" We need to talk to Arthit right now. "

" We meaning , my father and me or you and university board Papa ? " Kongpob asked clenching his jaw.

Kongpob's  father sighed " Don't be stubborn about it Kong. "

" I am not papa." Kong replied, too calm to be normal " I am just doing what I have been taught. Family above everything. Arthit is also family to me now. His saftey and happiness comes first. "

" I am trying to do the same Kongpob. I am trying to protect both you and him. "

" And how exactly does ' throwing him to those wolves' equals protecting him, Papa? " The tone stayed neutral, yet his eyes were accusing which irked the senior suthiluck.

" They just want to talk to Arthit — "

" About withdrawing his complaints against their heirs? " Kong completed.

" Not at all. " His father glared "You know I won't stand for it. "

" Then what do they want? "

" To not file a legal complaint.  And no press leakage. Arthit will never talk against them in press. The students involved will apologize to Arthit in person and sign a legal contract to never bother him again. "

" And that's it ? "

" They will apologize to Arthit infront of whole student body of engineering and agricultural department . And they will do community service too. "

"But they will not be put behind bars for verbally and physically abusing Arthit again and again ? "

" No. " His father swallowed a bile " their lawyer has drawn up a meticulous contract.  They will offer a generous sum for Arthit's  cooperation. "

" Would you have suggested same if it would have been me in place of Arthit , Papa? Would you have advised me to sign the contract and show my cooperation?"

" Kong! — "

" Then how can you suggest it to my partner Papa? "

" You think I want to be the villain here Kongpob ? Don't you think it's eating me alive to be the bearer of such news ? " His father clenched his jaw "Its the only option that guarantees Rattanakosin and Teenathats not trying to destroy Arthit's life or any one else's. Do you even know how many favors I have had to pull and how many underhanded methods I had to use to get them to sign  legally binding contract to guarantee no backlash from them ? "

Kongpob stood up " I understand that your hands are tied Papa. But, I can't go against my teachings. Tell them, we will not accept anything less than a proper trial and sentencing. "

Kongpob's father sighed, his fingers rubbing and kneading his temple.
" a trial for ragging and assault will not only ruin Rattanakosin's candidature, it will also ruin his political career and the future of Teenatht's business. Do you think they will sit still and let it happen Kongpob ? "

"I will just have to make sure they wouldn't be able to do anything."

" Kong don't do anything reckless — "

Kong folded his hands " Forgive me, because I can't promise you that Papa. "
Khun Suthiluck's shoulders slumped, he closed his eyes and leaned back on his recliner.
He just left the office without looking back.
.....
" Khun" a young man almost his age knocked although the door to Kongpob's room was already wide open. Arthit lifted his gaze from the book he has been reading

The man didn't wait for Arthit to  acknowledge him or invite him in
" Forgive my manners but there is an urgent mail for you. "

Arthit raised a brow, pointing tip of his index fingers towards himself. " me ? "

The man nodded. He handed him a sealed manila envelope . If he had any doubts about him being recieverwhich on turnibg to other side erased on which the his name was printed in bold letters.

" Thank you " Arthit muttered in monotone, his brain already in deep cesspool of reason college could be writing him.

Did his suspension turn to termination?
On the ground of provoking fight between two departments?
Or Teenthats again produced those filthy evidences of his not so sparkling choices ?
Or did the parents found out that he was bastard of a prostitute and they want him gone ? Just like what happened in his previous school ?
Or perhaps the students were accusing him of servicing his professors for grades?

Arthit clenched his jaw, his fingers alighted around the corner of envelops as if it was teenthat's neck, the paper crumpled under the force just like he wanted to break teenathat's neck for snatching away all of his hardwork — not once but twice.

His grip on the envelope tightened, he wanted to strangle himself for being stupid enough to come in thousand miles of Teenathats. He wanted to show the pea brains that being born with a silver spoon wasn't a requirement for success. But now they had the last word .

He could imagine them laughing.  Laughing at his naivete, at the sheer cheek of Arthit to think he could be same level at them much less above.
" I am sure you will rise above this ditch. You have what it takes " his mother used to say. She was so wrong!

