Kongpob had anticipated getting yelled at, perhaps getting punched in face or in the worst possible scenario , he imagined getting a cold shoulder by adorable, sulky Arthit. Nothing prepared him for a Arthit watching the TV show 'friends', completely relaxed with his back leaning against the headboard , chuckling at the jokes while happily munching chips from a big bowl in his lap.

After being rooted at the door for whole minute, Kong dragged himself inside.
" Hey Kongpob, " Arthit waved " come here"

" Your favorite episode is on " he said patting the space beside him.

Nodding, Kong slid in the place beside Arthit. The moment his butt touched the mattress, Arthit focused back on the series while Kong kept side-eye staring at Arthit whose eyes were fiercely focused at the screen.

Arthit didn't stir even when Kong grabbed his hand and put it in his lap. Not even when he unfurled his fingers and smoothened Arthit's palm.

Biting his lip hesitantly, Kong glided his finger over Arthit's arm. His fingers slowly moved along a planned curve — S he carved staring at Arthit's face — no reaction.
'O '— Kong drew next , Arthit's fingers curled in his lap.
With the R , Arthit clenched his fist, goosebumps blossomed all over his arms with the next R.
The moments Kongpob's fingers touched his arm to draw the last letter—Y, Arthit turned his gaze towards Kong's awaiting one.
" Sorry" Kongpob mouthed and Arthit made a face.

" Sorry" Kong mumbled again. Arthit turned his face other side. Cupping Arthit's chin, Kongpob made Arthit face him and mumbled sorry again.

Face still stern, gaze empty, Arthit tapped at his lips. Kong furrowed his brow and Arthit again tapped at his lips with his index finger.

Kongpob's eyes dipped to the little swelling on Arthit's lip. He held Arthit's hand in his.  sliding his fingers between the gaps, he intertwined their hands .

Arthit watched confused as Kongpob raised their entwined hands and pressed his lips gently against knuckles.

Lips set in thin line, Arthit took Kongpob's free hand and placed it on his cheek such that Kongpob's pinky grazed against  corner of Arthit's lips. He paused to look at Kongpob who was just staring blankly at Arthit.

Trapping Kong's wrist in crook of his shoulder, Arthit moved his head upwards, his cheek rubbing against Kongpob's palm which glided low, caressing Arthit's jawline. As Kongpob's pinky grazed against his lips,Arthit parted his lips. His teeth caught the innocent finger.  Arthit gazed straight at Kongpob before biting the fleshy pad of his small finger, he smirked swwing  Kongpob straightened as the tiny pinch reached his senses, his thumb automatically dug under Arthit's jawbone.

Releasing the finger with a pop, Arthit stretched his neck, the saliva slicked pad of Kongpob's pinky carved a wet path down his lips to chin to the curve of his Adam's apple. The wet streak highlighting the long, flawless column of throat. Arthit swallowed, nervously, looking at Kongpob with side eye. Kongpob's whole focus was at the bobbing adam's apple, sliding down with every nervous little swallow from Arthit .

Arthit closed his eyes,  waiting for Kong to take the invitation. Yet Kong was rooted to the place, his hands tightly gripping Arthit's while his free hand stayed cupping Arthit's nape, gaze boring at the open invitation from the road Arthit wanted him to traverse.

Seeing no reaction from Kongpob, Arthit pushed Kongpob away and chuckled— a low, throaty voice, making his heart clogged.

" Arrange me a ride Kongpob. " Arthit laughed , his back to Kongpob " I am going back to my dorm. "

Kongpob furrowed his brows " Why? "

" You definitely don't need me anymore ? "

" Says who ? "

" You " Arthit turned, jabbing his index finger in Kongpob's chest " I got the message loud and clear"

" If you are angry about earlier, I said I am sorry for running away. My heart felt like it was in my throat, ready to jump out. I freaked out okay? "

" And what about now? " Arthit yelled.

" I was confused. I thought you would be raging mad at me but you weren't. I didn't know what to do!"

" Excuses " Arthit accused.

" No...Arthit " Kong pulled their joined hands to his heart " I swear..."

" I have heard enough of promises to last me a lifetime, Kongpob " Arthit spat " keep your comforting words and excuses to yourself. Give it to me straight ... you don't want to continue whatever this is we have?"

Kongpob stilled " You want out ? You always do that. You  just want me to be the reason...  " his eyes widened in realization. Arthit had always somehow made him the initiator. Even now, he wanted to stop and he wanted Kong to be the one to say it.

" Don't blame it on me Kongpob. It wasn't me running away in the middle of the kiss while making a disgusted face you wanted to vomit. It wasn't me having my fill and then getting bored " Arthit cupped front of Kongpob's jeans " this is proof enough"

" You are being rude again. Picking up a fight  even when I told you I am sorry. Give it to me clear Arthit what is the reason ? why are you angry? "

" I asked you the question first. Fucking man up and say you have come to your senses. You don't want to keep fucking lowlife slut like me anymore "

" Arthit " Kongpob shouted, eyes glaring, fingers of his free hand curled in to a fist
"Don't use that word for yourself again. "

" Isn't it the truth ? " Arthit shouted back " you wanna live in delusion Kongpob ?  That you are in company of someone like you, rich, noble and of proper lineage ? Not a prostitute's son ? "

" It seems that you want that delusion more than I ever could " Kong said, voice cold as ice " You are more ashamed and  bothered about it than I ever could "

" That's rich coming from you... " Arthit yelled, his voice tight " what about you Kongpob? Your noble, mighty heart is generous enough to accept the truth ? You must have told them who you are bringing in to your home before driving me here. "

Kongpob clenched his jaw " I have not "

" Face the truth Kongpob. You are ashamed and finally in your senses. You want to get rid of me now but your stupid kind heart is unable to throw truth to my face. " Arthit yelled " Arrange me a ride back to dorm  " he yanked his hand free from Kongpob's grip " Why am I even asking you to arrange the ride? I am gonna book a fucking taxi back home  " Arthit fished out his mobile from his pant pocket.

