"Question - when was the last time a complete stranger took off her clothes in front of you, pointed to a big purple splotch on her back, and asked, "what the hell is this thing?" If you're a normal person, the answer is hopefully, never. If you're a doctor the answer is probably about five minutes ago. People expect doctors to have all of the answers. The truth is, we love to think that we have all of the answers, too. Basically, doctors are know-it-alls until something comes along that reminds us we're not. We're all looking for answers in medicine, in life, in everything. Sometimes the answers we're looking for have been hiding just below the surface. Other times, we find answers when we didn't even realise we were asking the question. Sometimes the answers can catch us completely by surprise. And sometimes, even when we find the answer we've been looking for, we're still left with a whole hell of a lot of questions" 

"who could blame us giving up?"

"An anxiety disorder? You told me I had PTSD?" Beck said, exasperated as she sat in Dr Perkins' office.

"And you do have PTSD which has resulted in an anxiety disorder. I'm gonna prescribe you some medication and..."

"Hold on. Medication? Yeah, no thanks. I'm not taking any freakin' medication. I don't need it. I'm fine. I don't have an anxiety disorder. So fuck off!"

Lucy and Meredith entered the skills lab and walked over to Jackson, Alex and April. "Are we early? We tried really hard not to be", Lucy said. "That doesn't bode well", Jackson commented. "We did the same thing with Bailey when we were interns", Alex said. "Take turns treating a dummy, get an early lunch, then get back to work. It's lame". Owen entered the room, carrying a lot of trauma gowns. "A charter plane was forced into an emergency landing, and collided with a Greyhound bus", he said. "Mass casualty situation. Do I need to say it again? Let's move!" Everyone quickly grabbed trauma gowns and followed him out. "Close to 30 victims in the field, some critical, multiple blunt trauma injuries", he continued, as they all ran behind him. They went through the doors to discover a bunch of dummies laying on the ground outside. "I was looking forward to an early lunch", Lucy sighed. "This is gonna suck", Meredith said. "You're kidding me, right?" Alex asked.

"Welcome to trauma certification. You will work in teams of four", Owen explained. "Each team will be responsible for nine casualties. You may treat your patients using only what you can carry with your two hands from this ambulance. The evac helicopter is on its way. You get your patients on the helicopter, you get certified. Are you ready? Get to work". They all rushed forward to grab supplies.

Mark and Kelly entered their patient's room who was getting up from a chair. "Dr Grey?" Mark said. "Christy Cornell, age 28, she's here for a gluteoplasty?" Kelly said, confused. "Yes. I'm finally gonna get some junk up in this trunk", Christy replied, smiling as she sat on the examination table. Mark sat down at the computer. "This program shows a rendering of what you can expect the gluteus to look like after the implant", Mark explained. "Could I see what it would look like kicked up a couple points?" Christy asked.

"Sure"

Mark did so. "Couple more", she said, and he did so again. She made him do it again. "That's it. That's my ass", she smiled. Kelly was shocked at how big she wanted it.

"According to this card, this guy's got a blown right pupil, an atlanto-occipital dislocation, open book pelvis, large open abdominal wound, jeez...a sucking chest wound with seven broken ribs...", April said, reading her card. "This guy is all messed up". "Or he's dead", Lucy commented.

"Right. Yes. Moving on"

Beck was in the gallery watching a cardiac surgery. She sighed.

"Blue Team. Status report", Owen said. "We arrived on the scene to find nine casualties", April explained. "We identified three as priority one, requiring immediate evacuation. Four were priority two, allowing for delayed evac. One was priority three and the last was, sadly, dead on the scene".

"Nice work, Kepner, but it seems to me that you now have two dead patients"

"Excuse me?"

"While you were standing around waiting for the helicopter to arrive and not keeping a constant eye on your patients' injuries, this one developed a femoral bleed, bled out and is now, sadly, dead"

Owen flipped the dummy over. "Hold on, a femoral bleed? That wasn't on the card", Lucy said. "Really? Well, it's on this one", he said, snapping his fingers. Steve, his helper resident, put a card on the patient. "Hey, that's not fair", Lucy argued. "Patients don't suddenly die", Owen said. "It just seems that way when you stop paying attention. Food for thought. Red team, go". It started raining. "Awesome", Alex remarked.