His eyes stung, the world around him were just a tasteless blur of colors — much like his life has been.

Arthit clenched his jaw. The poor envelope in his hand now resembled a crumpled paper ball.

No matter what the reason was... the conclusion  was final — he couldn't become an engineer now.  He wouldn't become one of them. Would never be able to command their respect . Would never be able to make them eat their words.
His future always seemed to be dark even under all the sparkly lenses of hope he had been stubbon to wear. It was complete abyss now.

" Khun..." a hand shook him, yanking his mind to present. Arthit blinked, barely registering a wet streak on his cheek .

" Yes.."
" Are you okay ? "

" Yeah.." Arthit nodded, wiping his tears with back of his hand. He sniffed.
" I am Okay. "
" I am okay " he whispered , again and again like a sacred mantra for protection.

It was more of an assurance for himself than the household asking him the question.

......
Arthit didn't know how much time has passed since he requested the stranger to shut the door on his way out. A minutes or hours would have been passed since he was left alone with his thoughts. People craved intelligence yet many a times intelligence can be a curse. Like right now, his intelligent mind was presenting him scenario after scenario of things that must have gone wrong, things that must have been drafted as his fault.

For once he wanted to blame them — the rich jerks, the institution , the administration, the society .... It was of no use. It didn't soothe him like it should have. It only served to scratch the bleeding words carved in his head. He was an outsider. A no body.
The rule to survive was simple — keep his head down, ears plugged and heart close.

It was his fault. Absolutely , completely his fault. He knew there was a high possibility that his rich ass classmates would be pursuing college education in SSU yet he applied for this college... he wanted to prove them he was worthy of occupying the space they thought was meant only for them.

Only the best for a Roajanpat— her mother used to say. And she died providing what she thought was best for him.
When she wasn't there anymore to pay the dues for being bearing him, he pulled all stops, working day and night — three and four jobs—to fulfill one dream she had — of him becoming a renowned engineer. Just like her father was.

He never came to know the name of his grandfather. Her mother was too tight lipped about it.
He is dead for us — was only information she provided.

Arthit did knew bits and pieces from the whispers going around him. Her mother was a hot topic amongst her co-workers.
Other ladies in the brothel used to whisper that her mother was beloved daughter of a very rich family with old money. An exceptional beauty, she was ethereal when she was bought in at the age of fourteen—fifteen.

There were different stories about how someone from those dark lanes got a hand on a child of such affluent family, some said she was kidnapped from another city near theirs, where she was enjoying a trip with her friends, some said she ran from their home for a lover who sold her to a broker who resold her to that brothel.

Every variations had a single conclusion.
One thing they unequivocally whispered was how his mother used to scream her throat raw at the start , threatening the handlers with all kind of ominous things her father will do to them once he find her. She used to spout names of rich and influential people like reading a food menu. She wasn't allowed out of her room and the other ladies were beaten black and blue as an incentive to not tell about her whereabouts.
It all stopped after three years. When his mother was pregnant with him and their grandfather finally found them.

Her mother was very happy to see her father. She had never lost hope in those three long ardorous years, she had revised her English lesson in her head, sometimes aloud. She had repeated all the things a Rojanapat was supposed to do.
She had ran to her father— waddling like a baby duck— with her full term belly — casting a disdainful glance at her captors. Looking at them sympathetically like a man watches a pig brought to slaughter.
She was brought back in style— in an ambassador flanked by audis.

No one knew why she returned in a rickshaw, just after two days, still heavily pregnant.

She never even whispered her family's name again. She was adamant on naming her baby as a Rojanapat. She was adamant he must have a skill to earn money and he must become an engineer.

She was adamant on giving her son the best she could and she pulled all the strings she could. Arthit had many a times listened many things about his mother that he considered good growing up —  her mother being a gem to the house, or a golden hen, the money magnet — you name it. Their house was insta favorite of richer toads of the city. At that time he didn't understand what magic his mom possessed to pull those people to her.