" Don't " Kongpob snatched the device " calm down Arthit. I told you I am sorry. I am sorry I overreacted but it wasn't intentional.  "

" We are done here " Arthit tried to pull his mobile free out of Kongpob's grip but Kong chucked it right out of open window.

" Kongpob Suthiluck " Arthit growled, lunging after his mobile.

Kongpob pulled him back by the collar of his shirt. Both of his hands at the side of Arthit's head.

" Arthit Rojanapat, I promised you I would forever be your friend and well wisher no matter the circumstances. Have a bit of faith in me ..."
he stared straight in Arthit's  eyes, giving Arthit two to three seconds to push him sway before clamping his lips over Arthit's .

Arthit tried to push Kong by placing his palms on his chest but Kong wrapped his arms around Arthit's, caging him in. He kept kissing his lips until Arthit stopped struggling, till his fingers slid in Kongpob's tresses, gripping them tightly, tugging them back

He kept their lips sealed till Arthit moulded himself against his rigid frame, till their lips were swollen and slick with salivate, the barely healed cracks on Arthit's lips split open. Kong slipped his tongue in, swiping the blood off Arthit's lips, the coppery tang of blood jerked him back to his senses.

" I'm sorry " he whispered, pulling back, his hands still wrapped around Arthit.

" I'm sorry " he hid his face in crook of Arthit's neck , his eyes shut tightly as shame engulfed him slowly and surely.

" I will keep saying sorry until you believe me " Kongpob whispered, his voice choking as little sob escaped his lips " I'm sorry... I didn't mean to "

Arthit stayed silent, letting Kong drench his Tee with tears, his hands kept moving over Kongpob's back in comforting motion.

" I would never do that to you. I swear on my mother I thought I am suffering from some serious disease. I was so scared that It would break my promise to you ..." Kong ground out between silent sobs " I am sorry. "

Arthit wrapped one arm around Kongpob, his other hand cupped Kongpob's nape
" Don't..don't swear on your mother. I believe you. I am just saying, I am okay if you want us to stop Kongpob. I am okay going back to being strangers. Don't beat yourself over it "

" I am not okay " Kong hugged him tighter, making it hard for Arthit to breathe.  " I  am not okay . I don't want you to leave me ever. You promised. " Kong Said " You promise you will never ignore me. Never leave me "

Arthit nodded " I promised. "

Kong nuzzled against column of Arthit's throat. " I am holding you to it. Don't ever go back on your words. "

" I won't " Arthit replied, patting Kongpob's back.

" I won't too " Kong mumbled " I will always be on your side. Promise me you will not use any degrading words about yourself again ?"

Arthit flinched " That's my truth Kongpob "

" Your truth is what you have chosen for yourself. Not what God or society has. Your truth is not what you or your mother had no control over. Your truth is what you chose for yourself. You chose challenge over familiarity , fighting your situation over giving up. That is your truth. "

Arthit had tried a lot to suppressed, but a lone tear spilled from the corner of his eyes " That is only good in theory. In reality, in the eyes of society, that is a load of crap"

Kongpob raised his head and looked in Arthit's  eyes " In reality, you are a ten. In theory, you are a ten. You are Arthit Rojanapat, a brilliamt engineer and even more wonderful artist in making.   And no one has rights to say otherwise. Not even you. "
Sighing, Arthit rested his head over Kongpob's shoulder. The steel band like arms of Kongpob became his safe zone.
" It feels surreal sometimes. "

" What ? " Kongpob asked.

" That I could have another fiercely loyal friends except Ai Knot. "

Kong patted Arthit's back lightly " Start believing it because I am not going anywhere anytime soon..."

" I like when you are like this ..."

" taking away your options ? " Kong asked

" Giving me new options " Arthit replied hugging tight.

" So you are not angry at me anymore " Kongpob asked.

" I am " Arthit replied " You haven't eaten a single thing since morning "
As if on cue Kongpob's  stomach growled. Kongpob chuckled " I think we should have lunch."

" Now that is sorted, you need to buy me a new phone " Arthit replied glaring " If you throw my phone ever again, my fist will talk to you. "

" Are we talking about this phone ? " Kong produced the mobile from back pocket of his jeans.

Arthit tackled him to bed, on his " You evil little ...."

" Don't I deserve a reward for saving your phone ? "

" You definitely do " Arthit smirked , swooping in as if he meant to kiss, he let Kongpob put down his guard before he started tickling him mercilessly.

..........

The day after lunch was fairly uneventful, even Kongpob's nosy cousin Wayo cousins too left them alone. Arthit played video game for half an hour before he was too sleepy to continue, courtesy of the medicines. After Arthit slept, Kongpob was left alone with his thought. 

