Bill stood behind Matty's chair and stared over her shoulder, at the computer monitor.

"How's it going?"

Matty stopped typing and let out a long sigh.

"Bill, I love you but if you don't get the fuck out of here and stop hovering over me, I will kick your ass."

Jarge laughed.

Matty stared at him.

"You go to sleep."

He put his wings over his head.

Matty turned to Bill.

"You go and have a beer."

"Okay. Okay."

He headed to the kitchen.

"Not here," she barked at him.

She turned, smiling and pointed to the door.

"Go to the Pub. I will join you there later."

Nanny Dove started laughing.

"Dat be tellin' 'im Matty."

"And you, old lady. Go ... away."

Bill watched Nanny Dove disappear, as he opened the front door.

"Love you," Matty called sweetly.

"Love you too," Bill sighed, as he closed the door.

Minutes later, Bill walked into Dove's Pub. A man's voice called his name.

"Bill, me son. Comes 'ere and sits wit Ise."

At first Bill didn't see anyone, except for a couple of the welders from the fab shop, having a beer at the far end of the bar. It was just after 6 p.m. and most people were home having supper.

"'ere, me son."

Bill turned to see Wike Rideout sitting, yucked in the corner, at the end of the bar.

"Wike. I didn't see you there."

"Don't knows 'ow youse be missin' me, me son. Ise big as a 'ouse. Comes. Ise buys youse a beer fer a change."

As Bill sat down, Lindsay Pike walked to him with a beer.

"Gud luck dere, Bill, me love," she laughed, as she put the beer on the bar, in front of him.

"For what?"

"Sittin' with Wike. 'es been 'ere 'alf the afternoon, moanin' away."

"Ise 'as issues, woman."

Lindsay snickered.

"Youse sounds like an old woman." 

Bill and Wike clinked bottles.

"So why so glum my friend."

Lindsay started laughing and walked off.

"Like Ise said. Gud luck."

Wike took a long breath.

"Well Bill, it bes a bit embarrassin', but it bes me dick."

Bill almost choked on his breath and he was relieved he did not have a mouthful of beer, because it surely would have been all over the bar.

"You're ... dick?"

Wike nodded.

"Yes boy, me dick."

Bill took a deep breath. A conversation about another man's penis, was not a conversation he wanted to get involved in, so he tried to steer the conversation another way.

"Well, Wike, that is kind of a personal thing. So what about ..."

"Yes boy, dat it be. But Ise seriously don't know what to be doin' 'bout it."

Bill tried another approach.

"So, how are things at the ..."

"It jest not be right, Bill. It jest not be workin' like it shud."

'Two strikes,' Bill thought. He would give it one more try.

"How's the family, Wike?"

"Dey be fine, Bill."

Bill let out a sigh.

"That's gud Wike."

"'cept fer da wife."

"Really? What's wrong with Cindy?"

"She bes pissed at me."

"About what?"

Wike turned and stared at Bill.

"'bout me dick, Bill. Ain't youse bes listenin' to anyting Ise be sayin'?"

Bill knew he was defeated.

"So, Wike, ahhhh, what's wrong with your," he took a deep breath and let out a long, long sigh, "dick."

"Well, me son. Its be saggin' somewhat and its bes driftin' off to da side some."

"Well, I am no expert, but isn't that a common thing with some men?"

Wike shook his head.

"No, boy. Dad's dick don't be saggin' or twistin'. 'es bes straight as a whip."

Bill took a mouthful of beer.

"You've seen your Dad's dick?"

"yes boy. 'ad me hands all over it. Sturdy as a rock. And straight as a whip. Jest don't knows what Ise bes doin' wrong."

Bill took another mouthful of beer.

"Well maybe you should have a specialist take a look at it."

Wike nodded.

"Ise tot 'bout dat, Bill, but youse knows us from da Bay. Wes bes proud and likes to be lookin' after dem tings ourselfs."

"But sometimes you have to swallow your pride and get the help you need."

"As youse ever had to?"

"For what?"

"Fer youse dick."

Bill shook his head as he swallowed another mouthful of beer.

"No. Mine is just fine."

"Den youse bes lucky, me son. Ise in a tizzy, meself. Don't knows what to do.

But Ise knows ifin Ise don't be doin' something quick, Cindy's gonna 'ave me 'ide."

At that moment, Cindy walked into the Pub.

"Well, dere you bes Wycliff Rideout. 'ow comes youse never comes 'ome for supper?"

"Ise been sittin' 'ere tinkin' woman."

