiest Man—cared enough to be rattled by the idea of exes. Somehow it made him even sexier, to know that he lacked the arrogance to mask normal insecurities.

"Ed, it's totally your choice whether you come or not. I know it's technically still early days for us, and I'm not going to pressure you either way—"

"I want to come, Soph. I'd rather not see your ex. And I don't particularly want to see Becca. I definitely don't want to see Mac... But I do want to be your plus one at your best friend's birthday. That's more important to me than petty insecurities."

"They're not petty." I softened my voice and brushed my knuckles over the ridges of his abs. "It's normal to feel weird about that kind of thing. I got pissed off seeing all those DMs, and yet you've never even spoken to those girls. And I got insecure over Lucia, even though she was only a one-night stand. So, honestly, you don't need to worry about being petty."

Tenderness bloomed in his eyes. He tugged at the strand of hair wrapped around his finger, and I lowered my face to kiss him, intending for it to be just a reassuring peck. Instead, his lips parted mine and his tongue pushed inside.

Palms sliding down my sides to bracket my waist, he flipped me onto my back and rolled on top, the lean frame of his body warm, heavy, and hard above mine. I spread my thighs to wrap my calves around his hips, digging my heels into the base of his spine to encourage him closer. When he obliged by grinding his erection against the damp patch of fabric between my legs, trembles of desire scattered through me.

His hand darted out to yank open the bedside table drawer, fingers delving inside. Blood roared in my ears as I sliced a path of hungry kisses along the slope of his throat, inhaling the spicy cologne that clung to his skin.

Just as I reached his jaw, he broke away and scrambled to his knees, leaning to flick on the lamp.

"No..." he murmured, pulling the drawer open wider.

"Have we depleted supplies?" I shuffled to sit upright and propped my chin on his shoulder as I peered over to scour the empty compartment.

He swallowed, his fingers trembling as he shut the drawer again. Tension rolled off him in waves. Shoulders stiff, his jaw tightened as he stared across the room, eyes glazed.

I pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his throat and wished I could read his mind. Would our earlier conversation be wreaking havoc on his usual logical decision-making?

"You okay?" I murmured, wrapping my arms around his stomach from behind. "Talk to me."

"I'm never going to be able to make a first impression on anyone who's important to you."

I sat back on my heels and tugged at his bicep, encouraging him to lie down again. When his head hit the pillow, his eyes fluttered shut and he dragged a hand over his face.

"Everyone already knows me," he muttered.

"I think the opposite's true, actually." I smoothed a thumb across his cheekbone, trying to soothe his anguish. "They've never spoken to you before. Meeting you will be even more special."

He scoffed. "Yeah. Because of who I am. I don't want to be Teddy Stone, famous singer who their friend or daughter is dating. I want to be Ed, twenty-six-year-old Londoner who's mad about Sophia."

I snuggled closer, looping my leg over his thigh and burying my face in the warmth of his neck.

"We can't change that," I said. "You know you're just Ed to me. That's the main thing, right?"

His arm wrapped around my shoulder, and he tilted his head to press a kiss to my hairline.

"Yeah. It is."

We lay in silence for several minutes, the erratic thump of Ed's heart gradually slowing to a steadier rhythm. Just when I thought he'd fallen asleep, his quiet, deep voice broke through the air.

"I really like you, Soph."

I smiled against his neck. "I really like you, too."

***

Thank you for reading :) xx

***

Thank you for all the suggestions for a 100K celebration! The majority of you seemed keen on a chapter from Ed's POV. So, next question: which scene/chapter from Heart of Stone (Book 1) would you most like to read from Ed's POV? 

If your memory needs refreshing, the full story is available to read for free on my Wattpad profile :)