Love .. doctor said he was in love. But he doesn't feel any different . Neither was he stupidly running away from his love interest, looking like a ripe tomato. Neither was he disgustingly sweet like P'off, looking at Arthit with heart eyes. They just had a shouting match for crying out loud!

Kongpob heaved a sigh ! How does he make sure he is in love ? Since Arthit had been once betrayed by his lover, Kong didn't want using the word love lightly. He must make sure of his feelings before saying anything to Arthit.

Naturally, he called his grandfather first.

" How did you know when you fell in love with grandma ? " he asked as soon as his grandfather picked up the call.

"You are suddenly in love with Arthit in Spanish of few hours ? " hus grandfather questioned.

" That's what I am trying to figure out. " Kong explained. " How do I confirm I am in love with Arthit ? Which is the surest way ?"

" There is no surest way son. If he is the one.Your heart will know " his grandfather answered like a true romantic person he definitely is. But there was no way Kong could admire the notion of romance in the answer when it confused the hell out of him, his tangled thoughts becoming a worse mess.

" That's what I want to know " Kong stressed " what signs to look for ? How will my heart know ? "

"There are no such earth shattering signs Kongpob. I was having coffee with your grandmother when I had just drained my cup and my eyes suddenly fell on her, my heart told me she was the one for me. Heart knows what it wants. Trust it ".

Kongpob already knew his father's answer would be same. Kongpob's grandfather atleast knew his grandmother for three years before falling in love with her. Kongpob's  father had seen Kong's mother, a famous model, at airport and fell in love at first sight.

Calling his cousins in relationship yielded same answer in variety of words.

Heart just knows.
It does not know shit.

OR

Kongpob definitely had a malfunctioning heart, for it didn't know shit except pounding vigorously against his chest like a caged animal the moment he lays his eyes on Arthit. The rest of the signals they pinpointed out were plain stupid.  And Kongpob will be damned before he considers those as sign of love.

Still he made a list to check out how many boxes he ticked of the how to know you are in love list .

1. First and most important — Fast pulse/heartbeat as the object of interest enters in his range of vision — well it can be easily am early signs of heart attack .
Definitely not a godsend signal of being in love.

2. Dilated pupils —  how will he see his own pupil dilated or not ?

3.Jealousy — feels like killing the person hitting on their love interest.
Kongpob paused. How can murderous instincts be a sign from cupid ?

Anyways next ...

4. Finding excuses to spend time with them.

Why would anyone find excuses ? If you really like spending time with them, find legit reasons like Kong does.

5. Noticing every smallest change in/done by their love interest .
But Kongpob is naturally very observant. He can't help noticing small details in everyone around him . And Arthit is an interesting being. It's only natural he observes him.

6. Being tongue tied/ speechless around your loved one.
Hmm... he has never experienced that..

7. Doing everything to draw attention of love interest.
Kong paused to think if he has ever done any extravagant thing for Arthit. Nope.

Hmm... it was such a waste of time !

So Kong did what any person of gen z will do. He fished out his mobile and typed ...' how do you know if you are in love ? '

A long list of results immediately came, Kong scrolled through it. His fingers immediately clicked the one with ' 12 scientifically proven signs to know you are in love '

Kong grinned , his eyes jumped the introductions and landed straight on first point 

1. When you're in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. The belief is coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else.

Hmm... it doesn't make sense. Arthit indeed is unique. A science student with artistic mind and eye for commercial opportunities... isn't it unique combo?  Anyone who disagrees can fight him.

2. People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits.

Not valid. Kong is aware of and acknowledges Arthit's negative trait. He can list some right off his head.

1. Arthit uses too much of ' Fuck you ' and 'shove it '. Although it doesn't sound so vulgur from Arthit's mouth, he shouldn't use it much because they are obviously crass words.

2. Arthit tends to ignore his health in favor of completing his self assigned task list. He should take well deserved breaks and prioritize himself more.

3. Arthit tends to always jump on negative conclusions. Although he didn't have good previous experiences , he should keep more faith in Kong. It hurts a little ( a lot) when Arthit shows distrust of their forever bond.

That's it. One shouldn't be too critical of another person. No one is perfect right ?

Those who are in love also focus on trivial events and objects that remind them of their loved one.

This is so misleading. Seeing any cup, Kongpob remembers his classmate who had broke a cup on his head and caused him two stitches. Does that mean Kong is in love with that rude classmate ?

4. Emotional instability: Falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological instability. You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback. 

Kong chuckled. This definitely isn't valid for him. Since he is always emotionally unstable.

These mood swings parallel the behavior of drug addicts,when in-love people are shown pictures of their loved ones, it fires up the same regions of the brain that activate when a drug addict takes a hit

Whoa! Interesting!  Should he do that? Get his brain analysed while they show him picture of Arthit ? This will be valid proof right ?
Then Kong dropped the idea right after. Being addict to person was scary. Isn't it borderline obsession ?
It was also scary to Kong that there wasn't much brain activity difference between drug addicts and lovers !

5. Going through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic attraction.

Kong looked at Arthit. They had just fought. That should count as an adversity. Or perhaps the matter Arthit is going through.

He gazed hard.
Nothing 
Nada.
None.
He wasnt experiencing any extra pull that wasn't there before. He liked Arthit's face and his body and his brain and Arthit overall. He still likes him.

Only change was his favorite part of Arthit's  charm was his smile that can make anyone's day better. People smile with their lips, Arthit smiled with his whole face, his eyes form's crescent, his cheeks tint red and his lips curve in most cheerful sight ever, the pearly teeth only enhancing the beauty if his smile.

