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One Week Later

I took a deep breath as I tied my hair up into a ponytail, staring out of our bedroom window at what was the chaos still surrounding ground zero. I was extremely thankful that I was given 6 months of paid leave for mental health recovery, as well as to assist Jasper, who now suffers Survivor's guilt, and general PTSD.

Today, the mayor and the mayor's commission are holding a candlelight vigil and memorial service for survivors, and the family member's of those lost. we are in attendance for both tonight. We very sadly lost both Kyle, Maria's Husband and our dear friend and Sara's big brother, Masen. Masen died a few days ago from damage to his lungs from the dust cloud, and Kyle appeared to have died on impact of the plane or to have been trapped above the impact site and he was killed when it collapsed.

The thoughts bring tears to my eyes as I secure my jacket around my waist. As we near Fall, it grows cold in this state, and the weather, biting and chilled, fits my emotions tonight.

I turn around, seeing Jasper tying the laces of his black running shoes. He is already in a pair of jeans, and a henley, with a jacket around his waist. He is very clearly distraught and in a state of pain. His under-eyes are red and puffy, his cheeks are wet, and his eyes are filled with pain.

I walk slowly over to where he sits on the bed, sitting next to him. I place my hand on his back, rubbing soothingly up and down. I was concerned for his well-being today. I'm in pain and grief, but he was truly in the thick of it, he witnessed the worst of it first hand. It's like finding out your friend was murdered versus sitting and watching as their murderer taunts them and kills them. It's two totally different levels of pain.

My heart clenches as he turns to face me and I see the tears running down his cheeks, mimicking a waterfall. The salty water that falls from his tear-ducts runs down his cheek, and his jaw, and drips onto his shirt, leaving a darkened spot in its wake. I shake my head in slight pity before placing my hand at the base of his neck.

I pull him into me, allowing him to burrow his face into my neck. His body is shaking, silent sobs escaping his lips as his facial muscles scrunch at the mental pain his own brain is subjecting him too. I feel my heart breaking, bit by bit, as he continues to let it all out, my hand rubbing up and down his back and at the base of his neck all the while. "It's okay, baby, we'll get through this together," I whisper, and start repeating the sentence like a mantra, hoping to calm him.

It appears to have worked, as around ten minutes later his sobs have reduced to hiccups, and his tears have turned to a sheen coating his eyes. "You okay?" I ask gently, pulling away slightly. He nods gently. "Okay," I whisper, kissing his forehead before we both stand. I glance at my dresser mirror, seeing myself clad in yoga pants, sneakers, a baggy and comfortable t-shirt with a cardigan over top, as well as my glasses and a beanie. My engagement ring sticks out as the last sliver of sunlight before the sun goes down of the evening shines its rays through the window and the jewel catches the light, a reflection making the ring appear bright and obvious.

It brings a smile to my face.

I grab the house keys, as well as my purse before enlacing my fingers with his and heading to the nearest subway station. Because the Battery Park area, where we live, has become a restricted area as the city cleans the streets and buildings of dust and debris, we have been put up in an apartment in Brooklyn for a few weeks, maybe a couple of months. Because of this reason also, where they would normally hold a large event like this in Battery park due to its size and surrounding residential area, they cannot, so it is being held at a smaller park near City Hall.

We take the train and are there within 10 minutes. We arrive and are handed vigil candles, white with plastic protectors to catch any dripping wax and stop it from hitting our hand. There are rows of empty chairs, only a row or two being full in front of a small podium set up, hooked to s speaker, likely for speeches. I glance at my watch and sure enough, we are about fifteen minutes early.

We sit in the third row of chairs, and Jasper rests his head on my shoulder. I reach my hand up and play with his hair. We zone out for a while, each stuck in our individual thoughts before I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look and see Maria stood there in a black blouse and jeans, as well as ballet flats, holding a candle, tears in her eyes. I motion with my hand to the seat next to mine and she takes a seat, resting her head on my shoulder as well.

I glance and see Austin and Micheal being handed candles as well, Jax by Austin's side. Jax and Austin are in mourning themselves as well, as because of the amount of stress that the events put on her, she had a second term miscarriage. And this is her second one, they have begun to worry that they may never have the chance at carrying a child full term. I also catch sight of Sara and Jen, as well as some other agents that live in New York, all of us who lost someone. Austin, Jax, Micheal, Sara, and the others sit on our row as well.