He understands it now . And also the reasons why her mother insisted none of her visiting friends must see Arthit's face. Arthit was severely punished if he broke that rule and it made him be angry at her a little. But her mum would make him forget with ice cream and nomyen. He always had a sweet tooth. And the fact that other kids weren't getting such treats also contributed to rapid outflow of his anger.

That is why he was enraged when she sent him with Knot's dad. Tge man looked stern, his eyes looked like he would cry any moment when his mother handed him Arthit's hand. Only Arthit's confusion and curiosity kept him from wailing his lungs out.

The stranger was every bit stern he looked. He had all the good things to say about Arthit's mother but none for him. The only silver lining was Ai Knot — Khun Ittikorn's Son.

Arthit had once ran away — just after one month. But his mother didn't take him back. She too had all the good things to say about Khun Ittikorn.  The fact that he was an engineer didn't help Arthit's case.
She looked up to him, wanted him to look up to gaining the status, position and respect — all the things she wanted from life, all things life stole from her. Yet she never complained. She was adamant. She fought the destiny tooth and nails to turn the tides.

Since he was a babe, he had seen, heard and learnt that a prostitute's child either becomes a prostitute or a broker. He had whole heartedly believed that — he had even embraced it. There was no shame . It was quite common to see nude bodies— both male and female. It was quite common to see acts not meant for eyes of a ten year or fifteen year Olds.

It was even more common to participate in act not meant for a child or teen. They called it training for unevitable. The more trained they were — the more their value and less the trauma or cost of handling — he understands it now. But, at that time — they were told, it was the law of nature, a natural thing, a tradition to continue, a skill to be mastered.

It was a game for them to repeat the acts they have seen doing the adults, to enact among themselves. The next generation to take on the responsibility.

The supposed receiver always had a fake smile on — they even corrected when one of them smiled genuinely with crinkling corners of eyes and wide grin of the lips — they were intelligent enough to tell them to smile with only their lips. The giver was always the aggressor — uncaring, unforgiving, harsh and full with wads of cash. The final act must end with all of those wads being thrown at the pillow where the reciever laid clenching their teeth or biting their lips to swallow the moan, or it can be thrown straight at their face — or at some of the scratches. The reciever must smile and throw an empty compliment, desperate to score another visit of customer. A good act sometimes even earned them them treats or rewards from handlers or other ladies.

Arthit was quite good at the game. His expressions must be always spot on because he got most treats, even some bank notes. He was so proud, but when his mother saw — he got a tight slap on the cheek — his mother who never hit him, splayed his cheek raw that day.

She threatened him to send so far away that he would never see her face. He stopped playing after that. But the handlers wouldn't let him be. Or some of the regulars at the house.

Just after a month she found him on his knees— with one of the regulars — she dragged him all the way from basement to second floor. Not caring that his knees got flayed, blood trickling down painted the stairs.

He still remembers how she frantically searched for a pen and paper and wrote a letter to someone — who later turned out to be Khun Ittikorn.

He didn't yell her mother he only kneeled because the regular promised her to tear his mother anew if he didn't cooperate.

He didn't tell her how aunt Ala— his mother's friend made him understand why his mother threatened to send him far away. She was the one to bring him back from the railway station when he tried to run away — angry at his mother for slapping him . She taught him the difference between real smile and fake smile. She made him see how the world he knew was evil and twisted and how none of the workers were happy. She made him understand that her mother thought he was very intelligent and destined to get out of the muddy marsh they were stuck in. She told her, in future, he will be the one to give a hand and pull out the one who will want to be out of that marsh. She told him he must gain skills— like the heroes gain weapons in the video games his mother talked so fondly about. He had vowed to pull his mother out first.

He didn't tell her the threat he was cuffed with because he was a Rojanapt and it was his duty to protect his family like his mother was doing for him. Not even when it stabbed right through his heart listening to his mother telling him she was ashamed of him.

How ashamed she will be if she knew he paid with hourly and quarter hourly for his mother's treatment. Perhaps she knew that is why she refused the medicines. She would slap him a new if she knew he had dressed up as a girl and waited in a sleazy bar, even danced in the guise of a girl, fending off the wolves trying to grope him. Sometimes he was successfully, sometimes not.