It was a smile that a person could not help but surrender. He can't help falling in love with that smile.

But now he has two favorites. The tiny, barely visible mole on Arthit's lip. It excited Kong to know he must be among the fewer of few who would have honor to standing close to Arthit, observing him closely, thus having knowledge of that mole.
Let's see... Thit's mom, perhaps Ai Knot, that no good Phi Time and ... there wasn't anyone else he knew of. But even the thought of those two extra people knowing about the treasure trove he discovered, makes him uncomfortable. Highly, furiously, viciously uncomfortable.
So he did the most logical thing anyone should do.
He dropped the thought. Murderous instincts weren't good for any person's sanity.

Kong comforted himself with the thought that ' Whenever they kiss, he makes sure to give extra appreciation to his favorite mole. He licks and nips it until Arthit's bottom lip is swollen and he could easily see the tiny dot.
No one else could do that. No one else had Arthit's  permission. Only him. Only Kongpob Suthiluck . And that made his heart burst at seams.

( A/N : Now you know why Arthit calls him horndog😅. And why Arthit was so insecure and angry as Kong ran in the middle of kissing  )

Okay ..he should read the next sign. None makes sense logically till now. No unique sign ! Science had evolved this much and they still haven't found one unique sign !

6. People who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85 percent of their waking hours musing over their "love object,"

Now this was alarming. Since, he was nowadays spending most of his brain fuel over the plan so that he could rub in Teenatht's face what kind of utter stupid he was to not cherish the love of a person like Arthit!

Teenathats must pay. By hook or crook.

Ugh! It was bringing his revenge instincts back. Let's move on to the next.

7. People in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship, including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety. 
Hmm.. interesting. Emotional dependency ..there could be. But we are emotionally dependent on friends too...right? Not a unique sign.

Possessiveness — aren't every one possessive ?

Jealousy — contradicting ! If a person in love is possessive then he will get territorial nit jealous. You get jealous of things you don't have Nad territorial for protection of things you have. It's such basic thing to know!

Dubious rule. Still let's check out rest. Just for confirmation.
Fear of rejection — he wouldn't know. Arthit haven't rejected him yet.

Separation anxiety — not applicable. Not separated yet.

Ugh ! Why couldn't there be one single unique rule that only applies to person of romantic interest ? He wasn't even asking for more. Just one single rule.

8. Longing for emotional union with a beloved, seeking out ways to get closer and day-dreaming about a future together are also signs of someone in love.

Day-dreaming about a future together — this caught his attention. He does think of a future together. He doesn't day-dream though — he plans.

Why doesn't people understand basic difference between these fairly easy terms ?

Day dreaming is when you don't do anything practical for it, just sit and dream, wish for it to happen.

He was planning. He had planned how he will contribute to Arthit's artistic career if Arthit wants to pursue that. He had made a goal to acquire knowledge about stock market and financial analysis, so they will have a comfortable life even if his family kicks him out.
He has invested his meager savings in to profitable stocks that P'Gun had advised in. He had invested rest in gold. He had also made list of all his gifted branded things — since it was a gift to him personally, his family had no right over it so he was not obligated to give it back in worst case. And he can sell them to get by if his stock market investment falls flat. He had already made a list of items to sell according to highest demand factor.

See...solid full proof plan. Not just day dreaming duh!

9. People who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person's pain as their own and being willing to sacrifice anything for the other person.

Empathy is a trait of a good person, a well raised one , everyone must have empathy towards nature, animals and people. It was a common sense he has too. And if he has empathy, it a common sense he's gonna extend to Arthit too. How the hell can he measure if he has more empathy towards Arthit than other people in his life ? So unscientific!

Willing to sacrifice anything for Arthit — yeah...he can. So one sign matches.

10. Those who are deeply in love often experience sexual desire for their beloved, but there are strong emotional strings attached: The longing for sex is coupled with a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is suspected of infidelity.

Again...it's being territorial people ! Not jealous.  Besides if fidelity and monogamy wasn't promised— you have no right throwing tantrums over it . Get your facts straight .

Let's analyze in his own case. They both are monogamous. Not in relationship with anyone else. If Arthit wants relationship with another — he can't stop him, it's Arthit's  choice right ? The thought was definitely disturbing to him but he doesn't own Arthit. Cheating — Arthit isn't the type to do.

And if anyone hits on Arthit without his consent or makes advances without his consent — then their heads should be pounding against the wall until the fact ' no means no' gets etched in to their malfunctioning brains. Period.

Ugh... he was getting intense urge to break glasses now. But he had promised Arthit that he won't. 

Let's just read next.
11. While the desire for sexual union is important to people in love, the craving for emotional union takes precedence.

Hmm.. emotional union. What could be considered emotional union ?  He immediately Googled  it .

The result mostly defined emotional connection. Now he has to figure out if he has emotional connection with Arthit or not? God ! Kongpob pulled his hairs .

He stared in horror at the Google result.

' 12 signs to know if you are emotionally connected to your partner '

12 more signs ? No thank you.

He will just see what's next in love section, not that these signs have proven to be any useful .

12. Unfortunately, being in love doesn't always last forever and psychologists say that the early euphoric stage lasts no longer than three years, according to Fisher’s blog. It's an impermanent state that either evolves into a long-term, codependent relationship that psychologists call "attachment," or it dissipates, and the relationship dissolves. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly — for example, if the relationship is long-distance — then the "in love" phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise.