It was still raining as the residents tried to treat their dummies. "The helicopter has to be getting here soon. It's been three hours", April said. "Just a few more minutes. Right? Right, Dr Hunt? The helicopter will be here any minute?" "Are you insane? The helicopter's not real", Lucy said. Owen ignored her and looked at Alex, who was wearing a red plastic trash bag used to cover patients. "Nice rain gear, Karev. Shouldn't you be more concerned with your patient staying dry?" he asked. "Yeah, well, he's a dummy and I'm a person, so...", Alex replied.

"A dry patient is less likely to die of hypothermia or shock. Something to think about"

"Alex, you can't break the rules like that", April reprimanded and Lucy rolled her eyes. "That's unsanctional use of a trash bag! You're gonna mess up our certification". "You need to relax. This whole uptight thing?" Alex said. "This is why you have no friends". "Hey", Jackson defended.

"Ok, this is why you have one friend"

April turned around and took the trash bag off of Alex's back and Lucy laughed. "Give me that back! Are you crazy?" Alex snapped. April put it on her dummy and handed the other half to Lucy who covered her dummy with it. "There you go, little guy. No hypothermia for you", April said to her dummy. "I'm starting to really like you", Lucy said and April smiled. "Everyone, Green Team's patients are all dead", Owen announced. "Only Red Team and Blue Team remain". The Green Team started to leave but Owen stopped them. "Do you see a helicopter?" he asked. "Take a knee and learn something". "Take a knee?" Jackson questioned. "He's gonna scalp them. We're in Apocalypse Now and we're gonna get scalped". "Dude, what the hell are you talking about?" Lucy asked.

Mark and Kelly were discussing the cupcakes she made him get for Callie and Arizona's going away party. "I don't know, they're chocolatey-looking with sprinkles", Kelly said.

"Where'd you get them?"

"That grocery store down the street"

"This isn't a baby shower for some nurse who couldn't keep her knees together. Torres and Robbins deserve deserve better than off-brand crap"

"I'm not an errand girl. I'm a doctor whose patient is about to make a huge butt-shaped mistake"

"That's not for you to say"

"Ok. Well, someone has to. The only reason a woman does something like this to her body is to impress a guy. Sure, it starts with a giant butt. Then the next thing you know, she's giving up her friends. She's moving in with him before she's even ready. If she's not careful, she'll find herself a 26-year-old step-mother to the pregnant daughter she didn't even know he'd had. Then she's single, going insane and, you know what? It's really hard to manage your roots when you've been committed to the psych ward"

"Psych ward?"

"It happens"

Mark and Kelly approached Christy in her bed. "Christy?" Mark asked. "Yes", she replied.

"Dr Ripa is concerned that you might be going through with this surgery for the wrong reasons, that you might be trying to please someone who prefers a more...robust body type"

"Dr Ripa, I hope you don't take this the wrong way. But even through your lab coat, I can tell you have an amazing ass. And with an ass like that, I bet you know what it's like to find a perfect pair of jeans. Jeans that make you feel like you're the sexiest person to ever put on a pair of pants. And I envy that 'cause I never have. Every pair hangs off me.

Unless I shop in the boys' department. And I've tried gaining weight, Dr Ripa. It turns out I'm a person whose fat goes straight to my upper arms and my boobs. Which makes it really hard for me to wear a sundress. Which is all I can wear, because jeans don't fit. So, Dr Ripa, I'm getting a big, juicy, easy-to-grab-onto ass, and you'd better believe I'm doing it just for me. And I'm telling you, I can't wait"

"You are so nice", Kelly sighed.

"Red Team's patients have all died!" Owen said. "Only Blue Team remains. Keep an eye on Karev. That's what resourceful looks like. Good effort, Avery. But this incision you made is too wide. You lacerated the superior thyroid arteries. Move on". Owen flipped Jackson's patient over. "Damn it!" Jackson exclaimed through gritted teeth. "I hear it. I hear the helicopter!" April said. "You what?" Lucy asked.

"I hear it! I hear it!"

"Are you deranged?!"

"Wake up!" Alex snapped. "You don't hear the helicopter because A, it's imaginary, and B, the imaginary helicopter is never coming! Hunt's trying to break us, trying to teach us some BS lesson about how trauma isn't fair or whatever! We're not done until he says these dummies are dead! The end!" "It's not true! No, you are wrong!" April replied. "Screw this. I'm done", Jackson said, getting up.

"What? Jackson!"

"Avery, where are you going? Avery!" Owen said. "Avery, get back here". "No", Jackson replied, opening the door.