Perhaps she would disown him and cut down the Rojanapt in his name if she knew he had repeatedly performed the act she had caught him at ten years old to pay for his student bill and repeat term of 12th from another school.
He had soothed his conscience by telling himself his mother would forgive it all when he becomes an engineer.

And now that he had threw the possibility down the deepest drain his mother would never forgive him. Nor will he forgive himself.

'I am a Rojanapat. Rojanapats are conquerors. Nothing is too big, nothing invincible ' he repeated what his mother made him repeat every day.

########

" Arthit " Kong slouched over Arthit who had curled in to a ball rocking himself,shivering like a dry leaf in storm, he kept murmuring something about Rojanapat and too big.

Kong had come running after the househelp told him Arthit had some kind of panic attack seeing the seal of  university on mail and wouldn't snap out of it no matter he tried.

" Arthit " Kong called again but no reply. Arthit kept trembling, his clothes stuck to his skin, sweat ran down the side of hisforehead in a steady trickle.

" Call the doctor "

" I did Khun. He is on the way" the new household John said.

Kong nodded.

" Thit ..." he put one of his palm at back of Arthit's head and other at one of his shoulder . Arthit stilled for a second before convulsing terribly, he started flailing his limbs blindly, while screaming " No. "

One of his leg caught caught square in the jaw, it snapped shut abruptly, catching Kongpob's lip between his teeth.

Kong withdrew his hand.

" Arthit..." he called again but his Thit kept shooting his hands and legs in all direction as if he was fighting an invisible demon only he could see.

" Oon...it's me Kong " Kongpob tried again, this once, he placed his finger straight under Arthit's  chin and made him look up.

" Oon...it's me Kong " Kongpob's clenched his fist seeing Arthit curl in around himself more tightly.

Kongpob turned to the poor young boy barely older than him, who had delivered Arthit the letter.

" What part of Arthit is here to heal and not to be disturbed or given any kind of messages from anyone without running through me , did you not understand? " he yelled. Itching to hold someone responsible for Arthit's pitiful condition.

" Khun — "

A loud sob from Arthit cut off anything the young man had to say.

" Thit ... " Kong ran to his side. His jaw ticked. He had made Arthit's condition worse. Atleast Arthit wasn't sobbing helplessly before.

" Kong ..." he turned his head sharply to his mother, his eyes stung with tears. Bleary eyed, he stared helplessly at her.

" Is there anyone else Arthit will respond to ? " she asked. He is clearly not responding to you.

" Knot " Kong whispered. Instantly fishing out his mobile out of his pocket, he dialled Knot but his mobile was out of network.

Kong dialled three more times but still couldn't get the connection.

" Anything else, try to remember " his mother whispered.

Kong racked his brain but couldn't come up with anything. 

" Thit please look at me..." He shook his shoulders, a sob trying to wrench out his own throat.

" Kong ..."

" I can't  remember " Kong pulled at his hairs.

" Calm down " his mother rubbed his shoulders.

Kong closed his eyes, his fist clenched so tight that his knuckles turned pale.

A memory tickled his brain. He was so much in pain after falling again on already injured ankle, in football trial, Arthit had hummed him a song he said his mother used to sing to him..

Kong started humming

Somewhere over the rainbow

Way up high

There's a land that I heard of

Once in a lullaby

Seeing Arthit's trembling easing a tad bit, his mother joined in too. Her voice was far soothing than him, far too effective.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far

Behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow

Bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why can't I?

Kong kept humming the song even after his mother stopped singing when Arthit had stopped shivering completely, he kept singing even after Arthit let him pull him in to his arms, he looked at him with those big brown eyes wide in wonder, as if Arthit was seeing something in him that he never saw before. He kept singing even after Arthit snuggled his head in to his shoulder, holding him tight. Even after Arthit was peacefully sleeping. He couldn't risk stopping the Song lest Arthit would start trembling again, reliving nightmare only God or Arthit knew.

Even when the doctor visited, he was humming in very low voice.

He hummed it to Arthit all through the night till he senses Arthit waking up. He didn't dare stop even after his throat threatened to give up on him.