And it left bitter after taste in Kongpob's mouth.
The thought of them being separated was physically painful. Kongpob switched his phone off, spooned Arthit and remained laying.

He will find another way that didn't predict them separating. Stupid scientific signs. They didn't even know basic difference between day dreaming and planning . It was not reliable at all.

He and Arthit will always go strong no matter what science says.
.......
After half an hour of viciously mind- roasting the person who wrote the article, Kong decided he would go most unscientific way present. It was matter of heart right ? So he took grand decision to take love quiz.

The first question was...

Do you enjoy spending a lot of time with this person?

Ofcourse I do. Or why would I think of the possibility of being in love with him? Stupid. But it was unscientific so it was a high possibility. He had dragged it upon himself and he was gonna see the end of it.

Clenching his jaws, he scrolled to next question

When you 'argue,' are you quick to compromise or let things slide?

We argue and yell until our throats are sore then Arthit wants me to hold him tight until he has no escape route to run away. Then he slowly realizes I am here to stay, then he calms down and sleeps.

But there was no such option do he ticked what closely matched..

Can this person do no wrong?

And Kongpob quit. Such stupid questions!  Everyone can do wrong. What matters is they recognize it apologize, also try to  reverse it.

There was no reliable guide online to check if you were in love!

Kongpob vowed to make one as soon as he understands the unique signs himself. 

For now he decided to take the matter in his own hand. He will do it his way.

Kongpob took out his diary and stared at it. He didn't like reading through his journal. It reminded him of his therapy. Since it was necessary right now, he must bare the uncomfort.

Even if he gets a single clue of him mentioning love and Arthit together...it will suffice right ?

To get the clue he doesn't need to check his diary. He thought engineering course will be excruciating. But now that he looks back, Engineering  wasn't bad.

Earlier, he had joined the course only because his mom insisted it will benefit him, also because he was supposed to take commands of their businesses some day. But now, after one year, he liked it , very much. The subjects itself interested him and his stay had become more joyful because of a certain someone.

Kongpob remembers he didn't even know someone called Arthit Rojanapat existed in his class. He was living his life normally, like he did. Chatting with Prem and Aim, doing his studies and reading extra materials on economics and business management while studying human psychology and behavioral tendencies in his free time.

It had been exactly six years that he noticed, he was lacking.  There was something lacking that he couldn't explain.

He observed that it escaped his notice when people got sarcastic with him or got offended. It only came to his notice many a times when his friend Aim chided him for saying something inappropriate which basically was totally appropriate  according to him.

When he said it very politely, used no vulgar words or profanities  then how can it be classified inappropriate? It still escapes his understanding. 

But doctor had said he doesn't understand emotions. His own or others. They even had medical term for that and now Kong to them was a case... a high functioning psychological Anamoly. A case to poke, prod, understand and research.

Earlier it irked him, it made him feel less human — an alien hybrid ..but now he was used to that gaze of academic curiosity.

He was told to maintain a journal , record his observations and draw inferences from them. To understand emotions logically as much as he can.

So now, everyone was basically a lab rat in his eyes — himself and other people.

He had noticed it was very easy to offend people. People got offended when he stared at them to notice their micro expressions . So he started noticing people discreetly . Now, his friends got offended because he wasn't paying enough attention to them. Rules of emotional existence were so hard!
So, he had started to limit his interaction circle. He talked less, observed more. The less he talked, the less people knew there was something lacking in him.

It always poked a hole in chest — he was lacking. When he sees Aim throwing him sympathetic glances when some stranger yells at him, when pedestrians throw weird glances at him as if he were alien. When his classmates whisper 'crazy' behind his back or roll their eyes  An inner voice always mocks him.

But, it had went away since he had seen Arthit — at first only a name , pasted on the notice board, just above him. Arthit Rojanapat had bagged first rank while Kong remained second.

It was his first journal entry mentioning Arthit.

26/10/2012

I wanted to score first rank,  but it was Arthit Rojanapat. I don't know him, but I am feeling like scolding him or begging him to tell his secret study tip. I studied so much.
Why did I rank second ? I don't want to lack or lag behind.

Further entries were a chain of events , mentioning one Arthit Rojanapat.

28/10/2012

I can't sleep. The name Arthit Rojanapat is
repeating in my mind. I want to see this classmate but the semester break still has three day left! I want three days to end in a link!

30/10/2012

Semester break is ending I don't want to leave home or Mom.
Papa gave me a new phone, my old phone was given to someone else. I liked my old phone , I wanted to use it . But Aim says, when someone offers you something,  you should accept or they feel bad. I didn't want papa to feel bad. What if I don't recognize from his facial expression, so I gave my old phone away.

I will meet Arthit Rojanapat tomorrow in class. I am feeling butterflies in my stomach.

Will Arthit Rojanapat tell me his secret of study ? I want to score first rank.

1/11/2012

Arthit Rojanapat was absent in class. He is Aim's benchmate.
Aim showed me his photograph.

Arthit Rojanapat is so handsome.
No cute.
Nope he is more Handsome .
But he is cute too.
I can't decide!

His face is definitely something out of a magazine.

Arthit Rojanapat also looks friendly.
A good guy. I am so happy he isn't some stuck up guy.
I have already asked Aim to change places with me. He instantly agreed . I will now be benchmate of Arthit. Aim is a good friend , I must treat him to dinner.