"No?"

"No, sir"

He went into the hospital.

Beck was sitting in the residents lounge staring at the wall when Aurora came in. "What are you doing?" Aurora asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Why aren't you down in the ER, treating patients?"

"I don't need to live there"

"I'm worried about you"

"Why?"

"Why?! Because, Beck, when we started here you were ready to take on the world. Become the best cardiac surgeon on the state. And now... you can't even treat a patient without having a panic attack. And I'm not trying to attack you or anything. I'm just worried that you're gonna throw it all away"

"I'm scared. I'm scared all the time. I'm scared that I'm gonna walk into that OR and he's gonna be right there waiting for me. I'm scared that no matter what I said, no matter how shitty my life was, no matter how many tears I shed, it didn't matter. He was always gonna shoot me anyway. So, I'm not trying to throw it all away. It's just that right now... I am trying to live"

Arizona and Callie arrived in a lounge where Mark, Kelly and Richard were waiting for them. There was a banner hanging from the window, two bottles of soda with paper cups and a box of cupcakes. "Bon voyage!" they exclaimed. "Oh, my God, it's a going-away party! You guys!" Arizona chuckled. "This is a party?" Callie questioned. "It's a busy day", Kelly explained.

"No, yeah. I mean I'm... Just been at this hospital since residency. But if people are too busy to see me off, they're too busy"

"Callie...", Arizona started but Callie waved her off, walking over to the table. "It's hard to blame them, Torres", Richard said. "We're down a couple of attendings. Things are gonna be busier all around for a while". "Well, I'm glad you could find the time, chief", Callie replied. "With all your chief problems and big plans. Which were what exactly?"

"Now, why would I just give away my good ideas?"

Richard raised his cupcake in a salute and left the room. "He's just crabby. He's messing with your hand", Arizona said to Callie. "Yeah, well, I'll never know, will I?" Callie said, eating a cupcake. They all stood there in the awkward silence for a few moments. "Thank you both, so much", Arizona said, turning to Mark and Kelly. "I actually have to finish up some packing, so I'm gonna go". "Good luck", Kelly said. "Give 'em hell", Mark added. Arizona left. Callie sighed. "I don't wanna go home yet", she said. "You want to see us give a lady a really big ass?" Mark asked. Kelly put her hands up to show the size. "Oh, my God, yes", Callie said.

It was still raining as April, Alex and Lucy continued to work on their dummy patients. "Sir! You said the helicopter was gonna be here hours ago!" April exclaimed. "And it's not here! And I'm not complaining, but where is it?" "Well, the rain's still pretty bad", Owen replied. "Probably got caught in a hail storm". Owen clicked his fingers and Steve tried to approach Lucy's dummy with a card. "No! No! I know what the card is gonna say!" she yelled. "It's gonna say he has cardiac tamponade with associated hypotension and bradycardia! But he can't, 'cause I already did a pericardiocentesis and bolused him with IV fluids!" "She's right. What do I do?" Steve asked Owen. April leaned over to Lucy. "You and Karev, grab the dummy", she whispered and Lucy nodded. "Karev, grab his feet!" she said, picking up the dummy. Alex went for Steve's feet. "The patient! Are you kidding me?!" she yelled. He grabbed the dummy's feet as Owen started to protest. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked. "Put him in the ambulance!" April yelled and they did.

"This ambulance is not in play"

"You're just making stuff up. Which I can do, too, and I say it is in play! You can't fit nine patients on an ambulance, but two will fit just fine!"

Alex and Lucy grabbed the other dummy while April continued talking.

"Seven of my patients may have died today, but these two won't because I'm gonna get them on this ambulance and I'm gonna take them to that hospital right there!"

She climbed into the ambulance and through to the driver's seat. "Fuck yeah!" Lucy yelled, closing the ambulance doors and Alex smiled at her. They all went to the front window which April pulled down to speak to them. "Kepner, this ambulance was involved in the accident and no longer runs", Owen said. "The keys are in the ignition, so let's see!" she replied, turning the keys and letting the engine start. "Looks like I got AAA. Apparently, they could get here when the helicopter couldn't! Now, move, or I will run you down!" Lucy and Alex laughed. Owen moved out of the way as she started to drive the ambulance. They ran to the ambulance bay where they met her. She got out of the ambulance. "John Doe, multiple chest and extremity trauma", she said, she opening the ambulance doors and taking out the dummy. "Still hypotensive despite two large bore IVs started in the field". "Alright, Kepner. That's enough", Owen said.