The Mayor and her commission sit in chairs near the podium for a few moments until it appears everyone is seated. The mayor stands and walks to the podium, checking the mic quickly before looking out over all of us.

"Good Evening, ladies, gentlemen, children, and I thank you for joining me on this sorrowful night. As every one of you know on Tuesday of last week, September 11th, our nation was attacked. Our city was attacked. And 2,996 lives were lost, 2,977 of which were citizens and innocent people. 6,000 others were injured. And I know that every single one o you in this crowd lost someone, whether they were an office-worker, a responder, or someone who passed days later due to damage from their injuries from debris or inhaling the dust and smoke.

And I know that a good many of you survived it. I know some select twenty or so of you were in the office buildings, somewhere from thirty to fourty of you were in other buildings or on the street when it happened, and anywhere from twenty to sixty of you were first responders, medics, firefighters, news reporters, people there to help those that were hurt. And I know for a fact that fourteen of you were in Florida with President Bush, protecting him on this fateful day, as Secret Service agents. Please, if any of these descriptions include you, stand," she stated. We all stood, and at least half of the crowd stood with us.

"Can I please hear a round of applause for these amazing people, these people that got out of this alive, these people that were there to help others, and inform others, these people that were protecting the only person in this country that can help us in our state of peril, because they deserve it!" she exclaimed, looking out over us all. She motioned that we could all take it seat when they silence fell again.

"Now, when you entered, each of you were given a vigil candle, there will be a person at the right end of the rows, lighting your candles, and I want you to turn to the person in the seat beside you, and light their's for them, and then we will commence a moment of silence to appreciate, mourn, and pray for those that gave their lives, and those whose were taken from them in an untimely fashion," she stated. A woman stood on the right side of us all, the first row, and as she went down, she lit everyone that was at the end of the row's candle. And that person turned to ho was beside them and lit their candle.

Eventually, it reached Sara. And Sara turned and lot Micheal's, who then turned and lit Jax's, who lit Austin's, who lit Maria's, who lit mine. And I turned and with tears in my eyes, I lit Jasper's. He smiled a watery smile at me as tears welled in his eyes once more.

"Now if we could commence a moment of silence for our fallen, our loved, and our angels," The mayor stated, lifting her own candle in the air, high above her head. Everyone else followed suit. Everyone bowed their heads. And we each said a silent prayer, sending it out to our loved one, or loved ones, those we've loved and lost, and those we mourn for.

The silence lasted somewhere around five minutes before the Mayor spoke into the mic, the word, "Amen." Everyone repeated after her aloud.

We all lifted and heads and lowered our hands. "Now, to finish this small gathering of healing for us all, we have set up a long row of memorials where you can leave flowers and anything you would like to for your loved ones, there are 2,977 of them, and I inform you all that on each lay a bouquet of each person's favorite flower, in remembrance. We are already putting in plans to make a permanent memorial but for now, this will stay up for as long as each family wish it stay up, please feel free to go find your loved ones and grieve, God bless you all, good evening," she concluded, before leaving the podium with the commission.

We all stand, walking to where the memorials appear to be, finally finding Kyle's. Upon it lay peach geraniums. Maria moved to sit in front of it. We all shared a look, agreeing to leave her for a moment, to have a second to herself.

We then found Masen's, which red hibiscus lay atop the table. Sara walked, caressing the table-top with a distant look in her eyes. We then walked back over to Maria and Kyle's memorial. Austin and Jax had bought two bouquets of flowers, which we distributed as individuals amongst us all, two for each of us, three for the member of us closest to the one whom we lost.

We each walk to her, offering some form of support, whether it was sitting next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder, a kiss on her forehead, we all did something. And we then each lay an individual Lily on the table, Maria is the last to lay her two down. We all return to Masen's memorial, and Sara with tears in our eyes and on our cheeks, before we all once more shoe come form of support to her, and we finally each lay in individual orchid on the table. And once more, Sara lays two as the last of us to lay a flower down. She looks at his picture, whispers something, and we all walk away. She lays her flower for Kyle on the way out, and we all head home.

Drained, exhausted, sad, in pain. We are all in similar states, and we return home to try to begin finishing our grieving processes, and begin to cope with the fact that we've lost someone. And we all cry that night before we drift to sleep.