5/11/2012

Arthit Rojanapat is rude and mean but he is also handsome and cute. He didn't spare me a single glance even when I introduced myself to him, let alone later in class.
I said " Hi ...I am Kongpob Suthiluck  "
And he said " Good for you ..."
See...so rude.

Aim says he won't become my friend. Aim also says Arthit is only friends with money. But money cannot talk to him or look after him. Arthit seems too smart a guy to not know that.
Being friends with me is better option isn't it?

7/11/2012

I saw Arthit today, he was in art club, painting a landscape. I asked him what was his inspiration? I would definitely like to visit a place like that. He didn't even answer. That's not even new at this point.

Students told me, It was a commissioned painting . A board member had paid advance for it. Arthit Rojanapt is a really good painter. I wonder if I should get a painting for por and Mae's anniversary?
I can also talk to Arthit then. I will ask Aim tomorrow  if it's a good idea...

12/11/2012

I asked Arthit if he had some time to talk and he said a big categoric NO.  And he slept right after that. I couldn't believe this guy.

That makes me wonder ' did he not get enough sleep last night ? '

15/11/2012

Arthit is sleeping in lunch break and skipping lunch for three days straight now. I can hear his stomach growling in afternoon periods. He shouldn't skip meals like this or he will fall sick.

16/11 / 2012

I brought Arthit lunch today and he was very rude. He told me to shove it in my ass .
Mr. RUDE ULTRA PRO MAX.
I don't want to be his friend anymore.  Who would?
I will ask Aim to trade seats.

17/11/2012

Aim refused to trade seats with me : (
That's so not fair. I even treated him with dinner!

Arthit Rojanapat is still very rude.
I brought him energy drink today because he looked tired.
He again told me to shove it . I won't talk to him again. Like ever. Just you see.

I say that every time but I couldn't keep my word. Why? I don't know. I keep making excuses like he was tired or he was busy. 
My brain is funky and my resolve weak when the matter concerns him.

But wouldn't a normal person worry too, if his benchmate keeps ignoring his health even if he is most rude  person to exist.

18/11/2012

I saw his painting displayed in the art club ... they are very beautiful. It reminds me I still haven't asked him to draw a painting for me.
Anniversary is in a month!
I must hurry .

But he isn't talking to me. What do I do ?

20/11/2012

Arthit has very beautiful handwriting. His calculation speed is lightening fast too. He doesn't even need calculator most of the time. He has many sin and tan values by heart too. That may be his secret. I am going to do it too.

I am going to make a chart of sin and cos value and memories it.

P.S. still hasn't asked him to make a portrait for me : (

21/11/2012

I asked Aim to ask Arthit to draw a painting for me.
Arthit is still rude and he speaks very inappropriate.  'Fuck you' and 'shove it' are his favorite words. Either I have become immune to it or I am suffering with selective hearing because I don't seem to mind him cursing at me. Instead my brain thinks "How can a rude person look so cute ?"
See...malfunctioning!

I heard people saying Arthit can sell his soul if money is being offered. Is that the reason he refuses to talk to me ? Or befriend me ? Because I didn't offer him money for taking his time ?

Will he agree to be my friend if I give him money ? I heard people calling him Money Slut. People are very rude. Even if Arthit likes money more than he should, it doesn't mean they can call him degradable names.
I have highest IQ among all of them. Then by their logic, I should go around calling them dumb fucks ?
Would they like it then ?

So inconsiderate!
I want to break something .

25/11/2012

I think I will not write diary for some days. I am so tired after my investigation project. How does Arthit do all these things, day after another day ?
He tutors in morning, attends classes till evening, sells answers, accept orders for portraits and take out time to keep  his academic record flawless. Amazing!

I saw Arthit sleeping in last afternoon class for three days straight. With each passing day he, the dark circles under his eyes are darkening too. He looks so tired these days. I want to know why it is so?

He looks like he is dragging himself in class. Given a chance , he would be anywhere but here. His body feels warm too. Not that I touched him intentionally. My pencil fell down, I was just picking it up when my hand brushed his, it was burning. I touched him again just to make sure what I deduced was right and he almost twisted my wrist. ' If your fingers come anywhere near me,  I will break them Suthiluck. Consider it a fair warning.'
Angry Arthit is scary.

Classmates were whispering that Arthit was having fever still he accepted a new tutoring gig. Again they called him money slut. But what if he needs that money ?
Wouldn't Arthit like to simply study on someone else's money like rest of them did. But Arthit doesn't have that privilege, he doesn't have parents. Yet he is studying in this prestigious university. Isn't it an achievement ? Doesn't it tell about the kind of raw, steel determination and exceptional  management  skills Arthit had ?

There is always one thing or another to learn from Arthit. That is why I like to observe him even if he scolds me for it.

And now I am very curious to see why is he roaming around instead of resting in his dorm if he has such high fever ?
That is why a new project. I am gonna follow Arthit and see if I can do something for him.
Today I left a drink and lunchbox at our desk. Hope he eats.

28/11/2012

I am glad I took this mission of following Arthit. Today, he fainted at the top stair near our mechanics lab. He would have rolled down the stairs breaking his skull or back if I hadn't caught him.

You know what he did the moment he woke up in the infirmary ? He ran straight towards our lab. Unfortunately  the lab session has came to end. Arthit kept glaring at me. I offered him food along with his prescribed medicine but he told me to shove it again.  I think he is angry at me.
But it isn't fair. I saved him. Shouldn't he say thank you to me?