Cindy laughed.

"More like sittin' 'ere moanin'"

She put her hand on Bill's shoulder.

"'as 'e been bendin' youse ear, me love?"

"Ise jest be asking' Bill 'bout what to do 'bout me dick."

Cindy shook her head.

"Linny gits me a beer wills youse?"

Cindy sat down next to Bill

"'onestly, Wike. Dis be nuttin to be botherin' Bill 'bout."

"Well," Bill stammered.

"You know. Sometimes. Well. Men can only talk to other men about ..."

Lindsay laughed as she passed the beer to Cindy.

"And 'ow as dat been goin' fer youse, Bill, me love?"

Cindy sipped her beer.

"Da ways Ise sees it be simple.

Gits the fuck rid of it."

Bill choked slightly and coughed.

"That's a bit drastic, isn't it."

Cindy shrugged.

"Not really. It sags, and its twisted. Hasn't been straight be years and dere are even spots on it dat look like rot."

"Really?"

Cindy nodded.

"Yes, me son. Dere be tree or four spots like dat. Ise don't be touching' dem."

"Youse 'aven't touched me dick in da last year or so," Wike snapped.

"What's youse 'pect, Wike. It nots be fit to be touchin.

It jest be 'angin' dere, barely attached at all."

Bill looked at Cindy and then turned to Wike.

"Seriously man. You need to see a specialist. It could be something."

Cindy laughed.

"Serious? Give Ise a saw and Ise shows youse serious. Ise be cuttin' dat useless ting off and burnin' it."

"Youse wud jest love to do dat, wouldn't youse?" Wike snapped back.

Cindy finished her beer and slammed the bottle on the bar.

"Another one, Linny."

She glared at Wike.

"Ise don't knows why youse be airin' our laundry out 'ere, 'specially wit Bill 'ere. Dis bes a private matter."

"I have to agree."

Bill started to stand but Wike put his hand on his shoulder.

"Sit down, Bill. Ise not finished yet."

He looked at Cindy.

"Youse always makin' fun at Ise because of me dick. Always tellin' people 'ow bad its bes and 'ow youse wouldn't be caught dead nears it. Makes a man feels like youse don't love 'im."

"Wike, me son. Ise loves youse all to pieces, but dat fuckin' dick 'as got to go. Its da dick or me."

Lindsay passed Cindy another beer and leaned on the bar. She had a Cheshire Cat smile on her face. She was obviously loving the conversation.

Wike took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay, me love. Ise will git rid of me dick."

Cindy smiled.

"Youse won't regret it, me love and maybe youse can 'ave yer Dad help you git another one."

"Another one?"

Bill was dumbfounded. He knew people in the outports were considered backwards somewhat, but as far as he knew, there was no such thing as a penis transplant.

At that moment Matty walked in.

"Thank God you are here," Bill gasped.

Matty kissed Bill quickly.

"You okay hun. You look like you have seen a ghost."

Bill pointed at Wike.

"He is going to get rid of his dick."

Matty nodded.

"About time. That old thing is a death trap."

"Diseased, too?" Bill wondered.

Lindsay passed Matty a beer.

"Diseased? What are you talking about?"

"Well, Wike said it was limp and twisted to one side and he couldn't get it straight. And, and, and Cindy said it was rotten in places and she wanted to cut it off. And you say its a death trap."

Matty thought for a second and then started to smile.

"Bill? My lover. My darling. What do you think Wike was talking about?"

"His dick?"

"And Bill. My lover. My darling. Haven't you gotten use to the dialect here yet?"

"I, I thought I had. He kept talking about his ..."

A lightbulb went off in Bill's head.

"Oh fuck."

"Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding," Lindsay laughed, as she walked away.

"We have a winner."

Bill slowly turned to Wike.

"You were not talking about your penis, were you?"

Wike looked shocked.

"Bill, me son. Ise likes youse and all dat, but dere bes tings one man doesn't talk to another man 'bout and 'is penis be one of dem."

"So your dick is actually?

Your deck?"

"Yes me son, me dick. Ain't youse been listening. It bes attached to me 'ouse and it bes sinking' on one end and boards be breakin' and Ise not knows whats to bes doin' 'bout it. Ise tried everyting, but every time Ise tries someting, Ise jest makes it worst."

Wike started laughing.

"Youse tot Ise bes talkin 'bout me penis?"

Cindy patted Bill on the back, laughing.

"Dere bes nuttin wrong with dat part of Wike, but dat fuckin' dick 'as got to go."