"He needs a full work-up and likely a thoractomy. I suspect active bleeding in the chest"

"Will you tell us we won, or she's never gonna stop", Lucy said to Owen. "It's not a contest", Owen argued. "Karev, Shepherd, one of you call the OR and make sure there's a room available", April ordered. "Will do", Alex replied. "Alright, alright, fine!" Owen relented. "Blue Team wins". "Blue Team wins?" April asked.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You win. He's gonna live for 40 more years and have 15 grandkids. You happy?"

"Blue Team wins!"

"Yes"

She jumped in delight. She ran to Lucy who laughed as she hugged her. She then jumped into Alex's arms and Lucy's face fell. Alex caught her eye and dropped April who was still screaming in joy.

Meredith, Cristina and Lucy were in the residents lounge. Meredith and Lucy shared looks. "We need to talk to you", Meredith said. "No, you don't", Cristina replied. "Cristina", Lucy said.

"How are you fine? How are you two just completely fine? I'm ruined, ok? I am dead. I am wrecked. And you're walking around baby-sitting me, as if you both didn't go through the same thing, too? Why are either of you ok?"

"I don't know"

"Meredith, you were there, too, you know. You were there, too, with your sad eyes, screaming at me to save his life. Telling the guy to shoot you, and not giving a crap about yourself or your pregancy!"

"Cristina!"

"I didn't have a choice! And you did that! If it was anyone else on the table, if it was anyone else standing there, I would have walked away"

"You would not...", Meredith began.

"I could have walked away! And then I wouldn't be here!"

Callie, Mark and Lucy were standing outside the hospital. "Who's gonna be my ortho mentor?" Lucy asked. "You'll find someone else", Callie replied.

"No, I won't. No one like you"

"Who am I gonna talk to about women?" Mark asked.

"That's not a problem. You have Derek"

"He's married and self-satisfied. It's irritating"

Callie and Lucy chuckled. "You can always email", Callie suggested. Mark and Lucy shared a look. "What?" Callie asked. "It's not our place", Mark replied.

"Say it"

"I give a lot of boob jobs"

"That's the kinda look I thought I was sharing", Lucy commented.

"Let me finish. I also reverse a lot of boob jobs. Women come to me, a year, two years after they've had work done, and they're totally unhappy with the decision they've made. Today, though, you watched me give a lady a really big ass. And I'm not the slightest bit worried about it because I know for a fact there's no boyfriend pressuring her. It wasn't about anyone else. It was for her. As your friend, I gotta tell you, you sound an awful lot like someone who's getting double-D's just 'cause her girlfriend likes a big rack. By big rack, I mean Africa"

"But I love her", Callie said. "We know you do", Lucy said. "But you need to figure out how to love Africa, too". The three hugged. "One thing, though", Lucy said, once they had pulled away. "Why wasn't I invited to see the big ass? Instead of getting my trauma certification and watching Alex and Kepner all over each other". Callie laughed and pulled her in for another hug. "I'm gonna miss you", she smiled.

Beck burst into Perkins' office. "Just give me the damn pills, okay?" she said. "You don't get to say that you were right. Just give me them and I'll be on my way. They probably won't even work anyway". He scribbled on a small piece of paper and handed it to her. "You should be able to make it to the hospital pharmacy. That's your prescription. Take once a day with food", he replied. She nodded and left the room.

Alex, April, Lucy, Kelly and Lexie were at Joe's. "I can't wait until the next skills lab. I'm totally on your team", Alex said to April. "Move or I'll run you down!" Freaking hilarious". April laughed and looked at Alex with a longing stare. Lucy glared at her. Kelly turned around to see Mark staring at her ass. He smirked at her. She walked over to him. "Were you just checking out my ass?" she asked.

"Not the first time. Won't be the last"

"No"

She turned and walked away with a smirk on her face.

Aurora and Beck walked out to the ambulance bay to see Owen instructing Jackson as he did his trauma work. "That's enough, Avery, you're good", Owen said when he saw Aurora. He kissed her and took her hand. "Have a good night", Owen said and they walked off. Jackson got up. "You wanna grab a drink?" he asked Beck.

"Yeah, we can celebrate"

"Celebrate what?"

"I just quit my job"

Jackson was speechless. 

hope you enjoyed! comment your opinions! song is that's me trying by william shatner