29/11/2012

Arthit is still not talking to me. I asked Aim and he said Arthit must be angry that his record of 100% presence in lectures and labs was broken. If I had just sprinkled some water and wake him up, he could have attended lab work that day.

It wasn't good for his health though.
I was just looking after him. Why is he angry at me ?
Arthit is one peculiar person. I guess I will have to apologize if I want a painting drawn by him.
I am not looking forward to apologizing when it's not my fault . But I want Arthit's portrait.

10/12/2012

Arthit accepted. He will draw me a painting.

It wasn't easy though. I had to follow him every where, leaving bottles of  pink milk after  pink milk for Arthit and suppressed urge of breaking glasses when Arthit threw them in dustbin.
I also had to listen to so much of his cursing. I doubt even sailors know the foul words he casually speaks.

It's like he is always irritated of one thing or other, he keeps frowning. And sleeping in class. He still had dark circles under his eyes. And he didn't touch any drink or food I kept leaving behind with a sorry note.

I also have a new info. Arthit isn't always cursing or glaring at another human being outside of his professional engagements. He smiles, beautifully so
— at his friend Knot ittikorn from commerce. I know him , he is sports club president of our college. A good guy too. I don't know what he said to Arthit when I sent him food and drink with help of Aim, but today Arthit ate it.

Anyways. It's good to know that Arthit does make friends.

15/12/2012

Arthit smiled at me. It will be good if he smiled at me as a classmate. Right now, I was a potential client and he an artist.

"Just to be clear, since it was you who insisted to meet here, you are gonna pay " Arthit said as starter to our conversation.

I swear, people who find me too straightforward has never met Arthit !

I had no problem paying for our food though.

Kong didn't know how the words slowly morphed in to a portal of past, taking him to the days after days he documented in his diary.

He had just agreed to pay for their food, he even asked Arthit to order for both of them . He must have done everything right because suddenly Arthit was so different in the next second.

The scowl morphed to blankness and then a calm serenity that surprisingly didn't look out of place even after seeing Arthit scowl all the time.

" So what would you like to gift them ? " Arthit asked, a small smile on his face as the waiter deposited his KFC bucket infront of him. Arthit liked spicy and Arthit liked chicken . No wonder he enjoyed KFC .

" A portrait of our family. My parent's wedding day. I have picture a as reference for you.  " Kongpob showed him the picture in his mobile.

Arthit nodded. " wonderful! Print it and give me tomorrow. I will return it you along with your commissioned portrait 
What changes you want in it? "

Kong showed him another picture "This is my grandmother.  I want to include her in the wedding photograph.
She died three months before the wedding. Grandfather says she was so excited for it, she planned every little detail but she couldn't see her hardwork cone to fruition.
I want her by grandfather's side watching over my Mae and por taking vows. She had a lavender dress made specially for the wedding. If I show it to you . Can you draw it ? "

" It will be extra five hundred. " Arthit answered nonchalantly.
And the deal was done.

It was the first day when Arthit had had a civil conversation with him. Kong penned the date in his journal with his favorite, green colored pen.

The days following that day, gradually changed his relationship with Arthit. All the rough edges were slowly smoothing out. Some changes were visible for Kongpob, like Arthit was atleast acknowledging presence of Kongpob instead of outright ignoring his existence. When Kong greeted good morning, Arthit was now nodding his head, accepting the greeting. When Kong bid him bye after class, Arthit dipped his head in acknowledgement.

Some changes were invisible for Kongpob to catch, like how Arthit had started noticing the long, slender fingers Kongpob had — delicate hands with firm grip— like a hand of a pianist. Kongpob didn't know that Arthit's imagined sketches were now turning out with thin lips curved in beautiful, open smile, displaying straight set of pearly white teeth.

It was impossible for Kong to observe that Arthid could now recognize Kong just by his footsteps. Or that Arthit had memorized the location and exact number of creases Kongpob's pants acquire when he sits down beside him. Or that Arthit could draw exact replica of Kongpob's hand even detailed down to the venation on it .

Ofcourse, it's didn't mean anything though. Arthit was just observing a live model. That is what he told himself before his heart conjures any other idea.

Rich people were bad. Especially the ones who take notice of him first and then incessantly chase him until his guard falls down. They come bearing the gift of their admiration, their heart just like Spartans, they came bearing Trojan Horse and trample his city of dreams, dignity and self respect; and then they leave , without ever looking back at the ruins.

He must avoid rich people. But SSU was surrounded by rich. And isn't everyone was to be considered rich when he even lacked basic necessities !

Whatever! Arthit has decided, he won't give Kongpob time of his day. His resolve came crumbling down just after two days when an Kongpob, with a big ass smile came searching for him in cafeteria, pleading him to show the rough sketches for the portrait.
Naturally, Arthit showed him the sketch next day, because he had to keep the client happy. What else ?

Then two days later, Kong asked if he could watch Arthit at his work and Arthit agreed because Kong was ready to pay big bucks per hour for it. Also because Kong bought food for them. What else ?

What did it matter if Arthit had to take Kong to his dorm, in his personal space in order to let him watch while he worked on the painting.

Kong was indeed an admirer of art. The inputs he gave or the questions he asked weren't irritating or demanding , those were deep.

Like when he asked about the subtle white halo Arthit had painted around Kong's grandmother. It wasn't very visible until one takes time to observe it.

" It would be rude to just paint her in the picture Kongpob. It would be stark reminder that she couldn't be. I believe your grandmother was somehow looking over her son, giving her blessings, holding husband's hand, reminiscing their own wedding day. The halo reminds us that she wasn't present yet she wasn't absent. Atleast that is how I think."

" Your thoughts are beautiful! " Kong had said with that irritating, open smile guaranteeing no harm and Arthit wanted to badly believe the promise of camaraderie they offered.  Dangerous. Kongpob Suthiluck was dangerous.

And that is why the moment he washed his palette and the brushes, he washed the idea of taking any other projects from Kongpob.

The brief handshake before handing the completed portrait to Kongpob was the signal of the end of whatever civil relationship they had developed. Arthit fortified his walls, building them higher than ever. 

There was no one to knock on his door though, Kong was a absent four days straight and Arthit's stomach definitely missed him, Kong had habit of bringing chicken based dishes. But Arthit is not gonna accept them now.

As expected, on the fifth day Kong came knocking on his door, six in the morning on a Sunday. He swears the guy had no sense of appropriate behaviour or shame.

" What? " Arthit barked opening the door, just a sliver, since he didn't want Kong to see his paw printed shorts.

" Here " Kong pushed his door with the huge ass bag he was holding.

" Who told you, you could come in ? " Arthit asked.

" Its so heavy Arthit." Kong whined " No matter what people say, I know you are not heartless enough to keep me in pain. "

'What do you know about me ' Arthit wanted to bark ' I am indeed that heartless and some more '

His focus was instantly disturbed as a bigger bag came in view, the one he couldn't see earlier.

" What the hell ?  " Arthit frowned " Dude, I don't care if you are broke because of painting, get the your ass and stuff out of my room. "

" But it's souvenir "

" Three bags full? " Arthit's brows creased " What did you bring? Old showpieces from your house? "

Kong put the bigger bag on bed " You are rude. "

" That's my default mode." Arthit retorted.

" Then change your setting Arthit" Kong turned and  closed the distance between them in three strides " It hurts when you haven't done anything and someone keeps belittling you. It's not fair "

" World is not fair Kongpob. " Arthit answered shrugging " It was good doing business with you. Now, get you and your souvenir out of my room. I wanna sleep. "

" My mother, father and grandfather liked the portrait, so much that they had bought the presents individually for the talented artist that you definitely are. " Kongob took his hand and put a cold bottle in his hand " I just brought you this pink milk feel free to throw it in my face. "

Arthit stood rooted to the spot.

Kongpob invaded his space, stride after stride " It may be business for you Arthit, it wasn't for me or my family. If you abhor the gifts so much after seeing them, Kindly return it to them yourself. My parents atleast deserve that much courtesy. "

Kong had taken the other bag and left his room in long strides that kept echoing in Arthit's ear.

Pacing in his room, he could hear Kong knocking each door and giving their classmates small boxes which they received with smiles and thank you.

"Kongpob " Arthit called and Kong turned
" I told you I won't take back the gifts to my family, they will be sad " Kong uttered, clenching his jaw " Don't make me. Please... "

" Have coffee before you go " Arthit said walked with a pace that could be described as jogging.

Kong returned after twenty five minutes that Arthit could swear took three hours to pass.

When he presented a steaming mug of coffee, Kong beamed at him " You are rude but not as heartless as they say."

" You are as stubborn as they say "

Kong chuckled " My grandpa says it's a Suthiluck trait. S stands for stubborn "

" You should be aware, R in Rojanapat stand for Ruthless " Arthit retorted.

Kongpob smiled "Does A in Arthit stands for adorable? "

Arthit made a face but he couldn't help the red hue creeping up his neck.

" I dunno. " Arthit frowned avoiding his eyes ?" what I know for sure is that K in Kongpob stands for Kooky. "
he jabbed placing a packet of  biscuit on the study table. " I only have this right now."

" Thank you " Kong smiled " Both for this " he raised the biscuit " and compliment. "

Arthit's frown deepened, worry lines etched deeper in his forehead. " How is calling you weird a compliment? "

"Unless you paid me special attention, how would you know I am different from those you encounter normally ? " Kong asked..

Arthit made a face " Smooth talker. No wonder girls flock around you. "

Kong grinned " See... I told you ...you pay special attention to me. "

Arthit glared at Kongpob. " Don't irritate me or I will take the coffee back. "

Kongpob made a zipping motion with his fingers and leaning forward, he captured Arthit's hand, unfurling his fingers, he placed the key in his hand. In response to the silly behaviour, Arthit stomped to the window and threw the imaginary key outside.
.........

The days that followed were simple and peaceful. Arthit was back to ignoring Kongpob and Kongpob was back to being his annoying self , bringing drinks for Arthit and trying to talk his ears out.

The peculiar thing was that Arthit had started missing Kongpob's annoying habits. He would keep staring at the door if Kongpob is a little late. Kongpob had long caught on the fact and sometimes he was intentionally late just to see Arthit glaring at him like he did an unspeakable crime.

Kong smiled shutting his diary. He couldn't read it  all today. But the mention of Arthit had definitely taken away the poking pain of his situation, he generally experiences while re-reading the journal.

Kongpob gazed at Arthit who was fast asleep under influence of medication.

I am in love with every little quirk, every little charm, every big and small habit of you. But how do I make sure , I am in love with all of you ?